There are women whose quiet strength speaks volumes, whose presence brings warmth, and whose journeys radiate resilience and grace. Jaime Erin Fivecoat is one of them. A retired benefits manager from Taylors, South Carolina, Jaime now dedicates her life to advocacy, compassion, and service. With an open heart and a determined spirit, she devotes her time to four organizations, supporting people struggling with addiction, advocating for LGBTQ+ rights, uplifting transgender individuals, and working to combat the stigma surrounding obesity. Her work, much like her personal journey, is driven by deep empathy and unwavering optimism. Jaime transitioned later in life, after decades of love, work, and quiet self-reflection.
She speaks of her journey not with regret but with gratitude, for the experiences that gave her strength, for the love of her devoted wife Karen, and for the newfound joy she discovered in finally becoming the woman she was always meant to be. Her voice carries not only the wisdom of lived experience, but also the tenderness of a woman who knows how precious authenticity truly is. Whether she’s advocating in the halls of Congress or facilitating a peer support meeting, Jaime stands as a beacon of hope and dignity. Her story reminds us that it’s never too late to live fully, love deeply, and shine brightly as yourself. It is my great honor to share with you this inspiring conversation with Jaime Erin Fivecoat.
Monika: Today, I have the pleasure and honor of speaking with Jaime Erin Fivecoat, a retired benefits manager from Taylors, South Carolina. Welcome, Jaime!
Jaime: Hi Monika! Thank you so much for the opportunity to share my story with you. It’s truly an honor to be featured alongside such an inspiring group of women.
Monika: Jaime, could you start by telling us a little about yourself and the work you're passionate about?
Jaime: I guess one way to describe myself is that I am an optimistic volunteer advocate. I volunteer for four organizations. I’m a Board Member of The Obesity Action Coalition (OAC), which is a patient advocacy organization for the treatment of obesity, Secretary of Upstate Pride SC (UPSC) for the LGBTQ+ community, I facilitate two SMART Recovery meetings for dealing with any form of addiction, and work on projects with Gender Benders, a local trans support group. I feel deeply that we are all equal and I do what I can to fight for the rights of those who are marginalized, discriminated against, or are victims of any form of stigma. I am fortunate to have a loving wife and to be a mom to three dogs. Karen and I have been married for 43 years.
Monika: I came across your moving story in The New York Times “Transgender Today” series. What motivated you to share your experience so publicly?
Jaime: There were two reasons that I wrote the NYT post. First is that I believe strongly, having learned from my advocacy work on obesity, that the best way for the world to see the real person is through our personal stories. Being out there telling our stories can be powerful. Secondly, I wanted to acknowledge my thanks to those who came before me to pave the way. My experience of transitioning was much more positive than many had experienced in the past. Because of their strength, my path was safer and more accepted.
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| One of my selfies. |
Monika: You began your transition in your 60s, which is quite remarkable. Looking back, do you ever wish you had done it earlier?
Jaime: I feel it is important to look forward rather than backward. I am thankful for my earlier experiences and life as they provided me with the strength, mental preparedness, and financial resources to smoothly transition in a relatively short period of time. I had been “micro transitioning” (dealing with body hair, letting my hair get longer, dealing with alcohol addiction, presenting more androgynously) for years before I went full-time and fully transitioned. If I had transitioned earlier, I know that things would have been very different. I am living a very good life now. So regretting the past would be a waste of cognitive energy and time.
Monika: During your transition, were there any individuals, public figures or people in your life, who served as role models or sources of strength for you?
Jaime: Over the years I admired anyone who had the strength to transition. As I started transitioning, I found hope in Jenny Boylan’s book, and friends online, but I found most of my role models among cis women who also became a big part of my support group. Two groups of trans women that gave me the most inspiration and sense that it was possible to transition were the Trans Beauty Network (TBN) and the TBN Support Group, which evolved from TBN. Tammy, who organized the groups, and the other women in the groups helped me and I helped them. Together we helped each other find our own personal paths to and through the transition. Transitioning is such an individual and varied process that what works for one may not work so well for others. Thus, getting ideas and hearing the stories from a trusted group of ladies was very helpful.
Monika: Many transgender women face profound personal losses while pursuing the truth of who they are, sometimes losing family, friends, jobs, or social standing in the process. What kind of personal cost, if any, did your transition carry for you?
Jaime: I was blessed with an exceptionally positive transition. I was fortunate in that I did not lose family relationships over my transition, except that my 90-year-old mother does not even try to use the right pronouns. I also did not lose friends at work, few at church, and few if any in my volunteer organizations. I did learn quickly that I was no longer in the “Boys’ Club,” losing the white male privilege I had received earlier in life. That shift in privilege was eye-opening, and it deepened my empathy for others who’ve lived without it all along.
