Monika: What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Vikki-Marie: Losing my family and friends including my Dad, brother as well as many friends. For 3 years my beautiful daughter did not talk to me as she was grieving the loss of a parent. With a little time, she has returned to me and is now living in my house. I thank my guardian angels for this opportunity as well as the times I get to sit and chat with her.
SHE is the best thing I ever did in my past, present, and future, as well as that she happened due to the Gender I was born in. That is why I am unable to hate or dislike that part of my life. It is part of the journey and part of the fun part of the pride, however, I am SO glad it is in MY PAST!
Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in British society?
Vikki-Marie: Slowly improving. I have been in transition since early 2007 and I am now post-op 2 years in July 2014. Life for me is just starting and for a 44-year-old woman, I do not look too bad. With time I might seek surgery to sort out things about me that I am not happy with, but at present, I am sick of pain from surgery. So I just make the best of the life I have and work with the body that I have in order to become the person I want to be. I really hope that you will look me up in TEN years to see how I am doing.
Vikki-Marie: Losing my family and friends including my Dad, brother as well as many friends. For 3 years my beautiful daughter did not talk to me as she was grieving the loss of a parent. With a little time, she has returned to me and is now living in my house. I thank my guardian angels for this opportunity as well as the times I get to sit and chat with her.
SHE is the best thing I ever did in my past, present, and future, as well as that she happened due to the Gender I was born in. That is why I am unable to hate or dislike that part of my life. It is part of the journey and part of the fun part of the pride, however, I am SO glad it is in MY PAST!
Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in British society?
Vikki-Marie: Slowly improving. I have been in transition since early 2007 and I am now post-op 2 years in July 2014. Life for me is just starting and for a 44-year-old woman, I do not look too bad. With time I might seek surgery to sort out things about me that I am not happy with, but at present, I am sick of pain from surgery. So I just make the best of the life I have and work with the body that I have in order to become the person I want to be. I really hope that you will look me up in TEN years to see how I am doing.
Monika: Could transgenderism be the new frontier for human rights?
Vikki-Marie: Most definitely the hate that is projected against Trans People and the LGB community from countries such as Russia is disgusting and We MUST ALL work to prevent people from being beaten, killed, and mistreated. JUST for their own personal expression of “SELF”, please join Wipe out Homophobia, Wipe out Transphobia, Wipe out Suicide on Facebook, Twitter, and the interwebb thingy. WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT!!!
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| Proud Times. Her graduation with her MUM. |
Monika: Are you active in politics? Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Vikki-Marie: I have been part of helping with the NHS care pathway and other policies to help my community and with time I do hope to make a difference as I have many experiences that companies and public services can learn from. So I would answer yes but with MORE to come.
Keep looking out for me and supporting my projects if you agree with the outcome. Trans people have so much to offer in politics as we have empathy for BOTH genders and live with discrimination on a daily basis, which are the principles of Two Spirit which I have always believed I am.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Vikki-Marie: I have loved with so much passion and have been loved in return all in my past. As Vikki-Marie I have resigned myself to the life that I lead being a lonely one. Hopefully, I will be wrong but I do not need Love in the intimate sense and cannot find the time to do all I want to on my own without then having to deal with the feelings of another person. So I will just concentrate on life. If love comes knocking then I hope that it will last for the rest of my wonderful life.
Vikki-Marie: I have been part of helping with the NHS care pathway and other policies to help my community and with time I do hope to make a difference as I have many experiences that companies and public services can learn from. So I would answer yes but with MORE to come.
Keep looking out for me and supporting my projects if you agree with the outcome. Trans people have so much to offer in politics as we have empathy for BOTH genders and live with discrimination on a daily basis, which are the principles of Two Spirit which I have always believed I am.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Vikki-Marie: I have loved with so much passion and have been loved in return all in my past. As Vikki-Marie I have resigned myself to the life that I lead being a lonely one. Hopefully, I will be wrong but I do not need Love in the intimate sense and cannot find the time to do all I want to on my own without then having to deal with the feelings of another person. So I will just concentrate on life. If love comes knocking then I hope that it will last for the rest of my wonderful life.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Vikki-Marie: Trends and fashion are not a high priority for me, but I do love skirts, dresses, and uncomfortable shoes that look amazing.
I am obsessed with the color pink as for 37 years I was told that I was not allowed to like that color.
