Lennie Blockmans is a young model and social media personality from Antwerp, where she studies psychology and surrounds herself with the things that inspire her most: fashion, art, music and pop culture. She comes to this conversation with a life that has already taken her through experiences many people encounter much later, but she speaks about them with an openness and curiosity that make her story feel less like a finished chapter than the beginning of something much larger. Lennie came out as gay at 15 and as transgender at 17. She is now completing her medical transition and describes herself as happier than ever. Throughout that journey, she has used Instagram as a kind of visual diary, carefully documenting the changes in her life and creating a record that allows her to look back and appreciate how far she has come. She has deliberately shown both the beautiful and difficult sides of transition, from carefully considered portraits to photographs taken in hospital after surgery. Her openness is also an act of generosity: having once learned so much from watching other people's stories online, she hopes that sharing her own experience can offer someone else knowledge, courage or simply the feeling that they are not alone.
But Lennie's story is not without its painful chapters. She has faced rejection, difficult family relationships, cruel reactions from strangers and a period of severe social anxiety that left her skipping classes and isolating herself. At the same time, she has discovered the extraordinary importance of the people who stayed, from two close friends who supported her throughout her transition to a mother who loved her unconditionally and, now, a boyfriend who loves her for who she is. Alongside all this, fashion has become one of her most important forms of self-expression, giving her another language through which to explore confidence, femininity and identity. Yet perhaps the most striking thing about Lennie's story is that she does not see transition as the end of a journey. She sees it as a beginning. She wants to become a psychologist, help people like herself, inspire others and eventually turn her experiences into something larger, perhaps a book or even a television project. For Lennie, finally feeling at home in herself is not the conclusion of her story, but the moment when she can truly start living.
Monika: Hello Lennie, and welcome! Thank you so much for joining me today.
Lennie: Hello Monika! Thank you so much for having me.
Monika: To start, please tell me a few words about yourself.
Lennie: My name is Len, but most people call me Lennie. I’m 22 years old and I live in Antwerp, where I study psychology. My interests are fashion, art, music, pop culture, and things like that. I came out as gay at 15, and when I was 17 I came out as trans. I completed my medical transition last year and I’m happier than ever.
Monika: Your Instagram feels like an open window into your life. What inspired you to share such intimate moments there?
Lennie: I’ve always been very open and honest about everything regarding my transition. I use Instagram as a visual diary where I document my life, just like most people. But when I started my transition, I figured it would be nice to have a timeline with pictures from start to finish, and I’m very happy I did that. I even made a photography project in art school where I took the same picture four years in a row to see the evolution. I’ve been very conscious about documenting that evolution because I wanted to be able to look back and appreciate my journey.
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| “I had the hardest time at the beginning of my transition with strangers’ reactions in public. I always saw people stare at me, making fun of me, and most of all making me feel bad and very insecure.” |
Monika: Was documenting your evolution only for yourself, or did you have an audience in mind as well?
Lennie: I also wanted to share everything with the world to inspire my trans brothers and sisters. Social media is a unique way of reaching people all over the world, so I take advantage of that. I don’t have a big following at all, but if I can at least inspire one person, I’m happy. It sounds really corny, but it’s true. When I was around 16 or 17, I started doing my research for my transition and I learned so many things on YouTube. I watched other people’s journeys and stories and it made me feel empowered and educated. So I wanted to do the same.
Monika: You also show the harder side of transitioning, not only the polished moments. Why is that important to you?
Lennie: Finally, I feel like it’s refreshing to also show the bad parts and the struggle of transitioning. I have beautiful portraits on my profile as well as pictures of me in the hospital after surgery. I think it’s important to be transparent so that people can see what it really looks like.
Monika: Sharing so much must bring plenty of messages. What do your followers usually ask you?
Lennie: I do get some questions from people online. They are mostly about my FFS because I did an interview with my surgeon for his website. People often ask me about the price I paid, info about the downtime, my exact procedures, or my experience overall.
Other questions I get are from people who ask about my transition and how I came out to my family, for example. I always hope I can provide some helpful advice. I have also received some messages from people telling me their story and how I’ve helped them in the early stages of their transition, and that makes me feel really proud of them and myself too!
Monika: Living as ourselves often costs us our families, friends, jobs, and social positions. Did you pay such a high price too? What was the hardest part of coming out?
Lennie: At the moment when I started my transition, I was just finishing my last year of high school. I felt like I always had a lot of good relationships with friends at school, but after we all graduated we kind of went our own ways and I lost contact with most of them. So I kind of started off my transition with very few friends. I did have my two very best friends by my side every step of the way. They’ve seen me go through everything and that made our bond even stronger, for which I’m very thankful. I have heard that some people who I used to be very close friends with didn’t want anything to do with me after learning about my being trans. I just figured that I really didn’t need that kind of energy in my life at that moment anyway.
Monika: What about your family? How did they respond as your transition unfolded?
Lennie: Almost everyone in my family has been supportive, but my father and sister had a very hard time with everything that was going on. Although they have come a very long way, my sister even more than my father, I didn’t have their support when I needed it most. I’ve always had a lot of patience and respect for them and their own process during my transition, but at a certain point I just couldn’t slow down too much, and that’s when that distance between us appeared and grew for a while. Things are better now, but it will always be a touchy subject. My mother, on the other hand, was always by my side and loved me unconditionally. She wanted me to be happy and she really understood why I had to do it all.
