Interview with Katerina - Part 2

Monika: What role does the government play in shaping this environment?

Katerina: In Russia, the situation is even worse. There is a discriminatory law prohibiting the promotion of homosexuality, under which, if you wish, you can interpret almost anything as illegal. Something must be done about this, but I do not know what, because this discrimination is supported at the state level. It is beneficial for the government to maintain it in order to gain the sympathy of the conservative electorate, which is in the majority. It is easier to manage people this way, and independent thinking is seen as destructive for this corrupt system.

Monika: What is the attitude of younger generations in Russia and Ukraine toward transgender women?

Katerina: It is the same as the older generations. Prejudice is inherited from parents and supported by the government, as I said. To be different in this aspect is still considered shameful and wrong by most people here, regardless of age.

Monika: How well does the Russian Health Service provide medical care for transgender women?

Katerina: In terms of medicine, everything is more or less good here, as far as I know. Doctors do not refuse to provide assistance to transgender people, and there are even specialists with narrow profiles who are competent in this area.

Monika: Are you interested in fashion, and how would you describe your personal style? Do you have favorite outfits, colors, or trends that you like to wear?

Katerina: I do not follow fashion and try to have my own style, as feminine and sophisticated as possible. I love pretty dresses, high heels, and gold jewelry.

 

"The consciousness of society is changing very slowly,
ancient prejudices are rooted in it from generation to
generation."

 

Monika: Do you enjoy trying out different styles of makeup, or do you prefer to keep it consistent?

Katerina: No. For many years I have been doing the same makeup that suits my face type.

Monika: And how do you feel when people compliment your appearance?

Katerina: Yes, like any woman :)

Monika: Do you remember going to your first job interview as a woman? 

Katerina: I have never tried to get an official job as a woman. This is too difficult, almost impossible in such xenophobic countries as Russia and Ukraine, especially when your profession is not IT or another field you can do alone, but involves a lot of publicity. By the way, I am a teacher and philologist by education. Actually, that is why I chose to work as an escort, as it gave me the opportunity to earn money for the transition. I guess I have already explained this.

Monika: Have you ever received offers for public exposure, such as media appearances?

Katerina: Several times I was invited to TV channels, but I did not want publicity, preferring to be known only in the LGBT community and among admirers, people who love transsexuals. In countries like Russia and Ukraine, it is not safe to be openly transgender. Now only people who are interested in this topic know my face, but if I am shown on television, neighbors, shop assistants, employees of various institutions that I visit may find out about my transgender status. Even on the street or in a café someone would be able to recognize me, and the consequences are unlikely to be favorable for me.

Monika: Do you trust people to respect your identity in everyday life?

Katerina: I do not expect anything good from people at all, and even more so from homophobic and transphobic people who believe that geeks like me should be shot, which is a literal quote. I once heard it with my own ears from a law enforcement representative, and I also received threats on the phone when I worked as an escort.

 

"I do not expect anything good from people at all, and
even more so from homophobic and transphobic people,
who believe that geeks like me should be shot."

 

Monika: What protection exists, if any, against transphobia in your country?

Katerina: There are plenty of transphobic people here, and they can do a lot of harm to me as well as to another transgender or gay person. The law actually protects them, not us. On paper, of course, xenophobia is prohibited, but in real life the government and the authorities encourage it because it is beneficial to them, and society mostly condemns transgender people, not transphobia.

Monika: Looking ahead, do you see yourself stepping into activism despite these risks?

Katerina: If in the future I engage in social activities, then willy-nilly I will have to publicly declare my transsexuality, but so far I have not dared to do so. Although I still plan to get a law degree in order to help other LGBT people.

Monika: What would you say to transgender women who are searching for employment?

Katerina: Hold on! This is the only thing I can say. I am not the most suitable person to give advice on this matter, since I could not, or rather, did not dare to get employment, as my diploma has been covered with dust for many years and has never been used. However, in the future, as I said, I would like to engage in public activities in the legal sphere with regard to the LGBT community. I just need to have the courage to openly declare my transgender status and get the appropriate qualifications, of course.

Monika: Do you take part in the life of the local LGBTQ community?

Katerina: Not much. But I recently took part in an international conference on the rights of women in general and trans women in particular by Zoom. I also participated in a conference on PrEP and other issues that are indirectly related to the LGBT community. I used to write a lot on trans forums and give advice and support to transgender people if they turned to me.

 

In the future, I would like to engage in public activities in the legal
sphere with regard to the LGBT community. I just need to have
the courage to openly declare my transgender status.

 

Monika: How important is love in your life?

Katerina: It is very important in the life of all people, without exception. There is no love in my life now, but I do not lose hope of finding it one day.

Monika: Many transgender women decide to write memoirs about their journeys. Have you ever thought of writing such a book yourself?

Katerina: I am not a horror fan, so most likely not :)

Monika: What direction do you want your life to take now, and where do you imagine yourself in the next five to seven years?

Katerina: Many times I made plans for the future, which then failed, and it was very upsetting. And it was even more upsetting when I told everyone about them, because in case of failure, everyone knew about it. Therefore, now I try not to make long-term plans, and if I do, I will not tell anyone.

Monika: What would you say to transgender women who are afraid to begin their transition?

Katerina: “Overcome fear and begin the transition, what else?” That was my first answer. But then I thought it is more complicated, and one should not give general advice in this matter. Such advice is unlikely to help and can even harm.

Monika: In your view, what is the first step for someone struggling with that fear?

Katerina: If a person is afraid of transition, it is necessary to find out the reason for the fear first. What is this person afraid of? Is he afraid that he will lose family and friends, or that the transition will simply be unsuccessful, will not work, and will not bring satisfaction? Or is he afraid for his health and life, living in a country where such things are extremely condemned by society?

Monika: Do you think advice can ever be universal, or does it always depend on personal circumstances?

Katerina: In each case, the advice should be different. How to deal with fears, complexes, and weaknesses is very individual. Someone can give up everything and go through this difficult path alone, like me, while someone else vitally needs support, approval, and understanding from friends and relatives. Someone has nothing to lose and nothing holding them back, while someone else has a hard-built life, a family, a career, and a position in society. Someone lives in tolerant Europe, and someone in the Muslim East. Someone is young, someone is not. Someone has money, someone does not. It is impossible to give advice here without knowing the situation of a particular person.

 

"If a person is afraid of transition, it's necessary
to find out the reason for the fear first."

 

Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame once told me that we should never limit our potential because of how we were born or by comparing ourselves to what other transgender people are doing. She said our dreams should not end on an operating table, but rather begin there. Do you agree with that thought? 

Katerina: Partially. I agree with the first part of the statement. Perhaps I did not understand the second one about the operating table. Everyone has their own dreams. Someone's dreams are associated with the operating table, someone's are not. There are many transgender people living without a full SRS, like me, for example. So far, I have had no operation in my thoughts, and even more so in my dreams. But if it was figurative, then yes, I believe that dreams should not end at all.

Monika: Katerina, it has been a true pleasure to speak with you. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

Katerina: The pleasure was mine. Thank you, Monika!

END OF PART 2

Back to PART 1

 

All photos: courtesy of Katerina.

© 2021 - Monika Kowalska