Monika: ANCGA quickly became involved in some very visible community events. Looking back at those first Pride
celebrations and Transgender Day of Remembrance events, what do they represent to you?
In January 2017 I was the Keynote Speaker at the North Country March for Unity & Respect held in Plattsburgh NY. My remarks centered on the acceptance of diversity in promoting unity among all people. Click here for a video of that speech. My comments begin at the 12:30 minute mark and continue until minute 21:30.
In June 2017, I was once again the Keynote speaker at the We Exist rally in Plattsburgh NY to commemorate the 45 anniversary of the passing of federal Title IX civil and educational rights protections in the US.
In January 2017 I was the Keynote Speaker at the North Country March for Unity & Respect held in Plattsburgh NY. My remarks centered on the acceptance of diversity in promoting unity among all people. Click here for a video of that speech. My comments begin at the 12:30 minute mark and continue until minute 21:30.
In June 2017, I was once again the Keynote speaker at the We Exist rally in Plattsburgh NY to commemorate the 45 anniversary of the passing of federal Title IX civil and educational rights protections in the US.
Monika: The transgender community is said to be thriving now. As Laverne Cox announced, “Trans is beautiful.”
Teenage girls become models and dancers, talented ladies become writers, singers, and actresses. Those ladies
with an interest in politics, science, and business become successful politicians, academics, and businesswomen.
What do you think in general about the present situation of transgender women in contemporary society? Are we
just scratching the surface or the change is really happening?
Kelly: First I think we need to expand the conversation, not just about Transgender women, but we also need to remember and include our Transgender men who are often forgotten and left out of most Transgender conversations. With that in mind, it is time the Transgender community makes ourselves known in all segments of society throughout the world in everyday life, in every profession. The Transgender community is full of talented, smart, active individuals who wish to make this world a better more understanding, accepting, and inclusive place to live our authentic lives.
We are just beginning to come out and show the world stage who we are. As with any societal or cultural movement, it takes time. But this is a movement that once we began, will not end. This societal change IS HAPPENING! Finally!!!
Monika: The transgender community is often discussed as part of the broader LGBTQ movement, but its concerns are not always the same as those of the other communities. Do you feel transgender people have enough space to advocate for their own rights within the LGBTQ umbrella?
Kelly: This is truly the decade in which the Transgender community is making itself known. The Gay & Lesbian communities have done much work over the past 20+ years to bring attention to sexual orientation issues. Now is our time to bring attention to gender identity and expression issues. In many respects, I believe the Gay and Lesbian communities have left us to our own devices. They have all the rights and protections they sought.
In New York State, sexual orientation is a part of the state’s Human Rights protected classes. Yet, in my mind, many in the Gay & Lesbian community do little for Transgender or Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary civil rights. As we know, Gay, Lesbian, and Bi/Pansexual people deal with sexual orientation. The Transgender, Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary community is about gender identity and expression.
On top of gender identity, we also need to express and be accepted for our own sexual orientation. Many people still get these two very different aspects of our lives confused. Many CIS gender heterosexual people try to combine these two aspects of our lives into one classification. Society tries to lump anyone who is not Cis Gender or Heterosexual into the LGBTQI+ umbrella when really we are all separate communities of people with many different and sometimes competing needs.
Kelly: First I think we need to expand the conversation, not just about Transgender women, but we also need to remember and include our Transgender men who are often forgotten and left out of most Transgender conversations. With that in mind, it is time the Transgender community makes ourselves known in all segments of society throughout the world in everyday life, in every profession. The Transgender community is full of talented, smart, active individuals who wish to make this world a better more understanding, accepting, and inclusive place to live our authentic lives.
We are just beginning to come out and show the world stage who we are. As with any societal or cultural movement, it takes time. But this is a movement that once we began, will not end. This societal change IS HAPPENING! Finally!!!
Monika: The transgender community is often discussed as part of the broader LGBTQ movement, but its concerns are not always the same as those of the other communities. Do you feel transgender people have enough space to advocate for their own rights within the LGBTQ umbrella?
