Interview with Maki Yamazaki

Maki Yamazaki is a Japanese-British musician, producer, artist, games developer, trans-feminist, and advocate for queer and disabled people’s rights, Maki has spent her life turning creativity into a way of expressing identity, challenging stereotypes, and creating space for others. Her artistic world is wonderfully unconventional. Through her music and her Silvana Studio, she has explored sounds that seem to emerge as much from curiosity as from composition. Through projects such as Dr. Carmilla, her retrospective-futurist cabaret about a lesbian vampire in space, she has combined music, performance, storytelling, and a deliciously imaginative sense of the unexpected. She has also created events such as Trans-script and Transistor Cabaret, helping build platforms for trans performers and voices at a time when such spaces were far less common. But behind the music, games, cabaret, and activism is a deeply personal story. Maki came out at just 17, at a time when transgender role models were considerably harder to find and reliable information was nowhere near as accessible as it is today. Her journey was not without pain. She experienced abuse and discrimination, and learned that sometimes changing your surroundings can be an important part of reclaiming your life.

 

Yet her story is not defined by those difficulties. It is also a story about creativity, resilience, love, and the freedom that comes from finally being able to live as yourself. What I find particularly moving about Maki is the way she refuses to separate her identity from her creativity. Music, art, games, feminism, activism, and her experiences as a transgender woman all seem to feed into one another, creating a life that is wonderfully difficult to put into a single box. And perhaps that is precisely the point. In our conversation, Maki talks about transfeminism, music, Dr. Carmilla, activism, representation, coming out, discrimination, love, creativity, and the importance of learning to love yourself. Her advice to transgender women struggling with gender dysphoria is simple but powerful: patience, confidence, and keeping people who treat you without respect at a safe distance. It is a pleasure to jave this conversation with a woman who has always understood that sometimes the most powerful way to change the world is to create something that did not exist before. 

 

Monika: Today it is my pleasure and honour to interview Maki Yamazaki, a Japanese-British musician, producer, artist, game developer, transfeminist, and advocate of queer and disabled people's rights, the creator of Dr. Carmilla, a retrospective-futurist cabaret, and the head of Silvana Studio. Hello Maki!

Maki: Hi there, lovely to meet you, and thanks for having me!

 

See Maki's page .

 

Monika: You describe yourself as a transfeminist, a term that is perhaps familiar to some people but still misunderstood by many. What does transfeminism mean to you, and what do you hope it can achieve?

Maki: Trans-feminism is basically feminism that is fully trans-inclusive. It's not implicitly one kind of feminism but an umbrella term for different types. But the key thing is about trying to make things better for women of all kinds, with the inclusion of trans-feminist writings and ideas (such as 'Whipping Girl' by Julia Serano).

Monika: Five music albums, Transmisson 01, Transmission 02, Made in a Day, Ageha, and Exhumed & {Un}plugged, were written and recorded at your Silvana Laboratory. When you sit down to create something new, where does that first spark usually come from?

Maki: I find a lot of things inspiring! Sometimes it'll be a dream that I wake up from, or random thoughts that I have. Inspiration is everywhere for me! However, more than anything, I like my work to inspire me. Often, I'll just play around until I find a sound or a lyric that I like and build from there.

I find the whole process of music-making to be quite explorative. If I start out with a solid idea of what my music should be before I start making it, I find it impedes my ability to let it grow into what it could become. It's like a loop between what's going on inside my head and what I'm hearing.

Monika: Over the years we have seen more transgender women establishing themselves as musicians, from Mina Caputo and Laura Jane Grace to Marissa Martinez, Amber Taylor, Namoli Brennet, Sissy Début, and Jennifer Leitham. Do you think we are witnessing the beginnings of a distinct transgender musical movement, or simply a world in which more artists finally have the opportunity to be visible?

Maki: I think it's much more to do with the information that's available to us, especially where the Internet is concerned. More and more trans individuals are finding the information that they need to come to terms with their gender dysphoria than ever before. I don't think there's much of a unified movement, just a lot of really good conversation happening. But it's really encouraging to see trans individuals from all walks of life finding more and more success in the world.  

Monika: A retrospective-futurist cabaret about a lesbian vampire in space sounds like the sort of project that could only come from a wonderfully unconventional imagination. What exactly is Dr. Carmilla, and what drew you so deeply into its world?

Maki: I could probably talk your ears off about Dr. Carmilla! But currently, I'm on a bit of a break from doing Dr. Carmilla as a project. I spent 5 years working on the music for Dr. Carmilla, so I decided it was time to try some different things for a while. It's really sad to do, though, because I dedicated so much time and love to the project.

At first, it started out as Dr. Carmilla & The Mechanisms, but life circumstances took me away from the rest of the band, and I decided to go solo. It was probably the best decision I ever made, as it coincided with setting up my own studio and focusing on making recordings in a very complimentary manner. But I do miss working with The Mechanisms very much. Perhaps one day our time and locations will re-convene and we'll do something together again. But for now, I'm pretty much snowed under with work to do.

