Natalie Colleen Gates is an American writer and blogger from Richmond, Virginia, and the author of Straight Boy/Queer Girl: A Memoir (2014). Her writing explores the complexities of gender identity, sexuality, self-acceptance, and the challenges transgender women face in a society that still struggles to understand them. In her memoir, Natalie set out to tell a story she felt was missing from transgender literature: the experience of questioning one's gender, living in the closet, and gradually reaching the realization that transition is necessary. Rather than beginning her story after transition, she wanted readers to understand the uncertainty, doubts, and personal discoveries that preceded it. She hoped her book would help other transgender women who were unsure about their futures recognize their own feelings and find the courage to live authentically. Natalie began her social transition at the age of 27, after spending two years considering the decision. She has described the experience of finally living as a woman as a profound sense of relief, with her instincts and feelings becoming natural to her in a way they had never been before.
Her blog, Think Natalie, offers a candid and personal account of transgender life, addressing everything from coming out and relationships to body image, feminism, lesbian identity, and the complicated question of whether to live openly or privately as a transgender woman. Natalie has also written about the prejudice she encountered within the wider LGBT community, particularly the difficulties transgender lesbians can face when seeking acceptance and romantic relationships. Beyond sharing her personal experiences, Natalie has advocated for transgender visibility, equal rights, and access to gender-affirming healthcare. She has participated in advocacy efforts in Virginia, including work to raise awareness of transgender people and support for employment nondiscrimination legislation. She believes that transgender people must be able to tell their own stories and that greater understanding begins when society listens to their experiences rather than imposing assumptions about their identities. Her message to those struggling with gender dysphoria is one of self-acceptance: transition is not simply about becoming a man or a woman, but about finding a way to feel comfortable with oneself. Through her memoir and her blog, Natalie offers readers an honest perspective on the emotional challenges of transition, the importance of authenticity, and the continuing fight for transgender acceptance.
Monika: Hello Natalie, and welcome!
Natalie: Hi Monika!
Monika: To begin, please introduce yourself to our readers in a few words.
Natalie: Oh my God, I’m so bad at things like that. You’d think being a blogger and having just written a memoir I’d be better at it. I don’t know. I’m 32. I live with my dog Victoria Elizabeth in Richmond, Virginia.
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| “Straight Boy/Queer Girl: A Memoir” (YouTube). |
Monika: What made you decide to write your memoir, “Straight Boy/Queer Girl: A Memoir” (2014)?
Natalie: To make money [laughing] at first. I’ve been blogging for a long time, and people for the most part like my writing, so I thought I should take some of the energy I put into blogging and write a book. As I got into the project, I realized it was important because I was writing the trans* memoir I wish had existed before I transitioned.
Monika: Most memoirs begin after transition. Why did you choose a different starting point?
Natalie: All the memoirs I’ve read start with the trans* person in the present after they’ve transitioned. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to share my experience of thinking I might transition but not being sure about it. I really wanted to share with my readers how I came to the conclusion that I needed to transition.
Monika: Your book also looks at life in the closet. How did your experience compare with that of other closeted people?
Natalie: I also wanted to share how what I was going through as a closeted trans* person was similar and how it was different from other closeted people’s experiences.
Monika: Which parts of your experience could be most helpful to other trans women?
Natalie: I hope that maybe some trans* woman who isn’t sure about transitioning will read my memoir and realize that she needs to. I think that I’ve always experienced myself as female (and a lesbian) even when I didn’t realize it. I’ve come to the conclusion that being a trans* woman isn’t about being a man who wants to become a woman, but about having always been a girl and wanting the same things other women want.
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| Avilable via Amazon. |
Monika: How would you describe the current situation of transgender women in American society?
Natalie: I think it is improving, especially with new trans* icons like Janet Mock and Laverne Cox, but I still think we have a long way to go. I chose to be out as a trans* person, and because of that some people don’t consider me part of the group when I’m hanging out with other lesbians. People still don’t think I’m a “real” woman. And when it comes to trying to date anyone, there’s still a lot of social pressure, and holdups people deal with about dating a trans* woman.
Monika: Tell me about your own transition. At what age did it happen, and was it a difficult process?
Natalie: That’s a tough question to answer. In some respects, I was always becoming a woman. I guess I went through two years of “pre-transition” from 25 to 27 and finally transitioned at 27. Being a woman came so naturally to me that transitioning wasn’t really hard.
Monika: What did it feel like when everything finally fell into place?
Natalie: Having been someone who all her life felt that every instinct she had was wrong, to suddenly have all my instincts and feelings come across as normal was something really incredible.
Monika: Did you face any difficulties along the way?
Natalie: The problems I had during the transition, I think, were all separate from the transition itself. They came from other people’s prejudices and from the mistakes I made because I tried to be a guy for so long.
Monika: Did you have any transgender role models at that time?
