Monika: Seeing someone else living authentically must have been inspiring.
Rachel: A week or two later, I was at my mum’s and she told me about a neighbor, a few years younger than me, who had transitioned and was living fully as her true self. These examples brought things to a head. If they can do it, so can I.
In February 2014, I attended my first support group on the way home from visiting my mum. That same year, people like Caitlyn Jenner and Kellie Maloney were coming out publicly, and seeing them gave me more confidence. That was the start of my slippery slope.
Monika: You say “slippery slope,” did you still resist fully accepting yourself at that point?
Rachel: I hadn’t fully accepted that I needed to transition, I was still trying to live a double life. But in early summer 2015, my son had to move back home, and I couldn’t cope with the thought of it. After breaking down, my NHS GP said I was ‘in distress’ and referred me to the NHS Gender Clinic in Exeter. By then, Rachel was gradually taking over my life.
While still waiting for the NHS Gender Clinic, in February 2016, I had an unplanned conversation with a notable clinician involved with a private gender service. It made me think seriously about transitioning. A couple of months later, I started HRT. I got my NHS Gender Clinic appointment later that summer, mainly to confirm where I was on the spectrum and what steps to take.
Monika: And from there, the rest followed naturally?
Rachel: The rest is history. I had my GRS in July 2019. It really wasn’t a single decision point, it was a gradual process. In many ways, I believe that helped my family and friends come to terms with my transition. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever said it in such clear terms as “I’m going to transition,” it just happened.
Monika: You joined Search and Rescue before transitioning full-time. How did being operational on the team affect your confidence to come out as Rachel?
Rachel: I was terrified.
Monika: That’s an honest place to start. What scared you the most at that point?
Rachel: First, I should highlight that it’s a Search and Rescue team. The whole ethos is that we try to save lives, we don’t discriminate. So logically, why would the team discriminate internally? Still, logic doesn’t always quiet fear.
I joined the team in 2011 and later became a committee member. I was well placed and respected within the team. But by early 2016, I was really struggling with my gender issues. And keeping them secret from the SAR team. With the annual social coming up, I gathered four members of the committee and outed myself to them.
Monika: How did you take the next step with the wider team?
Rachel: I wrote a letter to the rest of the team to out myself. A couple of weeks later, I attended the social as Rachel. It went well, which was a relief. However, I still presented as my old self during training sessions and callouts.
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| My mother is fully supportive, although she does occasionally misgender me. |
Monika: You were one of only two trans women on that SAR course. How did that experience shape your sense of belonging?
Rachel: It wasn’t quite a shared experience. I chose to attend the course as my old self. I didn’t know beforehand that the other trans woman would be there. Her being trans was private. She was simply a woman on the course, and outing her would have been a serious breach of confidentiality.
After a day or so, I managed to catch her alone and told her about my situation. I explained that I’d realized she was trans and needed advice. Talking to her was a huge confidence boost. She was treated appropriately, she was confident, and seeing her thrive gave me what felt like a big green light. It made me think, yes, I can do this too.
Monika: And after that, you started showing up more openly as yourself?
Rachel: Later that summer, we had a joint training exercise with the local ambulance service. Without any warning, I turned up as Rachel. Everything went smoothly. A couple of weeks later, we had an actual callout, and again, I attended as myself. I was the team leader of a small search group, two search technicians and two police officers. At one point, I managed to embarrass myself by tripping and falling into a patch of nettles, but the search itself went very well. One of the police officers later commented on how courageous and brave I was. That meant more to me than they probably realized. There was no going back after that.
Monika: Choosing a name is such a deeply personal decision. How did you come to choose the name Rachel, and does it carry special meaning for you?
