Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Fernanda: Love is everything for me. And of course, the illusion about finding a partner and starting a family is there every day. Love for family and friends has been my priority lately. At the end of the day, the people who are there with you when the party is over are the ones worth keeping.
Dating is a hard thing for everybody, but until we don't eradicate all prejudice there will be more harsh times for transgender women. I have suffered enough for romantic love. But still, I am hopeful! The child adoption and establishment of a little family of my own would be a life-saving moment for me, so fingers crossed!
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Fernanda: I love fashion; some of my friends have told me that I live for it. I always feel a little superficial when I see my love for it, especially for shoes, but there “I said it,” I am a fashionista! I love princess cut dresses and I love pink and purple. I also go a lot for full skirts with blazers.
Heels are always in my closet, boots, sandals, pumps. Little black dresses are every woman’s best friend when it comes to clothes, so I have more than five of them. My favorite brand at the moment (because it changes from time to time) is Karen Millen; it has a very unique use of lines and colors.
I used to have a very basic Chanel bag that went with everything but I do not know where it disappeared. I could cry for it. And as a cliche as it sounds I try to wear what fits me better not what is “right now,” but I can be a little bit too sexy and scandalous because I love to show my skin. But I have been told that I have a good sense of style so I will stick to it! I am just sure that when I feel fabulous people can sense that, so that is the trend I follow.
Monika: What do you think about transgender beauty pageants?
Fernanda: OMG... that is a question that I have been avoiding all my life. I will try to elaborate, though. (am I talking too much? I tend to). I believe that beauty cannot be measured. And sadly all the beauty pageants have requirements that the industry has forced on us. Some of these women go through unnecessary procedures to fulfill impossible standards.
As a former beauty queen, (it was easier when I was younger, because I was like a pole, with no curves whatsoever) I can tell you that it is possible to use these titles in a more positive way for making a change in the trans community. But I will stick to the principle that my opinion is irrelevant in this matter because I would like to judge no one; it is their right to live their lives as they want.
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| A speech in the making. |
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Fernanda: I have been working on a novel for the last, almost five years. It is some sort of a memoir but it also involves other three women of my family so I would call it a half-fiction, half-biographical saga. My major subject was Dramatic Arts.
So I was praised for the writing of monologues and dialogues back at school. The narrative is something that I have enjoyed as a reader all my life, especially by Latin American authors. Women are so much better writers in my opinion. So it has been a journey of experimentation and excavation of the past, cathartic as much as fun. Only time will tell if the book will see the light. But I am most Hopeful that it will.
Monika: Are you working on any new projects now?
Fernanda: I am working passionately with a small group that I co-founded. It is called “Trans-Project”. I usually give speeches at some events and universities. I also write on my blog titled “Talk Trafficking”, which is a website that provides information about human traffic. This is a very beautiful project that I am so proud of. I am also revising and finishing my novel.
And I am learning Danish as a part of my integration program; it is a very difficult but interesting language to learn. But I think that I am finally at a point where I can really start something, and I will never let go of the dream of performing art, which has been my original plan since my childhood.
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Fernanda: My next step requires a lot of decisions. They are not easy to take. I am trying not to daydream so much. I usually set short time goals not longer than 6 months because it is a healthier way for me. But in general, I see myself living in a world that has more women in empowered positions, fighting together towards equality. Taking over the world!!!
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender girls struggling with gender dysphoria?
Fernanda: It would be a little arrogant for me to give advice to individuals who are mostly living in survival mode. But I would like to say to all of us that we need to find a place where we feel comfortable with ourselves, breaking all stereotypes and external expectations. Let us try to fight for our place in the world. I do not believe in the word dysphoria because I think we are beautiful and perfect the way we are. Be safe, our lives count more than anything! Let us survive together!
Monika: Fernanda, thank you for the interview!
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Fernanda Milán.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
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