When we think of lives that read like a novel, few could rival the extraordinary story of Kirsty Jayne Crow. Born on the beautiful island of Jersey, Kirsty grew up surrounded by family love and the kind of picturesque childhood that might have promised a straightforward path ahead. Yet, from the age of eight, she was already grappling with a deep sense of gender incongruence, quietly envying her sisters’ silky hair and elegant clothes. Alongside this internal struggle, she discovered another passion, aviation, which would chart the early course of her professional life. By her teens, she was already flying, preparing for what seemed like a glittering future in the skies. But life, with its unexpected twists, intervened: a diagnosis of insulin-dependent diabetes at twenty-two brought an abrupt end to her dream of becoming a pilot. Resilient and determined, Kirsty built a successful career in airline operations, working for major carriers across the globe. Yet, behind the professionalism and discipline required in aviation, gender dysphoria remained an unrelenting shadow, shaping her personal relationships and, eventually, her destiny. Like many trans women of her generation, she clung to the belief that love alone could "cure" her. That hope carried her through two difficult marriages before she met Julia, the woman who would become not only her partner but also her rock throughout her transition.
By the early 2000s, Kirsty could no longer ignore her truth. In 2007, she traveled to Phuket, Thailand, where she underwent gender reassignment surgery and breast augmentation under the care of the renowned Dr. Sanguan. A year and a half later, she returned to Bangkok for facial feminization surgery with Dr. Chettawut. These steps, while affirming and necessary, came at a steep cost: the aviation industry, which had long been her home, turned its back on her due to prejudice. Reinventing herself yet again, Kirsty retrained as a driving instructor and, later, embraced a new chapter as a TESOL teacher in Thailand. Her memoir, Three Weddings and a Sex Change (2016), reflects not only the arc of a personal journey but also the collective experiences of countless transgender women navigating myths, misinformation, and the daunting maze of transition. In writing it, Kirsty offered clarity, candor, and comfort to others who might follow a similar path. She has also been a perceptive observer of how trans women are portrayed in media, politics, and culture, drawing inspiration from figures like Caroline Cossey and Adele Anderson while remaining an inspiring role model in her own right.
Today, Kirsty continues to balance her passion for aviation with her life in Thailand, working as a teacher, writer, and consultant, while never losing sight of her dreams. Her life story, marked by resilience, reinvention, and unwavering authenticity, reminds us that while prejudice can close certain doors, courage and belief in oneself can open others. It is my great pleasure and honor to introduce my guest today, Kirsty Jayne Crow, aviation consultant, teacher, memoirist, and a woman whose journey embodies both the turbulence and triumphs of living authentically.
Monika: Kirsty, thank you for joining me today. How do you feel about taking part in this interview?
Kirsty: Hi Monika, I feel very privileged to have this opportunity to speak to you. You have interviewed some truly remarkable women, so I’m amongst exalted company.
Monika: Could you share some memories from your childhood and the early moments when you began to question your gender identity?
Kirsty: I grew up on the beautiful island of Jersey and shared a happy childhood with two sisters, with whom I remain close. I began to question my gender identity when I was about eight years old, jealous of siblings who could wear gorgeous clothes and sport long, silky hair. My teenage years were a time of particular angst, and I sought refuge in cross-dressing, my sisters’ wardrobes providing a ready source of feminine attire.
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| Available via Amazon. |
Monika: How did aviation become such an important passion in your youth?
Kirsty: From about the age of 12, I became fascinated with aviation and, as soon as I was old enough, I learned to fly. A career as a pilot beckoned, but unfortunately, when I was 22, I was diagnosed with insulin-dependent diabetes, putting paid to any such ambitions. I instead pursued a long and successful career in airline operations, working for a number of major airlines.
Monika: In what ways did your personal life and relationships shape your path of self-discovery?
Kirsty: Meanwhile, gender dysphoria continued to blight my life and, in the words of Jennifer Finney Boylan, I clung to the belief that “I could be cured by love.” Sadly, this mantra proved futile, the consequence being two disastrous marriages. Finally, in 1989, I met Julia and entered into one of the happiest periods of my life.
Monika: What steps did you take when you finally decided to embrace your true self?
Kirsty: My feminine alter-ego, however, was not to be denied and, as we entered the new millennium, I finally faced the truth and sought the professional help I so badly needed. I underwent gender reassignment surgery and breast augmentation with Dr. Sanguan in Phuket in May 2007, and just over 18 months later, I returned to Thailand for facial feminization surgery with Dr. Chettawut in Bangkok.
