Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in your country?
Ella: I think that we are very much at a cultural crossroads. Right now we are trying to pass the Equality Act, which would extend protections in work, housing, and healthcare for transgender people across the country. Right now, protections are incredibly sporadic and how a transperson is treated will vary wildly from state to state. Federal protections, like that provided by the Equality Act, would make the entire country a little bit safer for transgender people to work, sleep, and access needed medical care.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Ella: I love it! Right now I'm trying to avoid fast fashion due to its reliance on labor violations and harmful environmental practices. I love to go thrift shopping for vintage designer clothes. I also love the brands Altered Perception Clothing and Frankie Collective, both of which recycle thrifted clothes to make new designs.
Monika: Do you often experiment with your makeup?
Ella: I honestly rarely wear makeup anymore except for work meetings, photoshoots, and dates with my partner. I'm very happy with my post-FFS face, so I tend to be very satisfied with my "bare" face. However, this is an enormous privilege and prior to FFS, I wore makeup religiously.
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| "I love to go thrift shopping for vintage designer clothes." |
I still have fun experimenting with colors and like to do thematic makeup with rainbows and trans flag colors sometimes. One of my favorite looks was making cheetah spot eye shadow with eyeliner and a yellow and brown palette. I don't watch tutorials so it's mostly trial and error.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?
Ella: Honestly, I prefer to be complimented on my character, justice work, or creativity. But any compliment is nice!
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?
Ella: I actually never interviewed as myself. I was fired for coming out but I didn’t start transition until I was a month into my current job. It was terrifying writing my email to my supervisor and HR but aside from some stares and micro-aggressions, it was overall a great process and the perfect place to begin the transition. The CEO and founder of my company even came down to reintroduce himself, which meant and still means everything to me.
Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?
Ella: Hang in there, we are fighting for workplace protections through the Equality Act and barring “religious exemptions” (which are always a cover for discrimination), the Supreme Court has ruled that sex discrimination and workplace protections extend to transgender workers. Find trans communities who are in the field that you are in, having trans mentors that are professionally successful even within this capitalist transphobic culture has been incredibly helpful in navigating workplace issues. There will still be hateful people. There will still be micro-aggressions. But there will also be loving allies, find them, and focus on that light.
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| "Zen means believing in yourself 100%." |
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?
Ella: I have amazing queer and trans friends, many of which are incredibly talented artists and musicians that I’m genuinely a fan of. I also have a great queer and trans family at my church, where we work together to plan events and create more inclusive spaces for LGBTQ people. I’m very much looking forward to seeing them more after this pandemic is over.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Ella: Love is my religion, my politics, my research specialty, and my highest aspiration. My faith tells me that God is literally Love and my Zen tradition is named after Quanyin, the Bodhisattva of compassion. My politics are Marxist-Trotskyist but rather than being fueled by hatred of the ruling class, I follow Che who once said, “At the risk of seeming ridiculous, let me say that the true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love. It is impossible to think of a genuine revolutionary lacking this quality.”
My doctoral research is rooted in theories of belonging, which tell us that belonging is fundamental to Maslow's hierarchy of needs - there was, is, and cannot be any food, shelter, and actualization apart from community. We are a social species and love is a deep-rooted human need. I've also been most positively transformed by the loving people in my life - my friends who stuck by me through transition, my comrades who put their bodies and lives on the line to help improve this world, my family who love and show up for me, and my partner whose consistency and grace are my brightest window into the face of God.
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| "We are in a place culturally where we need to move beyond transition stories." |
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Ella: I'm a poet and writer so perhaps, however, I think that we are in a place culturally where we need to move beyond transition stories and have transgender perspectives in all aspects of our lives because we trans people live such beautifully rich, multifaceted lives that have so much to teach not only our community but the entire world. What I most love to publish are poems, stories, and articles that speak to universal aspects of humanity from my unique lenses and experiences.
Monika: Have you published your poems?
Ella: I’ve been published in Anamesa, Stanchion, and The Toast. I’ve also written a travel piece on being a trans lesbian in India for Autostraddle.
My poetry tends to emerge after major life events or meditative sessions. I love to just sit outside and see what emerges. I then write thoughts and phrases down, which get pieced together later into cohesive poems.
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Ella: I'll be graduating this Spring or Summer with my doctorate in education and hope to use that privilege to push for greater equity in education. I hope to help my country move beyond the binary party systems that only serve the ruling class by advocating for a socialist party.
I also hope to continue my Zen studies and to use the wisdom learned from that tradition to help alleviate the individual and collective suffering of my community.
In the next 5-7 years, I'd love to continue thriving with my partner and to nourish and nurture new life - I've taken steps to be able to have children and dream of being a mother.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?
Ella: I would recommend that they do whatever they think will bring them the greatest sustained joy, whatever they think will enable them to fully live this one precious life to the fullest, to engage the world as authentically as possible. I don't believe that there is an injunction to transition and for those that cannot for whatever reason, they are still completely valid as the women that they are.
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| "Dream now and dream often. And move how and when you can, to align your dreams with your waking hours." |
My hope is that they would find themselves or move towards contexts that would make their joyful authentically lived lives as plausible as possible. But overall, to love themselves, to be kind to themselves, and to find what joy and peace may be found right here and right now - because that's the only world we ever live in. Surgeries and transition can help enormously with loving ourselves, but if we can begin the work of trying to better love ourselves now, that work can provide a baseline for when the surgeries are over and/or when we've already come out.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Ella: That's so wise and brilliant and true! I fully agree! I believe that the operating table is just one tool for living more authentically. It's a great way to manage dysphoria, but it's just one resource that many don't have access to. So dream now and dream often. And move how and when you can, to align your dreams with your waking hours. We owe that much to ourselves.
Monika: Ella, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Ella: Thank you so very much for having me, I'm so honored and grateful to be able to speak to our beautiful community. And thank you so much for making this space, I know that it's helping so many people. You and your work are a gift to so many transgender people.
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Ella Baker.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
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