Robin Rose’s story is about learning to live authentically while refusing to let other people’s expectations define what that authenticity should look like. A young trans woman from Belgium, Robin has chronicled her transition on Instagram, turning what she calls a kind of personal memoir into a space where she shares her experiences. She began exploring makeup at thirteen, initially using it to hide the discomfort she felt with her body, but eventually discovering a relationship with it rooted in self-care and enjoyment. Fashion became part of that journey too, even as body dysphoria and perfectionism made it difficult to feel feminine enough to wear the clothes she loved. Her path has not been without pain. Gender dysphoria contributed to depressive episodes during her teenage years and affected her studies, yet she persisted and is now completing a bachelor’s degree in HR, with ambitions of pursuing business psychology. Her transition also brought a profound loss. Her relationship with her father became increasingly distant after she came out as trans, and he died in 2019. Robin carries the sadness that he never got to know the person she became. Meanwhile, her relationship with her mother grew closer after she began living authentically.
Robin is candid about the freedom and complications of being visible online. Trans and non-binary followers ask her about HRT, hair removal and life as a trans woman, while some cisgender men reduce that visibility to sexual curiosity and unsolicited attention. Yet she has also found genuine allies and hopes to use her platform to contribute to a more inclusive society, particularly in the workplace. Her understanding of transition is nuanced. After more than four years on HRT, she became much more comfortable with her appearance, but rejects the idea that femininity, surgery or the ability to "pass" should determine whether someone is authentically trans. Trans people, she believes, should not be required to conform to stereotypes, and a person’s life should never be reduced to their body or medical history. She imagines a society where people can simply exist without the weight of gender expectations. Her Instagram may document her transition, but her ambitions extend far beyond it: completing her education and perhaps creating a business focused on diversity and inclusion. For Robin, becoming herself was never the end of the story. It was the beginning of discovering how much more life can contain once the struggle simply to be oneself no longer occupies all the space.
Monika: Robin, welcome! It’s wonderful to have you with us.
Robin: Hello Monika! Thank you so much for having me.
Monika: Could you introduce yourself to our readers?
Robin: I’m 25 and currently finishing up my bachelor’s in HR, with my eye on a possible master’s in business psychology in the future. Going through depressive episodes due to gender dysphoria as a teenager and adolescent had a big impact on my career as a student, so I’m quite proud of myself for not giving up. I hope to make a positive contribution to the community and help fight discrimination against minorities at the workplace. I’m also passionate about makeup, fashion, yummy food, and generally leaving this world a better place than when I came into it.
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| ‘Passing’ is the heritage of a recent cis-heteronormative society, it hasn’t always been the norm. |
Monika: What inspired you to open up your life so publicly on social media?
Robin: I didn’t have many role models when I was growing up. My biggest regret is not transitioning sooner, so if I can inspire someone else to live authentically by sharing my experience, I’ll gladly do it.
Monika: What kinds of questions do your followers usually send you?
Robin: My trans and non-binary followers tend to ask me about transition-related topics such as HRT, permanent hair removal, and what my experience is like as a trans woman within Central Europe. A lot of my cisgender followers tend to ask what’s in between my legs, whether they can see pictures, or seem to believe backhanded compliments will get them a date with me. Luckily I’ve also met some wonderful cis allies, so it’s not all just online sexual harassment.
Monika: Many of us pay a steep price for living authentically, losing family, friends, jobs, or social standing along the way. Did that price touch your own life, and what was hardest about coming out?
Robin: Generally speaking, I’ve been very lucky. The hardest part was my relationship with my dad. We never had a close bond, but we always loved each other. When I “came out” as a teenager for being attracted to men, he had a difficult time processing it, so when I came out as trans this complicated things even further. He passed away in 2019, after a long period of hardly having any contact with me. It saddens me very much that he’ll never get to know the real me.
Monika: How did your mother react to your transition? Did she accept it right away?
Robin: She was surprised to an extent, although she did tell me a funny anecdote about her pregnancy. During her pregnancy, she really wanted to have a girl and didn’t give up hope even after the gynecologist told her it was going to be a “boy.” That’s also why she chose the name Robin; it’s been a blessing to have a gender-neutral name, since I’m terrible at making decisions and would have had a really difficult time choosing one myself. We’ve gotten a lot closer since I started living authentically.
Monika: Are you happy with the effects hormone treatment has had on you?