Unfortunately, severe prejudice put paid to my aviation career and, after working for several years as a driving instructor, I began a new life in Bangkok as a TESOL teacher. During the most trying period of my life, I was blessed to receive the loving support of my third wife Julia and my wonderful daughter. Without their care and wise counsel, I don’t think I could have survived.
Monika: What inspired you to share your story in the form of an autobiography?
Kirsty: It was something that I had been toying with for a number of years. People used to ask me why I had followed the path I had, and I felt that if I could explain the situation frankly and honestly, it might just lead to a greater understanding of girls like us.
Monika: Was there a specific moment that gave you the push to finally begin writing?
Kirsty: I was finally galvanized into action when I took part in Your Call, a phone-in on BBC Five Live hosted by Nicky Campbell. That day, the program was examining the decision of Frank Maloney to henceforth live as Kellie. It was a subject on which I felt qualified to speak, and I found myself afforded generous airtime. When I later listened back to the interview, I realized there was so much more I could have said, and thus I took up my pen.
Monika: What was the experience of writing your memoir like for you personally?
Kirsty: In the end, it turned out to be a cathartic experience, as it was only when I had completed the memoir that I truly understood everything myself. My third wife Julia, on reading the manuscript, commented that the question people should really have been asking was, “Why wouldn’t I have transitioned?”
Monika: What insights from your own journey do you think could be most helpful for other trans women?
Kirsty: Obviously, everyone follows a unique path, but there are certainly many problems that we all share. When I first became a regular member of the Manchester scene, I used to hear countless myths about various aspects of the transition process. I was warned that electrolysis was unbearable and that the pain experienced during SRS was more than the average person could endure.
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| Kirsty in 2000. |
Monika: What kind of misinformation or challenges did you find most confusing at the time?
Kirsty: There was all kinds of conflicting advice about how best to approach a Gender Specialist, obtain a Gender Recognition Certificate, or, most challenging of all, pass seamlessly in public. Sorting the wheat from the chaff became almost as mind-boggling as the process itself. In candidly setting out my own experiences, I hope that I have laid most of these fallacies to rest and have provided a step-by-step guide to how most of these obstacles can be overcome.
Monika: Looking back, what lesson do you hope others will take away from your story?
Kirsty: I was lucky; I was able to raise the money to seek private treatment and in so doing was able to retain control over much of the process. Not everyone is that fortunate, but it is important not to let the experience start controlling you. No matter what route you take, the journey will be difficult and you will come up against a lot of negative reactions. If my story does nothing else, it will show that if you are true to your aims, then you can prevail.
Monika: You’ve made Thailand your home, a country often described as a global center for transgender women. From your perspective, does it truly deserve that reputation?
Kirsty: Living and working here as I do, I don’t really regard it in those terms. Thailand is indeed one of the most tolerant countries in Asia, but the LGBT community still faces huge discrimination, especially in the workplace.
Monika: Have you personally experienced this kind of discrimination in your professional life?
Kirsty: I have indeed. I was turned down for several teaching jobs simply because I am transgender. An editorial in the Bangkok Post in 2013 pointed out that there are very few transgender people to be found “as high-ranking officials, doctors, lawyers, scientists, or teachers in state-run schools and colleges, nor as executives in the corporate world.”
Monika: What are some of the biggest barriers that still prevent transgender women in Thailand from enjoying full equality?
Kirsty: In short, the doors of government agencies and large corporations remain closed to transgender women. It is why many of them must be self-employed or work as freelancers. Thai law does not give post-operative male-to-female transgender people, who are government employees, the right to wear female uniforms to work.
A further article in the same newspaper in 2014 highlighted that transgender people cannot change identity papers, and male-to-female transgender people are still required to perform military service. So, as you can see, many of the rights that have long been enshrined in European law do not apply in Thailand.
Monika: Thailand has become a popular destination for gender-affirming surgeries. Based on your own experience, would you recommend it to others?
Kirsty: If you are considering the country as a destination for gender surgery, then I cannot recommend it more highly. Thailand boasts some of the most renowned hospitals in the world, and there is no question that its leading Gender Reassignment Surgeons, Dr. Sanguan Kunaporn, Dr. Suporn Watanyusakui, and Dr. Chettawut Tulayaphanich, are world leaders in their field.
Monika: And what was your personal experience like during and after surgery?
