Monika: Coming out often carries a heavy cost. What was hardest for you during that journey?
Racheal: Losing my children, who were in their early twenties. Finding out my daughter was married by seeing a picture online three months after the wedding. Finding out she has had twins since, so I'm a granny. Not knowing or being able to find out anything about my children. If they were killed, I doubt I'd know until long after it happened. Hurts heaps.
Monika: Do you take part in politics or lobbying in any way? And do you believe transgender women can make a real impact through political advocacy?
Racheal: No. I have a big problem and I recognize it. I am not a diplomat. I call a spade a spade, as I see it. I speak up. I'm not good in groups for this reason either. I have been labeled a separatist, elitist, homophobic, transphobic, and more by a few people who have never met me or gotten to know me. They are the ones who are transphobic and choose to isolate and discriminate. They should know better.
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| Racheal, a normal lady after a night before. |
Monika: Labels like that must sting. How do you deal with being called things you know aren't true?
Racheal: Yes, I do speak up and out, more for transsexuals than transgender people, but I will still support transgender issues. I am quite happy to allow others to express their views and opinions, I don't have to agree with them though, but it gets me how others won't give me the same respect. It seems that I am not allowed to have my own opinion and have to be nobbled. It is petty and silly.
Monika: Beyond speaking your mind, are you involved in any organized advocacy work?
Racheal: I am the secretary of Transsexuals of New Zealand, a small Facebook site. Totally open group, not a secret or hidden. People say what they want and need to take ownership and be responsible for what they say. We have been working with a local district health board and just quietly trying to plod away. Alas, we suspect there has been some interference from a couple of gay or TG folk who have a personal dislike of me. It's a shame because we have achieved a few things, but we don't brag about it. We are just out there and seen.
Monika: Transgender beauty pageants spark a lot of debate. Do you see them as helping our visibility, or holding it back?
Racheal: Great stuff in ways. I am all for anything that gets TS and TG people out there and seen. It makes people ask questions and understand us. It's the way to end discrimination. The negative side is that instead of showing we are just the same as everyone else in society, it reinforces that there is a difference. I'd prefer to see TS ladies allowed to compete in any beauty pageant, on an equal footing, so we wouldn't need a special one of our own. We certainly have TS women who could be Miss World. There are many stunning, unbelievably beautiful transsexuals out there.
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| Glamor party girl. |
Monika: Have you ever been married? Given everything you have been through, what role has love played in your life?
Racheal: Yes. I have had three real loves and still love them all, but we will never be together again. Sometimes I feel I must love differently than most. I have been a sex worker as a female, so I know there is a huge difference between sex, lust, and love. As a man, I have loved women. As a woman, I have never found love with a man, but I would love it to happen. I have loved a transsexual, but you'd best read about that in my book, "Summer Storm."
Monika: Your transition changed things with your children too. How do you see your role as their father now?
Racheal: Wrong, sorry. They never lost their father. I am their father, will always be their father, and will never be their mother. I may have changed my gender, but that doesn't make a person a mother. There is only one person who can be their mother and only one who can be their father.
It annoys me when I see TG people make this claim. They aren't respecting who they are, and are taking something from the real mother. I don't agree with seeing children brought up with two fathers or two mothers.
My children have disowned me, but I believe one day they will seek me again. I hope I am still alive then. Just because they disowned me doesn't mean I am not still their father. I am still their father, and nothing anyone, including me, can do about it. I am a realist, not a dreamer.
Monika: How did your wife react when you came out, and what happened to your relationship with her afterward?
Racheal: My wife and I had been divorced and apart for eleven years. My daughter lived with her and my son lived with me. I turned to her initially when I came out, for help with the kids. I thought she was great at first, but then it became clear she was using it to get her son back. She actually was the biggest problem, I now believe. My partner when I came out, whom I'd been with for five years along with her two daughters, alas couldn't handle it. I destroyed her dream, her illusion. She and her family were vengeful and money hungry. I realize now she was materialistic, and it wasn't real love.
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| 'Storm' at work. |
Monika: You have written several books: Country Boy to City Girl, A Pictorial Transformation, Him to Her, Summer Storm, and The Transgender Guide. What inspired you to put your story into words, and what can readers expect from each one?
Racheal: Thanks, yes, they are all available on Amazon.com as ebooks. I also have a new one out, "Reflections," and hope to have my first fiction work out within a few weeks, a BDSM romance. "Country Boy to City Girl" is my life from birth to just post SRS/GRS.
Monika: "Summer Storm" sounds like it holds some of your rawest material. What is that book actually about?
Racheal: It is a no-holds-barred book that tells it as it happened. "Summer Storm," post SRS/GRS, is about my time with an amazing transsexual escort. She taught me so much about life, from sex work to fashion, men to hair extensions. It was an incredible time and I owe her so much.
We loved each other and yet were never intimate. Sex, drugs, love, lust, mafia, lies, and more. It is all as real and true as I know it to be, although Summer was a pathological liar. That in itself was incredible. I should hate her but I don't. I will always love her, but we will never be together again. I can't seem to hate.
Monika: And what about your other titles, the pictorial book and the guide? What will readers find there, and what do you hope people take away from your writing overall?
Racheal: "Pictorial Transformation, Him to Her" is a collection of 70+ photos of my journey and shows it all. "The Transgender Guide" is really just a small booklet designed for those who are just starting to ask the basic questions. "Reflections" is a collection of articles I have written, or that have been written about me, in magazines, newspapers, and the Internet.
I don't want kudos or compliments. They are about me and my views, but what I wanted was to show and encourage others to stand up and speak out. The more we do, the more people will become comfortable with us and ask questions. With that comes learning, knowledge, and hopefully, tolerance followed by acceptance. I'm not special. We all are, but we need to be seen and to educate the world. So if this gives others ideas and encourages them to somehow get their story out there, that's great.
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| Racheal's books on Amazon. |
Monika: Fashion seems to matter to you. What does your everyday style look like, and are there particular colors or trends you gravitate toward?
Racheal: I do love fashion. What lady doesn't? Alas, to follow fashion one needs a good bank balance, and that's lacking for me these days. I loved it when I was escorting and had the money, the clothes, shoes, boots, hair, and nails. I miss it so much. I believe I dress for the occasion.
I might wear a short cocktail dress and stilettos to some clubs, but there are other clubs I wouldn't wear the same thing to. It depends whether you're going for a romantic first date or to a swingers club, to the races or a government select committee. It really is important to consider what the event is and the people you'll meet, whether you want to blend in or make a statement.
Summer and I were working from an apartment in high-class east Perth. When we got there, we walked down to the local shopping center for some supplies. It wasn't long before Summer's mood changed and she insisted we go back. When we got back, she gave me an earful. She was wearing good jeans and a nice top. I was wearing a short skirt, stilettos, and a slinky top. "Don't ever go out again like that. We are in a class area and need to blend in, not stick out like a hooker." She was dead right.
Monika: After everything, would you say you are a happy woman today?
Racheal: I am broke, no job, miss my kids terribly, and I would love the company of a good partner to cuddle in bed. I am the happiest I have ever been. I love who and what I am. I am proud and confident.
I have no regrets. I'm disappointed I lost my kids, but I have no regrets. It was right for me, and yes, I am happy as. People love me because I am always happy, with no point in being down or glum. My glass is always half full. And it can always be topped up more *wink*.
Monika: Racheal, thank you so much for this interview.
All the photos: courtesy of Racheal McGonigal.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
END OF PART 2
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