Monika: So true!
Rachel: We have also only touched on the diversity of the trans community. I struggled with that a lot in writing Run, Clarissa, Run. How to write a character that represents the trans community?
I ended up deciding it was impossible. The community is too rich, too diverse. There are too many unique and wonderful people out there to be boiled down to one type. Instead, Clarissa is patterned after specific transgender people I’ve met, but she’s not the whole community.
I made a vow as I wrote that book that I would come back and explore other trans characters until I had done the best I could to show just how complex the community is.
In the old days, Clarissa would have probably been labeled an “intense transsexual.” She’s just known since she was very young that she was supposed to be female. She wants to transition, have surgery, and be seen completely as a woman.
My were-otter character Jay, is on the far side of that spectrum. He’s very feminine and dresses in women’s clothes but then denies it “means anything.” He waffles back and forth about his identity and it takes a frustratingly long time coming out. (At least that’s his best friend Amanda’s opinion.) Jay’s lover Corey/Courtney could give a F all about your gender roles and identity. His/her gender changes from scene to scene.
In my current science fiction serial, the Consortium recognizes that gender is on a spectrum and has over seventeen different genders. I had to create a chart to keep it all straight. But even that pales to a number of ways people can identify or present themselves and their gender.
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| Magic and glamour. |
Monika: Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Rachel: I am active in politics locally and I watch national politics closely. I’ve been an activist on a number of issues and in a number of groups. I’ve worked with local groups like One Iowa, The Des Moines Pride Center, and similar organizations. I give talks locally about transgender issues. I’ve been a member of the ACLU and the Sierra Club. In short, when I disagree with the Democrats or the Left, it's usually because I’m further left than they are, rather than the other way around. ;-)
Can a transgender woman make a difference? Yes. You can. And you need to. Because no one else is going to do it.
It can be very overwhelming. There are so many problems in the world. We needed to stay focused on what we can do, what is directly in front of us. We can all do something to make our tiny piece of this world better.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion brands, colors, or trends?
Rachel: Fashion? What is that?
A number of facts about me work against any sort of coherent fashion.
I’m a nurse in my work life. Like a lot of nurses, I don’t really know what to wear when I don’t wear scrubs. Real people clothes?
And I’m a writer. I spend most of my time off in my attic office writing. Leave the house? But I’d have to put pants on!
And I’m a bohemian hippy neopagan. I’ve spent years hanging out at festivals and camping. When a friend had her house burn down, years ago, we all sent her clothes. They were all different sizes. So she cut them up and sewed them into a patchwork fabric and made clothes out of that. That’s my idea of style.
But fashion as in-store brands? I haven’t a clue.
Monika: I have read somewhere that cisgender women were liberated thanks to the development of contraceptive pills whereas transgender women are free now thanks to the development of cosmetic surgery, so they are no longer prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome …
Rachel: I would say that transwomen were liberated by hormones as much as by surgery. Before worrying too much about cosmetic surgery, I suggest people spend a couple years on a hormone protocol. The changes are remarkable.
Estrogen also affects the brain, and in my case at least, it was for the better. Cisgender women often ask me, “doesn’t estrogen make you more emotional?” To which I can only respond, “Yes, but I should be. I’m a woman.” Within a few weeks after starting on estrogen my body started sending the right emotional signals to my brain. Yes, I cry more. Yes, my emotions are closer to the surface. But my depression lifted and I feel so much more comfortable with my body now.
Surgery, especially the big one that transwomen talk about, vaginoplasty, is something only your lover is going to see. It’s not going to help with passing or not passing. My therapist, also a transwoman, said that having the surgery would make about a ten percent difference in life satisfaction. I think she nailed it.
Now, for some people that ten percent is life-saving. For some, that’s the difference between crippling depression or being a functional human being.
But you shouldn’t be fooled into thinking that it will solve all your problems. The haters in your life are still going to hate. You will still look the same in the mirror. You won’t be “cured” of being transgender.
That said, I’m happy I went through with the procedure. I feel much more at peace with myself since the surgery. I detailed my journey in my recent release, “The Agony, The Ecstasy and the Buddha: my month in Thailand having a sex change.”
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Rachel: I often joke that I’m poly-pan-asexual. I’m happy to not sleep with multiple people of any gender or sexuality.
I’m not really asexual. But hormones have really decreased my drive and I’m sort of 'take it or leave it on love'. I have many close friendships and I’m a pretty solitary person, so I have little desire to share my personal space with a live-in lover or spouse.
I was out as a bisexual and a polyamorous person before I came out as transgender. So I’ve never really had a conventional love life. Nor would I want one.
Monika: Are you working on any new projects now?
Rachel: Always. My writer friends tease me about that. I am a prolific writer with a bad case of ADHD. I jump around a lot in my writing. I write every day. But I don’t always stick to a particular project or idea. So I often have multiple things going on at one time.
Friends will ask about a novel and I will be like, “oh, that. It’s published. I’m working on this now.”
So with that in mind: I have been writing a science fiction serial. The Galactic Consortium is into its second season. The title is Shoshone Station. It takes place on a space station orbiting above Denver Colorado. Shoshone Station is the first joint enterprise between America and the Consortium and there are still lots of political issues to iron out between the two cultures and that plays a lot in the story.
The main character I follow is Sophia Bach, a homeless transgender woman who manages to get on to the station before it’s technically open to the public.
I publish an “episode” of fifty to seventy pages each month. You can purchase episodes for .99 cents on most ebook platforms. Readers can also find it for free on Wattpad, though I am a couple issues behind on the free site.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender girls struggling with gender dysphoria?
Rachel: I would tell them to have faith. Faith in themselves and their future.
Faith in themselves because you probably already have lots of people in the world that will tell you that you are wrong about your gender, that you shouldn’t be transgender, or that you will regret transitioning. I am here to tell you to trust your own heart over any voice outside yourself. You know the truth. Keep faith in your heart.
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| "No matter how bleak things might seem today, I believe you find a better future." |
Faith in your future because you will learn to deal with your dysphoria. It might not be easy, but you come through stronger in the end. Dealing with dysphoria might mean doing a medical transition. It might mean surgery. But it doesn’t have to. It can mean whatever it takes for you to finds peace and happiness in your life. No matter how bleak things might seem today, I believe you find a better future. Note, I don’t say that it will get better or that it will just happen. You will find it. You will go out and build that life. I know you can do it.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transsexuals and transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Rachel: I completely agree.
What I often tell young trans people is this. There will be times in your life when being transgender will take up all of your life. This is especially true if you are coming out or in transition.
But there will also be times when being transgender will only be part of your life. There will be time to be other things, a friend, a lover, a parent, a spouse, or... anything you want to be.
Monika: Rachel, thank you for the interview!
All the photos: courtesy of Rachel Eliason.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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