Interview with Jessica Harrington

In the quiet resilience of everyday heroes, we sometimes find stories that shake us, ground us, and gently remind us what courage really looks like. Jessica Harrington is one of those women. A 42-year-old trans woman from Reno, Nevada, Jessica’s story is not one of fairytales or easy triumphs, it is one of quiet strength, heartbreak, and a spirit that refuses to disappear, even when life strips away nearly everything. Jessica began her transition at 38, armed with years of research and a heart full of hope. But her path, like that of so many trans women, was marked by betrayal and unimaginable loss. On the very day she began hormone therapy, she was abandoned by the person she loved most, left without home, resources, or support.

 

And yet, Jessica stands today, not only as a survivor but as someone who devotes herself to helping others step into their truth. Despite living on the margins, Jessica’s wardrobe bursts with pink, her favorite color, a tender symbol of femininity reclaimed. She finds joy in uplifting other trans women, offering guidance on transition, makeup, and the emotional labyrinth of becoming. Though she often jokes that no one cares what she has to say, her story is a vital piece of our shared history, a testament to love, loss, and the transformative power of authenticity. It is my deepest honor to share this conversation with Jessica. I hope you find within it the same raw beauty and honesty that moved me so deeply.

 

Monika: Today, I have the pleasure and honor of speaking with Jessica Harrington, an inspirational American woman from Reno, Nevada. Jessica, welcome and thank you for joining me today!

Jessica: Hi Monika. Thank you for having me.

Monika: Let’s start with a little introduction. How would you describe yourself and your journey so far?

Jessica: I am a 42-year-old trans woman. I have been in transition for almost 5 years, and while it’s been amazing being free, it’s also been the hardest time of my life. It has challenged me in ways I never expected, both emotionally and physically. There are moments of joy, of feeling completely aligned with who I am, but also moments of profound loneliness. Still, I wouldn’t trade this journey for anything, it’s brought me closer to the truth of who I am.

Monika: You mentioned beginning your transition five years ago. At what age did you take your first steps toward womanhood, and how would you describe the experience of starting out? 

Jessica: I started transition when I was 38. The process itself wasn’t that difficult. I did my research for years beforehand. I knew what I needed, who I needed to talk to, and about what everything would cost me. Having that preparation made a big difference in staying focused. It gave me a sense of control during a time when many things felt uncertain. But even with planning, nothing can fully prepare you for how society might react, or how deeply personal the transformation really is.

Monika: When you began your transition, did you have any transgender women to look up to or connect with? Did anyone help guide you along the way?

Jessica: I did not. I didn’t even know another transgender person at the time. I had seen websites and tried talking to people online, but everyone was so secretive or fetishized it as just a sexual “experiment” to help get them off. I quickly gave up hope of meeting anyone else like me. It was incredibly isolating not having real connections with others like me. I often felt like I was walking this path blind, hoping I was doing things right. That sense of isolation stayed with me for a long time and made the early stages of transition much more difficult.

Meeting Laverne Cox at UNR.

Monika: Over time, have there been any transgender women who’ve inspired or influenced you? Who do you look up to now?

Jessica: There are a few, such as Laverne Cox, whom I had the pleasure of meeting two years ago. Janet Mock, Martine Rothblatt, Jamie Clayton, and Laura Jane Grace. All absolutely amazing women who are making a difference for all of us and showing the world that we are real people with dreams, goals, and lives that are just like everyone else’s. Seeing them achieve so much in public spaces gave me the confidence to keep pushing forward. They show that being visible isn’t just about being seen, it’s about helping others feel less alone. Their courage has helped me find strength on days when I didn’t think I had any left.

Monika: Many of us pay a high price simply for choosing to live authentically. Coming out can cost us our relationships, homes, careers, and safety. Did you face such losses during your own transition? What was the most painful part of your coming-out journey?

Jessica: The hardest thing was one of the worst things to happen in my whole life, and it continues today. The morning of my first estrogen injection, my wife of almost 20 years gave me a big hug, said she loved me, and that she would see me when I got home. However, when I returned home, she was gone. As was all the money in the bank accounts, cars, furniture, clothes, everything. She had even torn up the check that was to be sent to Dr. Bowers for my gender reassignment surgery. She had left me broke and homeless, with a severely damaged spine.

For almost five years, I’ve been living under a bridge. Every so often, I find a place to stay for a week or two. As I have no friends, no family, and no way to change my situation, my life continues to go nowhere. It’s hard to describe the grief of losing your entire life overnight. The betrayal still echoes every day I wake up in the same place. And yet, despite it all, I keep surviving, because that’s what trans women do, we keep surviving.

Monika: In recent years, we’ve seen more transgender women thriving across different fields, from fashion and entertainment to politics and science. Do you feel like real progress is being made, or is it just surface-level visibility? What’s your take on the current state of trans women in today’s world?

Jessica: There are a few changes that are actually happening for the betterment of the trans communities. However, until we can find a way to stop the hate and stop people from killing us, nothing will ever truly get better. The visibility is important, but it’s only one part of the equation. Safety, healthcare, and housing are still urgent issues for so many of us. Until those basic human rights are secured, it’s hard to celebrate progress as true equality.

Only 6 months of HRT.

Monika: Within the broader LGBTQ community, transgender issues can sometimes feel overshadowed. As the “T” in LGBTQ, do you think the transgender community has enough space and support to promote its own unique challenges and causes within the larger group?

