Interview with Julia Durzyńska - part 2

 

Monika: Observing the Polish transgender community from the perspective of someone raised in a different cultural environment and living abroad, I realize my insights might not always capture the full picture. However, one thing is undeniable: your book is groundbreaking. It defies conventions, dismantles stereotypes, and reshapes how gender and identity are portrayed in Poland. 

Most notably, it offers a success story, an accomplished, confident, multilingual woman thriving in both her career and personal life. Were you consciously aiming to challenge traditional narratives when writing it?

Julia: Absolutely! My goal was to portray a complex heroine, who, of course, has gone through this one major struggle in her life — coping with her non-conforming gender identity — but otherwise, she is long past that. As the French would say, “épanouie,” which could be translated as thriving.

My plan was never to focus on the transition itself; there are some reminiscences and suggestions that she went through difficult times, but they do not constitute the center of the story, and not many details are revealed. Maybe it is an idea for another book, but I do not think so; instead, I think focusing on transition is what is expected in the conventional approach to “trans literature” — writing about transition; this topic predominates. I am not sure it applies only to Poland.

This refreshing and different perspective is probably quite new in the storytelling of trans lives worldwide, and my book belongs to this trend. And you are right; it is the first one of this type in Poland. Let us stop turning our lives into martyrology! Let us fall in love, enjoy some delicious food, travel to beautiful places, be in awe of amazing sights, and yes, make love to other people! I wanted to include these things in my book!

But of course, it is not only a light romantic story, nor only about pleasure and joy. Serious matters are also contained in the storyline, with reflections of many kinds regarding religion, politics, and climate change. Just one example: Noemi, having dysphoria, hides her body under clothes almost all through the cool summer as a teenager in the ’90s, and, on the other hand, over 20 years later, as a fully transitioned trans woman, she is often naked indoors because the summer she spends with her two French guys, Stéphane and Nicolas, in Brittany and Paris, respectively, is hot beyond any known scale.

Monika: Noemi is an extraordinary woman with supportive parents, a smooth workplace transition, and an effortlessly feminine appearance without passing struggles. This isn’t the typical transgender experience, and some readers, especially trans women, might see your novel as almost a fairy tale, detached from the realities many face. But beyond Noemi’s journey, are there universal themes in your book that resonate with all transgender women, regardless of the challenges they’ve encountered?

Julia: I think my book has this double layer: it is both a fairy tale, and it also sticks quite hard to reality. Noemi is all these positive things you mentioned in your question; on the other hand, however, she is also misgendered occasionally, and this is a reason for an entire passage in the book about her reflection on other types of transgender women, who are much less fortunate than she is.

In her inner monologue, Noemi considers their lives because she understands her privilege, and she is aware of it. And she concludes that there should be a place for different walks of transness, just as there is for different types of womanhood. Society needs to make this additional space for people who do not conform to typical gender roles and appearances.

The heroine proclaims the right for (trans) people not to always fit, which broadens the frame of what our modern society should be, and this makes it more diverse. She thinks it is possible because she did not flee her close environment while transitioning; she shaped it in a way so that they both can coexist — her close environment and her.

Monika: Another unique aspect of Noemi is her courage and self-confidence. Despite her boyish body, she confidently navigates the world like her cisgender female teenager peers. She’s not afraid of dating as a girl or being "clocked." How did you channel that level of self-assurance into Noemi’s character? Was it something you drew from your own experience, or did you want to create a character who embodies a different kind of confidence?

Julia: I would say it is this dream of mine of teenage love that never took place – it was taken away from many queer people, including me. So I used, let’s say, entry data to extrapolate it into a fictional story. To be more specific, when I was a teenager, my looks were very girly, and oftentimes I would be regarded as a girl by strangers, which was so heartwarming in a hidden way.

As a 15 or 16-year-old, on holiday by the lakes with my parents I met a boy, who was so sure I was a biological girl that I decided to use it in my book as the chronological beginning. And since I started writing it a decade later in Nantes, France, during my PhD, I named this boy Nicolas and made him half French and half Polish. My book is transsectional in many regards (laugh).

 

"I have no idea why we are being denied the right
to have a fulfilling, healthy sexual life."

