Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a trans woman on TV or met one in real life that helped you realize, “That’s me!”?
Anja: I was on a train one day and we stopped at Birmingham New Street, which is a huge train station in the UK. I looked out across the tracks and saw a woman sitting on a bench. I can’t say if she was trans or not, but she was stunning, not in any ‘over the top’ way, but just stunning in an ‘everyday’ kind of way. I do remember the feeling at seeing her and thinking to myself, ‘One day... that’s going to be me,’ and that’s me now, every day (although not in a stunning way!).
Monika: Beyond that moment, were there any films or people who left a lasting impression on you?
Anja: As for films, I remember watching a film called Different for Girls, which approached the topic very sensitively and showed the positives and negatives of navigating life as a trans woman, even if at the time I didn’t realize I was trans myself. I also watched a film called Just Like a Woman, which came with mixed feelings, but then the character isn’t trans but a transvestite. I was impressed with the Japanese businessman’s attitude though, and I’ve been fond of Toga Igawa ever since.
It wasn’t until I joined the police that I came into contact with any trans people, and whilst some were gorgeous and others less so, for me it’s not really about appearance (c’mon, we all have one of those days, right), but I do admire the dress sense and attitude of some of my friends.
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Anja: I’ve been very fortunate to have learned from two professional make-up artists. Gordon Fawcett at The Makeover Rooms is a genius, and he made me cry when I first saw the real me, but cry in a good way. Until then, I was very closeted, but he gave me the confidence to walk across Liverpool city centre, in broad daylight, as the real me. I’ll never be able to properly repay him or thank him enough for what he did.
Monika: And what about your approach to clothing and personal style, how do you express yourself in your everyday life?
Anja: The other is Paul Heaton of Born in Manchester, an equally gifted soul who worked wonders. I’ve tried to follow their wisdom and advice, and I think that most of the time I do OK(ish). I can still have my meltdown moments, for example, when I’ve finished putting my face on and I sneeze, it’s back to the drawing board! I take the view that I don’t have to please anyone, so as long as I don’t look overdone or a complete horror, then it’s not my problem really.
My look is rather formal at times, so I wear mainly obviously feminine clothes such as dresses, blouses, and skirts. Although I also wear T-shirts, jumpers, and trousers, I don’t own a single pair of jeans. Most of my shoes are flats, but I do have heels for special events, such as balls. The last time I wore heels was to the Trans Radio UK Christmas Ball, a radio station where I had a show with the awesome Kevin Coyle, who now owns the incredible Drag Bus. For me, it’s not about the clothes or what people think, because we can’t please everyone. I dress for what makes me feel good, and I always get excited when I find a dress with pockets!
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| "I like compliments, and I make a point of giving them out too." |
Anja: It’s awful, and I’m shocked that the UK has fallen for this religiously motivated political opportunism masquerading as ‘women’s rights,’ because in my opinion, it isn’t. In my opinion (shared, it would appear, by the Lemkin Institute for the Prevention of Genocide), it’s a genocide without guns.
The author Janet Raymond must be wringing her hands because, at last, we’re being ‘mandated out of existence’ through bad law and maligned interests working hand-in-hand with agencies who are now complicit in our ‘eradication from society.’ I have friends who have already left the UK and now live overseas, and yes, I’m strongly considering that too, because unless things change dramatically, or even if they stay on the same track, I know what’s coming next!
Monika: I remember the time right after my transition, it was pure euphoria. My closet is still full of dresses and shoes that I literally bought by the dozens back then, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to make up for all those years that were taken from me. Did you feel the same way?
Anja: Oddly enough, not really. I work mainly from home, so I only had to think about work clothes when going to campus, or more casual clothes when socialising. That said, whilst I don’t own lots of clothes, what I do own is good quality, and I try to be as ethical as I can when buying clothes. I have a favourite cardigan which I wear when it’s a bit chilly, and my favourite leggings by Llama Leisure Wear. I love my ‘Bear Boots’ from Bedroom Athletics. In the southwest of the UK, it can get really warm, so I only tend to wear these when it’s cooler.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Anja: I’m very fortunate in that my wife has more style than you could shake a stick at, and she’s a great source of advice. I’m not a fashionista, but I would describe myself as a traditionalist, with a small ‘T.’ I have three favourite dresses that I’ll wear until they fall apart, by a Cornish brand called Sea Salt. I love my rainproof jacket by Joules, and the rest of my clothes tend to be from charity/Goodwill shops.
Monika: Are there particular pieces or accessories that hold special meaning or boost your confidence?
Anja: I love my business-style black skirt suit and loafers, as it reminds me of my time in Japan and how confident it makes me feel. I have a work bag by Osprey, which is beautiful, but when out and about I have a choice of two bags: one yellow bag by Moshulu and another we bought in Portugal.
