Monika: Many of us live the lives of wives, mothers, and daughters, trying to forget about our past. You have decided to be an advocate of transgender rights and be vocal about our positive image in society. Have you ever felt the temptation of being in the closet, being a woman rather than a transgender woman?
Sarafina: Not exactly. I came of age in the band. My transition was discussed and documented quite openly and I wasn’t exactly trying to patently keep it a secret. Eventually, my success with the band was leveraged into a federal career and is contained in my resume. Some of my colleagues still refer to me as the “bona fide rock star” which equally amuses and thrills me considering our modest celebrity.
Monika: How did you choose the name Sarafina? Does it hold special meaning for you?
Sarafina: My former name was common. As I understand it, the name was bestowed upon me at the last moment without much thought or concern. It wasn’t a family name, or the name of a close friend, nor even of my family heritage. It lacked flourish and imagination, felt out of place, and failed to even have a feminine equivalent. While coming out, so to speak, one of my exes suggested that if I wanted to keep my initials, that I should go with “something gothic, like Seraphina.” The sound was there, but not the fury until I modified the spelling. It *does* have a special meaning: it’s mine.
Monika: Transitioning is not just a personal journey; it also reshapes our relationships, especially with those who support us. Have you noticed a shift in how people treat you since your transition?
Sarafina: Yes, definitely. But I think the journey is how *I* responded and shifted to how people have responded to me. Prior to transition, I overcompensated a lot. Moreover, I used to say that my overconfidence was borderline megalomania. Taking a proper compliment took me time. Today, I am told that I am a beloved and respected member of my agency and that my force of presence, good heart, and sense of humor carry the day. It’s tempered my ego and centered me. I couldn’t fathom being perceived in such a manner without transition.
Monika: I finally felt free after my transition. How about you? Was there a single moment, or maybe a series of moments, where you truly felt like you had stepped into your most authentic self?
Sarafina: Absolutely. But it was *many* moments. That’s the journey. That’s the discovery.
Monika: The journey to being our true selves often comes with a heavy price, losing friends, family, and sometimes even our jobs. What was the hardest part of coming out for you, and how did you navigate it?
Sarafina: Most of my immediate family turned on me, ridiculed me, or just ignored me. Employment was challenging at first, too. I had a chosen family, though: my bandmates and my partner at the time. Without their support, it’s hard to imagine how I could have survived, or if I would have had the courage to transition. That partner is now gone, though our friendship remains; and my band life has changed from one of immersion and innovation to a partnership grounded in mutual accomplishment and development. In many ways I felt like that was all the destination, but instead, it’s all just been part of the journey.
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| "I hope that my accomplishments speak for themselves." |
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a trans woman on TV or met one in real life that helped you realize, “That’s me!”?
Sarafina: No, I never felt properly represented. Granted, I transitioned over twenty years ago.
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Sarafina: I believe that I have to deal with judgment routinely due to my work and my work travel. Many have said to me that no one really notices or cares that I’m a transwoman until I actually speak, wherein they *might* notice. That is hard for me to believe, and I generally operate under the assumption that everyone is aware. It’s not a secret.
I do worry in airports or in locales where I lack support, particularly in the South, but I’ve rarely had any problems of note. Quite the contrary, in fact. My instincts are well developed. As for the world’s expectations of me, I hope that my accomplishments speak for themselves.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Sarafina: The biggest surprise is that I lived through it. Historically, I’ve been pretty self-destructive with a flair for the melodramatic. Old age was really something that I thought would not be obtainable. Maybe transitioning helped me age gracefully.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book, and if so, what would its central message be?
Sarafina: Oh my. If only I thought my memoirs would be *worth* reading. My observations are oblique; I’m prone to rambling; and my sense of humor is incomprehensible at worst and exhausting to others at best. Beyond worrying about the title (I would opt for ‘Born on Friday the 13th’ or ‘New Heights in Mediocrity’) and which photo to use on the book jacket, the central theme would be ‘persevere!’ with maybe some practical advice (“floss more” or “best martini recipe to use”) sprinkled throughout.
Monika: If you could tell your younger self one thing about being a transgender woman, what would it be?
Sarafina: Transition sooner, save more for retirement, and pet more cats!
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Sarafina? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Sarafina: Did I mention retirement? Seriously though,the dreams and goals these days are a new record and tour with Lipstick Conspiracy and continued adventures and travels with my work. Oh, and maybe getting a pizza oven!
Monika: Sarafina, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Sarafina: Thank you so much! It’s been a pleasure. I hope that I didn’t swear too much!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Sarafina Maraschino.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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