Monika: In recent years, contemporary music has seen a growing visibility of openly transgender women, including artists such as Mina Caputo of Life of Agony, Laura Jane Grace of Against Me!, Marissa Martinez of Cretin, Amber Taylor of The Sexual Side Effects, Namoli Brennet, Sissy Début, and of course yourself. Do you feel this growing visibility points toward the emergence of a distinct musical movement, or is it simply a reflection of broader social change?
Jennifer: I’m honestly not sure. I think there is less stigma now, and more people are coming out. Inevitably, some of those people are musicians. But a new music trend? I don’t think so. I’m not sure there is really something identifiably “trans” that the very diverse range of music these people are making has in common, not in the same way that music can have a particular geographical or cultural root. But I might be wrong. Maybe it’s too early to say.
Monika: From your perspective, do you see increasing opportunities and recognition for openly transgender artists within the United Kingdom?
Jennifer: I wouldn’t say more and more, but a few. C N Lester springs to mind as someone who is up and coming. But it’s still a bit scary to be openly trans in the UK. Things are moving fast, but we’re not there yet.
Monika: How would you describe the current social climate for transgender women in British society?
Jennifer: It’s a work in progress. I think that’s all you can really say. For a start, you can’t talk about the situation of transgender women without considering the situation of women and girls as a whole, and that’s a vast subject with its own complex and problematic history, one that is constantly evolving.
Monika: When you reflect more broadly on gender, power, and identity, how do these themes shape the way you think about trans rights and human rights in general?
Jennifer: It’s beyond the scope of this conversation to get into all the issues around power, gender, and sex, and I don’t want to trivialize them. But suffice it to say, I think about these things.
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| With singer-songwriter Robert Wyatt. |
Monika: When you think about identity, uncertainty, and the way people relate to one another, what personal philosophy guides you in balancing openness, compassion, and a firm belief in human rights?
Jennifer: For me, it comes down to being willing to hold a certain degree of uncertainty about oneself and the world, remaining flexible at an interpersonal level, while continuing to stand strong on fundamental human rights. Human beings, trans or not, tend to crave control, but the truth is we don’t really have very much. We’re all mortal, fallible, and vulnerable, and passengers on a mysterious journey we don’t fully understand. The least we can do is try to be kind to each other along the way. I suppose I’m still just a hippy at heart.
Monika: Looking back, how would you describe your own path toward self-understanding and transition, and was there a particular moment when things began to make sense for you?
Jennifer: That’s a huge question. It didn’t happen all at once, and I probably wouldn’t describe it in the terms you have. It’s been a long journey. I came out to my parents as a teenager, then spent a few years trying to deny my own nature and find a therapist to fix me. Then, in my twenties, I was working with Boy George and I came out with a bang, but I still wasn’t sure what it meant. I was seen as a “cross-dresser.” For quite a while, I oscillated between self-acceptance and self-hatred, which I think is quite common. There wasn’t much in the way of role models in those days.
Monika: As language and community evolved over time, did that shift how you understood yourself and your place within the wider trans experience?
Jennifer: I think I knew intuitively who I was at some level, but I hadn’t found a framework or language to explain it to myself, and the available stereotypes didn’t fit my experience. I craved authenticity, but the idea of formally transitioning at that point didn’t make sense, and I probably wouldn’t have ticked the official boxes anyway.
Things started to change in the nineties with the arrival of the internet. Trans people across the world began to talk to each other for the first time and to break new ground in terms of identity. We realized there was far more to being trans than the narrow stereotypes imposed by dominant culture or the medical profession. It was a quiet revolution, and in many ways, the professionals had to catch up.
Monika: When your transition became more formal, what proved to be the most emotionally challenging part, both for you and for those close to you?
Jennifer: Around the turn of the millennium, I found a professional who was sufficiently open minded to help, but the “official” transition was, in his words, like falling off a log, because I had started the journey years earlier. Transition can be emotionally very tough for those around you, who feel they are losing someone. There is a grief process that needs space, and that was probably the hardest part, working through all those emotions for everyone involved.
Monika: At the time of your transition, did you have any transgender role models who influenced or inspired you?
Jennifer: I don’t think I did. That may sound strange, but I can’t recall anyone in particular.
Monika: What was the most difficult or frightening aspect of coming out for you personally?
Jennifer: Probably the fear that comes from being out in the world and encountering people who hate you and seem to wish you harm simply for existing. But in my experience, they are the exception. Most people are actually pretty OK. Sometimes they say silly or hurtful things, but we all do that in one way or another, don’t we?
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| Concert in Pléneuf-Val-André (YouTube). |
Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender lives and stories have been portrayed so far in films, newspapers, and literature?
Jennifer: I must be honest, I don’t know that many. I loved Jennifer Boylan’s autobiographies, they are honest, funny, and moving, and I recommend them. I would like to see more trans characters in films and on television, and that does finally seem to be happening.
Monika: What role does love play in your life, both personally and spiritually?
Jennifer: Love is the answer. Without love, the desire for spiritual connection and the flourishing of the other, all is lost. I’ve been incredibly fortunate to meet my soul mate.
Monika: Many transgender women choose to tell their life stories through memoirs. Have you ever felt tempted to write your own?
Jennifer: No, it hasn’t occurred to me. Maybe if I had the time. To be honest, I don’t think of myself as a “lady” at all, I’m far too rough.
Monika: Finally, what advice would you offer to transgender girls who are currently struggling with gender dysphoria?
Jennifer: Be yourself. You don’t have to fit anyone else’s boxes. There are as many ways to be human as there are human beings. Coming out and transition can be important stepping stones if you happen to be born this way, but they are not the final destination. Get out into the world and be the best person you can be. Life is not a rehearsal.
Monika: Jennifer, thank you so much for sharing your story and thoughts with me.
Jennifer: Thanks for asking.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Jennifer Maidman.
© 2015 - Monika Kowalska
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