Monika: What kind of transgender stories or characters would you like to see more of?
Rachel: My first novel, Run, Clarissa, Run, has a fair amount of that early narrative too, but Clarissa also has a knack for computers and becomes a hacker. She runs away, intent on creating her own future, regardless of what everyone else thinks of her. That’s the kind of story we need more of. We need trans characters who are heroines and heroes in their own right, stories that include trans characters without being solely about their transness. Transgender readers deserve characters who do things, who are clever, flawed, brave, and worth rooting for. These are the stories that affirm not just our identity but our place in the world.
Monika: Many people still assume there’s a single, uniform trans experience. As a writer, how do you approach representing the diversity of the transgender community in your work?
Rachel: We’ve only just scratched the surface of how rich and varied the trans community really is. I struggled with that a lot while writing Run, Clarissa, Run. How do you write a character that represents the entire trans community? I ended up deciding it was impossible. The community is too diverse, too full of unique and extraordinary people to ever be boiled down into one character. Instead, Clarissa is inspired by specific trans people I’ve met, but she isn’t meant to stand for everyone. That realization freed me creatively, it reminded me that no single person should be burdened with representing an entire community.
Monika: Did that decision shape your goals as a writer moving forward?
Rachel: Absolutely. I made a vow while writing that book that I would return again and again to create other trans characters until I’d done my best to reflect the community’s complexity. In earlier times, Clarissa would probably have been labeled an “intense transsexual.” She’s known from a very young age that she was meant to be female. She wants to transition, undergo surgery, and live fully as a woman. Her story is valid and powerful, but it’s only one note in a much larger symphony of trans experiences.
Monika: Could you share examples of how you’ve explored that spectrum in your other characters?
Rachel: Of course. My were-otter character, Jay, sits on a very different part of the spectrum. He’s feminine and wears women’s clothing, but he insists it “doesn’t mean anything.” He wavers about his identity, taking what Amanda, his best friend, sees as a frustratingly long time to come out. Then there’s Jay’s lover, Corey/Courtney, who couldn’t care less about anyone’s expectations around gender. Their gender shifts from scene to scene, defying all categories. In my current science fiction serial, the Consortium recognizes over seventeen different genders, so many that I had to draw a chart to keep them straight. Still, that doesn’t even come close to capturing the full range of how people identify and present themselves.
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| Magic and glamour. |
Monika: You’ve mentioned being active in your community. What kind of political or advocacy work have you been involved in, and how has it shaped your outlook?
Rachel: I’m active in politics locally, and I follow national politics closely. I’ve been an activist on several issues and with various groups. I’ve worked with local organizations like One Iowa, the Des Moines Pride Center, and others. I give talks on transgender issues, and I’ve been a member of the ACLU and the Sierra Club. In short, when I disagree with the Democrats or the Left, it's usually because I’m further left than they are, rather than the other way around. ;-) Getting involved has shown me how much real, tangible change starts at the local level with people who care enough to act.
Monika: Do you believe transgender women can have a real impact in politics?
Rachel: Can a transgender woman make a difference? Yes. You can. And you need to, because no one else is going to do it for you. It can feel overwhelming, with so many problems in the world. But we need to stay focused on what we can do, on what’s directly in front of us. Every effort matters. Each of us can do something to make our tiny piece of this world better, and those small changes can ripple outward in powerful ways.
Monika: You have such a rich and creative background, how does that influence your personal style? Would you say fashion plays a role in your self-expression?
Rachel: Fashion? What is that? A number of facts about me work against any sort of coherent fashion. I’m a nurse in my work life. Like a lot of nurses, I don’t really know what to wear when I’m not in scrubs. Real people clothes? And I’m a writer. I spend most of my time off in my attic office writing. Leave the house? But I’d have to put pants on! There’s definitely a comfort-first vibe to everything I wear, even if it’s not runway-ready.
Monika: That sounds both practical and freeing. Would you say your lifestyle influences your take on fashion trends or brands?
Rachel: And I’m a bohemian hippy neopagan. I’ve spent years hanging out at festivals and camping. When a friend had her house burn down years ago, we all sent her clothes. They were all different sizes, so she cut them up, sewed them into a patchwork fabric, and made clothes out of that. That’s my idea of style. But fashion as in-store brands? I haven’t a clue. I think what we wear should tell a story, preferably one that involves color, comfort, and a little rebellion.
Monika: Some say that hormonal birth control helped liberate cisgender women, while access to gender-affirming procedures has empowered transgender women. Do you think modern medical advances have given trans women more freedom to live authentically?
Rachel: I would say that trans women were liberated by hormones as much as by surgery. Before worrying too much about cosmetic surgery, I suggest people spend a couple of years on a hormone protocol. The changes are remarkable. Estrogen is powerful, it reshapes not just the body, but also how we process emotions and experience ourselves in the world. For many, that alone can be transformative.
Monika: What was your personal experience like after beginning hormone therapy?