Robin: Very much so! I used to feel very dysphoric about little things like the incredibly obvious veins on my hands and feet, as well as the long dark hair on my arms and legs. HRT has had a positive impact on both of those things. My face was also a big dysphoric trigger before transitioning; I used to want full FFS, because all I could see were the deformities caused by male puberty. Now that I’ve been over four years on HRT, all of that has passed, and I’m quite happy with where I am.
Monika: You look absolutely fantastic. Many of us feel trapped by the pressure to “pass,” and even cosmetic surgery cannot fully free us from being judged for it. How do you cope with that?
Robin: Thank you! I think it’s important to realize that “passing” is the heritage of a recent cis-heteronormative society, and that it hasn’t always been the norm. Before religions like Judaism and Christianity started spreading through the Western world, and before the colonization of the Americas, Africa, and India, sexuality was much less labeled (the Ancient Romans, whose existence overlaps with the rise of Christianity, didn’t even have a word to describe homo- and/or heterosexual sexuality, they basically just had sex with whomever they pleased), and gender-diverse people were often celebrated instead of shunned, like the Two-Spirit people in Native American cultures and the Hijra in Indian culture.
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| Trans women don’t owe anyone femininity. |
Monika: How does that same double standard show up in today’s beauty ideals?
Robin: “Passing” has become something which, like a lot of today’s beauty standards, isn’t even reachable by a lot of cis people. So if plenty of cis people fail to “pass,” we as trans people should be cut some slack as well, especially from within our own community.
Monika: Belgium has produced some truly inspirational transgender women. I loved telling the story of Petra de Sutter, the country’s Deputy Prime Minister, whom I interviewed six years ago. Do you have any transgender role models of your own, past or present?
Robin: In Belgium, the majority of role models are from an older generation than I am, like Mrs. de Sutter and Mrs. Van Spilbeeck, and they’re inspirational in their own way, but not very relatable to my own situation.
Monika: Who did you turn to instead, growing up?
Robin: I grew up following people like Gigi Gorgeous, Julie Vu, Saline Simon, and Joe (Jojo) Harwood on YouTube, and although I don’t relate to most of them very much anymore, they still had a big impact on me figuring out my gender identity.
Monika: How do you see representation for young trans and non-binary people in Belgium today?
Robin: I’m pleased to report that more young trans and non-binary people are being represented in the Belgian media and are able to leave their mark and inspire others. My reach here on Instagram is more international than local, but I hope to have a positive impact on the gender-diverse community within Belgium as well.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a transgender woman on television, or met someone transgender in person?
Robin: I’m afraid the first time I saw a “trans person” on TV was probably on a show like Friends, where they’re the center of ridicule (Chandler’s parent, constantly referred to as his dad). The first trans person I met in real life was one of my neighbors, who also helped me get in touch with the local gender clinic, although we never really seemed to connect on a personal level, so we’re no longer in touch. But I’m grateful she was able to help me.
Monika: How would you describe the present situation for transgender women in Belgium?
Robin: Compared to countries like the USA, the UK, and Poland, Belgium is pretty great. We’re not bombarded with politicians who try to take away our rights all the time, and harassment and murder rates aren’t really noteworthy. There’s still room for improvement, though.
Monika: What specific challenges still stand in the way?
Robin: Waiting lists for trans and non-binary people who need to medically transition are very long, and certain medical institutions that are meant to help us still have a bit of an archaic point of view on medical healthcare for trans people. For example, I was almost denied HRT at the time, because even though I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria and didn’t want my body to continue to masculinize further, I wasn’t certain if I wanted gender-confirming surgeries like SRS/GRS. Private insurance companies tend to discriminate against us, and the national healthcare system only financially supports the bare minimum of medical transition-related costs (HRT, top surgery, and bottom surgery). The media also still struggle very much to use proper language when talking about us on TV, in newspaper articles, and elsewhere.
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| “I really enjoy it when my partner, family or friends compliment me.” |
Monika: Where does that archaic thinking show up most?
Robin: It’s all very much linked to an archaic view of what it is to be trans, and in particular what it is to be a man or a woman. Non-binary individuals are mostly ignored by the entire system. Trans women are expected to get, and be content with, having breasts and a vagina, while other gender-confirming procedures are seen as purely cosmetic. So Belgium still has a long way to go, but it could be a lot worse.
Monika: That gives our readers real hope. On a lighter note, do you enjoy fashion? What kind of outfits do you gravitate toward, and are there designers or trends you love?
Robin: I love fashion, but I’m still trying to find what suits me. (I actually studied fashion for two years at a renowned fashion school here in Belgium; it was a toxic environment that I decided to leave.)