Well to you I must let you all know that I am Vikki-Marie Gaynor and I will wear this beautiful color as often as I am able to.
With my build, which is still quite muscular, I have to be careful not to highlight my upper half too much or I look wrong in my eyes. However, I love my body and will work hard to look feminine whenever I can.
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Vikki-Marie:
This is going to happen but to date, I have not had the time. If any of you writer-type people can make this thing I call my life sound good then please e-mail me.
With time I will get someone who can help me and guide my writing skills to make my life interesting and make all the points I want to make stand UP and be heard.
At the moment this is just something that I have to strive to achieve and so it is one of the goals I mentioned in the previous question. If you watch my YouTube, I also hope to update my videos to include all that is occurring to me at present.
My favorite writer at present is Paris Lees. Keep an eye on her! I see a bright future for this beautiful trans lady.
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| Her Mum's favorite picture of her Daughter. |
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Vikki-Marie:
My personal goal of owning my own home is now completed.
My goal that is 10 years from now is Contract Manager with B***y Distribution.
They gave me a chance when very few companies wanted to employ me.
Knowing my past and realizing that I was found to be correct did not matter to other transport companies. They still did not offer me permanent positions.
B***y looked beyond the whistleblower and saw me as an employee and for that, I am ever so grateful. Now I want to move up in this company and improve my knowledge of this company and the customers that we serve.
Personal goals are simple: money in the bank and plenty of holidays where I can wear summer dresses, bikinis, and nice shoes.
I hope to have written my book or made a documentary by then so really I do not know but I am really excited at the prospects that EVERY SINGLE tomorrow brings to me.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender girls, struggling with gender dysphoria?
Vikki-Marie: Become the person you know you can. Do not rub it in people's faces (but stand up for your rights and know them ALL). Education is the route I hope you will all take. Learn skills and become famous as the more role models that we have in the press the easier life will be for others. I will share my favorite points with you!
1. Pre-op trans people are in the highest suicide bracket and YET post-op are the lowest (post-op are also the highest educated group).
2. Every time you allow someone to use the wrong pronoun you are not being TRUE to yourself. Always mention it but without confrontation. Make it humorous. I look at my boobs and say eeerrrr HIM??? WHERE??? Or something similar.
3. Always be the BEST YOU that you are able to be, and never feel low about self-expression. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, AND IT DOES GET BETTER! (Honest)
4. Do not apologize for the choices you have to make to become YOU. Losing family and friends is hard but it does happen. If you do not lose touch with them, (birthday and Xmas cards) then the choice to not be around is theirs and so it is NOT your problem. THEY ARE missing out on you being happy. “THEIR LOSS” keep smiling.
5. NEVER feel alone. Our community is huge and you are loved by so many people. If you feel alone just get on with studying. It will be so much better in the very near future.
6. Male to female, female to male, intersex, gender-questioning; we are so diverse in our life. STAY STRONG AND BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE!
Monika: Vikki-Marie, thank you for the interview!
Vikki-Marie: Thank you for taking the time.
Vikki-Marie: Become the person you know you can. Do not rub it in people's faces (but stand up for your rights and know them ALL). Education is the route I hope you will all take. Learn skills and become famous as the more role models that we have in the press the easier life will be for others. I will share my favorite points with you!
1. Pre-op trans people are in the highest suicide bracket and YET post-op are the lowest (post-op are also the highest educated group).
2. Every time you allow someone to use the wrong pronoun you are not being TRUE to yourself. Always mention it but without confrontation. Make it humorous. I look at my boobs and say eeerrrr HIM??? WHERE??? Or something similar.
3. Always be the BEST YOU that you are able to be, and never feel low about self-expression. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, AND IT DOES GET BETTER! (Honest)
4. Do not apologize for the choices you have to make to become YOU. Losing family and friends is hard but it does happen. If you do not lose touch with them, (birthday and Xmas cards) then the choice to not be around is theirs and so it is NOT your problem. THEY ARE missing out on you being happy. “THEIR LOSS” keep smiling.
5. NEVER feel alone. Our community is huge and you are loved by so many people. If you feel alone just get on with studying. It will be so much better in the very near future.
6. Male to female, female to male, intersex, gender-questioning; we are so diverse in our life. STAY STRONG AND BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE!
Monika: Vikki-Marie, thank you for the interview!
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Vikki-Marie Gaynor.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
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