Kelly: This is truly the decade in which the Transgender community is making itself known. The Gay & Lesbian communities have done much work over the past 20+ years to bring attention to sexual orientation issues. Now is our time to bring attention to gender identity and expression issues. In many respects, I believe the Gay and Lesbian communities have left us to our own devices. They have all the rights and protections they sought.
In New York State, sexual orientation is a part of the state’s Human Rights protected classes. Yet, in my mind, many in the Gay & Lesbian community do little for Transgender or Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary civil rights. As we know, Gay, Lesbian, and Bi/Pansexual people deal with sexual orientation. The Transgender, Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary community is about gender identity and expression.
On top of gender identity, we also need to express and be accepted for our own sexual orientation. Many people still get these two very different aspects of our lives confused. Many CIS gender heterosexual people try to combine these two aspects of our lives into one classification. Society tries to lump anyone who is not Cis Gender or Heterosexual into the LGBTQI+ umbrella when really we are all separate communities of people with many different and sometimes competing needs.
Monika: If transgender people cannot simply rely on the broader LGBTQ movement to speak for them, what do you believe we need to do to make our own voices impossible to ignore?
Kelly: The Transgender and Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary communities, along with our allies who love, accept and support us, need to work for ourselves to steer our own path, to guide our own future, and not be dependent on others. We need to speak up, act up, and make our voices and presence known everywhere in society in a positive way. We need to show who we are - brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, children, parents, siblings, neighbors, coworkers, coaches, teachers/educators wishing only to live in an open and accepting society as our true and authentic selves.
I hope we will make a very positive impact on the local/regional communities in which we live our everyday lives. We need parents of Transgender children to speak up and advocate for their children. We need our allies to march hand in hand with us and fight for basic human civil rights.
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| Book via Amazon. |
Monika: Visibility is clearly a big part of that fight. When you look at the way transgender people and transgender stories have been portrayed in films, newspapers, books, and other media, how do you feel we have been represented so far?
Kelly: With few exceptions, especially in films and on television, many Transgender characters were played by CIS gender actors or actresses and not by people in the Transgender community. It is time Transgender actors or actresses assume Transgender character roles! This sends the constant message that Transgender people are not to be actually seen, but it’s alright to depict us, often in very unflattering ways, by CIS gender people to make the topic more digestible. I am happy that slowly there are some Transgender people finally able to break through, such as Candis Cane and Laverne Cox.
Still, there are many more roles in film and television that Transgender people need to fill.
I love many of the stories I read on Facebook and other social media sites in terms of Transgender newsworthy events. We need those positive stories of personal success and the struggles we endure in everyday life. We are a resilient, determined community of people. Our stories need to be told and listened to. The result of many of these stories is often a personal and societal triumph for our often much-maligned community.
Monika: And books?
Kelly: I love reading books written by our transgender youth and young adults. It is important that people know
the struggles and successes our children and their families go through. It is important not only for members and
allies of the Transgender Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary community to read these but more importantly
non-community members. It is important for parents of Transgender Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary children to
read these books to know they are not alone in their struggles that others have and are currently walking the same
path. I personally have in my collection books written by Jazz Jennings, Nicole Maines, Katie Rain Hill, Aaron
Andrews, Terri, and Vince Cook among many other titles. I heartily recommend these to anyone interested in gaining
an understanding of life as a Transgender person.
Monika: Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Kelly: Again I wish to take gender out of the equation and talk about Transgender Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary people which include Transgender Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary men.
I think Transgender people can, will, and do make a difference in everything we do. That includes politics! In the US this year, several Transgender people were elected into various state legislatures. Many more are or will be on the ballot in the coming years. We see “haters” voted out or not elected to begin with. More Transgender people need to enter the political arena, win those important seats on the local, state, and national levels.
Monika: Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Kelly: Again I wish to take gender out of the equation and talk about Transgender Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary people which include Transgender Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary men.
