Bianca Lewis is a South African-born video blogger whose life has taken her through experiences few people could imagine. Growing up under apartheid, surviving bacterial meningitis that left her in a coma, spending a year in a wheelchair after paralysis, and later living and working in the Middle East, including during times of war, Bianca has faced challenges that would have tested even the strongest person. Along the way, she also experienced marriage, divorce, motherhood, and the loss of almost her entire family. Bianca eventually began her transition later in life, after decades of living with the feeling that the person the world saw did not reflect who she truly was. She documented her journey on YouTube, hoping not only to share her own experiences but also to offer encouragement to others who were still searching for the courage to become themselves.
Her story is not simply about transition, however. As Bianca herself explains, being a woman is only one part of a much larger and more complicated life story. In our conversation, Bianca speaks openly about growing up feeling like an outsider in her own skin, the challenges of coming out after having lived for decades as a husband and father, the women who inspired her, and the importance of acceptance and dignity. She also talks about motherhood, fashion, beauty pageants, politics, friendship, love, and her hopes for a more peaceful future. Above all, hers is a story about the determination to keep moving forward, regardless of how difficult the journey becomes.
Monika: Today it's my pleasure to sit down with Bianca Lewis, a video blogger from South Africa who has been documenting her transition journey on YouTube. Bianca's life story is nothing short of extraordinary, she has lived through apartheid, battled bacterial meningitis, overcome paralysis, and navigated war zones. Welcome, Bianca!
Bianca: Hi Monika, and everybody. I'm glad to share my views with you today. I hope my story resonates with those who need it most.
Monika: Could you introduce yourself to our readers?
Bianca: Well, I am definitely not defined by transition. Being female has always been a part of me that has experienced amazing journeys. I grew up in apartheid South Africa, experienced bacterial meningitis with a coma, then paralysis in a wheelchair for a year, love, divorce, the death of almost all my family, the Middle East, and war, and that is just the start of what has made me, well, me. Each challenge has shaped me into the strong woman I am today.
Monika: What inspired you to start sharing your transition journey on YouTube?
Bianca: For many years, just reading about and seeing women who had the courage to transition helped me see tomorrow, so I thought I would try to do the same. Not very selflessly though, I have written a book about my life story that I hope will inspire others to reach for their dreams. YouTube is a platform to create some awareness for the book before it is published, it will be virtually free as an ebook in early 2014. I also hope that my experiences can offer guidance to those still contemplating their own journey.
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| Enjoying my new femininity, going out to the famous Tel Aviv nightlife. |
Monika: Where do things stand for you in your transition journey today?
Bianca: My transition is over, and it will forever continue. Sorry, I know I am difficult. Socially, professionally, and intimately, I have been accepted by everybody as nothing but a woman for quite some time. But learning forty years of life experience so quickly means I will be playing catch up in some ways for the rest of my life. Physically, I would say I am near the end.
Monika: Are you happy with how hormone therapy has affected you?
Bianca: I honestly expected to take a pill and see Pamela Anderson in the mirror the next day. The effects of hormones, starting at thirty-nine years old, were very limited physically. Emotionally, it made me much calmer, but physically? Thank goodness for surgery! Despite the limited changes, I would not trade the emotional stability and inner peace for anything.
Monika: Could you share some memories from your childhood? When did you first sense that you were not meant to be a boy?
Bianca: Boy? Man? What were those? From my earliest memory, I never related to them. I felt like an outsider in my own skin, always wishing I could be like the other girls.
Monika: Many transgender women describe school and university as difficult years because of discrimination. Was that true for you as well?
Bianca: That's a really tough question, because I remember how hard, and how unique, each stage of life was. From kindergarten through my professional life, it was always an immense struggle to get through the day. I suppose adolescence was the most torturous, simply because I was a heterosexual female who had no way to discover or develop this side of myself. Talk about all sorts of confusion! I often felt like I was living someone else's life, just waiting for the day I could finally be me.
Monika: Did you have any transgender role models who inspired you along the way?
Bianca: Before I transitioned, I certainly admired Lynn Conway, Andrea James, Marcy Bowers, and the usual suspects, great role models for transition who have given so much to the community. As I transitioned, though, I discovered that these women are all so much more than transition, and my life is unique, so my role models shifted away from gender and toward human rights more generally. I learned that identity is just one part of a much bigger picture of personal fulfillment.
Monika: Looking back, what was the most challenging part of coming out for you?
