Emma Roebuck is a transgender activist from the United Kingdom whose life brings together community activism, science, broadcasting, and a lifelong love of music. As Chief Officer of Gay Advice Darlington/Durham (GADD), she is involved in supporting LGBT people in the North East of England, helping to ensure that members of the community have access to advice, support, and a place where they can be themselves. Her work reflects a commitment to improving the lives of others and creating a society in which people can live with dignity and without fear of discrimination. Emma's professional journey has been anything but conventional. Before taking on her role in LGBT advocacy, she worked as a pharmaceutical chemist and as a roadie for rock groups, combining two very different worlds: the precision of science and the energy of live music. She has also been involved in radio broadcasting on Pride Radio North East, bringing her interests and personality to a platform serving the LGBT community.
Her commitment to LGBT advocacy is rooted in an understanding of the challenges faced by people who are marginalised because of their gender identity or sexuality. Through her work with GADD, Emma has contributed to efforts to challenge prejudice, improve access to support, and make life safer for LGBT people. She has also been involved in work addressing homophobic and transphobic hate crime, helping to ensure that discrimination is taken seriously and that those affected are not left to face it alone. Beyond her professional responsibilities, Emma is a self-confessed science-fiction geek and nerd, with a particular enthusiasm for progressive rock and rock music. Her experience as a former roadie adds another dimension to her story, revealing a woman whose interests range from the scientific to the imaginative and musical. As a broadcaster on Pride Radio North East, she has also been able to connect with the wider LGBT community through radio.
Monika: Emma, welcome! Thank you for joining me today.
Emma: Hi Monika!
Monika: Before we dive in, how would you introduce yourself?
Emma: Just me, I suppose. I am lucky enough to be paid to do something I am passionate about and, as a result, to make a difference in people’s lives. I am a post-op trans* woman who transitioned over 12 years ago but had been living a 50/50 life for years before that. I am 52 years old and, looking back, I have no idea where the time went or how I got here. I have lived with the same guy for over 10 years but still identify as Bi, despite it finally occurring to me about 2 years ago that I was in what looked to the outside world like a straight relationship. It was bizarre that I was presenting a role that almost conformed to a stereotype. This was something that I had been railing against my whole life. I run an LGBTQI charity, which is the vehicle for much of my work and the foundation for the good practice we seek to do.
Monika: You have been involved in transgender advocacy for many years. How did it all begin, and what have you done since?
Emma: I began by getting involved in a small local social group in Darlington and volunteered my time to a local dressing service for crossdressers, which was supposed to be the antidote to the likes of ‘Transformation’. It folded, and I took on the mailing list and started a group in my own home with the names. At that time, I was naïve about the political aspects of being trans, and I now look back on it with that in mind. All I knew was that it’s really shit to be Trans and it felt like no one cared. We were a dirty secret that was let out of the box in darkened rooms and backroom bars.
Monika: Looking back from where you stand today, which moments on that journey stand out?
Emma: If I fast forward in time from then to now, via a very strange journey from being a Chemist in Pharmaceuticals to where I am today, I look back and see landmarks on the journey. Persuading GADD to move from being about gay men and HIV/AIDS to being inclusive of Lesbians, Bisexuals, and Trans people is something I am proud of from my early days. I was surrounded by a group of older gay men passionate about the problems of HIV and how it had killed many friends and was not yet even close to being under control. Yet they listened and saw that they had connections and common problems, not just HIV/AIDS but all the other things that were a problem.
Monika: Hate crime has been another important part of your work, hasn’t it?
Emma: Yes, I was the first specialist hate crime worker for LGB&T people in the country and was instrumental in the business planning and development of the role. It is such a success that the project is in its 10th year of consecutive funding. It’s a flagship project and has highlighted the disproportionate way Trans women are targeted for the population size. It has been the lifebelt for over 2000 people in that time directly, but has also helped influence the lawmakers and the justice agencies that deliver to the community. I remember being the lone Trans voice at the HIV conferences in the UK, trying to get Trans on the agenda and it falling on deaf ears. It took a lot of campaigning, but we are getting there slowly.
