Monika: What factors do you think influence who thrives and who struggles most within our community?
Lois: White trans women are more likely to avoid violence than trans women of color. Part of that is racial, and part of that relates to education levels and who is more likely to need to do street work to survive. Regardless of color, trans women who are better educated tend to do better. And those who can find a way to be mobile, if necessary, to move to a locale that is less hostile to trans women, tend to do better. If anything, the situation seems to be becoming more polarized. In some circles, support is growing. But those who were already hostile are becoming more so. At one time their focus was on gays and lesbians and we were barely a blip on their radar. As a result of recent losses, trans people have become their new line in the sand.
Monika: Despite growing visibility and progress in some areas, violence and discrimination against transgender women remain widespread. From debates over bathroom access to the tragic murders of trans women, especially women of color, how do you view this ongoing reality?
Lois: Again, in some places more than others, for the reasons noted in the answer to the previous question. And there are some countries, many Muslim countries, as well as Russia and China, to name some of the more prominent examples, where trans women are killed and it isn’t being reported, or the murders are being reported under the person’s birth name and gender rather than recognizing their true identity and transition.
Monika: While transgender rights are often advocated for alongside those of the broader LGBTQ community, some say that trans issues are sidelined within this larger coalition. Do you feel transgender voices are truly being heard, or are we often relegated to the margins?
Lois: I stopped using the word “community” to describe LGBTQ. I use the term “coalition.” “Q” can stand for a variety of things (and many older gays, lesbians, and allies struggle with the term because of how it was previously used). But there are significant differences between what identifies someone as L, G, or B and what identifies someone as T. What gives us a common purpose is that many who are hostile to LGB are also hostile to T.
Monika: That’s a powerful distinction. Have you encountered moments within LGBTQ spaces where transgender people were welcomed in name but excluded in practice?
Lois: There are organizations and open and affirming churches that I have been told are very LGB-oriented and pay lip service to helping or welcoming anyone who is T. Then there are some lesbians who also identify as Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists (TERFs), keeping us out of women’s-only events with a fervor that matches those on the right wing, and accusing trans women of things like being arrogant males who think we can be better women than someone born with a vagina. I have yet to read how they explain trans men, or whether they apply the same logic and explanation to them.
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| "As long as the news stories are objective and even-handed, it helps normalize us within society." |
Monika: And when it comes to policy and advocacy, do you believe the “T” is truly represented when it matters most?
Lois: Often, LGB people have been wonderful allies to T. But there are times when the T gets kicked to the curb or thrown under the bus when push comes to shove in terms of legislation. There have been slights and omissions in the historical narrative of the part played by transgender people in the struggle for equal rights. At times, the alliance has worked well, and at times it has been uneasy. At the end of the day, I welcome the support of any ally whose other positions would not be a total embarrassment to our cause. But we need to be prepared that there may be times when we will have to go it alone, as difficult as that may be for a tiny minority. If we can build bridges to new allies, it will be wise.
Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender people and issues are portrayed in the media today, whether in news stories, films, or books? Has the representation improved over the years?
Lois: As far as the news goes, the number of stories has exploded in recent years. Twenty years ago in my locale, it would be unusual to have a story on the topic more than once a month, unless someone famous like Renée Richards was in the news. Ten years ago, it had increased to as much as once a week. Now there are multiple stories every day. It’s a slow day when I don’t see something about transgender-related legislation or health issues, a human interest story on a transgender person, or an update on one of the more famous transgender people. It’s reached the point where I can’t even read them all.
Monika: That’s quite a surge. Do you think this increase in coverage is generally positive for the transgender community?
Lois: As long as the news stories are objective and even-handed, it helps normalize us within society. And I have seen very even-handed stories in newspapers in areas where there is still a lot of hostility towards transgender people (e.g., Charlotte and Dallas). So those are good things. Still, it can be disheartening if one scrolls down and reads the negative comments, some of which can be quite vile. And the amount of misinformation, misgendering, deadnaming, and misrepresentations of transgender people in some online publications is difficult to take.
