Monika: Many trans people are expected to be politically active simply because their existence is politicized. Do you feel a sense of duty to engage in activism or advocacy? Has that translated into participating in lobbying efforts or campaigns?
Jemma: I'm probably not as active as I should be. I feel like being in a marginalized position puts a lot of pressure on us to kind of pick up the fight and try to get ourselves on equal footing. It's hard to add that extra level of effort to whatever it is you're already doing in life, trying to find a good career, building meaningful relationships, creating financial stability and growth, dealing with the medical and legal expenses we're hit with, etc. We already have a lot on our plate, but we still have so much to do. So it's definitely important, and I'm so grateful that there are people who have taken the time to help us get to where we are now. One of the things I’ve learned recently is that rest and recovery are also part of activism, even when we feel guilty for stepping back.
Monika: What kind of impact do you believe transgender women can have on shaping political discourse or policy?
Jemma: I feel like I need to contribute my share to the fight since I've been able to reap the rewards of those before me and those that are politically active now. One of the best things my therapist has helped me with is realizing that it just takes a bunch of small steps to add up to something big. Even if we’re not marching on Capitol Hill, every time we speak our truth or help someone understand us better, that’s political, too. I truly believe that the visibility and voices of trans women can shift narratives in ways that legislation alone never could.
Monika: Some people thrive in large LGBTQ+ gatherings, while others prefer quiet, personal connections. Have you found a space where you feel most supported, whether in community events or smaller, one-on-one interactions?
Jemma: Not really. I've made a few trans friends since I started the transition, most of them just starting out now or within the last few months. I do what I can to help share resources and try to get us involved with doing things, even if that's just getting out of the house for a bit and having a little fun. I’ve found that sometimes those casual moments can mean more than any organized event.
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| Hiking Hinoyama National Parm outside of Shimonoseki, Japan. |
Monika: Have you explored support groups or community-led gatherings, and if so, how did they feel for you?
Jemma: I tried some support groups early on in transition, but I just never really clicked with those groups. I think it's important for us to look out for each other and help each other out, because it really is a rough road to go through transition. Even for someone like me, where I feel like I've been incredibly fortunate to have had as easy a transition as I have, there are just so many obstacles and hurdles to get through that we all need as much help and support as we can get. Sometimes even a casual chat or coffee with someone who gets it can feel more healing than a big, structured group setting. I’ve learned that meaningful connection doesn’t have to come from a crowd, it can come from one honest conversation.
Monika: For years, transgender advocacy has existed under the broader LGBTQ+ umbrella. Do you think this shared alliance still serves the trans community well, or are we at a point where separate paths might be more effective?
Jemma: I think when the concept of transgender people was starting to get firmly planted years back, it was incredibly helpful to have the company of others who were fighting similar battles for acceptance. It's almost like we've gotten to a point, though, where the T in the acronym doesn't quite fit in with the rest. Not that we're all opposed to each other, but more that our paths for acceptance are starting to diverge quite a bit. The solidarity was crucial early on, and we’ve certainly benefited from those shared spaces.
Monika: As these paths diverge, do you see the transgender community becoming more independent in terms of advocacy and visibility?
Jemma: We're starting to realize the difference between gender identity, expression, and sexuality. In a way, it's still nice to have a large community under the same umbrella. I just think that we're naturally drifting away to pilot our own course. That said, I believe there's still strength in shared advocacy, especially when confronting broader issues like discrimination or healthcare access. Navigating both collective and individual struggles is part of our evolution as a community.
Monika: Are you into fashion? What kinds of outfits do you usually wear, and do you have any favorite designers, colors, or current trends you’re drawn to?
Jemma: I love the idea of fashion! I don't follow it too closely, however. It's like a subject to study to me. I have so much else going on that trying to find time to squeeze in what's trending and what's not is just a little too much for me right now. Also, again, we're such a diverse culture that the popular fashion in my area might be pretty horrendous in a different region.
Thankfully, summertime in the South means that T-shirts and shorts are always a safe bet… because that's the majority of my wardrobe. I'm fairly active outdoors so I prioritize comfort and functionality over style. Give me something breathable with a good range of movement and I'll be happy. I do like to put on something nice and get all dolled up for a nice night out though! Just have to make sure to get makeup that will let your skin breathe and not get super streaky from the sweat. If I had more time and energy, I'd definitely experiment more with different looks, there's something so empowering about expressing yourself through style.
Monika: Could you share your thoughts on the role of love in your life? Has it changed in any way since your transition, or does it hold a different meaning for you now?
Jemma: Love is super important to me. Not so much the romantic type, yet, anyway. More like the love of really close friends and family. The people who are always there to put a smile on your face or help you out when you might not even know you need help. That's the kind of love that keeps me going.