Monika: Back in 2009, you created Trans-script for Oxford Pride because, as you realised, there were very few trans-focused events. What was it like to create something that the community clearly needed?

Maki: It was pretty successful and a lot of fun! It came out of a need for trans-focused events for Oxford Pride, and I realised if I didn't do anything, there weren't going to be any events at all. We ran the event for two years, in both Oxford and London, but I moved to Liverpool the year after, so I sadly couldn't keep running the event. The year after, I ran Transistor Cabaret, which was really successful too, but I've had to step down from organisational positions for now, as I have a lot of my own work to create.

Great music in the making.

Monika: When transgender people appear in films, newspapers, or books, visibility is often celebrated as progress. But visibility alone does not guarantee understanding. What would you like writers, journalists, and filmmakers to understand better about telling our stories?

Maki: In general, I think there's a lot of room for improvement, especially in terms of not only the language that is used (both written and visual), but also a concerning lack of understanding from many of the editors/directors involved.

Often when I see a story, be it real or created, I too often see the same tropes about transgender people thrown around. Far too often our stories are used to make other people money, and far too few opportunities to really tell our own stories, the way that we need to tell them.

Monika: Britain has a complicated relationship with transgender people, with visibility existing alongside a great deal of hostility. Looking at everyday life rather than headlines and politics, how would you describe the situation for transgender women in British society today?

Maki: It's not good. There are places in the world where it's a lot worse, but I think there's a global lack of places where it's actually 'acceptable to be trans' by society's standards. 

Monika: Your own story began at 17, when you came out. Looking back at that young woman, what do you remember most about the person you were then, and what did taking that first step mean to you?

Maki: I came out at 17 and have never really looked back since. It was quite difficult, but the alternative seemed much more difficult to me.

Monika: At that age, having someone to look up to can make an enormous difference. Were there any transgender women you knew about or admired when you were beginning your journey, or did you have to find your way without those role models?

Maki: Sadly not, this was a while ago. I'm glad things have changed since.

My Genderation (YouTube)

Monika: Coming out at 17 must have involved more than simply announcing who you were. What turned out to be the hardest part, especially when you think about the abuse and discrimination you experienced?

Maki: Making the first steps and dealing with the consequences were probably the hardest things. That and the abuse I've suffered at the hands of others. Not everyone has a difficult time when they come out, but sadly I got a lot. I'd had a lot of it before, though, due to being a person of colour and an Aspie and coming from a large town with a very small-town mentality.

Since moving away from there, I've had very little in the way of violence for being trans. Changing location can make a huge impact on your life, and I'm glad that I managed to get away from all of that for the most part.

Her game Shiro//Kuro.

Monika: Activism takes energy, time, and sometimes a willingness to put yourself in difficult situations. Where do politics and lobbying fit into your life today, and do you believe transgender women can influence political change even when they are not directly involved in party politics?

Maki: I try to be as active as I can, but unfortunately it's quite difficult to be as involved as I'd like to. Health and disability are really major factors in deciding what I am and am not capable of doing.

However, I think we definitely can make a difference, no matter how disempowered we might feel. But personal safety should come first if it's an issue.

Monika: We have talked about activism, creativity, and the public side of your life. But what about something much more personal? What role has love played in shaping the woman you are today?

Maki: I think the definition of love is too big a concept to really encapsulate in one paragraph, but yes, it's very important! I can't even imagine what my life would be like without the love of others. But learning to love yourself can be the most important and the hardest part.

Monika: Many transgender women eventually put their experiences into memoirs, while others tell their stories through music, art, or activism. You've already found so many creative outlets. Has writing a book about your own life ever crossed your mind?

Maki: I've thought about it lots, though right now I'm too busy making music, art, and games. When I have a year to spare, I'd certainly like to consider it.

Monika: You seem to have no shortage of ideas, and apparently not enough hours in the day to pursue all of them. What are you working on now, and which projects are currently taking most of your attention?

Maki: Quite a few, actually! Largely, though, I'm working pretty hard on the games that I'm developing at the moment.

I often have ideas for projects that I begin and then decide I don't have the time to dedicate myself to them. It's sad, but I learn to pick those that I feel I can complete and the ones that don't require an overwhelming amount of research and development.

I've almost finished working on my album, Transmission 03, and I've just got the cassettes for my release of the Made in a Day Extended Edition! It's terribly exciting!

I'm also working on another album, with a focus on ballads, with some guest musicians. Despite my large amount of solo work, I really do love working with others, and it's really fantastic doing that in the context of working in my own studio.

Monika: Let me finish with something for the transgender girls who may be reading this and struggling with gender dysphoria. If you could speak to the younger Maki, or to a girl who is standing where you once stood, what would you want her to know about getting through those difficult years and building a life that feels like her own?

Maki: The most important things I've found that have really helped me are learning to have patience, confidence, and to keep those that treat you without respect at a clear distance. You really don't need those people in your life if you can avoid it.

Monika: Maki, thank you for the interview!

All the photos: courtesy of Maki Yamazaki.

© 2014 - Monika Kowalska

 

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