Interview with Zia Varajon

A Chicago-based author and creative, Zia Varajon has turned her own experiences of identity, transition, self-discovery and personal growth into something wonderfully generous: a book that feels less like a manual and more like sitting down with a big sister who has already made a few mistakes, learned a few lessons, laughed at herself along the way, and is now saying, “Come on, I've got you.” Her debut book, Love, Your Trans Big Sister: Advice on the Transfeminine Journey , published in May 2026, is deeply personal. Zia openly admits that putting such intimate details of her transition on paper can be unnerving. I completely understand that feeling. When we write about our lives, especially about transition, we are not simply sharing facts. We are opening doors to rooms that we may have spent years keeping private.

 

Zia's book doesn't approach transition as a checklist of surgeries, hormones and milestones. She talks about the things that often matter just as much, learning to trust your intuition, establishing boundaries, navigating friendships and dating, discovering your personal style, taking care of yourself, finding confidence and, perhaps most importantly, learning to believe that your own happiness matters. I also love the idea behind the title. Many of us would have benefited enormously from having a trans big sister when we were starting out, someone who could have answered the embarrassing questions, reassured us when we panicked, told us that the awkward stage would eventually pass, and perhaps stopped us from buying quite so many questionable clothes! I know I could have used one myself. Zia has decided to become that woman for others. Her voice combines honesty, humour and hard-earned wisdom, and there is something beautifully reassuring about the message at the heart of her work: there will be bumps in the road, and there will always be people who judge us, but we must not lose our light. That is exactly how I wanted this conversation with Zia to feel.

 

Monika: Zia, let me begin with the obvious question. Love, Your Trans Big Sister is such a wonderfully warm title. The moment I saw it, I thought, “I wish I had a trans big sister when I was starting my journey!” What made you decide that this was the role you wanted to take on for other trans women?

Zia: Thank you, Monika! When I was in the initial stage of writing my book, I wanted to make it as accessible as possible. Every other book I found that was similar to mine was either a celebrity autobiography or a clinical perspective, both of which can be insightful, but I wanted readers to be able to connect with me on a more personal level. Because, like you, I also wished I had had someone who could have been that support when I began my own transition. 

Available via  ziavarajon.com

Monika: Your book is incredibly personal, and you have said that it can be unnerving to share intimate details about something as private as your transition. Was there ever a moment when you thought, “Oh my goodness, I'm actually telling the world this”?

Zia: Definitely. It’s pretty daunting to be so raw with readers. Even though you don’t see their faces when they read it, you have that awareness that your business is out there! I do believe that each of our transition journeys are sacred, and we do not need to share every detail about it with others. But for me, I thought if I could be transparent for others, it may help them feel less alone in it.

Monika: Before we talk about the book itself, I'd love to go back to the beginning. When did you first realise that your relationship with gender was different from what people expected of you? Was it something you understood clearly when you were young, or did it take many years to put the pieces together?

Zia: It’s kind of a hindsight 20/20 thing for me. It wasn’t until adulthood that I met other trans women who helped me reach the idea that I could do this myself. Once that seed was planted, it opened the floodgates of my memories, going all the way back into my childhood. It was truly an epiphany.

Like a lot of us, I was effeminate, enjoyed Barbies and playing dress up, and pretended to be a girl often. There was one time, when I was maybe five or six years old, my sisters helped dress me up as a girl. I wore a teal Tweety Bird dress with glittery clips in my hair, and I called myself “Zekina.” Then, I went out into the neighborhood to go play with the boy next door.

That memory will forever be cemented in my mind.

Monika: Do you remember the first transgender woman you met in person? Sometimes seeing another woman living the life we secretly imagine for ourselves can be incredibly powerful. Did meeting other trans women make your own future seem more possible?

Zia: The first trans woman I met was this stunning creative named Sloan. I don’t think I realized what impact meeting her was going to have until years later, but I am grateful to have met her and eventually arrive at the conclusion that I could be just like her.

Monika: Was there also a particular trans woman you saw on television, online, in a magazine or somewhere else who made you think, “That's me”? I think many of us have had that magical moment when someone unexpectedly becomes a mirror.

Zia: There was such little trans representation in the media when I was growing up. One of the first trans characters I saw wasn’t even trans. In Ugly Betty , Rebecca Romijne played a character that had transitioned, and that was my first exposure. Other than that, there was Candis Cayne and Alexandra Billings, in roles as actual trans women, often patients in medical series.

So unfortunately, there was no moment of “that’s me,” but I definitely had gender envy of plenty of cisgender women I saw in magazines, television and film, and more.

Monika: Choosing a name is such a deeply personal part of transition. How did you arrive at the name Zia? Did you choose it yourself, and does it have a particular meaning or emotional connection for you?

Zia: It took a minute for me to settle on a name. I tried out several to see which hit my ear in the best way. When I stumbled upon “Zia,” the meaning is what caught my attention.

Meaning “light,” “splendor,” and “radiance,” it stood for everything I felt like in my soul. I wanted to be a light to others and help them on their way, and this name summed it up beautifully.

 

"The reactions and acceptance from
those closest to me was an evolution."

 

Monika: When you came out, how did the people closest to you react? Was there someone whose acceptance meant particularly much to you?

