For much of her life, Kelly Metzgar carried a secret that she could share with almost no one. When she finally
found the courage to step into the life she had always wanted, she did not simply leave that secret behind, she
turned it into a reason to speak, educate, advocate, and make the path easier for those who would follow. Kelly’s
journey is therefore not only about becoming her authentic self, but about discovering what she could do with that
freedom once she had it. After decades of living a dual-gender life, Kelly began her transition in 2012, at a time
when transgender healthcare was difficult to access in her region of upstate New York. Her struggle to find
appropriate medical care eventually inspired her to become an advocate and educator, helping improve transgender
healthcare in her community and speaking to colleges, businesses, civic organizations, religious groups, and LGBTQ
audiences. A particularly important turning point came when Kelly learned about the struggles of a transgender
young man named Drew. His story brought back memories of her own lonely youth, when she had nobody with whom to
share the “terrible secret” she carried. She realized that her transition could not be “solely about me.” She
wanted to help create a world where young LGBTQ people could find the support and acceptance she had once lacked.
Kelly went on to organize transgender town halls, campaign for transgender rights, establish the Adirondack North
Country Gender Alliance, support LGBTQ youth, and help bring Pride and Transgender Day of Remembrance events to
her region. For her, education and visibility became powerful tools for changing hearts, communities, and society.
Her own coming-out journey brought moments of both pain and unexpected acceptance. At 55, on November 1, 2014,
Kelly celebrated what she called her “Rebirth” day and began living openly as herself. Although she later
experienced painful losses, including her job and contact with her two adult children, she chose to focus on those
who accepted her and on the community she had helped build. What makes Kelly’s story especially moving is her
belief that transition is only one part of a life. Her gender-affirming surgery did not mark the beginning of her
existence or the fulfillment of her dreams. She remained the same woman, with the same passions, friendships,
interests, and love for her community. Kelly’s journey is ultimately about discovering the freedom to live
authentically, and then using that freedom to help others find their own. In this interview, she speaks openly
about transition, family, activism, healthcare, love, loss, and the importance of building a life that goes far
beyond gender.
Monika: Today it is my pleasure and honor to interview Kelly Metzgar, an inspirational transgender rights
activist from Saranac Lake, New York, USA, a co-founder of Adirondack North Country Gender Alliance, a
community-based LGBTQ organization providing services to the Adirondack North Country of Upstate New York. Hello
Kelly!
Kelly: Hi Monika, thank you so much for reaching out to me for this wonderful opportunity for a nice international
chat!
Monika: Let’s start with the woman behind all this work. How would you introduce yourself to my readers?
Kelly: I am a transgender woman living in Saranac Lake in the Adirondack North Country of upstate New York.
I am passionate about my advocacy and educational work, having been involved in Transgender, Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary as well as Lesbian, Gay, Bi/Pansexual training workshops for several years, speaking in regional colleges and universities, as well as to various religious, business, and civic organizations. I present customized, targeted workshops and training sessions at Transgender and LGBTQ conferences at both regional and New York State levels, as well as at the national level.
Monika: Let’s start with the woman behind all this work. How would you introduce yourself to my readers?
Kelly: I am a transgender woman living in Saranac Lake in the Adirondack North Country of upstate New York.
I am passionate about my advocacy and educational work, having been involved in Transgender, Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary as well as Lesbian, Gay, Bi/Pansexual training workshops for several years, speaking in regional colleges and universities, as well as to various religious, business, and civic organizations. I present customized, targeted workshops and training sessions at Transgender and LGBTQ conferences at both regional and New York State levels, as well as at the national level.
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2017 Adirondack North Country Pride Parade,
Plattsburgh NY . |
I work for Transgender rights here in New York State, including working to pass the Gender Expression
Non-Discrimination Act – GENDA, hopefully in 2018.
I love the community in which I’ve had the pleasure of living for the past 35 years. We are close to Lake Placid, NY, the site of the 1932 and 1980 Winter Olympics. Whiteface Mountain, which I love to ski, is the 1980 Olympic Alpine mountain and is only a 30-minute drive from my home.
In the summer I enjoy gardening, kayaking, and canoeing on our many rivers and mountain lakes.
Monika: You have clearly built a life that combines your love for your community with advocacy. When did activism begin to take such an important place in your professional life?
