Monika: Today I would like to introduce to you Jessica McGuinness, an American transgender activist and
community leader, and an Emergency Medical Service professional. Her story was presented in Greg Miraglia's
book "American Heroes Coming Out From Behind The Badge" (2010) that features examples of how police officers,
firefighters, and EMS professionals have been able to come out and be successful on the job. Hello Jessica!
Jessica: Hello Monika! Thank you for having me. I'm really excited about this!
Monika: To start, what does everyday life look like for you these days?
Jessica: I worked in EMS for 12 years but had to resign due to worsening arthritis from hemophilia. After about a
year on disability, I got hired at the University of Pittsburgh as a clinical specialist for the Pitt Men's
Study. The Pitt Men's Study is a 30-year-old study on HIV. It's been really incredible, and I couldn't be
happier.
I was born in 1975 with hemophilia and grew up in the ’80s during the HIV outbreak. Remember Ryan White? I'm one of the lucky few who made it out of that time HIV-negative. Most of the kids I remember from the hemophilia center are gone now. It's nice, because I feel like I can give a little back to the community.
I was born in 1975 with hemophilia and grew up in the ’80s during the HIV outbreak. Remember Ryan White? I'm one of the lucky few who made it out of that time HIV-negative. Most of the kids I remember from the hemophilia center are gone now. It's nice, because I feel like I can give a little back to the community.
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| The bridge in West Virginia that Jessica fell off. |
Monika: Greg Miraglia's book "American Heroes Coming Out From Behind the Badge" collects inspirational
stories of LGBT people in public safety. What was yours?
Jessica: As I mentioned, I was in EMS for 12 years. When I entered that job, I was hiding the fact that I was trans from myself and the world. I also grew up around US Marines and always wanted to join, but I couldn't because of hemophilia.
EMS ended up being a dream come true for me. I had found a way to serve the public by doing a job that I could be proud of. In 2005, I fell off a bridge during a camping trip and was nearly killed. It took me 6 months to recover, and I couldn't get off my couch for the first two months. This gave me a lot of time to think about my life. I realized that if I had died, I wouldn't have liked the person that I was. That's the moment I decided to transition.
Monika: You began transitioning while still working in EMS. What was it like trying to reconcile your professional life with your emerging identity?
Jessica: As I mentioned, I was in EMS for 12 years. When I entered that job, I was hiding the fact that I was trans from myself and the world. I also grew up around US Marines and always wanted to join, but I couldn't because of hemophilia.
EMS ended up being a dream come true for me. I had found a way to serve the public by doing a job that I could be proud of. In 2005, I fell off a bridge during a camping trip and was nearly killed. It took me 6 months to recover, and I couldn't get off my couch for the first two months. This gave me a lot of time to think about my life. I realized that if I had died, I wouldn't have liked the person that I was. That's the moment I decided to transition.
Monika: You began transitioning while still working in EMS. What was it like trying to reconcile your professional life with your emerging identity?
Jessica: I didn't think coming out as trans while working in public safety was possible. I was convinced that people
wouldn't accept me and I'd end up having to leave. I went to beauty school during the early stages of transition
while working full time. I finished beauty school and ended up working part of the week as a male EMT and the
other part of the week as a female hairdresser. As you can imagine, this was not easy.
Eventually, I got fired from my hairdressing job. Not because I was trans, but because I wasn't suited for that job. On Saturday, I'd have a patient burned from head to toe, and on Tuesday, I had a client who didn't like the way I was brushing their hair. I have all the respect in the world for people in the cosmetology field, but it wasn't for me.
Eventually, I got fired from my hairdressing job. Not because I was trans, but because I wasn't suited for that job. On Saturday, I'd have a patient burned from head to toe, and on Tuesday, I had a client who didn't like the way I was brushing their hair. I have all the respect in the world for people in the cosmetology field, but it wasn't for me.
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| With her friends at a wedding. |
Monika: After returning to EMS full time, you found the courage to come out to your coworkers. What gave you the strength to take that step, and how did they respond?
Jessica: Now I was back working full-time as a male EMT. I was torn and couldn't find another way out. I decided that I
was in a unique position to help the trans community. I thought maybe I could be that positive face that would
show EMS providers and police officers that we're not freaks. I ended up posting a long letter to my coworkers
that explained my process and feelings. To my surprise, my coworkers had no problems with it and completely
accepted me.
