Monika: The first edition of your book had a very striking cover, an image of you in a beautiful hat, based on a painting. Could you share the story behind that picture?
Scottie: Ah yes, that hat, that picture. A dear friend painted it from my FB profile pic, which, stealing a page from Kristin Beck’s playbook, I used to quietly announce by a simple “Scottie has changed HER profile picture” to the world that… my world, anyway, was starting as of now. And I thank you for calling it inspirational. In one of my previous lives, I was a graphic artist, so I thought, “piece of cake.” When I was in self-publishing mode, designing the cover of my first book felt like a great opportunity (and no pressure for this chronic achiever!).
Monika: How did your family react to that first cover?
Scottie: Well, no one in my family liked the way I looked. The women in my family actually used their defense of my physical form as a way to declare their acceptance of me: “That picture just doesn’t do you justice, I mean, you are beautiful, and that woman is just… not you.” Well, who could argue with that?
Monika: When you redesigned the cover later, what was different about that process?
Scottie: When I got the chance to do the cover for real with current pros at the top of their game, I was able to send a visual message that was even more on target with what I was trying to say, more “matter-of-fact” and less aspirational. I leaped at it. And that gave me the chance to ask Alexandra to do a foreword and endorsement. So, in the end, it worked out for everyone, my aunts and sisters especially! LOL.
Monika: You and your wife have spoken about your book at many universities and institutions. When audiences asked about different aspects of your transition, did you feel they truly understood what you had gone through?
Scottie: The simple answer is no. The more accurate answer is oh hell no. BUT, the real point is that in both institutions there is an honest desire to try. And that’s okay. It's a starting point. With today's millisecond attention spans feverishly looking for the next “pulse” of pertinence, I find there’s a “well, when I need to know that, I can google it, until then, it doesn’t require my energy.” Now, when you take us “round pegs” and put them together with their square holes, you’ve got a perfect... opportunity to talk. And grow. When both sides come to the party.
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| The first edition of the book. |
Monika: How do you and your wife approach making that conversation real and engaging for your audiences?
Scottie: My wife and I play a game we call the binary game, where we start with the messages we got as children: “If you’re gonna cry, Mary Jane, go put on a dress.” (Shit! It’s that easy? I'll be right back.) And other messed-up messages we all get. Then we ask the audience to shout out theirs. We worried that we, Marcy and I, were too old fuddy-duddies and would get blank stares or judgment or worse, pity. These are mostly millennials, who are growing up with trans kids in their elementary schools (or so CNN makes it seem). But we are blown away by how entrenched the binary is, and how it has hurt many people. So our work is relevant. There’s a lot to do. Not everyone is a Caitlyn or a Laverne or a Maura. And the voting world especially needs to know that, hell yes, we are snowflakes, made of diamonds. We don’t melt. We’re valuable. And we are flawless.
Monika: Many readers are curious about transition timelines. At what age did you begin your own transition, and how did it first unfold for you?
Scottie: We all have to have this answer, don’t we? But to my sisters and brothers in our community, I feel I can use language that won’t require “qualifiers,” so here goes: I didn’t even know I was not a woman. At the age of four, I have the earliest traumatic memory of someone trying to scream me into never revealing this to the world, that telling anyone or showing anyone that I was “not a boy” would lose my parents’ love and destroy my world. (This person was my weekly babysitter and a family friend.)
Monika: That’s such a painful burden for a child. How did that early experience shape the way you grew up?
Scottie: I loved my parents, and they loved me. They had no idea that anything had happened. And I would take that to my grave. So, I learned instead how to bury myself and focused instead on being what I would later learn (with everyone’s reinforcement) was the best boy ever. The best are successful. The successful are in charge. When you’re in charge, you call the shots. I made sure I would call the shots so I would never do anything that would make me, as a girl and eventually as a woman, regret or hurt my own heart, all while looking to the outside world like the boy, son, nephew, man, husband, and uncle it needed me to be. Each’s very own knight in shining armor.
Monika: When the moment finally came, what was the actual process of transition like for you?
Scottie: The transition process was the easiest thing to do, since my armor was superficial. Taking it off was very simple, untie the ties and let the heavy shit drop off. What’s hard is that “male privilege,” and even more so the white version of that, is real. And it’s not there for me now. But I’m a strong woman.
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| 27 years married, April ‘16. Photo by Shivani Ray. |
Monika: Beyond the personal, what has been the toughest challenge of living your truth day to day?
Scottie: I will say that transition is a moment-by-moment continuum. Just as we never stop growing and evolving, we never really stop transitioning. And I am continually surprised by very simple things. It’s the redefining of our marriage and my role in it that has required the most work, because the pressure my transition has put on my career and livelihood has coincided with one of the most horrendous moments in U.S. history. And these pressures are relentless. They’re at the store, the bank, the highway, and the home. You can see how a dirty frying pan, when it’s your turn to do dishes, can be a nuclear detonator. That’s the difficult part, staying in “like” with the one you love.
Monika: When you began your transition, were there any transgender role models who guided or inspired you?
Scottie: I hadn’t actually followed one role model. There were a lot, especially as I first dipped a toe into our ocean, who I’m embarrassed and a little sad to say I watched as “not to follow.” And of course, as you decide to start taking action, it’s important to have friends you can trust, who know in our language if something is on or off for you and your body.