Rachel: When I was young, my mum told me she had originally been told she was carrying twins, although later that turned out not to be the case. She said that if I hadn’t been assigned male at birth, I would have been called Rachel. That stuck in my memory, so in a way, I’d known the name all my life. I still had to choose, of course, but it just felt right. I also gave thought to a middle name, since I hadn’t been given one originally. There were a few possibilities, but I eventually chose my maternal grandmother’s middle name. It felt like a quiet way of honoring both my past and my family.
Monika: When you came out, did your mother have a chance to embrace you as her daughter?
Rachel: Oh yes, she did, although it was still a tough journey at first. I’ve already mentioned the old neighbor who transitioned, and Mum was okay with that. I also knew that when she worked as a cleaner at a large manor house near where I grew up, she had encountered the “man of the house” crossdressing, so the concept itself wasn’t completely alien to her.
Monika: How did you actually come out to her?
Rachel: I was going to visit my mum for Mothering Sunday in 2014, and by chance, my daughter asked to come too. That felt like the right moment. My sister and brother-in-law lived nearby, but at the time they were born-again Christians, and I didn’t think it would go well with them around.
Late on the Saturday night, around midnight, it was just the three of us. So I opened up. There were tears and cuddles. Mum told me she loved and supported me no matter what, and my daughter said the same. She was in shock initially. She rang me the following Monday and told me she had spoken to a doctor at the local medical center, where she had previously worked. He reassured her and helped her understand. Combined with her previous experiences with gender-nonconforming people at work, it helped her come to terms with it. And I’m very lucky, I still have my mum. She’s now 98 years young. She’s fully supportive, although she does occasionally misgender me.
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| "My approach is not to hide, but simply to be myself in my local community and in the things I do." |
Monika: And how did the rest of your family react, especially your sister?
Rachel: My sister found out a few months later, when I had to tell my son. It didn’t go well at all, probably influenced by my brother-in-law. We didn’t speak for two years. Eventually, she contacted me and said she couldn’t carry on like that and needed to make her peace with me.
To cut a long story short, who was the first visitor I had in hospital after my GRS? My sister, accompanied by my mum and brother-in-law. That meant a lot. I’ve always been told I’m like my mum, and I think that’s even more true now.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you knowingly met another transgender woman in person? What was that experience like for you?
Rachel: I assume you mean knowingly. I once worked with someone I’m fairly sure was a trans man, but any questions about his past were met with blank looks. No one was going to say anything.
As for trans women, it probably wasn’t until I attended my first support group in early 2014. Earlier in my life, in my late teens and early twenties, I used to go into London, Soho and the West End, with a group of friends. I came across people I understood at the time to be “trannies,” but I never spoke to any of them. I wanted to, but I didn’t dare.
Monika: Transitioning later in life comes with its own challenges. How did you approach learning all the things many girls absorb gradually, like fashion, makeup, and social cues?
Rachel: I just threw myself into it, with very little practice at first. There aren’t many things I can’t learn the basics of quite quickly. I’m an engineer by background, I solve problems, and I pride myself on being able to turn my hand to most things. You research, you try, you adjust. I focused on learning rather than overthinking. Once I stopped being afraid of getting things wrong, it became much easier.
Monika: I remember the time right after my transition, it was pure euphoria. My closet is still full of dresses and shoes that I bought by the dozens back then, and I must have tried on hundreds. I felt like I had to make up for all those years that were taken from me. Did you feel the same way?
Rachel: Most definitely. I really like my shoes, and I still have way too many, dresses and skirts too. My shoe and clothing collections are still huge, far more than I actually need.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go‑to outfits that make you feel confident?
Rachel: My style is generally relaxed, and I’m an outdoor woman. However, I do need to present semi‑formal or smart casual at times as well. I’m almost 70. A couple of years ago, I had an eye problem, and although it’s healed, I have a very small blind spot. It doesn’t affect my day‑to‑day vision, but I now find applying eyeliner to my good eye difficult. Most of the women I associate with, especially the older ones, rarely wear makeup. I don’t have a beard shadow, so I rarely wear it either, just a very thin foundation and a little lipstick, and that’s it if I’m going somewhere smart.