I've got a few friends who I truly consider my sisters and I would be in pretty rough shape without them in my life. I'd really like to pursue some romantic interest at some point. I'm just not quite there emotionally yet. Maybe one day. Settle down with someone who I would fully consider to be my best friend and partner in life. Until then, I’m just focusing on loving myself a little more each day, and that’s been a journey in itself.
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| Kayaking through the old downtown industrial district. |
Monika: Many transgender women choose to share their personal journeys by writing memoirs. Have you ever considered writing a book of your own? If so, what would it be about?
Jemma: I'm currently writing a book! Or at least working on one. It's not a memoir, more of a novel of different stories revolving around life in the rural southeast. Just a collection of vignettes highlighting how absurd yet normal life's turns can take. There are definitely some transgender elements in it. I don't think I'm nearly a strong enough writer to be able to create this world full of characters I can relate to without at least having trans issues affect the story in various places.
I'd like to think it's going to end up as something resembling Hunter Thompson's works. Articles and passages filled with metaphors that just kind of highlight things in a perspective that runs parallel to the larger narrative around us and then intersects at odd angles. It's exciting to be able to take the different situations I've experienced living all across the southeast and use them to express a little bit of counter-culture. In a way, writing this book has become a form of therapy, helping me process everything in a creative way while also embracing the absurdities of life.
Monika: For transgender women who are hesitant to begin their transition, whether due to fear of discrimination, rejection, or violence, what words of encouragement would you offer to help them move forward?
Jemma: I would tell them that their fear is definitely not without merit. The world, in general, is a scary and cruel place at times, even for people not going through transition. It will absolutely chew up and destroy people. If you add dealing with gender issues into it, it's only going to make things harder. But the world is also a great and beautiful place, full of wonder and kindness. It's not always going to be terrible. Yes, we as trans people are going to have more things to work through and against, just to be able to function in society without being total pariahs. Yes, it's going to be insanely easy to sit back and let jealousy take over when we see people who don't have our struggles and how easy things seem for them. But we're people just like them. We absolutely have the same rights to happiness, love, and self-worth that everyone else does. Reminding ourselves of our humanity, even when others don’t, is one of the strongest things we can do.
Monika: When you think about the choice to transition despite the challenges, what do you think it says about the courage and spirit of trans people?
Jemma: No one, I think, has ever said being transgender would be easy. It's unfair that we feel we have to work that much harder to get to the same level as everyone else, but we are far from the only group of people to have that sentiment. Going through transition just means that, even though we see how hard the road is going to be, we’re still willing to put that work in. I think that's a really special notion. It reminds me of the mindset of the people who founded our country. Life would have been easier if they had just accepted things as they were, but they knew that if they wanted something better, something more in life, they would have to do difficult things to reach those goals. The strength and perseverance to keep moving forward, despite the obstacles, is what makes us resilient and capable of achieving greatness. And every step forward we take clears a bit more of the path for those who come after us.
Monika: What personal and professional milestones are you currently focused on, and how are they shaping the next phase of your journey?
Jemma: I'm currently working toward getting all of my legal documents updated to reflect my new identity and scheduling bottom surgery. I'm mostly completely through with my social transition. I'm also working on the install team for a new piece of machinery at the factory I work at. And I’m spilling a lot of digital ink trying to get the stories in my head out into some physical form. Each of these efforts is a big part of my growth and self-affirmation, both practically and creatively.
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| College days at a football game. |
Monika: Looking a few years ahead, where do you envision yourself, both in terms of career and personal fulfillment?
Jemma: I'm hoping that in the near-term future, I'll have been able to leverage the experience I’ve gained helping to start a new manufacturing facility into a position as a project manager somewhere closer to the city, while also finishing some of my creative work, hopefully (fingers super extra crossed!) getting the chance to shop some of it around for publishing or development. I'd like to think that I'll be in a position where I can travel more, like I did when I was a student, and have a comfortable place to stay with room for my fur babies. And, I’d love to have hiked at least half of the Appalachian Trail, if not completed a full thru-hike. Trying to keep my goals reasonable, haha! I want to live a life that balances adventure with stability and creativity with purpose.
Monika: Gina Grahame, my pen friend, once wrote to me that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. She said our dreams shouldn't end on an operating table; that's where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Jemma: Totally! I tell a friend of mine who is just starting the transition something similar to this all the time. Transition isn't my goal, it’s a step in attaining my goals. It's a part of what makes me…well, me; but it's not the final word on who I am.
I'll always have had my perceptions and ideas shaped by growing up with gender issues and going through the transition. I'd just like to think that my own personal story is more than changing the letter on my ID. More like it's just something that adds context to the person I am and the person I hope to be! I think that once we realize that the journey of self-discovery doesn't stop at any one moment, it becomes empowering to see our transition as just a part of a much larger, ongoing adventure.
Monika: Jemma, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Jemma: Thank you for taking the time to make me feel important! :)
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Jemma.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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