Monika: What are your thoughts on the current situation for transgender women in your country?
Christine: I think the current situation for transgender women in Australia is complex and often uneven. There have been important steps forward in visibility, healthcare access, and public conversation, but those advances don’t always translate into everyday safety or understanding. Many trans women still navigate uncertainty, misunderstanding, and judgment in very ordinary parts of life.
What I notice most is the gap between policy or public discussion and lived experience. Even when progress is being talked about, individuals can still feel isolated or cautious about how visible they are allowed to be. For many of us, simply existing openly requires a level of resilience that often goes unseen.
At the same time, I do see hope in community spaces, peer support, and quieter acts of allyship. Change doesn’t always happen loudly, but it does happen through connection, education, and people choosing empathy over fear. I try to hold both truths at once, acknowledging the challenges while remaining hopeful about continued progress.
Monika: I remember the time right after my transition, it was pure euphoria. My closet is still full of dresses and shoes that I literally bought by the dozens back then, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to make up for all those years that were taken from me. Did you feel the same way?
Christine: I can really relate to that feeling. There was definitely a period where everything felt heightened, like I was finally allowed to explore parts of myself that had been suppressed for so long. It wasn’t so much about excess, but about permission. Permission to try, to experiment, and to see myself in ways I never had before.
At the same time, my experience was also shaped by caution and pacing. After spending so many years being careful, I moved into that phase with a mix of curiosity and gentleness toward myself. I wanted to enjoy those discoveries without feeling like I had to compensate or rush to reclaim everything all at once.
Over time, that initial euphoria settled into something quieter and more sustainable. What stayed wasn’t the novelty, but a deeper comfort, knowing I could choose what felt right for me, when it felt right. That balance between joy and self-awareness has been an important part of how I continue to grow into myself.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Christine: I’d describe my personal style as evolving and intuitive rather than trend-driven. I’m less interested in following fashion rules and more focused on how clothes make me feel, comfortable, confident, and aligned with who I am. I gravitate toward pieces that feel soft, flattering, and expressive without being overwhelming.
I do have a few go-to outfits that help me feel grounded and self-assured, especially on days when I want to move through the world with a bit more confidence. Feeling good in what I’m wearing has become less about appearance and more about presence.
More recently, I’ve also begun exploring modelling as a form of self-expression. For me, it isn’t about chasing perfection or trends, but about learning to be visible on my own terms and building confidence in my body and identity. Style, in that sense, has become another way of showing up authentically, not to impress, but to reflect who I am becoming.
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| "I appreciate compliments, but accepting them hasn’t always come easily." |
Christine: I’m definitely still learning. For me, makeup has been more about exploration than mastery, figuring out what feels right rather than trying to get everything perfect. Some days I enjoy taking my time and experimenting, and other days it’s very much a basics-and-go kind of vibe.
What’s been important is giving myself permission to learn at my own pace. Makeup has become another tool for self-expression rather than a requirement or expectation. I’m enjoying the process of discovering what works for me and letting that evolve naturally as my confidence grows.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Christine: I appreciate compliments, but accepting them hasn’t always come easily. For a long time, I struggled to believe them, especially because so much of my life was spent questioning my worth and visibility. Even kind words could feel unfamiliar or hard to trust.
Over time, I’ve been learning to receive compliments without immediately dismissing them or analysing them away. I try to let them land as they are, gestures of kindness rather than things I have to earn or doubt.
It’s still a work in progress, but I’ve noticed that as my self-acceptance has grown, so has my ability to believe others when they see something positive in me. Accepting compliments now feels less about appearance and more about allowing myself to be seen with warmth and openness.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Christine: Yes, I did feel that pressure, especially early on. When you’re surrounded by certain images of femininity, it’s easy to believe there’s a “right” way to look or behave, and I found myself comparing and measuring myself against the women around me more than I realised at the time.
Over time, though, I began to understand that trying to replicate someone else’s version of femininity wasn’t sustainable or fulfilling. What helped was shifting my focus away from imitation and toward authenticity, asking what felt natural to me rather than what I thought I was supposed to look like.
Letting go of that pressure has been freeing. Femininity, I’ve learned, isn’t a fixed ideal but something deeply personal and fluid. Allowing myself to define it on my own terms has made it feel far more genuine and grounded.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Christine: One of the most surprising parts of my transition was how internal the change felt. I expected the biggest shifts to be external, how I looked and how the world responded, but what I didn’t anticipate was the quiet emotional settling that came with finally living honestly.
I was surprised by how much mental space opened up once I wasn’t constantly managing fear or self-doubt. Simple things felt lighter, and I found myself responding to life with more calm and clarity than I ever had before.
At the same time, I didn’t expect how gradual the process would be. Transition wasn’t a single moment of arrival, but an ongoing practice of patience and self-compassion. That ongoing growth, both challenging and deeply affirming, has been one of the most unexpected and meaningful parts of the journey.
Monika: For a lot of trans girls, loneliness can become a part of life. Did you ever feel that, or were you lucky enough to avoid it?
Christine: Loneliness was definitely something I experienced, even at times when I didn’t fully recognise it for what it was. There’s a particular kind of loneliness that can come from feeling unseen or misunderstood, and that was present for me at different stages of my life and transition.
What made a difference over time was finding spaces where I didn’t have to explain myself, where shared understanding existed without words. Community, even in small doses, helped soften that sense of isolation and reminded me that connection doesn’t always come in large or obvious ways.
I’ve learned that loneliness isn’t a personal failure, it’s often a sign of how much we long to belong. While it hasn’t disappeared entirely, it no longer feels permanent or defining. Knowing that connection is possible, and allowing myself to seek it, has been an important part of moving forward.
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Christine? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Christine: What’s next for me feels less about chasing a single outcome and more about continuing to grow in ways that feel honest and sustainable. Writing 35 Years in Hiding was an important chapter, but not an ending, it opened up space for reflection, creativity, and new possibilities.
I’m continuing to explore modelling as a form of self-expression and confidence-building, approaching it with curiosity rather than expectation. It’s another way of learning to be visible on my own terms and to feel comfortable in my body and presence in the world.
More than anything, my goals now are about balance and authenticity. I want to keep building a life that feels aligned, one that allows for creativity, connection, and self-trust. I’m learning that it’s okay for dreams to evolve, and that simply moving forward with intention can be just as meaningful as any specific destination.
Monika: Christine, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Christine: Thank you, Monika. I truly appreciate the care and thoughtfulness you brought to these questions. It’s been meaningful to reflect on my journey in this way, and I’m grateful for the space you create for honest and respectful conversations.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Christine Psaila.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
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