Interview with Dana Paige - Part 2

Monika: Yes, I agree.

Dana: Women are on display to everyone, everywhere, at all times. Women are looking at other women in order to size up her wardrobe, or style, her guy, or her competitiveness to them. Women are always looking and evaluating each other. Men are also always looking at you… are you their type, would they sleep with you, are you cute, sexy, a possibility. So men and women are always looking at you as a woman… and going out as a woman is like going out into a soup of glances, stares, looks, judgments, and evaluations. It’s like a job interview that you never applied for.

Now, I’m not saying that I dislike the attention… actually, it’s a kind of dopamine/adrenaline high when you get it. I heard a famous model once call it sparks or electricity, and when that happens, it’s one of the many unexpected thrills of being a woman, but I can also now understand the pressures women go through growing up and becoming the center of attention at such a young age. Guys don’t go through that same type of sexualization at such a young age. It’s in my opinion why women mature so much faster or younger than men. They have to, in order to survive, it’s the “water” that women swim in. I only see it now because of my transition.

Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?

Dana: Lucky for us that these days there are so many online opportunities to work anywhere from any place.

Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?

Dana: No at this time. There are few centers around me and COVID shutdown a lot of access for years.

Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?

Dana: Love to me is everything and I think the idea that love is at the core of our desires, I believe is true. So finding love within yourself to me is the gateway to loving others. 

Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?

Dana: Haha… Yep. Actually, I’m trying to write that book as we speak! I’m working on several books. One for the Trans community that are at the beginning stages of transitioning in what I’m calling a transitioning survival handbook, another one is more of an explanation of gender/sexual roles in our culture intended towards educating the general population and lastly is a “this is me, and what I did” type of autobiography.

I think that we can’t have too many grounded voices speaking to and from our community and aimed towards our society in general. I think that our natural desire to be accepted and safe helps extend the exact problems we face… Which is, we are a community that wants nothing more than to fit in and blend into our chosen genders. However, that makes us hide out in the shadows more often than not. That desire to be left alone, to live our lives as we choose, is exactly what creates the silence when it comes to us answering the transphobia that has become anointed by the far right to be the new class of humans allowed to be bullied, beaten, and marginalized. So we’ve all got a lot of work to do!

"My responsibility is to be true to myself, and despite
the fear and the unknowns, go forward anyway."

Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?

Dana: I seriously hope to leave this place having made a difference and a positive impact in the world. For me, that obvious platform is my successful transitioning so late in life at 60 yrs after founding and creating 19 businesses over 40 years. So, what’s next is somewhere in that arena. Speaking, lecturing, writing, and creating awareness about the transgendered population and giving myself as a positive role model. So, more of this!

Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?

Dana: Well, I can only speak for myself… And I would say that if you spoke to any trans woman or any trans person, making that decision to transition can be a very scary proposition to undertake. However, my recommendation is to get clear about one thing. And that thing is to know deeply in your heart, and in your soul, who you are. If you are clear that you're trans, for me, there are only two paths. Either, I chose to ignore my truth and knowingly continue living my life as a lie, or make the decision to transition, and know that I am strong enough, and will do whatever it takes personally to transition and keep my relationships and my family intact.

For me, I have always felt that it is my responsibility towards those that I love, to do whatever it takes and give them as much information and time to make peace with my truth. I never blamed, nor blame anyone for the way they choose to deal with me… That is their responsibility. My responsibility is to be true to myself, and despite the fear and the unknowns, go forward anyway, and trust I am enough to handle whatever is on the other side. That's kind of my life, philosophy, and so far it has served me well.

Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?

Dana: Completely. I kinda can’t understand seeing life as a woman, man, or trans person any other way. However, I do understand how some of us because of the difficulties are held back because of our decisions and the difficulties of others we care for. It’s kinda a guilt trip we place upon ourselves. We are not born female or not good enough or not enough in general. But that sentiment is not the exclusive territory of Transness… that’s just being a person and living in a very often, hostile world. Then it’s a coping mechanism and everyone succumbs to that.

Monika: Dana, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!

Dana: Thank you Monika for asking me to join you. I feel very honored to have been asked and it was truly my pleasure.

END OF PART 2

Back to PART 1

 

All photos: courtesy of Dana Paige.

© 2023 - Monika Kowalska