Jessica: I can’t really comment much on this question. The LGBTQ community here isn’t really friendly toward the “T.” Most of them feel we are just “pretending” in order to take something from them. The “L” believes we are trying to trick them into sex with a “man.” The “G” is mad because we are getting rid of the only part of our bodies that they find useful. So unless we are actively fighting for something that directly benefits them, they don’t want us around. It’s a very lonely place to be sometimes, feeling like you don’t fully belong in the very communities you look to for support. This division makes it harder for us to band together for common goals. I hope one day there will be more understanding and solidarity, but right now, that remains a challenge. 

Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender people are portrayed in the media, in films, TV shows, newspapers, and books? Are these portrayals accurate or helpful?

Jessica: The media in all its forms should ONLY use actual trans actors for trans parts. It’s frustrating when cis actors play trans roles because it often leads to misunderstandings and stereotypes. Authentic representation means more than just casting; it’s about telling our stories with respect and accuracy. When trans actors get these roles, it opens doors for more opportunities and changes perceptions in society.

Monika: Are you involved in any activism or lobbying efforts? In your opinion, can transgender women make a real impact in political arenas?

Jessica: Being transgender does not make one any better or worse at anything. Those that believe it does are the ones that try to keep us from succeeding. Politics is about leadership, vision, and resilience, not identity alone. Transgender women have unique perspectives that could enrich political discourse and policy-making. I believe if given the chance, trans women can absolutely be powerful agents of change. 

Monika: Do you think it’s possible in our lifetime to see a transgender woman become President of the United States, or at least the First Lady? :)

Jessica: I sure hope so. Change often feels slow, but the impossible sometimes becomes possible faster than we expect. Seeing a trans woman in the highest offices would be a powerful symbol of progress and acceptance. It would inspire countless others to believe in their dreams and fight for their rights. 

Monika: Are you interested in fashion? What kinds of outfits do you usually wear? Any favorite colors, brands, or trends?

Jessica: There are a lot of factors that help me decide what I wear for the day, how I feel, where I’m going, who I’ll be interacting with primarily. Usually, it’s dressy casual. I always like to look good when I go out into public. Pink! Pink is my everything as far as colors go. Literally, 80% of my wardrobe is pink. Used to be 100% black, but I’m trying to mix it up a bit. Lol. Fashion is a form of self-expression for me, and it helps me feel confident in my skin. I like to experiment with styles that brighten my mood and reflect who I am inside. Sometimes, a simple accessory or color can turn a whole day around.

Monika: What are your thoughts on transgender beauty pageants? Have you ever participated or watched one?

Jessica: I have never seen one. Though I think it’s amazing that my sisters are winning beauty pageants in countries around the world. It’s inspiring to see trans women celebrated for their beauty, poise, and talent on such public stages. These pageants help break down stereotypes and showcase our diversity. They also create spaces where trans women can feel proud and supported, which is so important.

Love an empty pool!

Monika: Many transgender women choose to share their journeys by writing memoirs or books. Have you ever considered writing your own story to inspire or help others?

Jessica: I learned a long time ago that nobody cares what I have to say. So unless someone asks, I don’t bother. Still, I know some stories need to be told to help others feel less alone. Maybe one day I’ll share more, but right now, I’m focused on living my truth quietly. Writing feels like a big task, and I prefer to show who I am through actions rather than words.

Monika: Love can be such a powerful force in our lives. Could you share what love means to you personally, and how it has influenced your journey?

Jessica: Love? What’s that? It’s a tough question because love has been complicated for me. I’ve experienced loss and betrayal, which made me question if love was real or possible. But I still hold out hope that love, true, unconditional love, can find me someday, and maybe even heal some of my wounds.

Monika: Are you currently working on any new projects or initiatives, especially related to the transgender community or beyond?

Jessica: I spend most of my time helping others begin the transition. Everything from telling them what to expect, who to see, what’s truth and what’s not, going with them to their first doctor’s appointment if they live close enough, to helping them with makeup and finding the right clothes for their body type. It’s not really a “project,” I just love helping people be free and avoid the things I had to learn the hard way. Helping others gives me a sense of purpose and connection that I often lack. It’s rewarding to see people take their first steps toward being themselves. I guess in a way, their journeys become my journey, too.

Monika: Many transgender girls face intense struggles with gender dysphoria. What advice or encouragement would you offer to those who are struggling? 

Jessica: There is no one thing. We all find our own ways to cope with it. Some find comfort in community, others through creative outlets or therapy. The key is to keep searching and not give up on yourself, even when it feels impossible. Remember, you are not alone, and your feelings are valid.

Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame once said that we should never limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. She believes our dreams shouldn’t end on an operating table, that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this perspective?

Jessica: For some, it’s a true statement. Some put everything on hold until they “complete” themselves. Others feel that they will never be done, that they are never going to be good enough. The transition should be a part of your life, not all of your life. Life is bigger than surgeries or medical steps, it’s about growth, joy, and finding meaning beyond physical changes. I hope people remember to live fully and not let any one milestone define their worth. The journey is ongoing, and every step counts.

Monika: Jessica, thank you so much for sharing your story and thoughts with us today. It’s been a privilege talking with you!

Jessica: Thank you, Monika. I appreciate the chance to be heard.

All the photos: courtesy of Jessica Harrington.

© 2017 - Monika Kowalska

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