A few months later, I ended up exchanging emails with Greg Miraglia, and I sent him the letter that I'd posted on Facebook. That letter is what ended up getting published in the book. I remember typing that letter out in my sunroom, terrified about posting it. It's really wild to think of what became of it.
Recently, my story was posted on an LGBT page on Facebook, and somebody I never met said they'd read it. That still amazes me.
Monika: Setting that aside, did you ever run into outright discrimination at work because you're transgender?
Jessica: When I came out at work, I'd already been there for a few years. I guess you could say I was already part of the club. So when I came out, my coworkers saw me as one of them who needed their support. Honestly, they were amazing.
What I did notice was how they used to talk about trans people before I came out. They'd be made fun of and mocked. That hurt me really deeply, and it eventually became my driving force to come out on the job. I actually go into detail about this in the book.
After I came out, that behavior stopped, and people became a lot more sensitive to trans issues. I give those guys a lot of credit, and I'm very proud of them.
A few months later, I ended up exchanging emails with Greg Miraglia, and I sent him the letter that I'd posted on Facebook. That letter is what ended up getting published in the book. I remember typing that letter out in my sunroom, terrified about posting it. It's really wild to think of what became of it.
Recently, my story was posted on an LGBT page on Facebook, and somebody I never met said they'd read it. That still amazes me.
Monika: Setting that aside, did you ever run into outright discrimination at work because you're transgender?
Jessica: When I came out at work, I'd already been there for a few years. I guess you could say I was already part of the club. So when I came out, my coworkers saw me as one of them who needed their support. Honestly, they were amazing.
What I did notice was how they used to talk about trans people before I came out. They'd be made fun of and mocked. That hurt me really deeply, and it eventually became my driving force to come out on the job. I actually go into detail about this in the book.
After I came out, that behavior stopped, and people became a lot more sensitive to trans issues. I give those guys a lot of credit, and I'm very proud of them.
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| In the back of the ambulance that she worked in. |
Monika: Hostility toward transgender women somehow always seems sharper than what's aimed at transgender men. Do you have a theory as to why that is?
Jessica: I believe people fear what's different. Transgender people are constantly portrayed as freaks, prostitutes, murderers, and perverts in the media. We're constantly the butt end of jokes.
There are very few positive transgender role models in the media. Even when the media focuses on us, they tend to focus on our transitions, and the world never gets to see us after our transitions.
People don't see how happy we become and how we adapt into contributing members of society. I want to see characters who are cops and office workers who just happen to be trans. We are trans, but we're not defined by our transitions. I hope the media will learn this.
As we keep getting our faces and stories out there, people will slowly start to turn around. One day, somebody will talk down about us, and people will say, "I know a transgender woman, she's not evil. She's really nice, and this person is mean for saying that."
Monika: Would you describe yourself as a feminist?
Jessica: Great question! I think a lot of people within the LGBT community are advocates without really intending to be. To be honest, I just see myself as a woman living a happy life. However, trans people have a very unique perspective on the world. We know what it's like to walk down the street as a man and what it's like to walk down the street as a woman. I think it's safe to say that most of us realize the perspectives of the genders are very different.
A lot of the issues we face are women's issues, such as workplace equality and victim-blaming. I believe any woman who stands up for these things is a feminist to some degree, whether it's intentional or not. That's true for both genetic women and trans women. I'd say I'm a trans-feminist.
I believe a lot of the issues between genetic women and trans women run parallel, but there are also a lot of issues that are exclusive to us. By doing my advocacy work, I hope to accomplish one thing and affect the other in a positive way.
Jessica: I believe people fear what's different. Transgender people are constantly portrayed as freaks, prostitutes, murderers, and perverts in the media. We're constantly the butt end of jokes.
There are very few positive transgender role models in the media. Even when the media focuses on us, they tend to focus on our transitions, and the world never gets to see us after our transitions.
People don't see how happy we become and how we adapt into contributing members of society. I want to see characters who are cops and office workers who just happen to be trans. We are trans, but we're not defined by our transitions. I hope the media will learn this.
As we keep getting our faces and stories out there, people will slowly start to turn around. One day, somebody will talk down about us, and people will say, "I know a transgender woman, she's not evil. She's really nice, and this person is mean for saying that."
Monika: Would you describe yourself as a feminist?