Kelly: In the spring of 2013, I met an amazing woman Juli Grey-Owens at Equality and Justice Day in Albany NY. Juli was part of an organization (I later joined) known as the New York State Transgender Rights Coalition, the purpose of which was to enact the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act in New York State. GENDA, as of this writing, some 15 years after it was first introduced in the New York State Legislature, has still not passed into State law. I have continued to work with Juli and many other transgender rights advocates for the past several years on many different projects across the state for the passage of this very vital piece of civil rights non-discrimination legislation.
I love the community in which I’ve had the pleasure of living for the past 35 years. We are close to Lake Placid, NY, the site of the 1932 and 1980 Winter Olympics. Whiteface Mountain, which I love to ski, is the 1980 Olympic Alpine mountain and is only a 30-minute drive from my home.
In the summer I enjoy gardening, kayaking, and canoeing on our many rivers and mountain lakes.
Monika: You have clearly built a life that combines your love for your community with advocacy. When did activism begin to take such an important place in your professional life?
Kelly: In the spring of 2013, I met an amazing woman Juli Grey-Owens at Equality and Justice Day in Albany NY. Juli was part of an organization (I later joined) known as the New York State Transgender Rights Coalition, the purpose of which was to enact the Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act in New York State. GENDA, as of this writing, some 15 years after it was first introduced in the New York State Legislature, has still not passed into State law. I have continued to work with Juli and many other transgender rights advocates for the past several years on many different projects across the state for the passage of this very vital piece of civil rights non-discrimination legislation.
In the spring of 2014, I attended a Transgender Advocacy training in Syracuse, NY. I stayed with a woman, Terri
Cook, whom I had met briefly several months earlier in Albany NY. Terri & her husband Vince are very proud
parents of an amazing transgender son Drew. Talking with Terri over the course of three days, I came to learn her
family’s story and the struggle they went through as Drew transitioned FTM.
I also learned they wrote an amazing book Allies and Angles , which I purchased a copy of and read upon my return home. There were pages upon pages in this book where I laughed, and more importantly, cried, as I read of the struggles Drew and the Cook family went through in his transition. I remembered how I felt as a young person, as a teen, and later a young adult, with no one to talk to, no one to share this “terrible secret” with. I thought how wonderful it would have been to have understanding and accepting parents like Terri and Vince when I was growing up.
Monika: Drew’s story seems to have touched something very deep in you. What did you find yourself thinking about as you read it?
Kelly: There were pages that made me very angry as I read how Drew was treated by not only his student peers but also by school teachers, administrators, and the general public. I vowed that I needed to find a way to make things better for our youth and young people, so they would not have to continue to go through the bullying and harassment that LGBTQ youth faced when I was young, or like Drew encountered as he transitioned.
I also learned they wrote an amazing book Allies and Angles , which I purchased a copy of and read upon my return home. There were pages upon pages in this book where I laughed, and more importantly, cried, as I read of the struggles Drew and the Cook family went through in his transition. I remembered how I felt as a young person, as a teen, and later a young adult, with no one to talk to, no one to share this “terrible secret” with. I thought how wonderful it would have been to have understanding and accepting parents like Terri and Vince when I was growing up.
Monika: Drew’s story seems to have touched something very deep in you. What did you find yourself thinking about as you read it?
Kelly: There were pages that made me very angry as I read how Drew was treated by not only his student peers but also by school teachers, administrators, and the general public. I vowed that I needed to find a way to make things better for our youth and young people, so they would not have to continue to go through the bullying and harassment that LGBTQ youth faced when I was young, or like Drew encountered as he transitioned.
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| ANCGA 2017 Pride Event Promotional Video via YouTube. |
Monika: Was there a particular model of support that made you think, “We need something like this back home”?
Kelly: I read about a wonderful place in Syracuse called the Q Center Youth Center and how they provided a safe place for LGBTQ youth in Syracuse and how the Q Center helped Drew regain his confidence and be accepted by his peers. I read how the Q Center helps other families like the Cook’s and knew I needed to at least try to find a way to bring similar resources to the area I live in (Northeastern New York State).
Monika: And that seems to have changed the meaning of your own transition. How did you come to see your transition as something that could also serve a larger purpose?
Kelly: I made a promise to myself in 2014 that my transition would not solely be “about me,” but I needed to find a way to help other LGBTQ or otherwise marginalized groups of people in their struggle for a life of freedom, equality, love, and acceptance in living as their true and authentic selves.
Monika: You have already mentioned healthcare, education, and youth support. Take me through some of the initiatives you have personally helped to develop.
