Monika: Are you working on any new creative projects at the moment?
Kirsty: I have just started working on my first novel, which will be entitled Lobster Bisque at 10,000 Feet. The narrative draws on my experiences working for a small airline company in Jersey in the 1970s. I am still in the very early stages, but I have fleshed out most of the main characters, the leading protagonist being Captain Bruce McPherson.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria and the early stages of transition?
Kirsty: Seek help, speak to your friends, and share your difficulties. You are not alone, there are thousands out there just like you, suffering the same doubts and anxieties. When you first begin down this path, the whole process can seem totally overwhelming. The secret is to take things step by step and not try to run before you can walk.
Monika: How should they handle the advice and opinions of others during their transition?
Kirsty: Listen to advice, but don’t be ruled by it. The most important person in this process is you, so don’t be forced into actions you don’t want to take. Keep control. Get as many viewpoints as you can and make informed decisions that will work for you and your circumstances. This all sounds so obvious, but it is so easy to be pushed down a path that isn’t right for you. When I first came out as transgender, I was overwhelmed with advice, much of which, had I acted on it, would have proved disastrous. Yes, you want the surgery, yes you can’t wait to get on the operating table, but do think everything through and always plan several steps ahead. Yes, I want the surgery, but what then? Can I support myself? Can I get a job?
Monika: Did your professional background help you navigate the transition process?
Kirsty: I came from an airline operations background and was, by necessity, a logistics expert. As cold as it may sound, I used this skill set to approach my transition. I looked at it as a purely logistical exercise, setting out what the end goal was and then the steps needed to reach it. It sounds dispassionate, but it worked, and I was able to get through the entire minefield relatively unscathed. The emotional side is a different matter, but then we all face that.
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| 1st year in Thailand 2011. |
Monika: Gina Grahame once wrote that we shouldn’t limit our potential based on how we were born or by comparing ourselves to other transgender people. Our dreams don’t end at the operating table, they begin there. Do you agree?
Kirsty: Absolutely. Regardless of who we are, the old mantra that life is what you make it is very true. I have met too many people who hide behind one excuse or another for not achieving their goals. “How can you expect me to succeed? I’m a tranny and things are always going to be rough for me.” By taking this attitude, they are effectively consigning themselves to failure.
Monika: What kind of challenges did you personally face as a transgender person trying to succeed in your career?
Kirsty: There is no question that, as a transgender person, one has to deal with far greater prejudices than most and work far harder to succeed. At the time of my transition, I had just been forced out of the airline industry. It was an industry I loved and all I ever wanted to do, but it was made clear that, because of the path I had chosen, there was no longer any place for me. It was a devastating blow, my family had already faced enough, and now I had no way of contributing to the family income. It would have been easy to give up altogether, but I couldn’t. I had responsibilities, so I had to find another way.
Monika: How did you adapt and rebuild your professional life after that setback?
Kirsty: I retrained as a Driving Instructor. In the UK, all driving instructors are self-employed, many taking a franchise with one of the big companies. This meant I wasn’t beholden to a disapproving boss and could focus all my energy on providing quality service to my customers. After serving with BSM for about a year, I managed to join an all-girl school in Stockport before starting my own business, “As the Crow Drives.”
Monika: Did your ambitions extend beyond your work in the UK?
Kirsty: Yes, I still had ambitions to do something else and had always fancied moving abroad. In 2010, I signed up for a TESOL course and got a job in Thailand as an English language teacher. That first day in the classroom, I was absolutely terrified, but the strong belief that had carried me through all the traumas of my transition was by my side, and I made it work.
Monika: How do you stay motivated despite life’s challenges and setbacks?
Kirsty: In an ideal world, I would be back in the UK working for an airline, and I have never surrendered the belief that I can still make this happen. I continue to work on the fringes of the industry as the American General Aviation editor for a major aircraft database. Yes, life has dealt me a tough hand, I’m a type one diabetic and I’m transgender, but so what? Life is bloody tough for everyone these days, and all we can do is our best. So I would say to anyone: it doesn’t matter who you are, believe in yourself, and the world will believe in you.
Monika: Kirsty, thank you for the interview!
END OF PART 3
All photos: courtesy of Kirsty Jayne Crow.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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