I think Transgender people can, will, and do make a difference in everything we do. That includes politics! In the US this year, several Transgender people were elected into various state legislatures. Many more are or will be on the ballot in the coming years. We see “haters” voted out or not elected to begin with. More Transgender people need to enter the political arena, win those important seats on the local, state, and national levels.
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Demonstrating at NYS Governor's State of the State Address
in 2014 for the passage of the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act - (GENDA) with other NYS activists, including Juli Grey-Owens . |
For the past several years I have been involved in groups working to pass the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination
Act – GENDA in New York State. Every year the bill does not pass, the following year we need to start over from
the beginning with our legislature which becomes very frustrating. GENDA has passed the New York State Assembly
for 10 consecutive years! The Senate has refused to bring the bill to the floor for the past 15 years for
discussion, consideration, or a vote!
In November of 2015 our Governor, Andrew Cuomo issued an Executive Action whereby the New York State Transgender community was “granted” implicit protections by redefining the States Human Rights laws to include transgender under the categories of “sex” and “disability”. As we have seen on the US Federal level, the Executive Actions and Orders of a past leader can be overturned by the current leader. That is why having these protections written “explicitly” into New York State law is so vitally important. Our work and struggle continue!
Monika: At what age did you transition into a woman yourself? Was it a difficult process?
Kelly: For a woman who will freely admit to being in my mid to late ’40s, I lead a dual-gender life for my entire life. My “secret” was hidden to most people (including family and close friends) known only to a select few. After two terrible years in 2010 and 2011, in the winter and spring of 2012 when I made the very hard decision to “live” I slowly began the process of planning my transition.
As stated above I began taking hormones in August of 2012, then sought medical assistance in August of 2014. My transition, for me personally, was initially a very slow process. I knew what I always wanted, but was never really sure transitioning would be something I could successfully accomplish. Still, my body was changing, transforming.
In November of 2015 our Governor, Andrew Cuomo issued an Executive Action whereby the New York State Transgender community was “granted” implicit protections by redefining the States Human Rights laws to include transgender under the categories of “sex” and “disability”. As we have seen on the US Federal level, the Executive Actions and Orders of a past leader can be overturned by the current leader. That is why having these protections written “explicitly” into New York State law is so vitally important. Our work and struggle continue!
Monika: At what age did you transition into a woman yourself? Was it a difficult process?
Kelly: For a woman who will freely admit to being in my mid to late ’40s, I lead a dual-gender life for my entire life. My “secret” was hidden to most people (including family and close friends) known only to a select few. After two terrible years in 2010 and 2011, in the winter and spring of 2012 when I made the very hard decision to “live” I slowly began the process of planning my transition.
As stated above I began taking hormones in August of 2012, then sought medical assistance in August of 2014. My transition, for me personally, was initially a very slow process. I knew what I always wanted, but was never really sure transitioning would be something I could successfully accomplish. Still, my body was changing, transforming.
I came out to my sister in the spring of 2013. Her comments to me were:
I am so happy for you!,
Why did you hide this for so long?,
Do you know the fun we could have had all these years?
Do you know how long I’ve always wanted a sister?
Monika: So sweet!
Kelly: My female cousins met me in November of 2013, and they were very accepting and supportive. In a very emotional conversation in March or April of 2014, I came out to my then 84-year-old very Irish Catholic mother. After her initial confusion as to what Transgender actually meant and what it meant for me, she was not very supportive. With help of my sister, Mom slowly began to learn concepts of being transgender but did not wish to see me as a female. She thanked me for telling her of the lifelong struggles I lived with, but when I came to visit (she lives 440 miles and 7+ hours away from me), she only wished to see “her son”.
In late June 2014, still having issues with who I was becoming, she went to see her local parish priest. They had a 10 – 15 minute conversation in which the priest told her, “Mary, you love your son and God loves him also. You need to find a way to make this right between you.”