Monika: Domestic abuse is another cause you have championed. What has been achieved there?
Emma: I have, with others, pushed the domestic abuse profile for LGB&T people when it was not fashionable. We now have a training pack for mainstream domestic abuse organizations that is trans-inclusive, but also a Trans-specific training program to help women’s organizations understand the impact and how to support trans women in refuges and other women’s spaces. There is always something new on the horizon and in work of this kind you cannot stand still.
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| NHS Citizen - Emma Roebuck. NHS England and NHS Improvement. Source: YouTube. |
Monika: Your work has also taken you to many stages. Tell me about the keynote speeches you have delivered.
Emma: I’ve done my share, some were a pleasure and some terrifying. Talking to every Chief Crown Prosecutor, sharing the stage with the Attorney General and the Director of Public Prosecutions, and being the only non-government employee in the room was a little daunting. I had to then tell them they needed to think harder about marginalized communities and to buck their ideas up. I learned a huge lesson in diplomacy in that one.
Monika: Was there a speech that felt especially challenging?
Emma: I spoke at a high-profile conference on domestic abuse, to a room full of some very angry women (nothing I had done, thankfully). A very controversial character had done the opening address and set out a very challenging stall, leading to huge conflict, and I had to open the afternoon session. It felt like I was in front of a firing squad, and even the local councilor chairing the session put a distance between me and her. I had prepared for the speech with great care and written out the whole thing. The tension was horrendous. No trans woman had addressed such a group in the past and I felt like a lamb to the slaughter.
Monika: So how did you handle that moment?
Emma: I have always had a flair for the dramatic, so I walked up to the lectern, took out my notes, and said into the microphone, “After this morning I feel everything I had intended to say was futile, so I will speak from the heart.” I then threw the notes onto a nearby table and spoke for 45 minutes without notes. I spoke of unity and of a recognition that all we want to do is help victims of abuse, no matter who or what they were. In the end, I thanked them for their patience. Then came a moment of expectation, and I was either going to be burned alive at the stake or run for the hills. Instead, after a brief pause, I got a standing ovation. The two key lessons I picked up were to know your subject, but also to know the people you are talking to.
Monika: Music is another big part of your story, and I hear you were a rock group roadie too…
Emma: Ah, people have been talking … Like many Trans people, I have a chequered past, probably more than most. I will qualify it by saying music has been my savior more than anything. In my darkest times, when I saw no way out, a song or piece of music saved me. I discovered live music in the 60s when my grandparents took me to see the seaside shows of the day. I saw variety shows, but many of the pop bands of the day also played these things. It had a stark realism that I saw nowhere else. My first rock gig was in 1976, Barclay James Harvest, and that rekindled that memory.
Monika: How did you go from fan to roadie?
Emma: I became addicted to live music and sought out at every opportunity the chance of a fix. At that time, I got to know many musicians and started helping out, lifting, carrying, and doing donkey work. I learned that if a band was playing at the Apollo Manchester and you got to the venue about 7.00 am and asked if they needed a hand, you would be taken on. Guaranteed tickets and a beer with a burger. It was hard graft, but fun. I worked with a band called Pallas a lot, Marillion, IQ, and Uriah Heep occasionally, after I got to be known for being reliable and solid. As a guy at the time, it was amazing. Freedom, risk, and hedonism, all rolled into a chance to run away from my inner demon that refused to go away no matter how far I ran. Only one of the bands now knows that I am Trans and they welcomed me back with open arms, so whenever Pallas tour or play dates, I revisit my misspent youth.
Monika: At what age did you transition? Was it a difficult process, and did you have support from family or friends?
Emma: I spent my first 20 years in the closet after figuring out that a Yorkshire mining community has some very fixed ideas and deals with differences poorly. I put my alter ego in a box and tried to lock her up, stifle it, kill it, to no avail. I have been in and out of that closet more times than I care to remember.
Monika: What finally changed things for you?