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| “When we transition we come a long way to feel better and happier about ourselves.” |
Monika: Beyond your family and friends, how did people in public treat you in those early days?
Lennie: I had the hardest time at the beginning of my transition with strangers’ reactions in public. I always saw people stare at me, making fun of me, and most of all making me feel bad and very insecure. I struggled with severe social anxiety and as a result, I skipped classes and locked myself up. It took an awful lot of work to get me out of that place and to get better.
Monika: Turning to hormone therapy, are you satisfied with its effects?
Lennie: Yes, I’d say so. One thing I did not have the blessing to receive through HRT was breast tissue. My breasts really didn’t grow at all, and so I had a breast augmentation to receive what I have now. I love the way my face changed and the way my body formed after taking hormones. The downside, of course, was the mental instability that came with it. I was very depressed on top of my other depression for a good year and a half. I have been on hormones for almost four years now and I can tell my body has found a nice balance. And I’m glad it did, because going through those changes was hard, both physically and mentally.
Monika: Transgender women are often described as prisoners of the passing or non-passing syndrome. Even though cosmetic surgeries help, we will always be judged in some way. How can we cope with this?
Lennie: I find that a very hard question to answer. That’s a huge struggle and I have yet to find out how to cope with it myself. The hardest part is that it’s not only about us. When we transition, we come a long way to feel better and happier about ourselves. At the end of that road, we feel more confident and we feel more at home in our bodies. We can also surround ourselves with people who accept us and love us, all to make life easier. But all of that can be reduced back to nothing because of one person’s opinion or a single comment. It destroys your confidence and everything you have worked for is put into a different perspective. All of that is not because of you, but because of those other people, and that’s something we just can’t change or control, I’m afraid.
Monika: Did any transgender role models guide you, then or now?
Lennie: Right from the beginning I started watching a lot of YouTube videos from people who documented their transitions. People like Gigi Gorgeous taught me so much about the topic and the existing options for trans people. They really formed the base of my knowledge and gave me so much inspiration. But the one that really pushed me over the edge, so to speak, was Caitlyn Jenner. I may not agree with her on many things nowadays, but I have to admit that she gave me the ultimate push to come out. I bought the Vanity Fair issue she covered and I read in the interview that she didn’t want to die without ever living a day as her true self. And I took that to heart, and from that point I decided I was going to do it. Nowadays I follow a lot of trans people and I love to see us represented in so many ways. I wish I had that exposure to trans people when I was a child.
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| “Clothing has been one of the most important ways for me to express myself.” |
Monika: Think back to the first time you saw a transgender woman on TV or met one in person. Do you remember it?
Lennie: I don’t remember my first time meeting a trans person. I was mostly exposed to them through the media. Before I saw Caitlyn Jenner, I had seen Laverne Cox in ‘Orange Is the New Black’. After that, I watched a lot of important documentaries about queer culture such as ‘Paris Is Burning’ and ‘The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson’. Those are all real-life stories and a huge part of our community’s history. Much later in my transition came my favorite show of all time, ‘Pose’. Because I had lived and experienced life as an openly transgender woman, I recognized so much of myself in that show and I have never related more to a storyline.
Monika: Tell me about the present situation of transgender women in your country.
Lennie: I’m very lucky to live in a country where the situation is really good compared to some other places in the world. Our healthcare is great and insurance covers some surgeries, for example. We have specialized teams in Belgium that are put in place to help trans people along their journey. I know that a lot of other people have to travel and pay a lot more money to get the same things done, so I feel very blessed in that way.
There’s also no such thing as being ‘illegally’ gay or trans here, so there’s no fear of that. I also feel like a lot of people are tolerant and accepting of our community. But that’s all relative, of course, because it could always be better. There are haters all over the world and I also get a lot of stares or bad reactions from people. Just compared to other countries or religions, we’re in a very good place.
Monika: Do you enjoy fashion? Describe the outfits you usually wear and any designs, colors, or trends you favor.
Lennie: I absolutely love fashion! Clothing has been one of the most important ways for me to express myself. Finding my style was an interesting process to go through and I just love putting time and thought into it. I love elements from the ’80s and ’90s a lot and I usually like lots of colors.
Monika: Your style sounds bold. Where does that confidence in clothing come from?
Lennie: Above all, I just want to wear things that make me feel confident and powerful, and that translates in a lot of ways. I also feel like I’m fearless in a way and I feel confident to wear stuff that maybe some other people won’t go for. When you do things as hard as transitioning, it becomes easier to do what you want on other levels too, I guess.
Monika: Has anyone in the fashion world shaped your taste along the way?
Lennie: I’ve always looked up to supermodels or people like the Kardashians or Rihanna, for example. I’ve been reading Vogue ever since I was 11, so the admiration for fashion has been there for a long time. And now I always think about what I’m wearing. From going to a birthday party to going to a hospital to get surgery, every outfit is well considered. I do have a kind of ‘uniform’ too: high-waisted jeans with a black bodysuit are always my go-to.
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| “I also feel like I’m fearless in a way and I feel confident to wear stuff that maybe some other people won’t go for.” |
Monika: A small detour: do you enjoy it when people compliment your looks?
Lennie: Of course I do! It’s always nice to receive compliments. I appreciate it a lot when people compliment my looks because I’ve worked really hard to feel the way I feel. I didn’t do it for the likes of others, of course, but after all I’ve been through to be who I am, it’s just nice to hear. It also feels like so much more than just a compliment.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Lennie Blockmans.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
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