Charlotte Flanigan is not just a storyteller, she is a living story, one that gracefully weaves courage, tenderness, and resilience into every page of her life. A British writer with a deep love for Germany and a soul shaped by self-discovery, Charlotte opened her heart to the world in The Whole Shenanigans: Charlotte's Story (2017), a candid and heartfelt autobiography born not of ambition but of healing. Her voice is quiet yet unwavering, her truth carved gently through the ink of memory and the ink of tattoos that chronicle her journey with symbolic beauty. At the heart of Charlotte’s life is love, love that triumphs, transforms, and transcends. Her bond with her wife Agnieszka is nothing short of soul-deep, and their story is a reminder that the truest connections often come when we are most vulnerable and most ourselves.
Though her transition brought loss, family, friends, familiarity, Charlotte stands with dignity, never letting pain silence her. She believes in the uniqueness of every trans woman’s path, refusing to reduce identity to performance or conformity. Humble yet fiercely real, Charlotte is uninterested in fame or fashion. What she offers instead is something far more enduring: honesty, warmth, and the quiet wisdom of someone who has made peace with the past. In her next project, Charlotte turns the lens outward, exploring the experiences of children growing up with transgender parents, once again using her pen as a lantern for others. It is my honor to share this conversation with Charlotte, whose soft-spoken strength reminds us that there is no one way to be a woman, only the way that feels like home.
Monika: Charlotte, it’s such a pleasure and an honor to speak with you today. You’re a British author known for your deeply personal memoir The Whole Shenanigans: Charlotte's Story (2017), which has resonated with so many readers. Welcome to our conversation!
Charlotte: Hello, Monika! Thank you so much for having me. It's truly a joy to be here and to have this chance to share a little piece of my journey with you and your readers.
Monika: Let’s begin at the beginning. You weren’t born in Germany, but I understand the country holds a special place in your heart. Can you tell us a little about your early connection with Germany and how it shaped you?
Charlotte: Well, I wasn't as such born in Germany but went there from a young age and fell in love with the country. For some strange reason, I found speaking the native tongue natural and was surprised by how comfortable it felt. Germany became a second home to me in many ways, offering a sense of belonging that I hadn’t expected. The culture, language, and people all seemed to embrace me, and that left a lasting impression. Even now, I carry that connection with me, it helped shape my identity and gave me the courage to explore who I really was.
Monika: That’s beautifully said. Now, moving from your love of language to the language of the body, tattoos seem to play an important role in your life. How did that passion begin?
Charlotte: Yes, tattoos are a big part of my life from a young age. I fell in love seeing the stories behind the tattoos people had got whilst young. Each tattoo tells a story, not just of who someone is, but who they were and who they hope to become. I’ve always been fascinated by how people wear their lives on their skin, sometimes pain, sometimes pride. For me, tattoos became a form of self-expression and healing, a way to reclaim my body and its narrative.
Monika: That connection between body and story leads us perfectly into your book. What inspired you to write The Whole Shenanigans? Was there a particular moment when you knew your story needed to be told?
Charlotte: Well, the whole intention was not to write a book, but it all started out as, I guess, I was self-healing the body and ridding myself of the past that was trapped within me. It began as a personal journal, something just for me, but the more I wrote, the more I realized others might see their own pain and strength reflected in it. Writing helped me untangle memories and understand the journey I had taken. In the end, it wasn’t just about healing myself, it became a way to reach out and help others feel less alone.
Monika: Many trans women look to others in the community for encouragement and guidance. Are there aspects of your personal journey that you believe could be helpful to someone just beginning their transition?
Charlotte: Well, I don't think I can give any useful hints or tips, as we all, I guess, have to get on the right track ourselves. But I do know that we all should not worry what others think, as we are all unique. Still, if I had to share one thing, it would be this: trust your inner voice and let it guide you forward. There’s no perfect script to follow, we each carve our own path with courage. And no matter how uncertain things may seem, self-acceptance is the most powerful form of freedom.
