Monika: What gave you the strength to keep going, even with that fear weighing on you?
Julia: I walked in with my head held high, but I was carrying the weight of every insecurity I had ever been made to feel. And still, I showed up. I smiled. I spoke clearly. I answered their questions. I honored myself, even if my voice trembled. And when I left, regardless of whether I got the job, I felt powerful. Because being a trans woman in the world, especially in a setting that asks you to “present” a certain way, is an act of courage. That day taught me that confidence doesn’t mean you’re not scared. It means you show up anyway, in full color, in full truth.
Now? I walk into interviews knowing that if they don’t see my worth, they’re not the right fit, not just for me, but for the incredible things I’m building.
Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers suddenly started treating me as if my transition had lowered my IQ. Did you experience a similar shift in how people perceived your intelligence or competence?
Julia: Absolutely. The moment I transitioned, it was like my résumé got rewritten, but not by me. I went from being seen as assertive to being called emotional, from being respected in leadership to being second-guessed on decisions I’d been making for years. It was subtle at first: a condescending tone here, a dismissive glance there, but it added up. And suddenly, I realized I wasn’t being seen as the same professional. I was being treated like I had to prove myself all over again, just because I now presented as a woman. It was disheartening, but it also lit a fire in me.
Monika: How did you respond to that shift? What helped you reclaim your confidence and authority in those moments?
Julia: I knew I hadn’t changed on the inside, my intelligence, my work ethic, my vision; none of that disappeared with my transition. What changed was how the world decided to value me. And instead of shrinking, I decided to shine harder. I leaned into my empathy, my leadership, my creativity, and reminded myself that I didn’t transition to become less, I transitioned to become free. So yes, I felt that shift. But I also used it to sharpen my voice, stand taller, and claim my space not just for me, but for every woman who’s ever been underestimated.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Julia: The most surprising part of my transition wasn’t physical; it was spiritual. I expected the hormones, the emotional waves, the awkwardness, the fear. I braced myself for rejection, for stares, for loss. What I didn’t expect was the coming home. There was a moment, I couldn’t even tell you exactly when, where something inside me just clicked. It was like the world hadn’t changed, but I had finally taken off the mask I didn’t even know I was wearing. The air felt different. My reflection stopped feeling like a stranger. I started catching glimpses of myself not with criticism, but with kindness. That’s what surprised me the most… how peaceful it could feel to just be.
Monika: On the flip side, what were the challenges or painful surprises that left a lasting mark on you?
Julia: Of course, there were hard surprises too: people I loved who turned away, systems that felt like they were designed to break me. But even in the heartbreak, I kept finding strength I didn’t know I had. And the good surprises, the community, the connection, the joy of small victories, they made everything worth it. Transitioning didn’t just change how I look; it changed how I live. And that surprise? That deep, quiet joy of becoming myself? That was the gift I never saw coming.
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| "Our love was complicated, passionate, and at times heartbreaking." |
Monika: How has love shaped your life and your journey as a transgender woman? Could you share what role love plays in your personal growth and happiness?
Julia: Love has been both the wound and the remedy in my journey. It has shaped me, broken me open, stitched me back together, and shown me pieces of myself I never would’ve seen otherwise. As a transgender woman, love isn’t something I ever took for granted; it’s something I fought to believe I was worthy of. For so long, I thought I had to earn it by being perfect, by being “passable,” by shrinking myself to fit into someone else’s world. But the truth is, love, the real kind, asks you to expand, not shrink. And I learned that most when I was with Christopher.
Our love was complicated, passionate, and at times heartbreaking. But it was also the first time I truly felt seen as a woman. He looked at me like I was everything I had prayed to become, and in that mirror of his eyes, I started to believe it too. Even through the pain, that experience cracked something open in me. It taught me that love doesn’t always stay, but it always leaves a mark.
Monika: After everything you’ve experienced, how does love show up for you now, in your daily life, your relationships, and your healing?
Julia: Now, love shows up in gentler ways, through self-compassion, through chosen family, through quiet mornings when I feel at peace in my skin. Love taught me how to forgive, how to trust again, how to keep my heart soft even when it’s been hurt. It’s the reason I write, the reason I advocate, the reason I wake up and still believe in hope after everything I’ve been through. Love didn’t just shape my transition; it helped me become. And I’m still learning to receive it, to give it freely, and to never apologize for the way I love with my whole, brave heart.
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Julia? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Julia: Oh, I’m just getting started. Right now, I’m pouring my heart into storytelling, memoirs, poetry, children’s books, self-help… each one a piece of my soul offered to the world with open hands. My next big dream is to see my books in schools, in therapy offices, in homes where someone feels alone and needs to know they’re not. I want to create spaces, on the page and in real life, where healing feels possible and authenticity is celebrated. I’m also dreaming of surgeries, gender-affirming ones that would allow my outside to fully match the woman I’ve always been inside. That’s still a financial mountain I’m climbing, but it’s at the top of my vision board. Not because I need it to be valid, but because I deserve to feel whole.
Monika: Beyond your writing and personal milestones, how do you envision using your voice and experience to uplift others?
Julia: I want to speak on stages, partner with organizations that protect LGBTQ youth, and maybe even start a foundation to support trans women navigating their own journeys. I want to keep showing up, not just as Julia the writer, but as Julia the friend, the advocate, the woman who made it through hell and still chose love. What’s next for me? More truth. More beauty. More bold, unapologetic becoming. I’m not just writing my story anymore, I’m building a legacy. And I hope it lights the way for someone else to rise.
Monika: Julia, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Julia: Thank you, truly. For holding space for my story, for asking the questions that matter, and for helping amplify voices like mine. This journey hasn’t always been easy, but conversations like this remind me why I keep going. If my words can help even one person feel seen, understood, or just a little less alone, then it’s all worth it. Here’s to truth, resilience, and the kind of love that doesn’t flinch. With all my heart, Julia Shelton 💖
END OF PART 3
All photos: courtesy of Julia Shelton.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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