Kelly: My female cousins met me in November of 2013, and they were very accepting and supportive. In a very emotional conversation in March or April of 2014, I came out to my then 84-year-old very Irish Catholic mother. After her initial confusion as to what Transgender actually meant and what it meant for me, she was not very supportive. With help of my sister, Mom slowly began to learn concepts of being transgender but did not wish to see me as a female. She thanked me for telling her of the lifelong struggles I lived with, but when I came to visit (she lives 440 miles and 7+ hours away from me), she only wished to see “her son”.
In late June 2014, still having issues with who I was becoming, she went to see her local parish priest. They had a 10 – 15 minute conversation in which the priest told her, “Mary, you love your son and God loves him also. You need to find a way to make this right between you.”
Without talking to me, Mom went home and took it upon herself to out me to all my aunts, telling them that I would
be coming home the following week, and I would be dressing as a woman and my name is Kelly Metzgar. If they did
not like that, they could stay away. Mom called me that evening to tell me what she did and that when I came home
the next week, she wanted “Kelly” to come, and for “Kelly” to be at all the family social events including her
85th birthday. Suddenly I would be “out” to my entire extended family. Surprisingly this went very well. There was
some confusion, but my coming out to family was very positive.
Monika: How about your workplace?
With coming out to family a success the next hurdle was to come out at work. As I stated previously, my body by
this time was defiantly changing and I was showing obvious breast development that was extremely hard to hide
wearing male business dress shirts. Hiding under sweaters as I do during the bone-chilling Adirondack winter, is
not an option in the hot summer months!
I worked with a Transgender mentor for my coming out at work which my employer ultimately rejected. I presented my boss (at the time) with a formal letter outlining my transgender identity and transition plans. We immediately booked a meeting with our Human Resources manager and had a meeting that same day. While I wish I could say that the whole process was positive, there were many hurdles (some very negative experiences) that had to be overcome. I could write an entire essay (which I have already done to a great extent) outlining that experience.
With time running out at work for my debut, and the company not having any corporate training lined up, things were looking rather scary. At the very last minute, the company was able to find a person to do a “Coming Out in the Workplace” training. I demanded to have a part in this training process to make my own “announcement” to the company, then with a follow-up email letter to the rest of the staff in the organization who were not able to attend the training.
I worked with a Transgender mentor for my coming out at work which my employer ultimately rejected. I presented my boss (at the time) with a formal letter outlining my transgender identity and transition plans. We immediately booked a meeting with our Human Resources manager and had a meeting that same day. While I wish I could say that the whole process was positive, there were many hurdles (some very negative experiences) that had to be overcome. I could write an entire essay (which I have already done to a great extent) outlining that experience.
With time running out at work for my debut, and the company not having any corporate training lined up, things were looking rather scary. At the very last minute, the company was able to find a person to do a “Coming Out in the Workplace” training. I demanded to have a part in this training process to make my own “announcement” to the company, then with a follow-up email letter to the rest of the staff in the organization who were not able to attend the training.
Monika: So when was your final liberation day?
Kelly: At age 55, my “Rebirth” day was officially November 1, 2014. Two days later I finally came to work as my true self! The reception that first day was very positive, not only from staff but also from our Inpatient clients. (I worked in the Information Technology department of an Inpatient/Outpatient alcohol, chemical dependency, substance abuse treatment, and recovery organization.)
One of the most affirming presents I received that day was my new nameplate – Kelly Metzgar! In the Saranac Lake and surrounding community I was warmly greeted with comments such as “Well it’s about time”,” we’ve been waiting for you to come out for a long time”, “We’re so happy you are finally able to live your life as you want”, “You deserve to live and be happy in your life”. I am so very blessed to live in such a wonderful and affirming area! Who Knew!
Monika: At that time of your transition, did you have any transgender role models that you followed?
Kelly: I joined the Vanity Club online international sorority of transgender women in 2003. We are small, by invitation only sorority. I think more than any celebrity role model, the amazing women in my sorority were the people I admired and looked up to.