Bianca: Not to be funny, but when you've lived as a middle-aged, one-hundred-and-twenty-five-kilogram bodybuilder, married to a woman with a child, and seen as a tough guy, coming out is difficult in every possible way. That is why I always say transition is such a hard journey that a person should only travel this path if there is no other choice. If you arrive at the other side of the gender spectrum in one piece, though, it is truly amazing. Despite all the hardships, the freedom to be my true self has been worth it.
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| My passion: eating! This Mexican restaurant was part of a fabulous night. |
Monika: How do you see the current situation for transgender women, both in the United States and around the world?
Bianca: As I have been in the States mainly on business, I have never really had to deal with American society's views on being transgender. I will say this, though: all transgender people want is to be accepted as human beings, and every Western society I have experienced has a long way to go. The fight for equality and dignity continues, but I remain hopeful that progress will be made.
Monika: We're seeing more transgender women step into the public eye, from film directors to musicians and models. Do you think that trend will continue?
Bianca: Of course. As the stigma attached to being transgender diminishes, more and more of us will be willing to step into the limelight. It's a subject that deserves more attention, because many trans individuals achieve great things despite immense internal struggles. When they make peace with themselves, their true ability is unleashed, and I expect more and more great trans people to come to the foreground. We are truly unique in our ability to look hardship in the face and come out on top. The visibility of trans people across every field gives hope to those still in the shadows.
Monika: Are you involved in politics or advocacy work? Do you think transgender women can influence political change?
Bianca: I believe anybody can make a difference in politics. I do believe we need more representation in government, because we are still seen as noise from the side instead of a valuable contributor to society with a worthy voice. I live in Israel, so being active in politics would usually require a language that is often beyond me, but I am happy to make some noise!
Monika: Do you enjoy fashion? What are your go-to outfits, and do you follow any particular trends?
Bianca: I had my Cinderella phase, then I found that people actually stared at a forty-year-old in a tutu! I love clothes, shoes, and makeup. I am fairly senior at work, so I usually get to dress up a bit, skirts, tights, and heels are the norm. On the weekend, I am happy in jeans and sneakers, my cool and ugly natural look!
Monika: What is your take on transgender beauty pageants?
Bianca: For those who want and need it, why not? They should have age categories though! Seeing a sixty-year-old flaunt a newly surgically arranged body next to a gorgeous seventeen-year-old Thai beauty just seems bizarre at times. I will say that, personally, I have missed the boat, although my son does say I look at least a year younger than I actually am.
Monika: Are you involved with your local LGBT community?
Bianca: Not at all. I have met one or two trans girls by coincidence in the plastic surgery ward at the hospital, but I transitioned with friends I had known long before, and I had to educate them myself. They have stood by me and are truly precious. As far as the gay part of LGBT goes, well, one of these great friends, and one of my very dearest friends in the whole world, is gay. Does that count?
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| I do not believe that we women drive as badly as everybody tells me I do! |
Monika: Do you see marriage and family in your future? How important is love in your life?
Bianca: First of all, I have a twelve-year-old son who is dear, precious, and my whole existence. Honestly, I would love to find love, get married, and have somebody hold and love me. But beware, I am stubborn and do not compromise very well.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who are afraid to transition because of discrimination or hate?
Bianca: Again, fear is not the real test, that is normal. The true question is really whether you have any other option. If your essence is the opposite of what people see, truly, you will not have a choice, and those fears will be overcome one day at a time, experience by experience. The people who love you will always love you, though that is easy to say now! The key is to find strength in yourself and surround yourself with supportive people who see and respect the real you.
Monika: What are your current goals, and where do you see yourself in the next five to seven years?
Bianca: I really hope to stabilize my life. It has been such a dynamic and unsettling journey, peace would be a great gift to me. If I can bring joy and inspire others through my experiences, that would also give me great pleasure. In five to seven years, I hope to have a stable life and be planning for an even brighter future. Perhaps by then I will have written another book or taken on new challenges that help uplift others.
Monika: Would you say you're a happy woman today?
Bianca: No. I can say that I am happy being accepted as a woman now. My happiness does not come from being me, although that helps a hell of a lot, it comes from being a good parent and achieving my goals in life. Transition is only a part of it. Every day, I strive to find deeper contentment and new reasons to smile.
Monika: Bianca, it has been a pleasure speaking with you. Thank you for sharing your story!
All the photos: courtesy of Bianca Lewis.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