Kelly: OK, but remember you asked for this... :)
As I looked to begin my transition (MTF) in 2012, I could not find a medical doctor in my area to prescribe the needed hormones to begin my journey. While I absolutely do not encourage this behavior in any way, I was forced to self-prescribe HRT, knowing full well the potential dangers I faced. In the winter of 2014, I decided I needed to double my dosages in order to achieve the desired effects. Still, I could not find any doctor willing to take this on. I wrote an Opinion Editorial which appeared in our local newspaper. I was asked by the Chief Executive Officer of our regional hospital if I would be interested in coming to talk to her about these health care needs. Long story short, Adirondack Health hired a relatively young family practice doctor and asked her if she would take on transgender health care, as none of the local doctors were willing to do so. This doctor agreed, providing Adirondack Health would find her the training and resources she needed.
Monika: Your own struggle to find appropriate medical care eventually opened the door to something much bigger. What happened after you approached the hospital?
Kelly: Adirondack Health did not stop there. They organized a transgender training program for hospital staff in three of their regional facilities, of which I was a member of the four-person training team.
I am happy to say everything is working out now in terms of medical transgender health care in the Adirondack North Country. I spoke with my doctor recently and she informed me she has 40-50 transgender patients – MTF, FTM, all age groups.
Monika: So the situation has improved considerably. What are you concentrating on now that medical care is becoming more accessible?
Kelly: I am now working to find qualified behavioral health specialists for our community. I have three people I am comfortable recommending to date.
Kelly: I read about a wonderful place in Syracuse called the Q Center Youth Center and how they provided a safe place for LGBTQ youth in Syracuse and how the Q Center helped Drew regain his confidence and be accepted by his peers. I read how the Q Center helps other families like the Cook’s and knew I needed to at least try to find a way to bring similar resources to the area I live in (Northeastern New York State).
Monika: And that seems to have changed the meaning of your own transition. How did you come to see your transition as something that could also serve a larger purpose?
Kelly: I made a promise to myself in 2014 that my transition would not solely be “about me,” but I needed to find a way to help other LGBTQ or otherwise marginalized groups of people in their struggle for a life of freedom, equality, love, and acceptance in living as their true and authentic selves.
Monika: You have already mentioned healthcare, education, and youth support. Take me through some of the initiatives you have personally helped to develop.
Kelly: OK, but remember you asked for this... :)
As I looked to begin my transition (MTF) in 2012, I could not find a medical doctor in my area to prescribe the needed hormones to begin my journey. While I absolutely do not encourage this behavior in any way, I was forced to self-prescribe HRT, knowing full well the potential dangers I faced. In the winter of 2014, I decided I needed to double my dosages in order to achieve the desired effects. Still, I could not find any doctor willing to take this on. I wrote an Opinion Editorial which appeared in our local newspaper. I was asked by the Chief Executive Officer of our regional hospital if I would be interested in coming to talk to her about these health care needs. Long story short, Adirondack Health hired a relatively young family practice doctor and asked her if she would take on transgender health care, as none of the local doctors were willing to do so. This doctor agreed, providing Adirondack Health would find her the training and resources she needed.
Monika: Your own struggle to find appropriate medical care eventually opened the door to something much bigger. What happened after you approached the hospital?
Kelly: Adirondack Health did not stop there. They organized a transgender training program for hospital staff in three of their regional facilities, of which I was a member of the four-person training team.
I am happy to say everything is working out now in terms of medical transgender health care in the Adirondack North Country. I spoke with my doctor recently and she informed me she has 40-50 transgender patients – MTF, FTM, all age groups.
Monika: So the situation has improved considerably. What are you concentrating on now that medical care is becoming more accessible?
Kelly: I am now working to find qualified behavioral health specialists for our community. I have three people I am comfortable recommending to date.
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| Kelly at her first day of work in her authentic gender. |
Monika: Beyond direct services, you have also spent years speaking and teaching. What makes education such an important part of your activism?
Kelly: I believe education is very important in understanding any situation, group of people, or moment in history. Certainly, what the transgender movement has done in recent years in making ourselves visible is a major cultural shift in society today. To that end, I began speaking in college & university classrooms in the Fall of 2013. I continue my speaking, training, and educational programming today anywhere and everywhere I can. I enjoy speaking about not only the LGBTQI+ community but about all marginalized groups in society today needing social justice awareness.
