Monika: What was the most difficult part of your coming out experience, and how did you navigate those challenges?
Bianca: Telling my mother. She went ballistic. But back then, no one knew how things would open up. She really thought I would live in some hovel on the fringe of everything. I’d never cried so hard in my life. We are very close now and have been for many years. It takes time.
Monika: The transgender community is often included under the broader LGBT umbrella. Do you think that trans issues are given enough attention within this larger group, or is there more work to be done in promoting our cause within the community?
Bianca: I think of Gay Men and Lesbians as my family. I can’t speak of the political expediency of us all being in the same boat, but those that seek to harm us would certainly not hesitate to put us all on the same truck and banish us all to the same desert island. If trans is a spectrum, then there are gay men and lesbians on that spectrum.
There are also trans men and trans women with a homosexual orientation. We are too intermeshed to be completely separate, in my book. I have been a part of a larger queer community since the beginning, and I am not going to stop now.
Monika: Are you involved in politics or advocacy in any way? Do you think transgender women have the potential to make a significant impact in political spheres?
Bianca: I tend to express my political beliefs in my writing. I am rarely actually on the front lines. Those people are amazing. Yes, we can be effective politically. Look at my dear friend Melissa Sklarz - just named Empire State Pride Agenda Foundation Board of Directors Co-Chair. Melissa has been fighting the good fight for years.
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| Photo by Maya Guez. |
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Are there any particular fashion trends or designers you gravitate toward?
Bianca: I love women with great style, and I appreciate a beautifully made garment. Trends bore me. Break the rules, but do it with finesse. I prefer classic American sportswear like Ralph Lauren. A great sweater or jacket, jeans, and a fab bag. Don’t forget the Jackie O sunglasses.
Monika: How do you view love in your life? Has your experience with love evolved over time, especially as a transgender woman?
Bianca: Ah, love! I’ve known grand passion - not so much true love. Lots of highs and lows, certainly. I’ve seen my trans sisters in healthy, long-term relationships. It’s out there - but it IS a challenge.
The dance between trans women and trans attracted men with a fear of scorn goes on… It makes a lot of us bitter, and many girls demand recompense for discretion. It’s a vicious cycle. To be so desired and yet such a source of shame can be soul-crushing.
I went out with a guy last year who seemed completely cool with his trans attraction. It soon became clear that he really wasn’t so comfortable. Apparently, trans women were fine, but only as side pieces. Of course, he claimed that all trans women he dates eventually become weepy or hostile, making HIS life more difficult.
I have several trans attracted male friends who are secure in their sexuality. They are open and honest about their trans attraction and are proud to be in relationships with their amazing girlfriends. These guys are inspirations. They give me hope. Trans attracted men are between ten and twenty years behind trans people in terms of self-acceptance. Hopefully, they will catch up soon. I was always into bodice-ripping, blind passion, but it’s getting old - and so am I! Passion is glorious, but it fades; it’s the mutually respectful, kind, and generous partnerships that last.
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| Performing at Cherry's on the Bay, Fire Island. |
Monika: Many transgender women choose to write memoirs to share their journeys. Have you ever considered writing a memoir of your own, or do you prefer to express your story through other forms of storytelling?
Bianca: I’m a storyteller, and have written and performed many short sketches of important times in my life. I’ve never really thought about a full memoir, but you never know…
Monika: For all the transgender girls out there who aspire to follow in your footsteps and pursue a career in the arts, what advice would you give them to help them prepare for the journey ahead?
Bianca: First and foremost, let me tell you that being pretty is absolutely not enough. I can’t stress that enough. While it’s true that looks can open some doors, they won’t keep them open for long unless you’ve got the skill, dedication, and knowledge to back it up. You have to know your craft inside and out. Too often, I see young girls who take one or two acting classes, think they’ve got the magic formula, and then believe they’re going to become the next Laverne Cox overnight.
But here’s the thing: Laverne didn’t just show up. She earned every step of her success. She has a theater degree, she trained rigorously for years, and she spent a lot of time performing in plays and indie films before she ever made it to the mainstream. It wasn’t luck; it was preparation meeting opportunity. When Laverne got that big break, she was more than ready. And that’s the key. You have to be ready, not just for the spotlight but for the long road leading up to it. You’ve got to be able to handle the highs and the lows, the rejections, the auditions, and the continual growth. The most important thing I can say is this: do the work. Whether it’s acting, singing, or whatever path you choose, take the time to hone your craft, immerse yourself in it, and commit fully. Only then will you truly be ready for whatever comes your way.
Monika: Bianca, thank you so much for the interview!
Bianca: Proszę bardzo, Monika!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Bianca Leigh.
The main photo credits: Ted Ely.
© 2015 - Monika Kowalska
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