I’m rather big on smells, and my ‘go-to’ brand is Chanel. I absolutely love the fragrance called Chance, which was an impulse buy several years ago at Geneva Airport on our way back from a road trip across the Bernese Oberland and my birthday at Piz Gloria. I don’t wear it around the house, but it always makes me feel confident when I do.
Monika: Do you love playing around with makeup, or is it more of a “throw on the basics and go” kind of vibe for you?
Anja: I’m rather time-poor most of the time, so I have a routine that lasts about 15–20 minutes most days. Some days I can look and feel great, and others it’s more, meh, that’ll do. As long as I don’t look like I’ve used the Homer Simpson make-up shotgun, I’m usually middle of the road.
I love Illamasqua products as well as Charlotte Tilbury and Urban Decay, but it’s very much a test-and-see really. That said, after visiting their shop in Carnaby Street, London, and seeing how lovely they all were, I love MAC products, and I’ve yet to find a better lipstick than Brave, which is my favourite.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Anja: I’ve been called many things, Monika, but not being able to accept a compliment isn’t one of them (Rule 2 in the video I mentioned earlier). I like compliments, and I make a point of giving them out too. We don’t know what others are going through, and that one unexpected compliment might have much more of an impact than we might otherwise think. A random woman at a service station one day said to me, ‘You have a beautiful smile,’ as she passed by, and yes, I was on a high all day that day. I’d like to think that I do that for someone else.
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| "My life was controlled by others for years, and it was awful." |
Anja: Not really, as much because I have my own path to walk, and all I’m looking for is to blend in. On that basis, I suppose it’s about what’s appropriate for the occasion. Looking like a film star at a Hollywood Ball might be great, but not when I am taking the recycling out to the kerb.
Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers suddenly started treating me as if my transition had lowered my IQ. Did you experience a similar shift in how people perceived your intelligence or competence?
Anja: (Laughing) Yes! The first time was when my previous doctor ‘mansplained’ a simple instruction and ended it with, “Can you do that for me,” like I was 12! Other than that, I’ve been fortunate to be around highly intelligent people who accept me for who I am, so I don’t tend to get talked down to. Online can be different, but then I suspect that most of those people are either just trolls or bot farms, neither of which bother me.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Anja: Pockets! What is it about pockets! I was shocked at the loss of pockets, but on the upside, handbags. On a more serious note, though, it surprises me that strangers feel it’s okay to ask about my genitals and sex life, neither of which I talk about.
The positives around transition are huge, not least that whilst transition promises nothing, it delivers in spades for me. But it’s the attitude of others that can make a conversation lift me up or drag me down if I let them.
Monika: How has love shaped your life and your journey as a transgender woman? Could you share what role love plays in your personal growth and happiness?
Anja: I’m very happily married to the most wonderful cisgender woman I know. She knows me better than I know myself. We met in our mid-teens, went our separate ways, and met up 20+ years later. When I came out to her, she wasn’t surprised, and whilst yes, there have been challenges, we married 23 years later to the day we first met, and she’s been beside me throughout my transition. She’s seen me at my worst, when I thought I couldn’t go on, and that might be why she understands that this isn’t a ‘lifestyle choice’ but something much, much deeper.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book, and if so, what would its central message be?
Anja: I’m not so sure that my life is interesting enough for someone to read my memoir, but you never know. I was asked to contribute to a collection of experiences about transitioning by the UK trans-led advocacy organisation TransActual. The book is called Transitions: The Unheard Stories by the awesome Jane Fae (I’m the first story). If I did write a book, its central message would be: ‘Just by getting here, you are a miracle of nature, so keep going, find your happiness in however and whoever is best for you, and phooey to the naysayers.’
My life was controlled by others for years, and it was awful, but now I’m free, and it’s amazing, reminding me of the line, ‘Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.’
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Anja? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Anja: I’m building on my advocacy training with the wonderful people at TGEU and other UK trans-led advocacy organisations, including TransLucent. I have a YouTube channel called The Rykener Room in development, which will be available in four languages (English, French, German, and Spanish). The trailer will be out soon, and then I’m developing various content from there. I’m in talks with another major university about some eLearning products they’re interested in developing. I have a real passion for tech, and I’m loving the potential of AR/VR and developing 360 video content for my Meta Quest 3 headset using my Insta360 X4 camera, so there’s lots going on. Oh, and I’d like to have a lie-in one day too.
Monika: Anja, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Anja: The pleasure is mine, Monika. Thanks again for inviting me, and on a side note, I’m not affiliated with any of the products or suppliers I’ve linked to. I’ve included them here in case they’re of any use to others.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Anja Jürgenssen.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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