Esben Esther Pirelli Benestad is one of Norway’s most distinctive and influential transgender figures, a physician, sexologist, professor, author, and outspoken advocate for greater understanding of gender diversity. Born Esben Benestad in 1949, she later added the names Esther and Pirelli, explaining that the combination reflected a gender identity that did not fit neatly into the traditional categories of man and woman. She has described herself as a trans person and has spent much of her professional life challenging the idea that there are only two possible ways of being. Her professional career has brought together medicine, sexology, family therapy, education, and transgender advocacy. Esben Esther has worked with trans people since the 1980s and, together with her wife, psychologist and sexologist Elsa Almås, has run a sexology practice in Grimstad. In February 2012, the couple became professors of sexology at the University of Agder, becoming the first professors in the field in Norway. Esben Esther and Elsa Almås have also written extensively about sexuality and gender. Their books include Sexologi i praksis, Kjønn i bevegelse, Transseksualisme – hvor går vi og hvor står vi?, Transekjønn og diagnoser, and Penisatlas. Her work has contributed to a more open discussion of sexuality, gender identity, and the experiences of transgender people, both within professional circles and in Norwegian public life.
Esben Esther became known far beyond the medical and academic world through her son Even Benestad’s acclaimed 2002 documentary All About My Father (Alt om min far). The deeply personal film explored Esben Esther’s life and identity through the perspective of her son and family. It went on to win numerous awards, including the Teddy Award for Best Documentary at the Berlin International Film Festival and the Best International Feature Documentary award at Hot Docs in Canada. Her public visibility continued in 2007 when Esben Esther participated in the Norwegian television dance competition Skal vi danse. She was eliminated after four episodes, but the experience placed a highly visible transgender person in front of a mainstream Norwegian television audience. She later spoke about how challenging it had been to dance in heels before such a large audience, while also emphasizing the remarkable support she received from the Norwegian public.
Esben Esther has also been politically engaged, standing as a candidate for Norway’s Liberal Party and advocating for greater recognition of people whose gender identities do not fit conventional categories. Her approach to gender is deliberately expansive. Rather than encouraging transgender people simply to fit into existing definitions of male and female, she has argued for creating more possibilities so that people can find a place in society that genuinely reflects who they are. In this interview, Esben Esther speaks about the relationship between her personal experience and her professional work, her rejection of the traditional “wrong body” narrative, transgender healthcare in Norway, her political activism, and the experience of becoming the subject of her son’s award-winning documentary. She also shares memories of her family, her marriage to Elsa, her love of fashion, and the extraordinary experience of appearing on Norwegian television. For Esben Esther, being transgender is not a problem to be solved but one part of a much larger human story. As she told me during our conversation, she is not simply a man or a woman, but a very happy trans person.
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| Elsa and I, how to pose when Christmas cards need seasonal illustration. Our niece Hanne in the middle. |
Monika: It is a distinct honor to speak with Esben Esther Pirelli Benestad, a trailblazing physician, sexologist, and professor of sexology, and one of Norway’s most prominent transgender figures. Esther, welcome, and thank you for joining me today!
Esben Esther: Hello Monika! Thank you for including me in your wonderful series of interviews.
Monika: You have authored several important textbooks on transgender issues, including Kjønn i bevegelse (2001), Transseksualisme - hvor går vi og hvor står vi? (2002), Transekjønn og diagnoser (2004), and Sexologi i Praksis (2006). How has your own lived experience shaped your academic and literary work on gender and sexuality?
Esben Esther: For a long time, traditional therapeutic thinking emphasized neutrality, discouraging therapists from “over-identifying” with their clients. This led to the belief that homosexual individuals shouldn’t provide therapy for other homosexuals, and that trans professionals shouldn’t work with trans clients. Interestingly, there was never a ban on heterosexual therapists working with heterosexual clients. Over time, this perspective has shifted, allowing personal experience to be recognized as a valuable professional asset. My own journey has reinforced my belief that “the personal IS the professional.”
Monika: Which aspects of transgender experience have captured your interest most, throughout your studies and your work?
Esben Esther: I am deeply interested in all aspects of transgender life, from daily challenges to surgical advancements. However, I have increasingly moved away from the “wrong body” and “passing” narratives, as they often frame trans identities in limiting ways. Instead, I advocate for a broader understanding of gender expression that respects how individuals perceive themselves. Another crucial area of focus is sexuality, which is often overlooked in trans discussions.
Monika: How would you define your own gender identity and journey?
Esben Esther: I wouldn’t describe it as a “case” but rather as the life path of a transgifted individual who, from an early stage, embraced and took pride in her gendered talents.