As I was able to finally attend regional Transgender Conferences in Boston MA and Harrisburg Pa., I think the amazing people to attend those conferences also became people I admired.
I cannot say I really had celebrity role models for very few existed at that time.
Monika: Are there are any transgender ladies that you admire and respect now?
Kelly: There are several Transgender people I admire and respect. First, of course, is my dear and good friend Juli Grey-Owens from Long Island NY. I admire her leadership in the New York State Transgender movement for equality and basic rights protections. She is a constant source of inspiration for continuing the work we do.
Next, I admire all the Transgender youth who are coming forward into advocacy roles. People like Jazz Jennings, Nicole Maines, Katie Hill, Juliet Evancho, Gavin Grimm are becoming the next leaders. I am also a big fan of Janet Mock. She is a very positive and inspirational person in our community.
Kelly: At age 55, my “Rebirth” day was officially November 1, 2014. Two days later I finally came to work as my true self! The reception that first day was very positive, not only from staff but also from our Inpatient clients. (I worked in the Information Technology department of an Inpatient/Outpatient alcohol, chemical dependency, substance abuse treatment, and recovery organization.)
One of the most affirming presents I received that day was my new nameplate – Kelly Metzgar! In the Saranac Lake and surrounding community I was warmly greeted with comments such as “Well it’s about time”,” we’ve been waiting for you to come out for a long time”, “We’re so happy you are finally able to live your life as you want”, “You deserve to live and be happy in your life”. I am so very blessed to live in such a wonderful and affirming area! Who Knew!
Monika: At that time of your transition, did you have any transgender role models that you followed?
Kelly: I joined the Vanity Club online international sorority of transgender women in 2003. We are small, by invitation only sorority. I think more than any celebrity role model, the amazing women in my sorority were the people I admired and looked up to.
As I was able to finally attend regional Transgender Conferences in Boston MA and Harrisburg Pa., I think the amazing people to attend those conferences also became people I admired.
I cannot say I really had celebrity role models for very few existed at that time.
Monika: Are there are any transgender ladies that you admire and respect now?
Kelly: There are several Transgender people I admire and respect. First, of course, is my dear and good friend Juli Grey-Owens from Long Island NY. I admire her leadership in the New York State Transgender movement for equality and basic rights protections. She is a constant source of inspiration for continuing the work we do.
Next, I admire all the Transgender youth who are coming forward into advocacy roles. People like Jazz Jennings, Nicole Maines, Katie Hill, Juliet Evancho, Gavin Grimm are becoming the next leaders. I am also a big fan of Janet Mock. She is a very positive and inspirational person in our community.
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| Laverne Cox. |
Monika: We all pay the highest price for the fulfillment of our dreams to be ourselves. As a result, many trans
women lose their families, friends, jobs, and social positions. Did you pay such a high price as well? What was
the hardest thing about your coming out?
Kelly: As stated above, my initial coming out was unexpectedly easy and uneventful so, initially, I really did not lose too much in terms of family and friends.
Subsequently, however, five weeks after returning to work in October 2016 from CGS that summer, I was told my job was “no longer needed”. I was affiliated with my previous employer for 17+ years, 10.5+ of which as a full-time employee. (I was a shared resource and a consultant for 6.5 years) The reason given was the new electronic health record system the company recently upgraded to did not require a programmer and they no longer needed me as an IT help desk support person.
It is now well over a year and I cannot find full-time employment in my region in or out of the Information Technology environment. Personally, I would much rather find a non-IT position as that was my old life, but not being employed in a full-time position for so long is becoming VERY SCARY and DESPERATE! I have so much wisdom, professionalism, and talents to offer a new employer. I don’t know if it is because of my age, the fact that I’m Transgender, or what! This girl needs a full-time job!!!!
I also have no contact with my two children - a son and a daughter both now in their mid to late 30’s. They have totally disowned me for the past several years. I have two new grandchildren I will never be able to meet, even with my son now living in an apartment two houses down from me!
