Melissa Marie Alexander is an American transgender activist, lawyer, businesswoman, and college instructor who was involved in advocating for transgender rights and equality in Ohio. As Vice-Chair of TransOhio, she contributed to the work of an organization dedicated to improving the lives of transgender and gender-nonconforming people through advocacy, education, and community support. Her professional background in law and business, together with her experience in higher education, gave her a range of perspectives on the challenges facing transgender people and the importance of equal rights, visibility, and inclusion. Her career has spanned several fields. Before moving into business and education, Alexander practised law for more than twenty years, specialising primarily in litigation, employment law, and labour law. She later established a business in meeting and event planning, earning the Certified Meeting Professional designation.
Alexander subsequently returned to teaching, where she took pride in preparing students for their professional futures and received a Master Teacher award in 2012. She has also been actively involved in transgender advocacy. Since joining TransOhio's board of directors in 2009, she has helped organise the organisation's annual conferences, contributed to its nonprofit status application, and delivered presentations and workshops at businesses, schools, colleges, churches, and community organisations. She has also participated in advocacy initiatives with Equality Ohio and travelled to Washington, D.C., to lobby Congress in support of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). Through her professional achievements and community involvement, she has worked to promote transgender visibility, educate the public, and advance equality and dignity for transgender people.
Monika: Melissa, it is a pleasure and an honor to welcome you. Hello!
Melissa: Greetings, Monika!
Monika: To begin, how would you introduce yourself to our readers?
Melissa: Sure. I have had the pleasure of working three careers in my life following my education. For over twenty years, I practiced law in a law firm, primarily doing litigation, employment, and labor law and building my client base. I spoke at conferences and seminars.
Monika: Moving on from the courtroom, what came next in your career?
Melissa: Upon leaving the practice of law, I began a new career as a business owner in the meeting and event planning industry. I served on the Board of Directors for Ohio MPI and received my CMP designation from the Convention Industry Council. After that, I reentered the teaching field, in which I had also worked part-time in the 1990s, and I now have 13 years of teaching experience, either at adjunct or full-time status. I truly adore teaching, love working with students, and take great pride in my work and in the preparation for my classes.
|
| In Washington, D.C., in front of the Capitol on lobby days for NCTE. |
Monika: What impact do you think you have had on your students, and what is Melissa like outside of work?
Melissa: I think my presence has influenced lives, opened some eyes to the talents in our community, and taught the students a little more about transgender people. In 2012, I received the Master Teacher award from a state organization, and in 2013, I gave the commencement address at our school. From a personal standpoint, I am a hugger who loves pets, music, and the arts. My hobbies include cooking and baking, and I do a great deal of volunteer and outreach work in the community and within my church.
Monika: Your name is tied to a myriad of causes that touch on transgender rights. Which initiatives have you been part of?
Melissa: I have presented at or organized and managed the six annual conferences for TransOhio since 2008. TransOhio was founded in 2005 by Shane Morgan, and I am currently the longest-serving Board member besides the founder. I have been on the Board of Directors since 2009.
I prepared the extensive documentation for our nonprofit organization to finally receive 501(c)(3) status from the IRS. I also serve on TransOhio’s Speakers Bureau and have conducted presentations and workshops for businesses, organizations, schools, churches, and colleges in the area.
Additionally, I have participated in workshops and events for Equality Ohio, presented a workshop at Southern Comfort in Atlanta, and traveled to D.C. to lobby Congress for passage of the ENDA legislation. I enjoy marching in the Columbus Pride Parade each June!
Monika: Tell me about your own transition. How old were you when you began, how difficult was the process, and did your family and friends stand by you?
Melissa: I began the process at age 47, shortly after the death of my father, which closely followed the unexpected death of my brother in an accident and my mother’s death the year before. These traumatic events left me to face the truth about who I really had been all my life but had hidden so well under a shell to avoid discovery. After my father’s funeral, I asked myself a simple question: “You have just written three eulogies for people you loved, reflecting on their lives. How do you wish to be remembered when your time comes? As Melissa, or as this other person I have pretended to be during my ‘life’ to hide her from the world?”
Monika: When did you first realize your true gender, and what did you do once you accepted it?
Melissa: I remember back to when I discovered my true gender as a child of four or five years old. I broke down and cried, not just for the losses I had experienced but also because I had not found the courage until then to break through the shell I had created and live my life in my true gender as Melissa. A few weeks later, I began searching for a therapist to work with and began the process of transitioning. I knew it would not be easy and that it would take some time, but I was determined to begin despite the risks and the costs, and I am not just speaking of financial ones! The other costs were far more painful.
|
| Taken hours after her facial surgery in Boston with Dr. Spiegel in January of 2009. |
Monika: A decision like that affects everyone around you. How did your friends and family react?
Melissa: As I will explain subsequently, I received no support from my friends who knew the other person, nor from my family. I did receive support and encouragement from other brothers and sisters in our community.
Monika: Was there anyone in the transgender community whom you looked up to during that time?