Jessica: Great question! I think a lot of people within the LGBT community are advocates without really intending to be. To be honest, I just see myself as a woman living a happy life. However, trans people have a very unique perspective on the world. We know what it's like to walk down the street as a man and what it's like to walk down the street as a woman. I think it's safe to say that most of us realize the perspectives of the genders are very different.
A lot of the issues we face are women's issues, such as workplace equality and victim-blaming. I believe any woman who stands up for these things is a feminist to some degree, whether it's intentional or not. That's true for both genetic women and trans women. I'd say I'm a trans-feminist.
I believe a lot of the issues between genetic women and trans women run parallel, but there are also a lot of issues that are exclusive to us. By doing my advocacy work, I hope to accomplish one thing and affect the other in a positive way.
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| With contributing officers at the Pittsburgh book event. |
Monika: More transgender women are coming out in the USA these days, and some, unlike in previous years,
hold real celebrity status or wide recognition: Lana Wachowski in film-directing, Jenna Talackova in modeling,
Kate Bornstein in academic life, Laura Jane Grace in music, Candis Cayne in acting. Will we keep seeing more
women like that?
Jessica: I think it's great! The more positive faces that are out there, the more it'll eventually show the world that we're normal people just like everyone else. We didn't see this 20 years ago.
Our stories were almost exclusively seen on trashy talk shows. I think trans people keep coming out because the world is slowly becoming more accepting. I personally believe it'll only get better with time.
Monika: And where did you grow up?
Jessica: I grew up in the South Hills of Pittsburgh, PA, and I still live here. I love this city, and I really don't see myself leaving it. Pittsburgh is this little hidden gem that the rest of the country doesn't see.
Recently, Pittsburgh was rated the #4 most LGBT-friendly city in the US, and I believe it. I really haven't had too many problems here. There are always unaccepting jerks out there, no matter what city you're in. I just think Pittsburgh has fewer than a lot of cities.
Jessica: I think it's great! The more positive faces that are out there, the more it'll eventually show the world that we're normal people just like everyone else. We didn't see this 20 years ago.
Our stories were almost exclusively seen on trashy talk shows. I think trans people keep coming out because the world is slowly becoming more accepting. I personally believe it'll only get better with time.
Monika: And where did you grow up?
Jessica: I grew up in the South Hills of Pittsburgh, PA, and I still live here. I love this city, and I really don't see myself leaving it. Pittsburgh is this little hidden gem that the rest of the country doesn't see.
Recently, Pittsburgh was rated the #4 most LGBT-friendly city in the US, and I believe it. I really haven't had too many problems here. There are always unaccepting jerks out there, no matter what city you're in. I just think Pittsburgh has fewer than a lot of cities.
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| Jessica at the Art for AIDS Charity Action. |
Monika: Going back further, when did you first sense that being a boy, or a man, wasn't who you really were?
Jessica: I knew something was different about me when I was around 5, but I kept it bottled up. I knew I couldn't tell anyone, and I kept this secret to myself for most of my life.
Nobody will ever understand how much inner turmoil I had. The early ’80s were a lot different than they are today for trans youth. I grew up in love with the military. Looking back, I think it was a classic case of overcompensating. I grew into a very shy and introverted person. I wasn't social outside of my friends. I was runner-up for quietest senior, and I graduated dead last in my class with a 1.2 GPA.
After high school, I turned to a lot of drugs. It's not something I'm proud of, but it made me a better and more compassionate EMT later on. I eventually got off the drugs, but I kept drinking for years after. It's funny to think about these things now, because I'm the complete opposite. I'm happy, social, and driven.
Jessica: I knew something was different about me when I was around 5, but I kept it bottled up. I knew I couldn't tell anyone, and I kept this secret to myself for most of my life.
Nobody will ever understand how much inner turmoil I had. The early ’80s were a lot different than they are today for trans youth. I grew up in love with the military. Looking back, I think it was a classic case of overcompensating. I grew into a very shy and introverted person. I wasn't social outside of my friends. I was runner-up for quietest senior, and I graduated dead last in my class with a 1.2 GPA.
After high school, I turned to a lot of drugs. It's not something I'm proud of, but it made me a better and more compassionate EMT later on. I eventually got off the drugs, but I kept drinking for years after. It's funny to think about these things now, because I'm the complete opposite. I'm happy, social, and driven.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Jessica McGuinness.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
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