Interview with Jamie Roberts - Part 2

Monika: How important is self-love compared to love from others?

Jamie: We must also realize that love from others can come and go, and this applies to everyone, so loving ourselves is the only true lifetime relationship. I’m not talking in the autogynephilic sense either, which is a concept some in the medical establishment invented and use to fulfill their own prurient curiosity and capitalize on the misery of our body dysphoria. This concept is then used as a weapon to delegitimize our existence. It’s a way our oppressors seek to divide us and separate us from our most natural allies, other women whom we wish to become more like. It’s a way our oppressors seek our extermination by rendering our own existence a pathology that fetishizes and oppresses other women.

Monika: What impact does this harmful narrative have on transgender women’s survival and self-perception?

Jamie: In other words, it’s the most insidious and malevolent way to get others to stop loving us as well as extinguishing our own self-love by twisting our dysphoria and sexualizing it in a manner that does not align with our subjective reality. It also denies our existence as women by declaring that we’re sick men in need of treatment. It is very similar to the kind of thinking that justifies genocide, painting a group of people as pathological and perverse and seeking some kind of “solution” to the “problem.” So our survival depends on resisting the pressure to view ourselves as broken and unlovable, first and foremost.
Monika: Do you enjoy fashion? What styles or types of clothing do you usually prefer to wear?

Jamie: My love for fashion grows more and more all the time! I've learned that finding clothes that fit your body well, even if they have to be specially tailored, is very important. There are certain colors that I love and gravitate toward, purple and green in particular. I live in simple A-line dresses with interesting patterns. I have a couple of "little black dresses" and skirts that I wear. I work in a conservative profession, so lots of skirt suits. Accessorizing is very important for dressing for court and is the best way to display originality, so necklaces, earrings, pins, and bracelets are essential. I must always have at least one black turtleneck because they can make a dress appear more formal. My long-term signature look also includes opaque tights in many colors. 

Monika: Are there any particular challenges or fun quirks you’ve encountered with your fashion choices?

Jamie: Sometimes I think I transitioned just so I could wear them! My feet are big and flat like flippers, so I go out of my way to find shoes that fit comfortably as well as look good on me. The one area I could work on is my hair. I grew it long and wear it up at work the same way. I get a lot of compliments for my hair, in fact, it’s the thing most people compliment me on when they want to give me a compliment. Still, part of me wants to try something new to see if it makes me look more feminine.

Atlanta TDOR Speaker
Jamie Roberts (YouTube)

Monika: What is your perspective on transgender beauty pageants and the role they play in the community?

Jamie: I've always had a dim view of beauty pageants because I've always prized my intelligence more than my looks. One of the rude surprises I got transitioning to female, in fact, was finally experiencing how much society views my worth as a human being, much less a woman, by my looks. So I see it as a privilege of winning the genetic lottery to even compete in such things. Intelligence is similar in some ways but the acquisition of knowledge is what will help you survive when your looks have faded.

To the extent that women need to feel validated by participating in them, I find it a little sad but I would never tell them they should not do it. In fact, pageants and balls are quite often ways we find each other and form a community, so that's a good thing. It's also a good thing to allow ourselves to experiment with our best selves and perform and just have some fun. And if an attractive trans woman is able to leverage her beauty to get what she wants out of life, then more power to her.

Monika: Many transgender women choose to write memoirs. Have you ever considered writing your own story?

Jamie: No, I do not plan to do so, particularly because it's been done so often. Just speaking for myself, I would much prefer to learn how to write a good novel or screenplay than a memoir about myself. I guess I just don't think of my experience as being so unique or extraordinary to warrant such an effort. My hope is that there are cisgender people out there who do read such works and learn from them. And I certainly think just the experience of putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard and telling your story can be a powerful, cathartic thing. I just happen to want to spend my time on other things, I suppose.

Monika: What advice would you give to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria?

Jamie: I want girls struggling with dysphoria to know that they are not alone, that there are many others just like you and there always have been. That if you can summon the courage to transition sooner rather than later, you'll be glad you did. That you are who you are even if no one sees you yet. So please be careful about putting yourself in situations where someone could harm you. That you should not waste your time associating with or trying to please toxic people. To not let others take advantage of you because you weren't meant to be loved by them. To have a pet and love them and care for them like you would yourself. Stay in school, if you can, and stay curious, if you can't.

Monika: Jamie, thank you for the interview!

END OF PART 2

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All photos: courtesy of Jamie Roberts.

© 2014 - Monika Kowalska