Interview with Jackie Enx - part 2

Monika: When did you begin your transition, and what was the experience like for you?

Jackie: I jumped in with both feet around 1994. I actually didn’t know the term “transgender.” I was reading a newspaper article about a guy who transitioned, and it hit me like a lightning bolt. Once I understood what was what, it was time to go. I did try to do it right. I got professional help and took my time.

Monika: During your transition, did you have any transgender role models who inspired or guided you?

Jackie: Nope. I didn’t have anyone to look up to back then, which made the journey more personal but also more uncertain.

Monika: Are there any transgender women you admire and respect today? 

Jackie: All of them. Anyone who finds the courage to live authentically deserves admiration, because it takes strength to be true to yourself in a world that doesn’t always understand.

Monika: What was the most difficult part of your coming out journey?

Jackie: I was worried about all the usual things: my mom, work issues, and all the same stuff we all worry about. This is a hard world, and adding something outside the box can make it harder. The world likes things it can understand and categorize, and stepping outside of that can be intimidating, but it’s also incredibly freeing.
Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender stories and characters have been portrayed in films, newspapers, and books so far?

Jackie: I probably don’t know too many. I see very, very few movies and haven’t read any TG books. I do have an opinion on daytime television shows like the Maury Povich Show. They don’t care about you as a person or about us as a community. The worst part is that we let them do it.

Monika: Can you give an example of what concerns you the most about these portrayals?

Jackie: We walk like lambs to the slaughter. Why would anyone, anyone, go on a TV show, walk down a catwalk in a line of TG women with some genetic women mixed in, while the crowd yells opinions about whether you are male or female? Are you kidding me? I think in a nutshell, I’m simply someone who believes that this is a very personal journey. It is not easy, and I’m not going to let the media or any other group with a vested interest use me, abuse me, or judge me in some twisted way for a small-minded laugh. I also don’t watch anyone else who allows it. It must be horrible to have a life that leaves you so hungry and needy for attention that you will let anyone do anything to you just to get on TV. Part of it is simply where we are as a society, and it’s sad and pathetic.
Monika: The transgender community is often included as the last letter in the LGBT acronym. Do you think being grouped this way allows transgender people to effectively promote their own cause within the broader LGBT movement?

Jackie: I’m so happy you asked me that. I have always thought that we should not be part of that grouping, and here is why. L, G, and B are all based on sexual preference. What part of T is sexually based?

 

Jackie Enx with Texas Special (YouTube)

 

Monika: How would you prefer the transgender community to be represented or supported?

Jackie: I know gay trans people, I know straight trans people, and I know bi trans people. We are a gender-based group, not a sexuality-based group, and once again, I think this leads to confusion about what and who we are in the eyes of the world. I want N.O.W., the National Organization for Women, to fight for me. That is a gender-based group. They are fighting for women’s rights, and that is a much better fit for me.
Monika: Is there anyone in the American transgender community today whose activism could be compared to what Harvey Milk achieved for gay rights in the United States during the 1960s and 70s?

Jackie: I’m sure there are, but I don’t know of them. It would be inspiring to see someone take on that kind of visible leadership for transgender rights and make a lasting impact.
Monika: How important is love in your life, and how do you experience it personally?

Jackie: I’m single, but I feel loved by many. I’m not lonely, and with all my interests and projects, I have a lot going on. I need to add that I am happily single and prefer that to all the drama I see in most relationships. Love for me comes in many forms, and I am grateful for the support and affection I receive from friends and family.

Monika: Has being transgender affected your experiences with romantic relationships?

Jackie: Being TG has been a challenge in the love department. I haven’t found the right person for me, and I simply got to a point where I realized I was pretty satisfied doing my own thing. I’m not going to try and fool someone. I AM A TG. If that is going to cause concern for you, we shouldn’t date. I am not your closet play-thing. I am not something to be trifled with. I am not a curiosity. And despite what you may think, being TG does not mean I will drop to my knees at the first hint of interest. Being TG is not a sexual fetish, and no, you can’t try my heels on. I have experienced all of those things, and they only reinforced my resolve to be respected as a person first.
Monika: Many transgender women choose to share their life stories through memoirs. Have you ever considered writing a book about your own journey? 

Jackie: Maybe. I think I would rather disappear into the desert of Joshua Tree and watch the sunsets. One never knows. Perhaps someday the urge to tell my story will outweigh my love for peace and solitude.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who are struggling with gender dysphoria?

Jackie: Do not rush. Do not rush. This is not a game; there are no “do-overs” if you mess it up. Getting a vagina does not fix your problems. Real life is out there, and real life is a challenge for almost everyone, male or female. Please talk to a psychologist. Go out into the real world as the person you are becoming. Take time to see what life will really be like. Unfortunately, there is a good chance that this whole journey can be too expensive, too emotional, and too harsh for many people.

Monika: What other steps would you suggest for those preparing for transition?

Jackie: Get a support group that has real experience with this. Listen to them. Do not surround yourself only with people who tell you what you want to hear. Do not rush. If you decide to go forward, stay focused. The transition never truly ends. It’s a never-ending journey, just like life. Cheers!
Monika: Jackie, thank you for the interview!

END OF PART 2

Back to PART 1

 

All photos: courtesy of Jackie Enx.

© 2015 - Monika Kowalska