The biggest reason I struggle is finding what suits me, because I still suffer from body dysphoria quite a lot, as well as being a perfectionist and being very harsh on myself. It took me over three years on HRT to find myself “feminine” enough to wear dresses and skirts, which is obviously ridiculous, since you’re never “too anything” or “not enough” to wear an item of clothing that covers your body. Overall, I’d say I enjoy classic silhouettes and interesting textures. My favorite designers are Iris van Herpen and Alexander McQueen.
Monika: Do you like experimenting with makeup?
Robin: Yes, all the time. I love makeup and have been playing around with it since I was thirteen. It used to be a mask to cover up my gender dysphoria, but now it’s just all about self-care and having fun for me. I’ve also stopped wearing makeup every day, which has been an incredible confidence boost.
Monika: Do you enjoy being complimented on your looks?
Robin: It depends. I get “compliments” from horny cis men I don’t know all the time, which does take away the meaning of getting compliments in general. But I really enjoy it when my partner, family, or friends compliment me, or when other trans people do.
Monika: Are you involved with the local LGBTQ+ community?
Robin: I used to volunteer for a local trans support group, but I got too busy with school to keep up my commitment. My current reach here on Instagram is more international than national, but I do hope to use it in the future to also reach the local community more.
Monika: What role does love play in your life?
Robin: As a trans person, the most important type of love is self-love, in my opinion. We live in a world that has evolved to be against us a lot of the time, so I think it’s important to remember to be kind to ourselves and to others like us, which seems to be a challenge, as the community can be so divided.
It’s also really important to have a good support system, whether that’s family members like your parents, siblings, and partner, or friends, or your chosen family.
Monika: Many transgender women eventually write their memoirs. Has that idea ever crossed your mind?
Robin: I consider my Instagram to be somewhat of a memoir. It’s where I share everything related to my transition.
Monika: What comes next for you, and where do you see yourself in five to seven years?
Robin: First up would be graduating and getting my bachelor’s degree, as well as having another gender-affirming surgery. Within five to seven years, I hope to have obtained a master’s degree and have either started a business with my partner, or possibly one of my own, with the goal of making our society a more accepting place that celebrates diversity and inclusivity.
Monika: What would you say to transgender women who are afraid to transition?
Robin: If you can do it safely, just do it! Nothing is worth not living your life authentically, but safety always comes first. Make sure you have a good support system around you, a place where you can just be yourself, and get a therapist to help you deal with possible gender dysphoria. Lastly, it’s important to understand that being transgender doesn’t mean you have to adhere to labels society has placed on us. You don’t have to be the stereotype of a woman, man, or non-binary person. Trans women don’t owe anyone femininity, trans men don’t owe anyone masculinity, and non-binary people don’t have to be androgynous. Just do you.
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| “More young trans and non-binary people are being represented in the Belgian media.” |
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame once wrote to me that we should never limit our potential because of how we were born, or by what we see other transgender people doing, and that our dreams don’t end on an operating table, they begin there. Do you agree?
Robin: To a certain extent. I mentioned earlier that we trans people shouldn’t adhere to stereotypes and burdens put on us by a cis-heteronormative society. We are much more than what they put us down as: we are parents, we are siblings, we are actors, we are teachers, we are politicians, we are business owners, and we can be everything and anything we want to be!
Monika: Is there any part of that idea you would push back on?
Robin: The only thing I wouldn’t agree with is that Gina implies all trans people need gender-affirming surgery. I believe it’s important that people, regardless of being cis- or transgender, get the psychological support they need to figure out their gender identity, without the push for automatic medical intervention. We all know what happens when cis people medically transition because they’re confused, or when trans and non-binary people have surgeries they don’t really need: regret. Even hormone replacement therapy can have unwanted side effects, leaving individuals unable to “transition.” That doesn’t make them any less trans than myself, someone who has chosen the route of medical transition out of a need for a dysphoria-free life. HRT and surgery are often a way to blend in, pass, and assure safety by adhering to what society expects from us, but that shouldn’t be mandatory in order to be considered “trans.”
Monika: What would a world like that actually look like to you?
Robin: I wonder what life as a transgender person would look like in a society free of judgment when it comes to gender identity and gender expression, where everyone is just able to “be” without the weight of gender stereotypes. I imagine it would be very freeing for cis and trans people alike.
Monika: Robin, thank you so much for this conversation.
All the photos: courtesy of Robin Rose.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
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