Monika: Your adult film career brought visibility but probably also isolation. How lonely can success become when your work is highly visible, yet deeply misunderstood?
Meghan: Actually, you’d be surprised how much we weren’t isolated at that time in our lives. We were out in public constantly doing DVD signings, calendar signings, and traveling from place to place. I am a very private person by nature, so that was uncomfortable for me, but I did it because it was required. I’ve had the same friends for the last 25 to 40 years, so although I can get lonely, I always know I can reach out to any of my friends and they’ll be there for me.
My best friend Jessica and I have been friends for almost 30 years. We talk and text all the time. She’s my one true rock in this crazy world, but I also have my New Orleans friends, my Hollywood friends, and friends from grade school who are there for me. I’ve been lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life, I truly am.
Monika: You once said adult films made you famous but not rich. If fame were a currency that paid in wisdom instead of cash, what lessons did it end up buying you?
Meghan: It definitely didn’t make me rich. I learned that even though there were times in my life when I felt I wasn’t good enough, I actually was. It taught me the business end of the industry, which definitely helped me with contracts and being able to speak up for myself.
I don’t like to be pushed around, and I don’t let anyone do it. I’m sure that comes from being bullied when I was younger, but I refuse to take anybody’s bullshit at this point in my life. That got me labeled as “difficult” in the industry, but I wasn’t being difficult, I was just standing up for myself and knowing my worth.
Monika: Signing with Devils Film and becoming the first transgender performer to hold that kind of contract was historic. Did the weight of that milestone hit you in the moment, or only years later?
Meghan: I understood how important it was at the time. I was asking myself, am I going to walk the line, or am I going to push the boundaries in this industry controlled by men? I chose to push the boundaries.
After I signed that contract, I also made sure that other girls got contracted. I will always walk hand in hand with my sisters, and if I’m going to be successful at something, I want them to be equally or even more successful. Luckily, it all worked out for us at the time, until the company decided to end the contracts. I can’t discuss anything else about it because of gag orders surrounding the situation, but it was all for the best in the end.
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| "I’ve had the same friends for the last 25 to 40 years." |
Monika: Talking to some younger trans women working in adult films today, I was struck by how independent they are. They know their value, they negotiate for themselves, and many even manage their own careers. Looking at that confidence and autonomy now, do you feel you helped lay the groundwork for that shift, and what does it feel like to see a new generation standing so firmly in their power?
Meghan: I’m proud of the younger generation. I hope I helped lay the groundwork so it would be easier for them in the industry. Also there is a much broader layout today for the younger generation in the adult industry. We didn’t have computers or cell phones when I started my career. Technology has come so far. I remember back when I started, they would say you have to perform in at least five movies to be considered an adult film star. That has changed. Anybody can become huge in the adult industry because of the advancements in technology. I think that’s great. I wish I had the same access today’s generation did back then. I remember having to actually go into adult book stores to even see the covers of my movies. Now, with the tap of a finger and a Google search you can find anybody and anything.
Monika: When I spoke with Yasmin Lee, she told me that there is nothing wrong with doing adult films, but that it’s important to understand it can close other doors, simply because the world is quick to judge what it doesn’t understand or wouldn’t choose for itself, even when it’s legal. With your experience in mind, what advice would you give to young transgender women who are considering this path today?
Meghan: It’s a choice you have to think about. When I started I never knew how far it would reach. For me, it was about survival at the time. I knew in order to survive I had to make money and I chose to step into that industry. There weren’t a lot of choices for transgender women back then. You were either a stage performer, an escort, in adult films or working in a bar. That was pretty much it. And many times you became all of them just to keep a roof over your head.
So many doors have opened for the transgender community employment wise. I know that no matter how many books I write, or songs I release I will always be known as that woman who did adult films. That can be frustrating at times, because we are so much more than that. That’s why I say, really think about it before you jump into it. If someone does choose to go into the industry I would just say always have a Plan A, B, C, D, E etc for when you leave the industry. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, have multiple things going at once.
Monika: Walking away from the adult industry in 2001 feels like a mic-drop moment. Was that exit more about exhaustion, evolution, or simply knowing the story needed a new genre?
Meghan: There came a point when I felt like I had done everything I could do in that industry. I knew it was time to leave it behind and start something new. I had just started a new relationship at the time, and I wanted to be anywhere else but Hollywood. He was from the Midwest, so we packed up and moved back. The relationship lasted nine years, and I decided to stay in the Midwest afterward and get on with my life. I’ve been back here for 24 years now. Do I miss it? Sometimes. But I know moving forward was the right choice.
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| "I will always be a work in progress." |
Monika: Music later became another powerful outlet for you. What does songwriting allow you to express that books and film never quite could?
Meghan: Just like my books, I’m telling stories. Every song I’ve released is about an event in my life. Take the song “Stalker,” for instance. That was based on the true story of a man who stalked me for almost ten years. That was a bit scary at times, but instead of losing my mind over it, I wrote a song about it. It’s just another creative outlet for me to get it all out on the table and then release it into the atmosphere.
Monika: Your long collaboration with DJ XXXavier has lasted over fifteen years. What makes a creative partnership survive when so many others fade?
Meghan: DJ XXXavier is so wickedly talented. He understands my vision. Surprisingly, he and I have never met in person. Can you believe that? We’ve done all of this music together and have never met. One day, it’s on my bucket list. I am loyal to the people I trust, and he is definitely one of those people.
Monika: What are your thoughts on the current situation for transgender women in your country?
Meghan: I’m not going to say it isn’t awful. It is. What I see is Republicans doing the exact same thing they did to gay men in the 1980s and 1990s that they’re now doing to us. They never do anything new. It’s always wash, rinse, and repeat. I know it’s scary, but we will get through this. I have big hopes for the November 2026 election cycle. The entire country is going to wake up. Our community is facing the worst hatred I’ve seen in my lifetime, but I refuse to live in fear. We will prevail in the end, even if it takes a few years to get there. Stay strong.
Monika: Are you working on anything new for 2026?
Meghan: First, myself. I will always be a work in progress. I’m writing the ending to The Mystical Journey. It was supposed to be a trilogy, but it will end with the second book. I’ve also been writing new songs, so maybe there will be something new toward the end of the year. I started writing the follow-up to Murder at the Midnight Motel, but I have to put that on the back burner for now.
Monika: Finally, after decades of reinvention, firsts, risks, and resilience, if your younger self on that Greyhound bus could see you now, would she say, “See, I told you so,” or just steal your outfit and walk off dramatically?
Meghan: I’d say there are never any guarantees in life, only options. Be happy you chose to walk through the doors that opened for you and that you learned from the ones that didn’t. All in all, just be proud of yourself. It was never easy, but nothing easy is worth it in the end anyway. And most importantly, you lived. And always, ALWAYS remember those who walked before you, walked beside you, and those you helped step forward.
Thank you so much, Monika. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’re giving a voice to so many transgender women at a time when our voices need to be heard, and you’re reminding us that we’re not alone in this world.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Meghan Chavalier.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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