Interview with Michelle Karas

 

For Michelle Karas, the meaning of freedom is not an abstract idea. It is something lived, defended, and dreamed of in the middle of uncertainty. A Ukrainian transactivist and social media influencer, Michelle has experienced the personal struggle for self-acceptance alongside the much larger struggle unfolding around her. When Russia launched its full-scale invasion of Ukraine, the ordinary rhythm of her life, work, friendships, and plans was suddenly interrupted by explosions, air raid alarms, and the realization that safety could no longer be taken for granted. Yet Michelle's story is not defined only by war. Long before the invasion, she had been learning what it meant to insist on being herself in a society where trans people could still face rejection, hostility, and misunderstanding. She describes a childhood marked by femininity, bullying, and physical abuse, followed by the painful rejection of her family after she began hormone therapy. At one of the most difficult moments of her life, the support of transgender friends helped her keep going. That experience eventually became part of something larger. Michelle began speaking publicly about transgender lives because she wanted to educate people and challenge prejudice. Messages of support from people who had previously been unaccepting showed her that sharing her own story could change minds.

 

On social media, she now answers questions from people seeking information about transition and offers the kind of encouragement and practical knowledge that she once needed herself. There is also a distinctly personal side to Michelle's story. She speaks openly about learning to love herself, about the confidence that compliments can bring, about the pleasure of makeup and the color purple, and about choosing clothes simply because she likes them rather than following fashion. Even her name carries a memory from childhood, given to her by a physics teacher and eventually adopted as her own. Through all of these experiences runs a simple conviction: being transgender should not reduce a person's dreams. Michelle imagines a future in which Ukraine is free and democratic, and in which people can live as themselves without society telling them who they are allowed to be. Her story is therefore about much more than transition. It is about resilience, belonging, self-love, friendship, and the determination to remain human in circumstances that can make humanity feel frighteningly fragile.

 

Monika: Michelle, welcome, and thank you for accepting my invitation.

Michelle: Hello! I was very pleased to receive an invitation for an interview. I hope I will be able to answer all the questions thoroughly and well. Thank you for the invitation!

Monika: The eyes of the free world are fixed on the war in Ukraine. Are you safe at the moment?

Michelle: While there is a war in Ukraine, and air raid alarms and explosions occur every day in one region or another, I cannot say that I or other Ukrainians are safe. Now we are choosing the right to freedom; we are fighting for the existence of our country. Of course, no one in Ukraine will be safe until we win the war. People die every day, and this is a horror that has become a reality in the center of Europe in the 21st century.

On behalf of all Ukrainians, I want to sincerely thank the democratic countries for their great support. Without you, we would not have survived, and your help is very much needed even now. Together we will defeat autocracy.

 

“Before the war, I worked, dreamed of a promotion
at work, went out with my girlfriends...”

 

Monika: Take me back to the day Russia launched its invasion. What do you remember of it?

Michelle: I remember this day very well. I had an alarm set for 5 in the morning, as I worked as a visual merchandiser and had a lot of morning work... About 20-30 minutes before the alarm went off, I heard loud explosions, and the windows were shaking. At first, I thought the garbage truck had dropped a tank of garbage and that was the sound... but after checking the news, I realized that a terrorist country had launched a full-scale invasion of my country. I was braver than ever and believed that it would end soon. I didn’t want to leave Kyiv, but my friend persuaded me and we went to a safer place, the Lviv region, although rockets and Shaheds often flew there.

Monika: Tell me a little about yourself. What did your life look like before the war?

Michelle: Before the war, I worked, dreamed of a promotion at work, and went out with my girlfriends. When I read the news about the preparations of a terrorist country for a full-scale invasion, my friends, my work colleagues, and I did not believe it. But unfortunately it happened.

Monika: How would you describe the situation of transgender women in Ukraine today, and are they required to serve in the army?

Michelle: Ukraine has never been a very trans-friendly country, so now, as before, trans people often face transphobia. But it is worth noting that the situation is getting better every year, as confirmed by the latest social polls, according to which 74% of the population of Ukraine support equal rights for the LGBT community. This is encouraging.

Answering the second question, I will say that so far there is only mandatory mobilization of men. Women, as well as trans women, are not mobilized, so no, service in the army is not mandatory for trans women, only at will.

Monika: Was life for transgender women in Ukraine any different before the war? And could the National Health Service provide medical care for the transgender community?

Michelle: I can’t say that it was much worse before the war. The only problem is the lack of adequate statistics on crimes against trans women, because as a rule they are registered as crimes against cis women or men (if the gender in the documents has not been changed). I can say that some Ukrainians still treat us extremely badly, so we must always be ready for anything.

Regarding NHSHU and medical services, as far as I know, no operations for trans people are provided. In accordance with the Ф64.0 commission law on the appointment of hormone therapy, the purchase of hormonal drugs and operations is at your own expense.

Monika: You share intimate moments of your life on social media. What inspired you to do so?

Michelle: I started talking about transgenderism for the enlightenment of our people. Since my first interview, I have received dozens, if not hundreds, of words of support from people who were previously unaccepting of the trans community. Supporting and protecting the rights of the trans community was and is my main goal. I hope that one day I will be able to join one or another LGBT organization and work even more for our interests.