Monika: If not role models, then what kind of guidance or support was most crucial for you during that time?
Scottie: Remember, we’re talking about life-altering and irreversible changes. (Which is a dumb word, nobody could ever “go back.”) But it does mean you will change. Your body will change with hormones. Your relationships will change when you come out. Your thoughts will change once you start living life with different criteria. So you need someone who speaks your language, so you don’t get lost, and when things get different, you’ll have a handrail through the unfamiliar parts.
Monika: Today, there are so many visible transgender voices in media, activism, and the arts. Are there any trans women in particular whom you deeply admire and respect?
Scottie: It is a golden age for the wisdom of amazing people to bless our lives, isn’t it? The writings and postings of Janet Mock helped me see that the brilliant intelligence of “our people,” and more importantly our voice, speaks not to our marginalization but to our contribution to humanity. I use and listen to the usual suspects, Jenny Boylan, Laverne Cox, Ian Harvie, and Buck Angel, whenever they speak.
Monika: You mentioned both women and men. Do you also find inspiration from trans brothers and their perspectives?
Scottie: You said “ladies” in your question, but we are silly if we don’t listen to our brothers. We share a unique vision and perspective with our trans brothers (think about it), and we share the same trials and tribulations in mirrored ways. Ian especially is uniquely articulate in the shadings of relationships, and Buck holds himself to the ideals of being human like no other.
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| Scottie with "Mylove". Photo by Shivani Rey. |
Monika: And who would you say has been your most important role model overall?
Scottie: My biggest role model is, and I’m honored to call her friend and sister, Alexandra Billings. She really has been there. She really has done that. All of it. And then some. And though she should be a war-weary veteran licking her wounds from unjust horrors and living the fight for the rights we have gained (which, by the way, will slip if we don’t stay in the game!), she is instead the loudest, proudest, most generous supernova of love and possibility and dignity that ever there was. But there are, now, many role models that quietly inspire me to be me, all of me. These aren’t names you know, but they are people you should know. And they are our sisters and brothers in the community who live fully every day. Proudly.
Monika: Looking back on your journey, what would you say was the most difficult part of coming out?
Scottie: Impatience. In fact, I don’t even have patience with this question, maybe it’s because I was raised by wolves (which is my way of describing why Ms. Scottie is sometimes a little, you know, unladylike, which will set my girlfriends screaming now!). Impatience with how fast my body is changing. Impatience with how fast my body is healing. Impatience with how fast my family is dealing with pronouns. Impatience that is justified by being late to my own party, and now running as fast as she can to make up for lost time. Don’t try this at home!
Monika: Within the LGBTQ+ umbrella, trans people are often described as “the last letter.” Do you think the transgender community has been able to promote its own cause while sharing space with the rest of the movement?
Scottie: Whoa there... we are in a divisive time in America. And it’s particularly heartbreaking because we had made such great strides in our society with understanding. I’m not talking about laws and regulations, I mean real emotional growth with concepts like intersectionality and white feminism, and understanding that Black Lives Matter doesn’t mean all lives don’t matter. There has been a sea change in how we truly regard each other and our various tribes, be they race, identity, or what have you. And now all of that is under fire with the new president and his promise to restore rich, white Christian values (only).
Monika: Do you see yourself first as part of the broader LGBTQ+ family, or more distinctly as a trans voice?
Scottie: So. Am I a T under the rainbow tent? Yes. And I’m an L. And yes, they don’t always get along, and both should get a timeout for wasting even one moment on that stupidity. Our history shows that every time we tried to “shush” the whole movement, so as not to slow down the progression of a smaller sect, that smaller sect promises that once they get into the castle, they’ll open the door for the rest of us... and we fail. Divided we fall. So no, I won’t let that happen. And no, I won’t do it with divisiveness.
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| Interview for KN Lee TV (YouTube) |
Monika: In your view, what truly unites trans people with the rest of the LGBTQ+ community?
Scottie: We are different from our LGB sisters and brothers only when you have to pick between your identity and your sexuality, but since the cis-hetero community doesn’t, why should we? As trans people, we are either at one point or another one of the other letters, have been through those letters on our way to our T, or have shared table and meeting space since Stonewall. And yes, this situation exists or you wouldn’t have asked me this question, and yes, it is silly. A waste of time pretending to be different. I wish it would go away.
Monika: You mentioned Stonewall. Do you think we’re on the brink of our own “trans Stonewall,” or are we still too fragmented as a community to achieve that kind of breakthrough?
Monika: You mentioned Stonewall. Do you think we’re on the brink of our own “trans Stonewall,” or are we still too fragmented as a community to achieve that kind of breakthrough?
Scottie: Ouch! Weak? Not now. Not ever. And not to act your crazy aunt, but Stonewall was our Stonewall. We were there. Despite some recent misguided films, we are the movement. We are the movers, and we forged our pinks and blues of the rainbow flag with blood and with tears. And Alexandra says it better: because we are born of Stone, we can and will take down the next barrier and the next barrier and the next, until full equality for all is our natural state of living. We know what we’re fighting for and we know how to fight.
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Scottie Madden.
The main photo credit: Lara Weatherly.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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