Monika: One of the most touching parts of your story is the love you share with your wife, Agnieszka. I had the pleasure of watching your film where you speak openly about your transition together. It truly felt like one of those rare “love conquers all” stories, how did it feel to share something so personal with the world?
Charlotte: Thank you, we were so nervous sitting there, and yes, we truly believe that we are soulmates, and I guess we were so lucky in finding each other. Opening up like that was scary, but we felt it was important to show what love can look like when it’s built on trust. We’ve been through a lot together, and being vulnerable on camera only strengthened our bond. Hopefully, our story gives hope to others that love doesn’t have to disappear when you live your truth, it can actually deepen.
Monika: Transitioning is such a personal and transformative process. Can you tell us when your transition began and what that experience was like for you emotionally and mentally?
Charlotte: Yes, a very difficult time and accepting that the very popular man was no longer. And as for what age did I transition? Well, I was always told a lady never gives her age away, haha, but I will say I'm in my 3rd year of transitioning. Letting go of the version of me that everyone knew was both painful and freeing. I had to grieve a past identity while stepping into a new one that felt more aligned with my soul. Each step was layered with doubt, hope, and a deep longing to finally feel whole.
Monika: During your transition, were there any transgender figures, public or personal, who inspired or supported you on your journey?
Charlotte: Yes, Shakina Nayfack. She is such a brave trans female who stood up and did live acts. But I can say my biggest role model has to be my wife Agnieszka. Her love gave me strength, and her belief in me never wavered.
Watching Shakina perform so fearlessly reminded me that we can be bold, visible, and proud. Having someone to look up to, whether famous or right beside you, makes all the difference in those dark moments.
Monika: And now, a few years into your transition, are there any transgender women you particularly admire or feel connected to today?
Charlotte: I admire and respect every transgender female, as it can be such a difficult time. Every trans woman I’ve met, read about, or seen online carries a story of resilience. We each face different struggles, but the courage it takes to live authentically is something I deeply admire. Whether someone is quietly coming out or boldly leading the way, they all inspire me.
Monika: So many trans women face heartbreaking losses on the path to being themselves, family estrangement, social rejection, career sacrifices. Have you experienced this kind of loss? What was the hardest part of coming out for you?
Charlotte: Yes, it can be very difficult, and yes, I also had to pay a price in losing family members, along with great friends. As for job, no, being self-employed, I guess, has its perks. The emotional toll of losing people you love is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Sometimes, the silence from those who used to be close is louder than any argument. But at the same time, it teaches you who truly sees and loves you for who you are.
Monika: Over the past few years, we’ve seen more trans women becoming visible in the arts, media, politics, and business. Laverne Cox famously said, “Trans is beautiful,” and it feels like the world is finally starting to take notice. But in your view, are we really witnessing a lasting cultural shift, or are we just scratching the surface?
Charlotte: Yes indeed, trans men and women, we all have come so far. But I don't like to use or say that term, as I find it makes trans people sound a little alien to others. However, I would just like to add that there is a lot of confusion among cisgender people, as it seems to me that their idea of trans is that we are all just cross-dressing for kinks.
And as we speak, a TV advertisement appears for a well-known breakdown company showing three men dressed as women so they can acquire help. I don't think this helps the trans community. We need more truthful, respectful representation that reflects our real lives. The sensationalism and mockery often drown out our authentic voices. Change is happening, but it’s slow, and we’re still constantly pushing back against stereotypes.
Monika: The “T” in LGBTQ+ often feels like it gets the least attention, even though our issues are distinct and urgent. Do you think the transgender community should be more independent in shaping its own political and social narrative?
Charlotte: Yes, I really think that trans should stand alone. While we do share common goals with the wider LGBTQ+ community, our challenges are unique and deserve specific focus. Sometimes being lumped into one group can dilute our voices and slow progress. Unity is powerful, but visibility is vital.
Monika: Transgender characters and stories are finally starting to appear in mainstream films, media, and literature. What’s your take on the way we’re being represented? Do you feel these portrayals help or hurt?