I try my best not to focus on the losses but rather try embracing the positive, the people who know and accept me for who I am today. Many in the present day do not even know the person I “use to be”, they only know me, Kelly, the person I am now!
Monika: I have read somewhere that cisgender women were liberated thanks to the development of contraceptive pills whereas transgender women are free now thanks to the development of cosmetic surgery, so they are no longer prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome …
Kelly: I believe transgender people, myself included, are obsessed with passing. Whether one is transmale or transfemale, being able to go out in public and be taken for the person you identify as is vitally important to our sense of self. Billions of dollars (or whatever currency you may use) are spent on looking good or having a physical body that matches our gender identity. I do not see that ever not being an issue we face. After all, that is what we are fighting gender and body dysphoria.
If anything I see the advances in cosmetic surgery playing an even bigger role in trans-identity issues. Unfortunately, many of these cosmetic surgeries from GCS, breast augmentation, and facial feminization surgery are not covered by all insurances (in the US) making such procedures out of the financial reach for many transgender individuals. Passing vs. Non-Passing issues I am afraid will remain for quite a long time.
Kelly: As stated above, my initial coming out was unexpectedly easy and uneventful so, initially, I really did not lose too much in terms of family and friends.
Subsequently, however, five weeks after returning to work in October 2016 from CGS that summer, I was told my job was “no longer needed”. I was affiliated with my previous employer for 17+ years, 10.5+ of which as a full-time employee. (I was a shared resource and a consultant for 6.5 years) The reason given was the new electronic health record system the company recently upgraded to did not require a programmer and they no longer needed me as an IT help desk support person.
It is now well over a year and I cannot find full-time employment in my region in or out of the Information Technology environment. Personally, I would much rather find a non-IT position as that was my old life, but not being employed in a full-time position for so long is becoming VERY SCARY and DESPERATE! I have so much wisdom, professionalism, and talents to offer a new employer. I don’t know if it is because of my age, the fact that I’m Transgender, or what! This girl needs a full-time job!!!!
I also have no contact with my two children - a son and a daughter both now in their mid to late 30’s. They have totally disowned me for the past several years. I have two new grandchildren I will never be able to meet, even with my son now living in an apartment two houses down from me!
I try my best not to focus on the losses but rather try embracing the positive, the people who know and accept me for who I am today. Many in the present day do not even know the person I “use to be”, they only know me, Kelly, the person I am now!
Monika: I have read somewhere that cisgender women were liberated thanks to the development of contraceptive pills whereas transgender women are free now thanks to the development of cosmetic surgery, so they are no longer prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome …
Kelly: I believe transgender people, myself included, are obsessed with passing. Whether one is transmale or transfemale, being able to go out in public and be taken for the person you identify as is vitally important to our sense of self. Billions of dollars (or whatever currency you may use) are spent on looking good or having a physical body that matches our gender identity. I do not see that ever not being an issue we face. After all, that is what we are fighting gender and body dysphoria.
If anything I see the advances in cosmetic surgery playing an even bigger role in trans-identity issues. Unfortunately, many of these cosmetic surgeries from GCS, breast augmentation, and facial feminization surgery are not covered by all insurances (in the US) making such procedures out of the financial reach for many transgender individuals. Passing vs. Non-Passing issues I am afraid will remain for quite a long time.
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Kelly: Friends have encouraged me to write my story, but I am not sure who would really be interested in it.
I have had newspaper articles written about my life
, been
featured in radio and television interviews
, and certainly share my life stories in some of my educational training.
If anyone wishes to know about me, my previous or current life, or what I’ve encountered in my life, I am very
happy to share those stories. I am not sure who would be interested in yet “another” Transgender book about me. I
watch my dear friend Terri Cook and many other people who write books at the various conferences I attend being
“stuck” at their tables selling their books. I would rather enjoy and actively participate in those conferences
and events meeting and talking directly to attendees.