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| "I’m an outdoor woman." |
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Rachel: I do, but it’s not easy to accept.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Rachel: I did, especially early in my transition. I used to wear dresses much more often. But now, very few of my friends, especially in my age group, wear skirts or dresses. They all wear jeans, trousers (pants), or leggings, so I do the same to fit in. I do, however, especially when it’s not too cold, try to give off the right indicators that show I am a woman and have nice boobs. I’ve even been complimented on them by some cis friends.
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Rachel: I don’t generally have any problems, although my voice lets me down. I tried voice therapy years ago, but it wasn’t successful. So I try to soften my voice, but that’s it. Confidence and not being afraid to be myself help enormously.
Monika: You’ve chosen to live openly and thoughtfully, becoming an advocate while also simply living your life. Have you ever felt the pull to disappear into the background and just be seen as a woman, without the “trans” label attached?
Rachel: I’m conflicted. Part of me wants to shout from the rooftops for our rights and visibility. But that’s not really who I am as a person. My approach is not to hide, but simply to be myself in my local community and in the things I do.
I meet a lot of people through my activities. I am a woman, and I am trans, but I don’t make a point of it. I don’t think I stand out until I interact with people, and then they really see me. I have a past, but I don’t mention my old identity unless it’s necessary, and that hasn’t happened for a long time.
Monika: That balance between visibility and normalcy feels very real.
Rachel: Most people in the UK don’t care. They just accept me as a woman. It’s really only when I’m involved in advocacy that I’m a trans woman with a cause.
One thing I haven’t mentioned is my family. I have my mum, my sister, my children, and seven grandchildren. I don’t have contact with the eldest grandchild (he is an adult now), he couldn’t accept me. I also have a daughter-in-law, and my daughter has a partner. I do school runs, look after the kids, and spend time with them regularly. Depending on their age, I’m known as Rachel, Grandma, Grandma Rachel, Nanny, or Nanny Rachel. Only in private do my son or daughter sometimes call me Dad. It works for us.
Monika: In your advocacy work, you often gather research and evidence for others. How do you see that work shaping future policies or support for trans people?
Rachel: Most of what I do involves keeping a close eye on legislative changes and using freedom of information requests. It’s not always about the obvious question or the obvious answer.
Monika: So sometimes what isn’t said matters just as much as what is?
Rachel: Exactly. For example, I recently asked various health boards about their policies regarding the provision and use of facilities by trans people. Many responded by saying they didn’t have specific policies and that responsibility was delegated to service providers. That, in itself, was revealing. What they don’t say often matters more than what they do. It’s all about how you ask the question. A non-answer can be very informative. I then write reports that can be used as evidence when speaking to politicians, policy-makers, or even as written submissions in court cases.
Monika: Do you also support others working in advocacy and research?
Rachel: I do. Through other connections or online sources, I gather information about developments in healthcare or relevant research and pass it on to people who can use it more directly. Occasionally, I’ll also proofread or review other people’s work.
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| "When I’m walking, that’s all I’m doing." |
Monika: You balance family life, Search and Rescue, advocacy, and your own wellbeing. That’s a lot. What keeps you grounded?
Rachel: You can’t do everything perfectly, and you have to accept that. Family always comes first. Beyond that, I try to do things that create separation, activities that require focus and allow my mind to switch off from gender-related issues.
Knowing when to take a break matters. I like having routines during the week. If it’s Wednesday or Friday, I go walking. When I’m walking, that’s all I’m doing. I’m not thinking about policy, politics, or advocacy. I’m just walking with friends. Search and Rescue, Yoga group, playing sport all work in a similar way. It demands focus and presence. As the saying goes, a change is as good as a rest.
Monika: Since you first became active in the community, have you noticed any big changes in public understanding of trans issues?
Rachel: In the media and politics, yes, very much so.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Rachel Walters.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
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