Rachel: Estrogen also affects the brain, and in my case at least, it was for the better. Cisgender women often ask me, “Doesn’t estrogen make you more emotional?” To which I can only respond, “Yes, but I should be. I’m a woman.” Within a few weeks of starting estrogen, my body began sending the right emotional signals to my brain. Yes, I cry more. Yes, my emotions are closer to the surface. But my depression lifted, and I feel so much more comfortable with my body now. It was like something inside me finally clicked into place.
Monika: And what about surgery? Do you think it plays an equally important role in a transgender woman’s journey?
Rachel: Surgery, especially the big one that trans women talk about, vaginoplasty, is something only your lover is going to see. It’s not going to help with passing or not passing. My therapist, also a trans woman, said that having the surgery would make about a ten percent difference in life satisfaction. I think she nailed it. Now, for some people that ten percent is life-saving. For some, that’s the difference between crippling depression or being a functional human being. But you shouldn’t be fooled into thinking that it will solve all your problems. The haters in your life are still going to hate. You will still look the same in the mirror. You won’t be “cured” of being transgender. That said, I’m happy I went through with the procedure. I feel much more at peace with myself since the surgery. I detailed my journey in my recent release, The Agony, The Ecstasy and the Buddha: My Month in Thailand Having a Sex Change, and it was a deeply healing experience for me.
Monika: How do you view love and relationships in your life, especially in light of your identity and experiences?
Rachel: I often joke that I’m poly-pan-asexual. I’m happy to not sleep with multiple people of any gender or sexuality. I’m not really asexual, but hormones have really decreased my drive and I’m sort of "take it or leave it" on love. I have many close friendships, and I’m a pretty solitary person, so I have little desire to share my personal space with a live-in lover or spouse. I was out as a bisexual and a polyamorous person before I came out as transgender, so I’ve never really had a conventional love life, nor would I want one. My version of intimacy has always revolved more around trust, laughter, and deep conversations than traditional romance.
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| "No matter how bleak things might seem today, I believe you find a better future." |
Monika: Do you find yourself constantly inspired to start new creative projects, or do you prefer focusing deeply on one story at a time?
Rachel: Always. My writer friends tease me about that. I am a prolific writer with a bad case of ADHD. I jump around a lot in my writing. I write every day, but I don’t always stick to a particular project or idea, so I often have multiple things going on at one time. Friends will ask about a novel and I’ll be like, “Oh, that. It’s published. I’m working on this now.” I try to follow inspiration wherever it leads, even if it makes my writing schedule a bit chaotic.
Monika: What are you currently working on that you're most excited about?
Rachel: I’ve been writing a science fiction serial. The Galactic Consortium is into its second season. The title is Shoshone Station. It takes place on a space station orbiting above Denver, Colorado. Shoshone Station is the first joint enterprise between America and the Consortium, and there are still lots of political issues to iron out between the two cultures, which plays a major role in the story.
The main character I follow is Sophia Bach, a homeless transgender woman who manages to get onto the station before it’s technically open to the public. It’s been a joy to explore her journey in a universe that mirrors some of our own social struggles. I publish an “episode” of fifty to seventy pages each month. You can purchase episodes for 99 cents on most ebook platforms. Readers can also find it for free on Wattpad, though I am a couple issues behind on the free site.
Monika: What guidance would you offer to transgender girls who are navigating the pain and confusion of gender dysphoria for the first time?
Rachel: I would tell them to have faith, faith in themselves and in their future. Faith in themselves, because you probably already have lots of people in the world telling you that you’re wrong about your gender, that you shouldn’t be transgender, or that you’ll regret transitioning. I am here to tell you to trust your own heart over any voice outside yourself. You know the truth. Keep faith in your heart. That inner compass is more powerful than you realize.
Monika: And what about hope for the future, how can they believe life will get better?
Rachel: Faith in your future means knowing that you will learn to deal with your dysphoria. It might not be easy, but you’ll come through stronger in the end. Dealing with dysphoria might mean doing a medical transition. It might mean surgery. But it doesn’t have to. It can mean whatever it takes for you to find peace and happiness in your life. No matter how bleak things might seem today, I believe you’ll find a better future. Note, I don’t say that it will get better or that it will just happen, you will find it. You will go out and build that life. I know you can do it. And even on your hardest days, remember that you’re not alone in the journey.
Monika: One of my pen friends, Gina Grahame, once told me that we shouldn't limit our potential based on how we were born or by comparing ourselves to what other transgender people are doing. She said our dreams shouldn’t end on an operating table, that’s where they begin. Do you share that perspective?
Rachel: I completely agree. What I often tell young trans people is this: there will be times in your life when being transgender will take up all of your life. This is especially true if you are coming out or in transition. But there will also be times when being transgender will only be part of your life. There will be time to be other things, a friend, a lover, a parent, a spouse, or... anything you want to be. You are allowed to grow into a full, multifaceted life that goes far beyond your gender identity.
Monika: Rachel, thank you for the interview!
All the photos: courtesy of Rachel Eliason.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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