Emma: Emma lived in Narnia, venturing out occasionally when I went to University in Manchester. I tried to fit in with the crossdressers of the Beaumont Society, but it was a poor fit. I got to my mid-thirties when things hit crisis point. I nearly died, and that changes your perspective. I walked away from Chemistry and reset my life. It took 4 years in a call center selling insurance to put the plan into action, but Emma grew and grew in that time to the point she was really everywhere but at work. The transition was one of the only two options I had then, a pine box 6 foot under or be me and live a full life, showing those who hated the idea how little I cared about their opinions.
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| Faith Matters. Emma Roebuck - Winner of the CPS Special Awards. Source: YouTube. |
Monika: What about your family? How did they react?
Emma: My family was variable, as ever in these situations. My two brothers were OK, annoyed that I had said nothing in the past about this, without realizing my older brother had said many things that gagged my voice at the time. My mother’s first comment was, ‘I knew you were some sort of puff but not what sort! BUT I still love you and look after your daughter and yourself.’ My father refused to even engage; we didn’t speak for 13 years, until just before his death. None of them pretended to understand, but they did their best.
Monika: And how did your transition play out at work?
Emma: Nothing new about the employment situation, really. The administration stuff was easy. It took longer to sort out which toilet I was going to be allowed to use. I worked for a French company and they seemed to be progressive for the time. Some of the staff were brilliant, some just blinkered it off. There was a standing order about bullying and any was harshly dealt with.
Monika: Around the time of your transition, were there any transgender role models you looked up to?
Emma: I think my role models come from before my transition, really. I remember the documentary series ‘A Change Of Sex’ in the 70s and thinking, that’s me! So I could say Julia Grant. The scary aspect of the rude therapist and the adversarial approach of the time scared me to death. It stopped me in my tracks, but also gave me hope that I wasn’t alone and not a total freak.
Monika: Did you find other figures to look up to as your life moved on?
Emma: I discovered others as I progressed in life: April Ashley, Coccinelle, and the performers in Paris. My problem is that I saw beautiful women and I did not see myself in that framework. I was an awkward teenage boy. I saw Jan Morris on Parkinson and felt more of a connection with her because she was more like a regular woman, which I felt was attainable. I am a scientist by training, and female scientists are a rarity, let alone Trans scientists with a profile. It felt that to get on as a trans woman you had to be in show business. I tried being in a band at 16 and was diabolical.
Monika: Coming out is a huge step for anyone. What was the hardest part for you?
Emma: Two things, really. One was risking losing my daughter forever. The other was if I was wrong about the way I felt. I had been prepared to lose my friends and family and hoped that I would get away with minimal damage on that front. Being wrong and having to admit to myself and the world that it was a phase or fetish was so scary. My daughter is precious to me and I had delayed my transition so many times because of fear of damaging her life. It felt like I was walking a tightrope constantly.
Monika: How would you describe the current situation of transgender women in British society?
Emma: We have moved forward so far in the last 20 years. From figures of fun and perversion in the 70s, we have moved to a more acceptable face. We have so far to go yet before we are on an equal footing with everyone else. The number of trans people assaulted, attacked, or abused is disproportionately high for the number of trans people. We are seen as an easy target or easy to ignore. Getting a job as a trans woman is so hard because you are starting from such a disadvantaged point. No employer will say, ‘I won’t employ you because you are trans,’ but they will see you as a difficulty, not as an asset.
Monika: And within the community itself, how do things look?
Emma: We have many trans women out there who are now successful, but no leaders who people will support. We can be our own worst enemy in that respect, with infighting and hierarchical ideologies. In all honesty, I have almost walked away from Trans politics many times out of frustration at the behavior of my own community.
Monika: Some say transgenderism could be the new frontier for human rights. Do you agree?
Emma: I believe it has been for a number of years now in the west, and the rest of the world is following. There has been such a change in the way that gender is viewed in recent history, and trans people have been one of the drivers in that change. I speak to trans people from across the world via social media, and the fight for recognition is so strong but very difficult in many parts of the world. The religious backlash in many countries against LGB&T people, and especially Trans people, worries me. What changes we have gained are so fragile and could so easily be reversed by a small change in politics. Look at Russia: it is now so dangerous to be different, let alone Trans. Therefore, bridges need to be built internationally so a common thread and voice can be heard.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Emma Roebuck.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