 

Of course, as a teenager, I never went on a second date with the boy I met on my holiday – I was too afraid to do it. Literature has this truly amazing capacity to take us back in time and help us defy the laws of physics. One can live their never-lived teenage love story entirely, not being afraid of what may happen, without caring about consequences. I remember it was the years of Kill Bill by Tarantino, part one and part two, in the cinema, and I was thinking: what if my heroine were that lucky? Not with revenge and murders, of course, but everything would go her way, as she wished, as if space-time would bend in her favor and the gods would be with her to give her all the necessary strength and good fortune.

And I decided to write this “impossible” love story between a straight and cis 18/19-year-old Nicolas and gender non-conforming Noemi in full discovery of her true identity, a coming-of-age story of sorts. And 20 years later, during the pandemic, I wrote the second half of the book, with a contemporary take on their lives, where the shift of a post-Soviet Poland in the 90s to a proud member of the Western world within the European Union and NATO is quite perceptible. To put it simply, I was just curious how they were doing and wanted to make sure they were okay over two decades later!

Monika: The sexuality of transgender women is often a taboo subject. I’m always surprised by how many people believe we don’t have the same desires and needs as our cisgender female peers. Your book, once again, tackles this topic with boldness. Why did you decide to approach this aspect of transgender life so openly? Was it important for you to challenge these misconceptions about transgender women's sexuality?

Julia: I have no idea why we are being denied the right to have a fulfilling, healthy sexual life. I do not know, but I also came across these beliefs. Maybe that is why I wanted to challenge them in my book? There is nothing wrong with being a sex worker, but I do think, historically speaking, that it would be a unique space where transgender women would or could have sex. It is revolting! We are as worthy of being loved as any other human beings! I wanted to create this counterbalance, give transgender women the same right to make love and be loved as any other woman, and break these misconceptions and hurtful myths about us.

Monika: Noemi’s teenage story resonates deeply with me because it reminds me of what I never got to experience: growing up as a girl. Today, some transgender girls have that chance thanks to puberty blockers, but their availability is becoming more restricted, even in places like the UK, with ongoing debates among scientists, doctors, and unfortunately politicians too. What’s your perspective on this controversy? Do you think these restrictions deny young people the chance to live authentically from the start?

Julia: I know that there is this moral panic, especially in the UK and the US (Trump and his administration!), regarding transgender youth, whether they should be allowed to be prescribed puberty blockers and hormones eventually. I do not think it is so controversial. My perspective is that if only I could have been helped this way in the early 90s in Poland, I would probably have had a slightly different life today, with flawless passing, I am sure.

I also realize that kids and teenagers should be assisted. Sometimes, real issues may be different from gender identity. However, oftentimes, these psychological issues stem solely from non-conforming gender identity, and there is no other background, so I do not see why these kids would not be helped and treated accordingly. We, as adults, parents, teachers, and medical staff, have to pay attention, be careful, observe, assist, and follow up, and most of all, we should not make hasty decisions. And over time, it will be clear what kind of help a child or a teenager needs. If it turns out these are gender identity issues persisting over several years, it would be inhumane to claim otherwise and hurt the kids even more by denying them medical and psychological assistance.
Monika: Concerns about puberty blockers include limited long-term research on their effects, particularly regarding cognitive development, fertility, and metabolic health. They may impact bone density, potentially weakening bones. Some experts argue there isn’t enough scientific data to ensure their safety, and adolescents might struggle to give truly informed consent. The impact on brain development is largely unknown, with one study suggesting possible IQ declines. Critics believe these uncertainties make routine prescription unethical, while supporters argue they significantly alleviate distress in transgender youth. In your view, which aspect carries the most weight in this debate?

Julia: I am aware of the medical consequences of these therapies, but there may always be consequences, even when you take a simple aspirin. However, I would say it is better to have a happy child on puberty blockers living their true self than an unhappy, suicidal, and lonely kid. I am not saying that all transgender teenagers will commit suicide; you and I are living proof that it is not always the case, but some of them will. Why is it so difficult to understand that creating a hormone balance corresponding to one’s gender identity may prevent youngsters from suicidal thoughts and/or improve their quality of life?