Zia: The reactions and acceptance from those closest to me was an evolution. Many were skeptical, but for my sister Sydney, she was fully supportive from the beginning. We grew up side by side, and there’s no one who knows me better.

Monika: The journey towards becoming ourselves can sometimes come with a painful price. Did you lose friends, relationships or other important connections because of your transition? And if so, how did you learn to live with those losses?

Zia: For a lot of us, the price of living authentically is steep. I lost a lot of family because of it. My dad’s side of the family thinks I am an abomination, and instead of chasing their conditional love and support, I allowed myself to mourn those relationships. Grief is fickle, and sometimes even now, I feel a tug in my heart when I think about them.

I came to terms with the fact that blood doesn’t always mean family. Now, I put my energy into those who love me wholeheartedly.

Monika: At the same time, transition can bring completely unexpected people into our lives. Did you find new friendships or a sense of community after coming out that you hadn't experienced before?

Zia: I feel grateful because, after I came out, I had people who went out of their way to check in on me and take care of me. When I first started transitioning, I had lost my medical insurance and a friend I worked with actually paid for my medications. I’m fortunate to have had good people around me.

Monika: Your book talks so much about trusting your gut and your intuition. Was learning to trust yourself something that came naturally to you, or did transition teach you how to listen to your own instincts?

Zia: As long as I can remember, I have been blessed with the gift of intuition. My gut has never led me astray, but in times where I went against it, I learned lessons the hard way.

Monika: I love that you talk about boundaries, because I think many women, trans or not, struggle with them. Did becoming more confident in your identity also make you better at saying “no” and protecting your own peace?

Zia: One of the most powerful phrases that I keep close is, “No is a full sentence.” Before I started my transition, I felt like a part of me was blunted, but after I started HRT, it empowered me to say what I felt, when I felt it. Don’t get me wrong, it took some time to finesse the delivery! But the more understanding and pride I had in who I was, the more my confidence came through. 

"It took a minute for me to settle
on a name."

Monika: For many of us, there is a wonderful period after coming out when everything suddenly feels possible. I remember my own transition euphoria. My closet filled with dresses and shoes, I tried on hundreds of things, and I felt I had to make up for all those years that had been taken from me! Did you have a similar “I can finally be a girl!” phase?

Zia: Transition euphoria is so real! When I started transitioning, I was also doing drag. That creative outlet allowed me to play around with gender and expression long before I came out. Once I did, I was elated to be as glam as I wanted anytime, anywhere.

Monika: How would you describe your personal style today? Did you always have a particular idea of how you wanted to dress, or did you discover your style through experimentation?

Zia: My inspirations come from fashion and from trans pageantry, particularly Miss Continental. I always wanted to be a girly girl, but it takes a lot of upkeep! Now, I think I’ve found a good balance of chicness, femininity and fabulosity without draining my energy or bank account.

Monika: And what about makeup? Are you someone who enjoys sitting in front of the mirror and experimenting, or are you more of a “give me the essentials and let me get on with my day” kind of woman?

Zia: I have always loved getting glam! The ritual is part of the fun for me. You see the evolution of the look, then BAM! You are a goddess.

For a lot of us trans girls, it’s about more than just looking pretty. It’s about survival. We’ve developed techniques to feminize ourselves with makeup to go through the world more safely. And then, those techniques turn into mainstream trends. You’re welcome, cissies!

Monika: Do you enjoy being complimented on your appearance? I've always found that many women have a funny relationship with compliments, sometimes we desperately want them and then don't know what to say when we actually receive one!

Zia: The industries I’ve worked in hold a lot of value in physical appearance, so I have a complex relationship with that. But as an artist, entertainer, and model, I love to receive compliments. All of the most meaningful ones I receive are usually from other women or LGBTQ+ people.

Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to achieve a particular ideal of femininity? I know I spent quite a lot of time trying to look like the women around me before eventually understanding that I didn't have to become somebody else's version of a woman.

Zia: Society is brutal when it comes to trans women. They give “acceptance” to those that can conform to their beauty standards, which are already unattainable for cisgender women. None of us have the same starting point, so finding a balance between what you have and what you want is imperative to feeling the most comfortable in your own skin. They say comparison is the thief of joy, and it couldn’t be more true.

Monika: Many trans women also struggle with the pressure to “pass,” even after years of transition. How do you deal with the expectations that society places on our appearance? Have you reached a point where you can simply say, “This is me”?

Zia: That is a daily conversation with myself. I literally tell myself every morning that however I show up today is valid. I have bad days where I feel dysphoric, and it makes even picking out clothes difficult.

All in all, I am proud of who I am, and I am confident in how I present. I’m 6’1” without heels; I know I’m never going to be the daintiest in the room, but I try to harness that and turn it into something that empowers me.

 

"The industries I’ve worked in hold
a lot of value in physical appearance."

 

Monika: What about your experience with hormone therapy? Looking back, how do you feel about the physical and emotional changes it brought? Was there anything that surprised you?

Zia: The first few months were brutal because I was so emotional. I would cry at the drop of a hat: happy, sad, mad, whatever! Seeing my skin soften, the body hair starting to thin, and the itty bitty titty committee getting a new member was all exciting.

 

END OF PART 1

PART 2

 

All photos: courtesy of Zia Varajon.

© 2026 - Monika Kowalska

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