Kirsty: The aftercare that I received during my 16-day stay in Phuket International Hospital for my SRS was second to none. Dr. Sanguan visited me every day, and all the staff treated me like a princess. Later that year, when I sustained bad facial injuries in a moped accident, Dr. Sanguan lovingly repaired the damage and would accept no payment for his expert work. The care that I received in Phuket while undergoing SRS turned what could have been a totally traumatic experience into one that I now recall with great fondness.
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| 1980s night in Manchester, July 2010. |
Monika: Looking back, when did you finally decide to transition, and what led you to take that step?
Kirsty: I wish I’d had the wherewithal and courage to transition in the 1980s. I scrubbed up quite well in those days and would have thoroughly enjoyed being a naughty girl for several years. In the event, it was the spring of 2006 before I finally took the plunge. Prejudice had forced me out of the aviation industry, and I had elected to retrain as a Driving Instructor. Whilst still presenting as male, I was invited to attend an interview with BSM, which went very well.
Monika: Was there a defining moment when you knew it was time to live openly as yourself?
Kirsty: Towards the end of the process, I was asked if I had any questions, and instinctively feeling that the time was right, I inquired, “Can I do this as a woman?” The female interviewer didn’t bat an eyelid, merely stating that if that was my intention then I should do it now, as it would be unfair to expect my students to adjust to my changing circumstances. So the die was cast, I legally changed my name and from early May onwards, lived as Kirsty.
Monika: What were the first weeks and months like after making that decision?
Kirsty: To begin with, it was quite challenging both physically and mentally. Until then, my life as Kirsty had consisted of one or two outings per week, usually to the Manchester Village. On returning home, I would change back into male mode, my feminine soul disappearing down the drain as I showered off the makeup.
Monika: How did you support your transition medically and socially at the start?
Kirsty: Now it was no longer a dressing-up game, and I was going to have to do it for real, all day, every day. I had commenced feminizing hormones the previous autumn, and they had had a positive effect, both reducing my body hair and giving me a slight bust. I had also had my ears pierced and begun electrolysis, but I was still a long way off from feeling comfortable as a 24/7 woman.
Monika: When you began your transition, what was the very first step you decided to take?
Kirsty: Physically, the first big decision I took was to begin growing my hair, having hitherto relied on a wig as my shield against humanity. This worked out quite well and after about six months it had grown sufficiently for me to take the previously unthought-of step of ditching the wig altogether. I felt totally nude the first few times I went out, but pretty soon I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
Monika: Beyond the physical changes, what was the most emotionally challenging part for you?
Kirsty: By far the hardest part of my transition was the effect that it had on my immediate family, especially my daughter. She had long been aware of my desire to transition, but as long as Kirsty had not been on the scene she could blot it out and cling to the image of a father she dearly loved. Remarkably, we were able to survive this episode with our deep bonds intact, but I will always stand accused of the despair that it inflicted on her. There is no one as selfish as a transgender parent on a mission, and I will bear this guilt for the rest of my life.
Monika: How did the people around you, like your neighbors and community, react to your transition?
Kirsty: Away from the home I also had to learn to interact with countless people who had only ever known me as male. We lived in a small friendly cul-de-sac, and thus I had no choice but to troop round to each of my neighbors and tell them my darkest secret. By and large, they were accepting, but there were more than a few awkward moments. It was a similar story with the many acquaintances and shopkeepers in the small Cheshire village where I lived. Remarkably, this all went better than hoped and as I grew in confidence and started to relax, I seemed to attract scant attention.
Monika: Looking back, how did you handle the so-called ‘real-life test’ period?
Kirsty: I had always been warned that the real-life test would be a nightmare experience, but in fact, I adjusted to my changed circumstances quite quickly. After a short time, it was hard to imagine it being any other way.
Monika: During your transition, were there any public figures or role models who inspired or influenced you?
Kirsty: An obvious choice for me, despite her stated disapproval of those with XY chromosomes undergoing male-to-female gender reassignment, was Roberta Cowell. With her service as a Spitfire pilot during World War II, she was always going to garner my respect, even if she hadn’t been the first known British transsexual to undergo gender reassignment surgery. And then there was Jan Morris, famed as the journalist who had accompanied the British Mount Everest Expedition when Hillary and Tenzing became the first to scale the world’s highest mountain. If this alone did not make her deserving of my respect, it was her skill as a writer that truly captured my imagination.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Kirsty Jayne Crow.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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