Monika: And not always for the better?
Rachel: Unfortunately not. Many politicians seem to have forgotten basic scientific understanding, human diversity, biological diversity, and the fact that trans people exist and have the same rights as everyone else. The purpose of those rights and the protections that should accompany them are being undermined. The damage being done now is real (eg. I unexpectedly lost another friend just before Christmas). It wasn’t like this twelve years ago, but it has been getting steadily worse. Politicians aren’t looking at the holistic effects of rolling back legal protections. These changes won’t just affect trans people, even if that’s how they’re being framed.
Monika: What about everyday public understanding?
Rachel: That hasn’t changed much. Most people just live and let live. When it comes up in conversation, though, it becomes clear that many people know very little about trans people, terminology, gender incongruence, how it’s treated, biology, or the law. The explosion of terminology has added to the confusion. Most people are generally supportive, but they’re unsure. Some older terms, like the ones I mentioned earlier, still linger among people of my generation and older, even if the language used by trans people or even the media has evolved, they haven’t. And there are phrases that the public don’t understand. Ideology being an example, by definition trans people are not an ideology as we exist.
Monika: And even within the community, it’s complex.
Rachel: It is. I see myself as a woman, a trans woman, female, legally female, transsexual, trans, and transgender. Transgender is a spectrum that includes transsexuals, trans people, non-binary people, and crossdressers who identify as trans or non-binary. If you’re not part of that spectrum, it’s hard to fully understand it. Biology is complicated too.
The media has often exploited this lack of understanding, sometimes intentionally, to stir up prejudice. On the other hand, I’ve helped many cis women underst,and hormones, menopause symptoms, and HRT, so education cuts across boundaries.
Monika: If you could give one piece of advice to someone transitioning later in life, what would it be?
Rachel: You’re not going to be perfect, and that’s okay. Dress appropriately for your age and the situation you’re in. Do enough to blend in, be confident, and live your life. You don’t have to make a sudden binary change from male to female. A non-binary or bi-gender presentation can help for a while. Transition is a process, and we all do it differently.
A smile and a pleasant chat go much further than you think. Don’t behave like a man, behave like you belong. Confidence matters, and if you don’t have it yet, fake it until it grows. If you approach people with warmth, it’s harder for them to respond negatively.
Monika: And the practical side of coming out?
Rachel: Body language matters. Don’t look nervous or behave in a way that draws attention. When coming out to family, try to do it when they’re not alone and have some support around them. People are less likely to react badly when others are present, though only you know your family dynamics. The same applies to friends.
Monika: How does it affect us when we focus on something really significant, and suddenly it’s no longer there driving us forward or dragging us down? Especially if we have lost something important along the way.
Rachel: These things affect us in different ways. For many, the focus is transition, and its effects on ourselves and those around us can be all-consuming. For others, it might be medical issues or work. Losing something significant can leave a void that is challenging to fill.
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| "Transition adds another layer, but most struggles, loss, purpose, aging, relationships, are universal." |
Monika: Are we able to resume life’s journey and get back on track after losing that focus?
Rachel: That depends on the person. Life often mixes these challenges with others, health issues, general progression, and unexpected events. Post‑transition, your life and your questions become:
Where does life go from here, and what do I do to fill my days?
If I have a career, where is it going, and where do I want it to go?
Where are my personal relationships going?
Friends and friendship groups may have changed. Families grow up, but family problems don’t go away. Losing family or connections affects us deeply, especially as we get older. Do we do something new?
Monika: How do we maintain a sense of purpose if it’s hard to see one right now?
Rachel: Maintaining purpose can be tough. If we can’t see a purpose or continue fighting a problem, what is going to drive us forward? Some people thrive on putting everything into transition, but struggle when that motivation is gone. Purpose can come from personal relationships, politics, religion, knowledge, or other passions, for example, fighting or advocating for the rights, protections, and healthcare of trans or LGBT+ people, or other groups.
Monika: What if there’s a void after transition?
Rachel: For some, it’s the end of the main aim of their life. You’ve put all your energy and everything into “transitioning,” and then it’s gone. It’s a void that needs to be filled with a new purpose. For me, it was helping family and community, developing new relationships, and advocacy. But if there’s a void, it can feel disorienting. It’s not just getting older, it’s the end of the main aim you’ve had in alleviating the incongruence, i.e., transitioning, and then it’s gone. The skills we learned in earlier struggles, like navigating life before and during transition, can be repurposed to help us progress and find meaning.
Monika: Does getting older naturally lead us to want to guide future generations?
Rachel: For me it did, and often yes, I think many of us feel drawn to guide others as an “elder.” But it’s not just age; it’s those past experiences. It’s also being visible and showing those behind us that it can be a success, and that life can continue.
Monika: How much of this is just life in general, and how much is specifically related to being trans?
Rachel: Many of these challenges affect most people as they progress through life, regardless of being trans. Transition adds another layer, but most struggles, loss, purpose, aging, relationships, are universal.
Monika: How do your personal experiences shape your perspective?
Rachel: I’m extremely lucky and in a very privileged position, having lost very little. Sure, I lost some things, but I regained most. That shapes my perspective, and I see things through a somewhat rosy lens, though I understand that not everyone has the same experience.
Monika: Rachel, thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience, insight, and honesty in this conversation. Your work, both behind the scenes and in public advocacy, shows how much careful, patient effort goes into protecting trans lives and rights, even when that work isn’t always visible.
Rachel: Thank you, and it was a pleasure talking to you.
END OF PART 3
All photos: courtesy of Rachel Walters.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
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