Natalie: During my pre-transition, I looked up to a lot of women on YouTube, and Grishno was one of them. I also liked the channel “Trannystar Galactica”. After I started living full time as a woman, I stopped following other people’s stories. I would say that Kate Bornstein and Jennifer Finney Boylan are two public figures I really look up to.
Monika: Coming out is rarely easy. What was the hardest part for you?
Natalie: Getting the courage to do it. Once I was out, it wasn’t really that difficult to deal with the consequences. It is sometimes hard to face people who knew me as a boy, and I have lost some family members because of my transition. But really, I think the most difficult part is getting the courage to come out in the first place. Everything else has been easy to deal with.
Monika: You tried to raise funds for GRS through gofundme.com. Was the campaign successful?
Natalie: No. It’s really hard to get people to donate to anything. A lot of people still think that Gender Confirmation Surgery isn’t medically necessary, even though it is.
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| Support Natalie’s GRS via gofundme.com. |
Monika: Some say transgender rights could be the new frontier for human rights. Do you agree?
Natalie: I think transgender rights are really pressing right now. I think it’s really important that more trans* people tell their stories and that we push for things that are important, like healthcare and being taken seriously. I think that transgender rights probably will be one of the biggest issues over the next twenty years or so.
Monika: Transgender stories and characters have appeared in films, newspapers, and books. How do you feel about the way they have been portrayed so far?
Natalie: Every once in a while I find one that is treated sensitively. I really like the movie Breakfast on Pluto. It is insulting that trans* women are almost always played by men, or that the media almost always tells our story as “born a man” or “formerly a man.” (I was never a man.) I think pioneers like Laverne Cox, and bloggers, are starting to change things.
Monika: Has any recent book, film, or event about transgender life caught your attention?
Natalie: The most recent trans* book I read was A Queer and Pleasant Danger by Kate Bornstein. It made me panicky, actually. I have some PTSD from having lived as a man. I think Gender Outlaw and Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation were much more influential on my thinking though.
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| Driving a car. |
Monika: The transgender cause is usually presented together with those of other LGBT communities. As the last letter in the abbreviation, can the transgender community promote its own agenda within the group?
Natalie: I think we do need a separate transgender movement. We really are left behind in the LGBT community, and I’ve found that LGB people have as difficult or sometimes more difficult a time accepting trans* people than straight people.
Monika: Do you still see the LGB community as a potential ally?
Natalie: On the other hand, I think LGB people have the potential to be our greatest allies, and I think it is really important that trans* people continue to engage with that movement.
Monika: In the 60s and 70s, Harvey Milk became a leading figure of gay activism. Is there anyone in the American transgender community whose actions compare to his?
Natalie: I’m sure there are, but I’m not really aware of them. I think I’ve heard of a mayor or two who were openly transgender. I think we’re a long way from being able to elect a trans* person to Congress or to the Presidency.
Monika: How involved are you in politics, and do you take part in any lobbying campaigns? Can transgender women make a difference in that arena?
Natalie: I absolutely think trans* women can make a difference in politics. I vote, and I voice my opinion. Recently I made a video for Equality Virginia (the LGBT lobbying group in Virginia) to help make trans* people and causes more visible, and I also street canvassed to help HRC try to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. I’m not personally involved in any candidate’s campaign.
Monika: Fashion says a lot about a person. What kind of outfits do you usually wear, and are there any designs, colors, or trends you favor?
Natalie: I have fun with fashion. I tend to like really mod-looking outfits with straight lines and bold colors. I tend to choose aquas, pinks, and purples most often. Recently, I’ve been enjoying wearing jeans and T-shirts again. I really like wearing a guy’s T-shirt and not looking at all like a guy.
Monika: What place does love hold in your life?
Natalie: I would like to find a life partner more than just about anything else. I’m not very lucky in that regard though.
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| “I AM: Transgender Virginia Speaks” (YouTube). |
Monika: You are also a blogger. Is writing there a way to let your thoughts out?
Natalie: Yes. I blog because I have stuff that I just need to let out from time to time. It’s easier for me to write about the things I’m thinking about sometimes rather than just talk about them.
Monika: Are you working on any new projects at the moment?
Natalie: I mean to start a sequel to Straight Boy/Queer Girl soon. I’ve been dragging my feet on it though. Writing Straight Boy/Queer Girl was really emotionally difficult for me, and the sequel will take a lot also. I didn’t leave much out of my book or shy away from things that are difficult for me to think of.
Monika: Is there anything else keeping you busy right now?
Natalie: Right now, I’m working on organizing a TG Prom for trans* people and allies this spring. I organized it last year also.
Monika: What would you recommend to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria?
Natalie: Try to accept yourself. Transitioning isn’t about becoming a man or becoming a woman. It’s about being comfortable with yourself, even if you end up being somewhere between genders.
Monika: Natalie, thank you for this interview!
All the photos: courtesy of Natalie Colleen Gates.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
