Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in your country?
Barbara: I prefer to talk about politics as little as possible, because of the ramifications that are faced by people in my country right now who speak out in a way that is perceived as wrong or anti-trans. I am not anti-trans. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I have fully and proudly embraced my identity as a queer Appalachian, which I am frequently writing about, including a new poem entitled “Queer in the Holler.” I would like to write a chapbook around that poem.
I just prefer to live stealthily in this regard and represent myself through my poetry, speaking engagements, and the way that I present myself in public. As I said, my viewpoint is constantly evolving. I did send a letter last year to the Speaker of the Ohio House of Representatives, who was a fraternity brother of mine in college, expressing my opposition to some of the legislation that was pending at the time. I did not receive a response.
I have mixed feelings about the present situation in the United States. Sometimes, I think that the transgender activists take things much too far, and this does a disservice to those of us who just want to live our lives as transgender women. We are already seeing a backlash, not just from the cisgender community and the conservative Republicans, but from others in the LGBTQ+ community as well.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Barbara: I like to dress as feminine as possible, which has evolved over the years. Pink has always been my favorite color, so I tend to gravitate to anything pink. I still like to wear dresses, especially sundresses in the summer, and I like to dress up more formally sometimes when we are going out to a concert or dinner. However, I also dress more casually as well in jeans, leggings, pants, and feminine tops.
Monika: I remember copying my sister and mother first, and later other women, trying to look 100% feminine, and my cis female friends used to joke that I try to be a woman that does not exist in reality. Did you experience the same?
Barbara: I was extremely lucky to have my wife, Marilyn, as my fashion consultant among many other things. We have been married for almost forty-two years. I modeled myself after her to such an extent that we are often asked if we are twins or sisters.
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| "I like to dress as feminine as possible." |
Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers treated me in a way as if the transition lowered my IQ. Did you experience the same? Do you think it happens because we are women or because we are transgender? Or both?
Barbara: I retired prior to my transition, so I did not have this experience in the workplace. However, I have noticed subtle and not so subtle ways in which I have been treated by men since my transition. For example, I recently wrote an essay that I posted on my website entitled “As a Transsexual Woman, I am Marked,” in which I discuss patronizing and sexually explicit comments and friend requests that I started to receive from men on social media. Some of the comments indicate that I am being perceived as a woman. They make sexually explicit comments about what they would like to do to certain body parts that I don’t even have. I am not sure whether these comments are based on the perception that I am a woman or because I am transgender. I suspect that it is a little of both, and it is also an indication that these men really do not take the time to read my profile before sending their comments.
Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?
Barbara: Since I have not had to seek employment as a transgender woman, I am not sure that I am qualified to give advice. However, I will pass on a suggestion that a friend recently made about submitting my work to publishers. He said to phrase it in such a way that I am offering them an opportunity to publish my work. My suggestion would be to project confidence in the interview and convey the idea that they are offering the potential employer an opportunity to hire an extremely qualified and competent employee.
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the LGBTQ+ community?
Barbara: Yes, I would say that I am involved. I have had work published in LBGTQ+ anthologies and The Buckeye Flame, which is Ohio’s weekly LGBTQ+ publication. I also wrote the introduction for the 2021 Akron Pride Festival Guide, and my poem “Rainbow on the Bathroom Rug: Akron Pride” was published in the 2022 Akron Pride Festival Guide.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Barbara: Love and intimacy, not necessarily sexual intimacy, are extremely important to me. My wife, Marilyn, and I have been married for almost forty-two years, and we are closer now than we have been at any other point in our relationship. We have had many challenges in our marriage, including my transition, depression and suicide, and alcoholism. It was our mutual love, respect, and trust in and for each other that enabled us to survive as a couple. We even filmed a video and posted it on youtube about how to have a successful transgender marriage. The happiest day of my life was when we renewed our vows and got remarried as two women on my sixty-fifth birthday. That was much more meaningful to me than our original marriage.
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| "The happiest day of my life was when we renewed our vows and got remarried as two women on my sixty-fifth birthday." |
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?
Barbara: My advice would be first and foremost that it is never too late to transition. However, each person’s journey is unique, and they have to move at their own pace and do what is workable for them at that point in their lives. It would not have been feasible for me to transition before I did. I would also strongly advise finding a qualified gender counselor. That was so very important in my own journey and my decision to start HRT and to ultimately transition. Finally, doing research, reading about gender issues and those who have successfully transitioned, and finding support, whether online or in person, are also very important.
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Barbara: I do agree that we should not let who we are limit us in any way or allow others to put us in a box based on our identity. I also realize that, at least in my case, that is easier said than done. This is something that I think about almost every day. How can I expand my horizons, explore things outside my comfort zone, and obtain wider recognition as a poet and writer.
Monika: Barbara, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Barbara: It was my pleasure, Monika. I found your questions to be very compelling and perceptive, and I discovered things about myself as I responded to them. In fact, when my wife read through the interview, she asked me if I realized what an interesting person I am.
Thank you so much for reaching out to me and for this opportunity to share my story with a wider audience. Please keep in touch with me.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Barbara Marie Minney.
© 2023 - Monika Kowalska
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