Of course, my emphasis is on the Transgender, Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary and Intersexed communities. Not
enough is said about our Intersexed community. In addition to presenting my own customized training to regional
colleges/universities, business, civic, and religious organizations, I also show the National Geographic Society’s
Gender Revolution video to various groups hosted by Katie Couric.
Monika: Your work also reaches young people directly. What prompted you to create a youth support group in your region?
In the spring of 2015, I was looking to put together a youth support group in our region. I found a group of young people who were meeting, but their group was very loosely organized and about to fall apart. Together with a counseling friend of mine, we began a youth peer support group in Plattsburgh NY about an hour’s drive northeast of my home. Generally, the group meets on the second and fourth Sundays of each month. We have met regularly since then. Group sizes vary depending on the time of year, weather, activities going on in our region, etc. We have had as few as 5 and as many as 20+ at a single session. We are looking for funding as well as ways to increase group attendance.
Monika: Another initiative brought the wider transgender community together. What did you hope to achieve through the Transgender Town Hall Project?
As I stated earlier, I am very good friends with Juli Grey-Owens from Long Island NY. Juli put together a statewide Transgender Town Hall Project to learn from community members around New York State the needs, concerns, struggles, hopes, of the Transgender Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary community and our allies. To that end, I worked to bring three such town hall meetings to the Plattsburgh NY community in a one-year time span. The Transgender Town Hall Project was a big success as we gathered the issues the transgender community faces. We will use those findings as we work for Transgender rights and access to needed resources moving forward .
Monika: And then, in 2016, you took another major step by creating your own organization. What inspired the Adirondack North Country Gender Alliance?
In August of 2016, I formed a not-for-profit organization, the Adirondack North Country Gender Alliance. The mission is to bring needed resources to LGBTQI+ youth and young adults here in the Adirondack North Country region of northeastern New York State. It is now through ANCGA that we hold our peer support group meetings, take group members to regional LGBTQI+ outings and events. We also sponsored the first-ever LGBTQ Pride Parade in our region of the state on October 1st, 2016. We followed that up again in 2017 with an even bigger event. Both Pride events were held in Plattsburgh NY. ANCGA also sponsored the first Transgender Day of Remembrance events held in Plattsburgh and Saranac Lake in 2016 and 2017. Interview on Transgender activities in the Adirondack North Country.
Monika: Your work also reaches young people directly. What prompted you to create a youth support group in your region?
In the spring of 2015, I was looking to put together a youth support group in our region. I found a group of young people who were meeting, but their group was very loosely organized and about to fall apart. Together with a counseling friend of mine, we began a youth peer support group in Plattsburgh NY about an hour’s drive northeast of my home. Generally, the group meets on the second and fourth Sundays of each month. We have met regularly since then. Group sizes vary depending on the time of year, weather, activities going on in our region, etc. We have had as few as 5 and as many as 20+ at a single session. We are looking for funding as well as ways to increase group attendance.
Monika: Another initiative brought the wider transgender community together. What did you hope to achieve through the Transgender Town Hall Project?
As I stated earlier, I am very good friends with Juli Grey-Owens from Long Island NY. Juli put together a statewide Transgender Town Hall Project to learn from community members around New York State the needs, concerns, struggles, hopes, of the Transgender Gender Non-Conforming/Non-Binary community and our allies. To that end, I worked to bring three such town hall meetings to the Plattsburgh NY community in a one-year time span. The Transgender Town Hall Project was a big success as we gathered the issues the transgender community faces. We will use those findings as we work for Transgender rights and access to needed resources moving forward .
Monika: And then, in 2016, you took another major step by creating your own organization. What inspired the Adirondack North Country Gender Alliance?
In August of 2016, I formed a not-for-profit organization, the Adirondack North Country Gender Alliance. The mission is to bring needed resources to LGBTQI+ youth and young adults here in the Adirondack North Country region of northeastern New York State. It is now through ANCGA that we hold our peer support group meetings, take group members to regional LGBTQI+ outings and events. We also sponsored the first-ever LGBTQ Pride Parade in our region of the state on October 1st, 2016. We followed that up again in 2017 with an even bigger event. Both Pride events were held in Plattsburgh NY. ANCGA also sponsored the first Transgender Day of Remembrance events held in Plattsburgh and Saranac Lake in 2016 and 2017. Interview on Transgender activities in the Adirondack North Country.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Kelly Metzgar.
© 2018 - Monika Kowalska
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