Monika: What about transgender representation in films? Have you found any movies that stand out as accurate or meaningful?
Lois: I haven’t watched too many films with significant transgender characters or themes, primarily since I am not much of a film buff. I did enjoy A Danish Girl on the whole, with some parts I thought could have been done better. And as difficult as it was to watch the ending (even when you know what’s coming), I thought that Soldier’s Girl was an excellent film. When I was younger and looking for every scrap of information I could find in those pre-Internet days, I watched movies like Outrageous and I Want What I Want. They were sensationalized in some aspects and have to be taken as products of their times.
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| "One of my strong suits is my eye for women’s fashion." |
Monika: And what about books? Are there any particular works you find insightful or authentic about the transgender experience?
Lois: I prefer documentaries to films, and for the most part, when it comes to books, I will read biographies when I have time to read anything at all. I came across Trans-Sister Radio by Chris Bohjalian about a year ago. It was a cute and clever premise (I like puns and can be an incorrigible punster). But it was clearly wanting in spots. It would take an extraordinarily insightful and empathetic cisgender person to write accurately about a transgender person’s life experience.
Monika: Do you take part in any lobbying efforts or political activism related to transgender rights? How involved are you personally?
Lois: Occasionally. I recently wrote a letter to House Speaker Joe Straus in Texas on behalf of the transgender people I know there, encouraging him to continue to hold off on the anti-transgender bill in that state. But it is often difficult for me to actively engage in lobbying campaigns with organizations that support the same policies I do regarding transgender issues but are very anti-Christian in other things they advocate. Also, I have been so busy lately that I have found it difficult even to contribute to my own blog. I am looking to do more, and it would be easier if I had someone in my household who could share the burdens: taking care of the car, household chores, shopping, etc. But that person doesn’t exist.
Monika: What kinds of victories have you seen from your advocacy work, even if behind the scenes?
Lois: Many victories I have achieved have been quiet. I recently won two appeals with my health care provider. In one case, a trans-hostile person who negotiated contracts with service providers is no longer working there. In another case, my general practitioner credited me with not only winning my own appeal and helping her win an appeal for some of her other transgender patients, but it also armed her with the information she needed to talk with the Chief Medical Officer and get them to change some of their policies to be more trans-friendly.
Monika: Beyond formal activism, how do you approach changing hearts and minds in your community?
Lois: I am also slowly helping some people in my church, and who knows how many who read my blog, to see transgender people in a better light, and hopefully for transgender people to see Christians that way, too. Although I am a Christian, certain Zen and Taoist philosophies resonate with me and are not incompatible with Christianity. So rather than being a hammer, I am water. It may take longer. The path may meander. But it will eventually reach its destination, and other people are less likely to be broken in the process.
Monika: Do you believe transgender women can make a difference in politics despite being a small minority?
Lois: Any person can make a difference in politics. It’s a matter of talent, access, and persistence. That said, we are a tiny minority, even within the LGBTQ coalition, let alone the U.S. at large. So it would take someone of extraordinary talent and a combination of circumstances to make a major impact. However, that should never discourage someone from doing their part. As the old proverb goes, “For want of a nail, eventually the entire kingdom was lost.” Or as Mordecai said to Esther, “… who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for a time such as this?”
Monika: Do you think it’s possible in our lifetime to see a transgender woman become President of the United States? Or at least the First Lady?
Lois: It isn’t likely, considering both the small size of the population and the fact that there would be a lot of opposition from certain areas of the U.S. towards any candidate who was transgender or even married to someone transgender. We have just been through a presidential election with two very polarizing candidates. A candidate closely identified with being, or being married to, someone transgender would be far more polarizing. It would be difficult for someone like that to get nominated by one of the major parties in my lifetime, let alone elected. It would take quite unusual circumstances. It would even be difficult if it was the Vice Presidential candidate who was associated that closely with transgender. It would also be quite a political risk for an unmarried President to marry someone transgender.