Melissa: Yes, Monika, I did. I had met many other members of our community at various events and conferences beginning back in 1995, and I got to know some of them quite well. Many of these women were ahead of me in the process of being out and transitioning. I learned a lot from them over the years. Some of these people were Stephanie Heck, Chloe Prince, and Debbie Dunkle. I also read Jenny Boylan’s book “She’s Not There.” However, the book that had the most profound impact on me was “Wrapped in Blue” by Donna Rose. I connected with her story and felt a good deal of overlap with my own. Donna is down to earth, and I enjoyed meeting her after I transitioned.
Monika: Coming out is rarely easy. What was the hardest part for you?
Melissa: The risk of losing it all. I attended the Be All Conference in Chicago in May of 2007 and was eating lunch with other transgender women when the subject of coming out and transition came up. I asked when you know you are ready to come out and begin the transition process. One woman who had done so many years before spoke up and said, “Melissa … are you prepared to lose it all: career, family, and friends? “Now, you may not lose all of these things yourself, BUT you had better be prepared to do so, or you should not do it!” When the need to come out and begin living life in your true essence overcomes the fear of these risks, you know you are ready. I hoped for the best.
Monika: Did the warnings that woman gave you turn out to be true?
Melissa: When I finally did come out and tell people about myself, I felt the shell that had covered me for so long crack into pieces and the weight of the years of lies lift from me, but the risks she mentioned came true! I destroyed my career, all of my old friends turned away from me, and my family abandoned me. I have not had any contact of any nature whatsoever with my adult children since I came out, despite my efforts to do so. Those efforts have all been rebuked. My ex disdains me, and she has good reason to feel betrayed, but she needs to let go of the venom, for it is only toxic to her.
|
| A few months after her GRS with Dr. McGinn in Philadelphia. |
Monika: Many in the community keep their truth hidden for years. Why do you think that is?
Melissa: I think the reason many in our community lie to others for all those years is that they fear losing their friends and family. Then, when they do come out and tell the truth, the very things they fear happen because everyone gets upset at them for lying for so many years. Well, you know, I lied to myself as well all those same years, and I learned to forgive myself and move on. I think my old friends and family need to do so as well.
Monika: How would you describe the current situation of transgender women in American society?
Melissa: Like everything else, we are making progress, but it is not without struggle and setbacks. We can’t give up. We have to embrace the victories and strides in progress that do come, brush ourselves off when we get knocked down, and keep moving forward. Rights and dignity will eventually come for all transgender people, but clearly, the situation is not there now. Transgender women face some acceptance problems from some cisgender women and phobias from many men. This has created additional problems for transgender women, but education and continued activism will keep us moving forward over time.
Monika: Do you see transgender rights as the next frontier in the struggle for human rights?
Melissa: Most definitely, Monika. Each ethnic group that came to the U.S. has faced struggles for human rights. Struggles for racial equality continue to go on even with progress. In the 1970s, women fought for rights and privileges in a patriarchal society that had oppressed women for centuries, and that struggle still carries on today. Our brothers and sisters in the LGB communities have fought for equality and are making inroads in areas like same-gender marriage and the repeal of DADT. The next logical frontier for human rights is transgender people. I look forward to doing my small part to keep the struggle going. No one is free until all are free!
|
| Her Michigan vacation in the fall of 2011. |
Monika: A few weeks ago, Jared Leto received his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for playing the transgender character Rayon in “Dallas Buyers Club.” What do you make of the transgender stories and characters featured in films, newspapers, and books so far?
Melissa: I was disappointed with films like “Transamerica,” which depicted a cisgender woman playing a transgender woman, but I enjoyed “Boys Don’t Cry” for using a woman to play the role of an FTM transsexual. Maybe someday we will see more transgender actors and actresses, and I truly hope so. Jared did a pretty good job of playing a transgender sex worker from the time period depicted in the movie. He is an actor, and as such, it was a role for him, a role for which his peers recognized his talent and work. There are good stories out there in books and some films. Many newspapers seem to misgender transgender people in articles about their activities and, unfortunately, their deaths. Far too many in our community face violence and death from attacks and suicides, and that always makes me deeply sad.
Monika: The transgender cause usually appears alongside those of the other LGBT communities. As the last letter in the abbreviation, can the T still promote its own agenda within the group?
Melissa: The T is NOT silent and should not be! We may be the smallest segment of the LGBT community, but we are an important one. Transitioning is not easy for many, particularly on the job. Much more education of the public is needed, however, as many people confuse sexual orientation with gender identity. We do share common ground, though. We are both discriminated against for being who we are as people, and that should not happen. We can accomplish more by working together to obtain the rights we already hold but have been systematically denied by our opponents in this country, who primarily operate by spreading fear. The so-called “bathroom” issue is a perfect example of such hate and fear.
Monika: Harvey Milk left a lasting mark on gay activism in the 1960s and 70s. Is there anyone in the American transgender community whose work could be compared to his?
Melissa: There are many voices of activism in this country, but no single leader in the transgender community, and maybe there should not be one. The more voices, the better, as long as we are all fighting for the freedom, equality, and dignity of all human beings. Activists like Janet Mock are powerful, and I love her work, but we do not need to rely solely on a single leader to do the work we all should be doing. What would serve us best are more voices, more activism, and more education.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Melissa Marie Alexander.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
No comments:
Post a Comment