Monika: What would you say to those who view surgery as primarily about aesthetics rather than self-acceptance?
Jaime: For those of us who identify at the polar ends of the continuum, the full range of surgeries is very powerful for getting our bodies congruent with our minds. This is more important than passing, though passing is a wonderful end result. I have no problems blending in with any group of women, and I truly appreciate the skill of my surgeon for helping get me there. Surgery is freeing from a self-acceptance standpoint, and that is more important than the ability to pass. The sense of internal peace that comes with that alignment is something I wish more people understood.
Monika: Some people see beauty pageants as outdated, while others view them as empowering. What are your thoughts on transgender beauty pageants in particular?
Jaime: There are girls who love to participate in events like that and those who enjoy being entertained by that format. So, while I would not participate in one, I think they are great for those who do like them.
Monika: Many transgender women choose to write memoirs to share their journeys with others. Have you ever considered telling your story in book form?
Jaime: It has crossed my mind, but writing is not my strong point. I get my story out through presentations and discussions.
Monika: In times of change, love can be both an anchor and a source of courage. What role has love played in your life?
Jaime: There is nothing more important to me than the love and bond between Karen and me. Giving love and receiving it is vital. Another vital aspect of love is self-love. Loving who we become and are when we transition is a gift we give ourselves. Before I transitioned, and my mind and body became congruent, I hated myself. Now I have found a true core joy, I smile when I look into the mirror, I love others more deeply, and I am happy in ways I never was before.
Monika: You're clearly an active voice in the community. Are there any exciting projects you're currently working on?
Jaime: I am preparing to speak at two conventions, one in August for the OAC and another in September on a panel discussion at the Philadelphia Transgender Health Conference. I’m expanding my speaking to students working on their Master’s degree, and working on a project with the OAC to expand our volunteer structure nationally. Other projects include working at the UPSC booths for various Pride events, supporting events to bring the local LGBTQ community together, and expanding relationships with local hospitals to improve their service to the LGBTQ community.
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| Inseparable. |
Monika: Many transgender girls struggle with gender dysphoria, especially in the early stages of their journey. Based on your personal experience, what has helped you most in managing or easing dysphoric feelings?
Jaime: It is hard for me to make any general recommendations, as each of our journeys is different. Thus, the root cause of the dysphoria varies. From my personal experience, I can say that the best thing I did for myself was the surgeries, which truly helped me feel congruent. One other important thing I do for myself to drown out dysphoric thoughts is to be sure I have good hair. I take after my mom in that category, and we both have horrible natural hair. I augment mine (and deal with a really bad bald spot) with a hairpiece. I have it custom-made, with natural hair and customized color. It is taped on so that it not only looks natural, but it is on 24/7 no matter what my activity. I spend a lot each year on it, but it is worth every penny. Feeling good about your appearance really does have a direct impact on your confidence and peace of mind.
Monika: Aside from physical changes, what emotional or psychological strategies have helped you cope with dysphoria?
Jaime: I have also learned that having a good counselor and/or support group helps with self-affirmation and self-compassion, two very important elements in overcoming dysphoria. Our dysphoria tends to spring from our thoughts and fears, so learning techniques and tools to help us with those is important. A good CBT-based counselor can do wonders. Surrounding yourself with people who see you and affirm your identity can be incredibly healing as well.
Monika: A transgender friend of mine, Gina Grahame, once shared a powerful perspective. She said that we shouldn't limit our potential based on how we were born or what we see other trans people doing, and that our dreams shouldn't end on an operating table, but rather begin there. What are your thoughts on that idea?
Jaime: Interesting comment by your friend, and I agree we should never limit our potential for any reason except to care for ourselves. As I have mentioned above, the operating table is a wonderful tool for us, but having surgery is not the end of anything, it is, hopefully, a process that helps free us to be more than we have ever been. More fulfilled, happier, more loving, and truer to our personal values and desires.
Monika: Jaime, thank you for the interview!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Jaime Erin Fivecoat.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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