Monika: Contemporary music has produced a new wave of transgender female artists, just to name a few of them: Mina Caputo of Life of Agony, Laura Jane Grace of Against Me!, Marissa Martinez of Cretin, Amber Taylor of The Sexual Side Effects, Namoli Brennet, Sissy Début, and Jennifer Leitham, and many others. Are we facing the creation of a new music trend in this respect?
Jennifer: I’m honestly not sure. I think there is less stigma now, and more people are coming out. Inevitably some of those people are musicians. But a new music trend? I don’t think so. I’m not sure that there’s really something identifiably ‘trans’ which the very diverse range of music those people are making has in common, not in the same way that for instance, music can have a particular geographical or cultural root. But I might be wrong. Maybe it’s too early to say?
Monika: Do you witness more and more successful transgender artists in the United Kingdom?
Jennifer: I wouldn’t say more and more. A few. C N Lester springs to mind as someone up and coming. But it’s still a bit scary to be openly trans in the UK. Things are moving fast but we’re not there yet.
Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in British society?
Jennifer: It’s a work in progress. I think that’s all you can say. For a start, you can’t really talk about the situation of transgender women without considering the situation of women and girls as an entire group, and that’s a vast subject, and a situation which has its own complex and problematic history, and which is itself very much evolving all the time. It’s beyond the scope of this conversation to get into all the issues around power, gender, and sex, and I don’t want to trivialize. But suffice to say, I think about these things.
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| With singer-songwriter Robert Wyatt. |
For me, it comes down again to being willing to hold a certain degree of uncertainty about oneself and the world, remaining flexible at an interpersonal level, whilst continuing to stand strong on fundamental human rights. Human beings, trans or not, tend to crave control, but the truth is we don’t really have very much.
We’re all mortal, fallible and vulnerable, and passengers on a mysterious journey we don’t fully understand. The least we can do is try to be nice to each other during the trip. I suppose I’m still just a hippy at heart.
We’re all mortal, fallible and vulnerable, and passengers on a mysterious journey we don’t fully understand. The least we can do is try to be nice to each other during the trip. I suppose I’m still just a hippy at heart.
Monika: At what age did you transition into a woman yourself? Was it a difficult process?
Jennifer: That’s a huge question! It didn’t happen all at once, and I probably wouldn’t describe it in the terms you have. It’s been a long journey. I came out to my parents as a teenager, then spent a few years trying to deny my own nature and find a therapist to fix me.
Then in my twenties, I was working with Boy George and I came out with a bang, but still wasn’t sure what it meant. I was seen as a ‘cross dresser’. For quite a while I oscillated between self-acceptance and self-hatred, which I think is quite common. There wasn’t much around in the way of role models in those days.
I think I knew intuitively who I was at some level, but I hadn’t really found a framework or a language with which to explain it to myself – and the available stereotypes didn’t seem to fit my experience. I did crave authenticity but the idea of formally transitioning at that point didn’t seem to make sense, and I probably wouldn’t have ticked the official boxes anyway. Things started to change in the nineties with the coming of the internet.
Trans people across the planet began to talk to each other for the first time and break new ground in terms of identity. We realized there was a lot more to being trans than the very limiting stereotypes that the dominant culture or the medical profession liked to impose on us. More positive images of gender non-conforming people from other cultures began to seep into our consciousness. We began to challenge our own internalized transphobia. It was a quiet revolution, and in many ways, the professionals had to play catch up.
At some point, I think around the turn of the millennium, I found a professional sufficiently open-minded to help, but the ‘official’ transition was in his words “like falling off a log”, because I’d started the journey years before that. Transition can be emotionally very tough for those around you, who feel they are losing somebody. There’s a grief process that has to have space. That was probably the most difficult part, working through all the emotions, both for me and those close to me.
Monika: At that time of your transition, did you have any transgender role models that you followed?
Trans people across the planet began to talk to each other for the first time and break new ground in terms of identity. We realized there was a lot more to being trans than the very limiting stereotypes that the dominant culture or the medical profession liked to impose on us. More positive images of gender non-conforming people from other cultures began to seep into our consciousness. We began to challenge our own internalized transphobia. It was a quiet revolution, and in many ways, the professionals had to play catch up.
At some point, I think around the turn of the millennium, I found a professional sufficiently open-minded to help, but the ‘official’ transition was in his words “like falling off a log”, because I’d started the journey years before that. Transition can be emotionally very tough for those around you, who feel they are losing somebody. There’s a grief process that has to have space. That was probably the most difficult part, working through all the emotions, both for me and those close to me.
Monika: At that time of your transition, did you have any transgender role models that you followed?
Jennifer: I don’t think I did. Maybe that sounds strange, but I can’t recall anyone in particular.
Monika: What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Jennifer: Probably the fear that comes from being out in the world and encountering people who hate you and seem to wish you harm just for existing. But in my experience, they are the exception. Most people are pretty OK. Sometimes they say silly or hurtful things, but we all do that in one way or another, don’t we?
Monika: What do you think about transgender stories or characters which have been featured in films, newspapers, or books so far?
Jennifer: I must be honest, I don’t know that many. I loved Jennifer Boylan’s autobiographies, honest, funny, and moving and I recommend them. I’d like to see more trans characters in films and TV and that does seem to be happening now at last.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Jennifer: Love is the answer. Without love, the desire for spiritual connection, and the flourishing of the other, all is lost. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to meet my soul mate.
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Jennifer: No, it hasn’t occurred to me. Maybe if I had the time. To be honest, I don’t think of myself as a ‘lady’ at all, I’m far too rough!
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender girls struggling with gender dysphoria?
Jennifer: Be yourself. You don’t have to fit anyone else’s boxes. There are as many ways to be human as there are human beings. Coming out, transition; those things are important stepping stones if you happen to be born this way, but not the final destination. Get out in the world and be the best person you can be. Life is not a rehearsal.
Monika: Jennifer, thank you for the interview!
Jennifer: Thanks for asking.
All the photos: courtesy of Jennifer Maidman.
© 2015 - Monika Kowalska
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