It is funny you should mention possible IQ declines after treatment with puberty blockers. We live in the era of constant IQ decline, and members of world societies are becoming statistically dumber and dumber without puberty blockers or HRT (hormone replacement therapy); there are numerous pertinent studies covering this issue. Plus, many say we are about to replace democracy with idiocracy, which means being ruled by idiots. Why suddenly do some people worry that transgender youth will be intellectually challenged by puberty blockers or HRT? I am not convinced at all that it is a real problem.

 

"I would say it is better to have a happy child on puberty
blockers living their true self than an unhappy, suicidal,
and lonely kid."

 

Monika: Many detransitioners share stories of regret, often feeling that they rushed into transition or were influenced by external pressures, sometimes blaming the medical system for not guiding them more carefully. While their experiences are valid and deserve compassion, it’s also frustrating when their narratives are weaponized against transgender people who are happy with their transition. How do you feel about the way detransitioners are portrayed in public discourse, and do you think their experiences should influence how gender-affirming care is approached?

Julia: I feel there is something inherently wrong here. These are different things, and they should not be merged. I do not comprehend what is so difficult about understanding that one’s distress may be someone else’s happiness. Some people made mistakes by choosing to transition, and they may want to detransition (sometimes retransition too!). There may be many reasons for doing that, and we do not have time and space to dwell on that. For other people like you and me, transitioning is a lifesaving alternative.

I think it is all political and about exerting power over people. Right and far-right politicians force this narrative, use detransitioners to gain visibility and electability, and exert power in the only way they know how: by using basic divisions of society, not what science and empathy have to say.

Monika: Poland has seen significant changes in the visibility and rights of transgender people in recent years. I read that transgender individuals no longer have to sue their parents in court to correct their legal gender, a long-overdue step forward. Additionally, more transgender women are stepping into the public discourse, shaping the conversation about our rights and experiences.

Looking back at your transition two decades ago, how do you see the progress made? Do you feel optimistic about the future of transgender women in Poland, or do you think there are still major hurdles to overcome?

Julia: Yes, that is correct. This major step forward has just happened in Poland. Transgender individuals do not have to sue their parents anymore. We will see how it works in real life in courts, but it is certainly a beacon of hope and a change for the better.

The consensus among people fighting for better laws in Poland is that these legal proceedings should be taken out of courts altogether: with an appropriate certificate from a medical doctor/psychologist, one can go to an office in a city hall to get a new national ID/driving license, and so on. Other, most progressive people claim this legal adjustment should be allowed upon gender self-identification without any certificates. I am not so sure about this one, but it is an approach worth considering. And finally, it may prove itself to be the best one.

I am curious to see how it goes in the future. I am hopeful it will go for the better and will make the lives of trans people easier. These political and societal backlashes in the US nowadays are extremely worrisome, and we look at them with apprehension in Poland and other European countries.

Monika: And coming back to Noemi, her journey is deeply moving and beautifully complex. Will we get to follow her in the years to come? Do you see yourself revisiting her story in a sequel, or do you prefer to leave her future open to the reader’s imagination?

Julia: I do not know. If a publishing house asks me to write a sequel, why not? But I would not say it is the first idea that comes into my mind for my next book. I would like to write short stories reflecting my various and diverse experiences in academia, mostly in the Polish context, but maybe also in the French and American ones, to compare (laugh). I would love to portray these huge egos paired with limited intellectual competence, falsification of data, a ruthless approach to other people, sheer stupidity, pettiness, and many others. Of course, I would alter the names of my heroes (laugh) as it would not be about revenge but to display toxic attitudes and mechanisms of academia, especially in Poland. I have plenty of such stories on my mind.

On the other hand, I would like to add that one of my current dreams, apart from new stories to write, is the translation of my first book, “When the Sun Bakes Dreams,” into English and/or French. It would make me so fulfilled if I had the chance to share this story with a much larger group of people, beyond my nationality! If no publishing house based in an English-speaking country is interested, maybe I will translate it myself once I am retired and have plenty of free time (laugh). And one more thing - I have been told that my book is very graphic, painting-like. So, perhaps it should be transcribed into a movie script and adapted for international cinema? It would be lovely!

Monika: Julia, thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with my readers.

Julia: Monika, it’s been a blast; I’ve had some wonderful time. Thank you again.

 

All photos by Grzegorz Dembiński (courtesy of Julia Durzyńska).

© 2025 - Monika Kowalska

In Polish