Still, if anyone is interested in writing my story, please drop me an email and we could talk!
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Kelly: I think every person whether CIS or Trans would like someone special in their life. For me, personally,
there has not been that special person for far too many years.
In my previous life, I have never identified as gay (being attracted to men). I have always been attracted to
women. I was married with children, had girlfriends, and always enjoyed the company of being (dating or more
intimately) with women. Sorry Gentlemen! This goes back to my earlier statement of CIS Gender/Heterosexual
normativity sexual orientation/gender identity confusion.
Still, there are times I wish I had someone special to share my life with! Someone to have lunch, dinner, go to
the movies or theater with. She would have to enjoy downhill skiing, kayaking/canoeing, bike riding, gardening,
and life in a small rural Adirondack North Country town.
Currently, my heart belongs to one very special little girl – my little Lexi (Lexianna Maria).
I am reminded and I will paraphrase something I read recently, -- I don’t want to be a person who needs someone, but
rather a person who someone wants to be with! Who knows, perhaps someday that special person (CIS or Trans female)
will come along. Until then…….
Monika: Are you working on any new projects now?
Kelly: My biggest project is finding a full-time job that pays a decent living wage! After that, I am involved in
assisting with getting GENDA in New York State passed in 2018!
I am also a founding board member of a new statewide Transgender advocacy group – Gender Equality New York lead by
my good friend Juli Owens. Getting this new statewide advocacy organization started I think will be the big item
for this year.
I am also looking to get my Adirondack North Country Gender Advocacy and Education, consulting business set-up and
running. My goal is to bring Transgender Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary education, training, and consulting
services to area schools, colleges, universities, civic, business, and religious-based organizations. This will be
a formal continuation of my education and advocacy services over the past several years.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender girls struggling with gender dysphoria?
Kelly: Again I prefer this question to be gender-neutral! I think any Transgender person (transmale or
transfemale) needs to find loving and supportive people to help with their sense of self. Not everyone is able to
see trained therapists. Indeed, sadly many therapists are still not trained in Transgender Gender
Non-Conforming/Non-Binary issues! Still, there are support groups one can reach out to if not in your local,
regional community, then online support groups regardless of age.
Finding a person you can reach out to, trust (I know that’s a hard one), and share your “secret” with. I also know
many parents and family members are not supporting so family even extended family may not be an option.
Perhaps there might be a trusted teacher, neighbor, accepting religious member, someone in the medical or
behavioral health field, someone you can feel safe with! The important thing is to reach out and not suffer in
silence. If you are visiting this website, find someone to connect with!
Monika: My pen friend
Gina Grahame
wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other
transsexuals and transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they
begin. Do you agree with this?
Kelly: I think is it important to realize your dreams whatever they are! Our dreams and aspirations should not be
dependent on our gender status. I understand for many Transgender people, myself included, their goal is to live
daily in their authentic gender identity, but that should not be the main focus of our existence. Yes, I believe
living an authentic life is a goal we seek to achieve, but not our dream! Gender Confirmation Surgery for me was
not my dream! In fact, for many years I believed it to be far out of my realm of possibilities. My dreams of a
better life did not begin nor end on the operating table.
As I realized my goal of living full-time in my authentic gender identity in November 2014, CGS fin 2016 or I was
just part of the “next logical step” in my life process. It was not my dream, but a goal I was finally able to
realize. CGS I do not believe “changed me” in any significant way. In many ways, I am still the person I was. I
live in the same town, in the same house, have the same friends (sort of), enjoy the same hobbies and interests as
I did previously. No one sees my body except Lexi & I know she will never tell anyone.
No, my life did not begin after I transitioned (socially or medically), transitioning was just one part of my
life!
Monika: Kelly, thank you for the interview!
Kelly: Thank you so much Monika for this opportunity to tell at least part of my story with your readers. I hope
you and they find parts of this interesting.
All the photos: courtesy of Kelly Metzgar .
© 2018 - Monika Kowalska
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