Charlotte: Well done to all that can find a little fame. It takes courage to be visible and to speak your truth in the public eye. Even a small spotlight can open hearts and minds when used with care. We just have to make sure these stories are told by us, not about us without consent.
Monika: Many trans women are now engaging in activism and political work, pushing for legal rights and visibility. Are you involved in any such efforts yourself? And do you think trans women can make a significant impact in politics?
Charlotte: No, I try not to get into any debates, especially politics. But I'm sure the next trans woman can do just as good a job as anybody. Just because I stay out of it doesn’t mean others should. I admire those who step into that arena with strength and grace. We need diverse voices, and trans women absolutely have what it takes to lead.
Monika: Looking to the future, do you believe we’ll live to see a transgender woman hold the office of President, or at least become First Lady?
Charlotte: I shouldn't see why not us. Trans women have the best of both sides of the human brain. We understand society from multiple angles because we've lived through so many different roles. That experience can be a superpower in leadership. The world is changing, and I believe our time will come.
|
| Professional photo-shoot. |
Monika: Do you have a personal style when it comes to clothes? Are there any particular outfits or looks that make you feel most like yourself?
Charlotte: No, I'm not into fashion. I try to go with styles though, but I'm the kind of woman who wears what I like. I dress for comfort and confidence, not to follow trends. What matters most is feeling authentic in what I wear. Some days it's jeans and a tee, others it's something with a bit more flair, depends on the mood, really.
Monika: Some say that cisgender women gained a new kind of freedom through birth control, while transgender women today experience liberation through access to cosmetic procedures. Do you think beauty technology has changed how trans women relate to themselves?
Charlotte: As I said, we are all on our own track, and some of us worry over small things and some don't. For me, the journey is deeply personal, not about comparing paths or results. Some find freedom in surgeries, others in self-acceptance. It's all valid, and no two transitions should be measured by the same scale.
Monika: What are your thoughts on transgender beauty pageants? Do they help with visibility or reinforce narrow standards?
Charlotte: Amazing, and there should be more, for as long as they are true trans women. It's empowering to see confident trans women celebrated in public spaces. These pageants can uplift voices and challenge stereotypes if done right. Representation matters, especially when it’s inclusive and diverse.
Monika: What role does love play in your life these days? Has your perspective on it changed over the years?
Charlotte: Love comes in all shapes and forms, and it's truly only been in the last 3 years that I can see the importance of love. Before that, I didn’t truly understand how much love can ground and guide you. Now, I treasure the little moments of connection and care. Love helps us feel whole, it’s the glue that holds us through life’s transitions.
Monika: Are you currently working on any creative or personal projects you'd like to share?
Charlotte: Yes, I'm in the process of starting my new book about the love and lives of the children who are affected by having trans parents, with short stories from various trans people. It’s something I feel passionate about, giving space to voices that are often overlooked. These kids have incredible insights and stories of resilience. I want this project to bring hope, visibility, and a sense of community.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria? Especially those who might feel isolated or unsure of how to cope?
Charlotte: Try and talk to anybody, never feel that you are unable to speak about your dysphoria. There’s always someone willing to listen, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first. Reaching out can change everything. You don’t have to suffer in silence, your feelings are valid and deserve support.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame once told me that we shouldn’t limit ourselves based on how we were born or on what we see other trans people doing. She said, “Our dreams shouldn’t end on the operating table, that’s where they begin.” Would you agree?
Charlotte: Yes, great words. I had a conversation today with a couple, let’s say in their 60s, and I said I am going to live forever. Their reply was, “Oh no! Get to 70 and that’s it.” It shocked me that so many people, regardless of gender, don't, or should I say, don’t push their limits. We’re capable of so much more than we believe. Transition is just one chapter; it’s not the conclusion. We should dream even bigger after coming into ourselves.
Monika: Charlotte, thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with me today.
Charlotte: You are very welcome. It was my pleasure. Love, Charlotte. And thank you for creating space for voices like mine. These conversations are important for connection and change. Let’s keep spreading light and understanding.
All the photos: courtesy of Charlotte Flanigan.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
Other related sources:
No comments:
Post a Comment