Monika: Are you active in politics? Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Melissa: I have always been fascinated by politics since I was young. I have never missed an election- general, primary, or special – since I was 18 years old. I have worked in three U.S. Presidential campaigns and a Governor’s race. I have participated in lobby days for NCTE and for Equality Ohio. I am involved in ongoing efforts to enact legislation in Ohio to protect people from discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity for housing, employment, public accommodations, and credit. I will remain active in efforts and in politics for many years to come. I think transgender women can make a huge impact in politics and hope someday to see more transgender women enter political races and hold positions of leadership. In the time it will come!
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Melissa: Monika, without love the world can be a very difficult place and I have the love of many wonderful friends who have become my family! I have more friends now than when I lived the old life of lies. I have been very blessed to have the love and support of my partner Paula and she has stood with me in our efforts to make things better for our community and in her support of my career and in activism.
Monika: Your marriage ceremony with Paula must have been a touching and romantic moment…
Melissa: I cried tears of joy. This was the wedding I always dreamed of where I could wear the beautiful gown and carry flowers. We had fun trying on and selecting dresses and planning our celebration together. We wrote the ceremony and selected the music ourselves. Although it is not legal in Ohio it did not matter to us. To us -we expressed our love for each other before our friends who had become our families. Hopefully, one day soon we can make it legal as well. Paula has been a gift in my life!
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| Getting fitted for her wedding dress before her marriage in the fall of 2009. |
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Melissa: I adore fashion. Paula laughs when she sees me carrying home bags of shoes from DSW for she knows I cannot just buy one pair! I love jewelry as well. My outfits are business casual, which is the attire appropriate for my work. Slacks, capris, and skirts combined with sweaters in the fall and winter and a layered look of tees and camis with a cardigan or dress blouse in summer and spring are my usual fare.
I would say about 70 % of my wardrobe comes from Christopher and Banks which makes mostly business casual and casual clothing for career women ages 40-70 and that is my demographic. I was invited by them recently to be a fashion model for their spring line and they gave me a huge discount for doing so which I gladly used to stock up on my wardrobe.
I love purple and lavender as well as earth tone colors. I learned a great deal about accessories from observing my mother when I was young!
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Melissa: Absolutely – I have more times than I care to count. Maybe someday I will sit down and do this.
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Melissa: Presently I plan to continue my teaching, activism, organizational involvement, and outreach work as I have been doing. In five to seven years I hope to be retired! I will not take it easy, however. I plan to still teach a class or two because I love teaching and being with and engaging students but not on the same schedule I am now.
With the additional free time, I plan to take up art and photography as well as refine my cooking and baking talents. I will use the additional time to get even more involved in our struggle for rights and dignity and to help others less fortunate than I am on a larger scale than I do now.
I currently use my culinary talents to help prepare meals for the homeless and those in homeless shelters and I will want to do more of that as well as other outreach work to better the communities I live and work in. I did a lot of this as well in my “other life” so it has always been a significant part of my life and journey and always will. Maybe I will write that book. I know Paula and I would like to travel more as well as we love visiting new places and experiencing life! I have made it to 48 out of 50 states.
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| With Paula outside her church in Spring of 2010. |
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender girls struggling with gender dysphoria?
Melissa: You are not alone but you are unique. You are loved by many. So be happy! Yes-you may lose it all but it is worth it. It is so worth it living your life being who you truly are and you can stop pretending! You have many friends in the sisters and brothers you will meet in our community.
Don’t ever consider taking your life from us because we need you and we value who you are and can be! I encourage you to seek out friends in the community and find a therapist who you feel comfortable with and find your path. No two transitions are the same and should not be.
We are unique even in our little community. It is so worth it that if I was given a chance to do it all over again I would still come out and transition despite the results I experienced for I love living my life now every day as Melissa and that makes it all worthwhile - it truly does!
Monika: Melissa, thank you for the interview!
All the photos: courtesy of Melissa Marie Alexander.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
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