Monika: Did you ever consider undergoing a full medical transition?
Esben Esther: To me, any transition that leads a transgifted individual to a place of comfort and authenticity is a “full” transition. While I considered further medical steps, the personal and professional costs outweighed the benefits. Ultimately, I feel that my life would not have improved by going further.
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| Twice I have been seriously catwalking for Natalia Leikis, this is a charity show for UNICEF. |
Monika: The Justice Department initially refused to issue identity documents under the name Esther Pirelli, though the police later provided unofficial papers of their own. That must have been a rather surreal experience.
Esben Esther: Yes, it was! The Justice Department refused, and when I asked why, they replied that it would be too expensive and that it would threaten safety. I asked them, how come? They replied that they had closed the case.
A local policeman certified on a piece of paper with two pictures that both of them depicted the same individual: me. He received a reprimand, and I got a piece of paper that, amongst other accomplishments, got me out of Poland. Bureaucrats possess a very dangerous combination of tons of power with a lack of insight.
Monika: What stands out to you as the key transgender advocacy issues in Norway today?
Esben Esther: The health care options for transgifted people in Norway have been far from ideal. Only one institution, led by a completely non-empathic psychiatrist, rules over the fate of those who experience themselves as transsexuals.
Those who don’t, but nevertheless are in need of hormones and/or surgery, get nothing. Finally, the government officials have realized this unworthy state of affairs. I have been pointed out as one expert to be part of an official multidisciplinary group that is set out to change conditions for the better.
Monika: Your own political involvement has been through the Liberal Party. Can transgender women genuinely shape the political landscape, in your view?
Esben Esther: I think all individuals of difference do make a difference when they find pride in themselves and are open in public life.
Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender stories have been told so far, across media, films, and books?
Esben Esther: My son made a documentary called “All About My Father” (“Alt om min far”), a film that has earned more prizes than any other Norwegian movie. It presents a son’s, a daughter’s, and a family’s perspective. I am not sheltered in it, and I like that. I also like movies that depict trans people as resources, not victims.
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| Elsa and I, we travel a lot, ordinarily as part of the job. 10 days in Cape Town did us very well. |
Monika: Looking back, how was it working with your son on that film? Were you happy with how it turned out?
Esben Esther: I am proud and happy with it, even though he at times portrays me in non-sympathetic ways. Our relationship has always been very good, hence working together was filled with anticipation and pleasure.
Monika: Trans rights often get folded into broader LGBTQ+ advocacy. Does the trans community get the attention it deserves within that movement?
Esben Esther: At least in Norway it seems that we are, but we constantly need to educate our fellow queers.
Monika: Is there anyone within Norway’s transgender movement you would compare to Harvey Milk, in terms of activism?
Esben Esther: Maybe me.
Monika: What was the most challenging part of coming out, for you?
Esben Esther: My fears of being trashed. I believe that honesty and pride silenced those who might have tried.
Monika: Back in 2007, you took part in Skal vi danse, though you were voted off after four episodes, and you have suggested your transgender identity may have played a part in that early exit. How did the whole experience feel?
Esben Esther: That was the hardest task ever! To face a great audience while dancing in heels with a woman, never was I more helplessly on display. It was truly hard, but had it not been for the judges, who named me number one out of the contest, the whole ordeal would have been a pleasure. The support from the Norwegian audience was remarkable.
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| Dancegirl and transgirl, for my daughter Elisabeth’s annual “Glamour night,” open for all kinds of glamour. |
Monika: Love plays such an important role in everyone’s life. What does it mean to you?
Esben Esther: I have been married for 25 years to Elsa, the great love of my life! Before that, I was married for 16 years to the mother of my two children, Elisabeth and Even. Tomas, Elsa’s son, has entered my life as a third child. Together we have four grandchildren, the two oldest turned seven in 2013.
Monika: Do you enjoy fashion? What styles do you gravitate toward?
Esben Esther: I love the female body lines, and I am happy to see myself displaying lines like that. I have had many dresses, skirts, and blouses made for me. My favorite designer is Natalia Leikis, who has her studio in Oslo. People describe me as discreetly elegant with some flamboyant inclinations.
Monika: Many transgender women eventually write memoirs. Has documenting your own journey in a book crossed your mind?
Esben Esther: Yes!
Monika: Would you say you are a happy woman today?
Esben Esther: I am not a man, not a woman, but a very happy transperson!
Monika: Esther, thank you so much for the interview!
All the photos: courtesy of Esben Esther Pirelli Benestad.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
