Monika: How involved are you in the local LGBTQ community?
Lennie: I’d say that I’m really not that involved. There’s no particular reason for that, I’m just not involved. I’d be open to doing more, but I have to admit that I wouldn’t even know how. Maybe in the future I will be able to do some things. I definitely hope so!
Monika: Love means something different to everyone. What importance does it hold in your life?
Lennie: Love is an important part of my life. As a child, I didn’t always feel loved and I think I’ve been searching for that love throughout my entire life. As queer people, we often get rejected by our family or friends, or things just don’t work out the same anymore when the connection gets lost. But in a certain way, we get to choose our own family. And that’s what I have done too. I’m comfortable with the friends I have by my side, who have been through thick and thin.
Monika: What about romantic love? Has it come easily to you?
Lennie: I can also say that I’m happily in love with my amazing boyfriend. I’ve struggled a lot in that department and at one point I wasn’t even convinced I would find someone one day. And that’s a sad thought for someone who’s still as young as I was. When I was transitioning, I was also growing up and being a teenager at the same time. Those things are hard enough on their own, let alone all together at once. I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences with bad people with bad intentions. But that’s behind me and I have moved on to better times.
Monika: And how does love look for you today?
Lennie: Today, I’m very happy with someone who loves me for who I am and doesn’t care about anything or anyone else. It’s very cliché, of course, but it is what a lot of people look for, and for trans women it’s not really easy. I’m very blessed and thankful for finding the love I’ve always wanted.
Monika: Many transgender ladies choose to write their memoirs. Has the thought of writing a book of your own ever crossed your mind?
Lennie: Yes, I have! There’s nothing in the works or anything, but I have thought about it. Maybe one day it will come to fruition. I think my story would make a very interesting book, even among other memoirs written by trans people. I’m just 22, but I have lived through a lot of things most people will never experience in their lives. Not to brag or anything, but I really think it would be so interesting and juicy, haha. But if it happens, it won’t be anytime soon, I think. After all, it’s also a strange thought to have a book written about your life when you’re just in your twenties. I have to admit that I’d love to publish my story in some kind of way. I’ve even dreamt about having my own TV show about my life. That would be totally awesome and would make great TV, I think! Hahaha.
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| “I’m very happy with someone who loves me for who I am and doesn’t care about anything or anyone else.” |
Monika: What is next for you at the moment, and where do you see yourself within the next 5 to 7 years?
Lennie: Right now I’m focusing on college. Lots of things have obviously changed over these past few years and I finally feel like I can focus on one thing at a time. I want to become a psychologist to help people like me. In that way, I want to give back to the community. I’ve always wanted to make a difference in some kind of way and inspire people. I hope I can be that source of inspiration and help in the future. And most of all, I want to do something I love.
Monika: What would you say to transgender women who are afraid of transition?
Lennie: I would tell them that it’s all worth it in the end. It’s a huge jump that you take and that’s scary, but it really is the best gift you can give yourself. You’ll be forever grateful for what you have done and you’ll take that with you for the rest of your life. I was afraid too. Of people’s reactions and of the unknown. But those reactions really don’t matter in the end. Even if the whole world turns its back on you, you’ll always have yourself and you know what’s best for you. You have to be on a mission to make YOU happy, not everybody else. At times it will seem like you’re falling down more than before and it’s only getting harder, but you have to trust the process. All will be alright in the end, even if it doesn’t look like that along the way. Keep your eyes on the prize and GO!
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame once wrote to me that we should never limit our potential by the way we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with her?
Lennie: I do agree with that. I have always looked at it this way: completing my transition and feeling good about everything was never the ultimate key to my happiness. It’s my starting point and I’ll build from there to go to bigger things.
When people ask me now if I’m finally happy, I tell them I’m finally happy with myself and now I can start living.
I’m also very much convinced that trans people can do anything. We’ve come a long way and we’ve tackled huge things just to be who we are, and we can do anything we put our minds to. We should channel that same energy into other things too and not put boundaries on ourselves. We could be unstoppable even when people try to tell us the opposite.
Monika: Lennie, thank you so much for this wonderful conversation!
Lennie: Thank you so much, Monika! The pleasure was mine.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Lennie Blockmans.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
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