 

“I wear what I like, I don’t follow trends.”

 

Monika: I imagine your followers write to you often. What are they most curious about?

Michelle: The questions fall into two types: the first group is interested in whether I have had surgeries, while the second asks how to start a transgender transition in a particular situation. I always support the latter as much as possible and inform them about the trans transition procedure in our country.

Monika: Many of us pay a high price for the dream of being ourselves, losing our families, friends, jobs, and social positions. Did you pay that price as well, and what was the hardest part of coming out?

Michelle: The hardest part was the rejection from my family, friends, teachers at school and college, and classmates. I have always been feminine, with a high-pitched voice, and from the 2nd grade of school I faced severe bullying and physical abuse. After I started hormone therapy, my mother kicked me out of the house. The hardest thing for me was to hold on without any support. Thanks to my trans friends, I was able to.

Monika: How did you come to choose the name Michelle?

Michelle: Starting from the 5th grade of school, my physics teacher called me that, so I got used to this name and then I chose it.

Monika: Did your transition come as a surprise to your family?

Michelle: My family has known since I was 6 years old that I feel like a girl. Unfortunately, after the announcement of the start of hormone therapy, they were shocked, and as a result they kicked me out of the house.

Monika: How do you feel about the results of your hormone treatment so far?

Michelle: Hormone therapy has greatly improved my psychological state and my body. Now I like myself much more and see a girl in the mirror, which is what I always dreamed of.

Monika: Some say we are prisoners of the passing or non-passing syndrome, and even when cosmetic surgery helps, we are still judged accordingly. How can we cope with that?

Michelle: You need to accept yourself and your past, and understand that all this is part of our life. We need something to be proud of. If cosmetic surgery can improve your appearance, great, I’m all for it. But you should never have high hopes for surgery; you should first love and accept yourself as you are. It is difficult, but there is no way without it.

Monika: Was there a moment when seeing a transgender woman on TV, or meeting one in person, opened your eyes to who you are?

Michelle: It was when I was 12-13 years old. At that time I saw Monro (Monritta Xacaturjan) on one of the Ukrainian TV channels, where she talked about transgenderism. Then I realized that I had a future and an opportunity to become myself.

Monika: Did any transgender sisters stand by you during your transition?

Michelle: Yes, thanks to the support of Tomochka and Anya, I was able to overcome all the horror that happened to me.

Monika: Are you a professional model? And what about your wardrobe: do you gravitate toward particular outfits, designs, colors, or trends?

Michelle: I’m not a model. I wear what I like, I don’t follow trends, and I don’t consider myself very knowledgeable about fashion. I always wear what I like. My favorite color is purple.

 

“We are women just like everyone else, and
first and foremost we are human beings.”

 

Monika: What about makeup? Do you often experiment with it?

Michelle: I really like it when makeup artists paint me, but unfortunately I have not yet reached their level myself. Therefore, most often my makeup is mascara and hygienic lipstick.

Monika: I remember copying my sister and mother first, and later other women, in an effort to look 100% feminine, and my cis female friends joked that I was trying to be a woman who does not exist in reality. Did you have a similar experience?

Michelle: No, I’ve been feminine since childhood, and I can’t say that I tried to copy anyone. But I always faced insults about my femininity, and it was painful.

Monika: Do compliments about your appearance make you feel good?

Michelle: Yes, sometimes I get compliments, and it’s always very nice. Every compliment heals my wounded soul and gives me confidence.

Monika: After I came out at work, my male co-workers treated me as if my transition had lowered my IQ. Have you encountered anything like that, and do you think it happens because we are women, because we are transgender, or both?

Michelle: I don’t experience any mental changes. I just became more beautiful after the transition.

Monika: What place does love hold in your life?

Michelle: The most important thing in our life is self-love; everything else, unfortunately, passes. It is a great happiness to love someone and receive reciprocity in response, but not all of us in Ukraine receive this. Transphobia is still at a high level, and 95% of men do not perceive us as women, unfortunately.

Monika: Memoirs are a popular way for transgender women to tell their stories. Has writing a book ever crossed your mind?

Michelle: I don’t think I have good writing skills, but who knows what will happen next. Maybe I will write something.

Monika: Picture yourself five to seven years from now. Where do you see yourself?

Michelle: I see myself even stronger and more independent in a free and democratic Ukraine, where everyone can be themselves without the reproaches of society.

Monika: For transgender women who are afraid to transition, what advice would you offer?

Michelle: Don’t be afraid, and go for your goal. Time plays against us, so don’t wait; do everything to become yourself. Your body is your business, and the most important thing is to be yourself. Go for it and you’ll be fine.

Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame once wrote to me that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table, she said; that is where they begin. Do you agree?

Michelle: Your friend is right. We are women just like everyone else, and first and foremost we are human beings, and we have the right to normal human dreams and to achieve them. Our body is a shell; the most important thing is inside and what is around us.

Monika: Michelle, thank you for this wonderful conversation. I hope the war ends soon and you have the opportunity to fulfill all your dreams.

Michelle: Thank you for the invitation, I hope so too. It was nice to talk!

All the photos: courtesy of Michelle Karas.

© 2024 - Monika Kowalska

 

Українською

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