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| Glamour photoshoot. |
Monika: How does the historical context of diversity in high political offices affect this outlook?
Lois: It’s only been 33 years since a woman was nominated for Vice President on a major party ticket and one year since Hillary Clinton was nominated for President as the first female candidate at the top of a major party ticket. It’s only been nine years since a Black man was nominated for President on a major party ticket. We have never had an openly gay or lesbian major party candidate for one of the top two spots. It has even been difficult for anyone Catholic or Jewish to get nominated. In that context, it is easy to see how difficult it would be for a trans woman to attain any of those positions. It would probably be less difficult for a trans man to be nominated, but only slightly.
Monika: Are you interested in fashion? How would you describe your style, and what kind of outfits do you usually prefer to wear?
Lois: One of my strong suits is my eye for women’s fashion. (Most men’s fashion bores me, even while I enjoy looking at a well-tailored man in traditional men’s dress clothes.)
Monika: Do you have any memorable fashion-related experiences or stories that stand out for you?
Lois: About 30 years ago, one Christmas, I was invited at the last minute to the home of a female co-worker’s family. I knew I didn’t have time or money to buy presents for everyone, nor did I think I was expected to. But what to buy for my friend? I decided on an outfit of separates for her. I chose earth tones: a knit sweater in various shades of brown, a simple black skirt, and a costume jewelry necklace of chunky polished stones in similar shades to the sweater, but with a bolder pattern. I put them in three separate boxes.
As the youngest daughter handed out the presents, she called my friend’s name and gave her the first box (I scattered them around the tree). It was the sweater, which she held up to oohs and aahs, and a bit of surprise that, as far as they knew, it was from a guy. More presents were handed out to everyone and then came the second box: the skirt. More oohs and aahs; more surprise at who gave it.
Monika: How did your friend react to the complete outfit?
Lois: As the evening wore on, the necklace was unwrapped. Not only was there more praise, but my friend simply couldn’t resist any further. She had to go try everything on. If they were only being polite, she never would have gone to that length. A few minutes later, she came out, and everyone else was very complimentary. First of all, the sweater and skirt fit perfectly, amazing by itself since I was a neophyte at women’s sizes and played it safe by sticking with letters rather than numbered sizes. But everyone marveled at how well everything went together, especially from a “guy” and a stockbroker at that.
Monika: Men would never be able to do this. Have you ever helped someone pick out an outfit that really transformed their look?
Lois: Thirteen years ago, I was in a relationship with a woman who had horribly dated and poor fashion sense. I shudder to remember the dress she wore on our first date when she was trying to make a good impression. It wasn’t so bad that it was a vintage-style dress. It was the fact that it was made of shiny material the color of pink bubble gum that was horrendous. She was a very nice person, but it was like having a date with a bottle of Pepto Bismol! Anyway, we hit it off despite her outfit.
Monika: What happened next? Did you help her find a better look?
Lois: One day, we went to the local mall. As we were walking through the women’s clothing area, on one of the racks I spotted it: THE DRESS. I stopped her and suggested she find her size and try it on. She came out and she looked fabulous. She liked it, too, and she also liked the attention. A woman shopping nearby saw her and told her she looked great in it. That attracted another woman and soon there were half a dozen women with us making positive comments. (I love it when an informal meeting of the “women’s club” is spontaneously called.)
Monika: How did they react when they found out you picked the dress?
Lois: When she told them that I picked it out, hoo boy! They were telling her what a keeper I was. Not only was I willing to go clothes shopping with her, making me a rare enough male at the time, but to have great taste, too! That relationship ended long before I transitioned but we stayed in touch for a while. She gained weight and no longer could fit that dress. I wish I had it. I am almost certain it would fit me!
END OF PART 3
All the photos: courtesy of Lois Simmons.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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