Monika: Was there a specific moment or challenge that truly tested your strength during the transition?
Jaime: The greatest positive exception I experienced was the maintaining of our marriage. My transition wasn’t a bed of roses. I had some post-surgical medical complications following my GRS that took two years and five surgeries to repair. I fought hard and ended up suing my employer to get the medical plan changed to cover transgender-related medical expenses. I won, but at great personal cost. I lost a few friends, but very few. I gained more real friends than I ever had before. That period tested not only my resilience but also my belief that persistence and transparency can change systems for the better.
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| With Karen. |
Monika: In recent years, visibility for transgender women has grown across many fields, from fashion and media to politics and academia. While it might seem like progress is accelerating, do you feel this visibility reflects true systemic change, or is it still more surface-level than structural?
Jaime: I think we can exist in society however we want to, either blending in or being open. In the USA, it is (in spite of the party in power now) a much safer place to exist. I believe we’re in the midst of a slow but effective social paradigm shift, with positive changes occurring for most marginalized groups. We still have a long way to go, so we can’t give up the fight, and we must align ourselves with other communities advocating for the same full rights. The momentum we’ve built is encouraging, and it reminds me daily that social evolution is possible even in places we least expect.
Monika: Can you share an example of change that’s been especially meaningful or symbolic for you?
Jaime: We’ve done more than just scratch the surface, real change is happening. I’m sitting in a Starbucks right now in South Carolina (the heart of the ultra-conservative Christian Bible Belt), and a gay couple just kissed hello. That would not have happened ten years ago without one of them being physically or verbally attacked. Through UPSC, we are receiving more and more requests to partner with organizations, like local hospitals, to help them improve their support for the LGBTQ community. We hold Pride events weekly now and are working hard to bring the entire LGBTQ community together. It’s not perfect yet, but this kind of outreach and acceptance feels like real cultural transformation.
Monika: Within the broader LGBTQ+ umbrella, it’s often easy for transgender voices to be overshadowed. Do you believe the transgender community has found an effective way to advocate for its specific needs, even while standing in solidarity with the rest of the LGBTQ+ movement?
Jaime: Yes, the transgender community can absolutely promote itself within the broader LGBTQ+ community, as long as we recognize that we share more common ground than differences. We have to make a conscious effort to show up, be involved, and make our presence known. That’s one of the key reasons I volunteer for Upstate Pride. Our inclusion must be intentional, not accidental, and it’s up to us to keep pushing forward.
Monika: What steps have you and your organization taken to ensure that transgender voices are being heard?
Jaime: In the past year, under a complete change in leadership, we’ve placed a strong focus on intersectionality, engaging with and supporting other LGBTQ-related organizations and allied movements. We’ve expanded our presence through social and advocacy events in our local community. We also launched two peer-led support groups that focus on mental health, filling a crucial gap recognized by professionals in the addiction and mental health fields. Additionally, we’ve increased our public visibility, participating in events like the first large LGBT+ rally in downtown Greenville and speaking to future clinical counselors in graduate programs. These efforts have really helped solidify our role as leaders and collaborators within the movement.
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| The Senate Office Building where we were advocating for the Treat and Reduce Obesity Act |
Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender people are portrayed in the media, whether in films, books, or news stories? Have these representations helped or hindered public understanding?
Jaime: Many of the news and fictional stories have helped our exposure and have educated many folks. I am disappointed that more of the main trans characters in the fictional stories are still being cast with cis males or females. I feel most of the stories help our cause, and some are very powerful and are able to improve the public’s opinion of us.
Monika: You’ve been quite active in your community, but are you also involved in political advocacy? In your view, can transgender women help shift the political landscape?
Jaime: I do lobby, and since transitioning I have been a part of a number of visits to Congressional and Senatorial offices in Washington, D.C., to advocate for my causes. I have also participated in marches, rallies, and advocacy training opportunities. These are all avenues to create change or support the change already in process. In all cases, I found our representatives positive. My last full-fledged lobbying event was with a team trying to convince one of our Senators to co-sponsor the Treat and Reduce Obesity Act. In this case, I was the patient advocate, having had a successful treatment. The fact that I was trans did not change how I was received, and in my follow-up letter, I was also able to lobby for trans issues.
Monika: Looking ahead, do you believe we’ll see a transgender woman elected as President of the United States, or at least as First Lady someday?
Jaime: I doubt it. We can’t even get a cis woman voted in. The conservative right has too firm of a hold on our political processes here at this time.
Monika: Let’s talk style! What’s your relationship with fashion like? Are there any colors, designers, or trends you particularly enjoy?
Jaime: I am not a fashionista, but I want to look nice at a reasonable cost. I love purples, corals, and pinks in my primary palette, and I love to wear the beaded jewelry my wife makes (I make some myself, but not as artistic as Karen). I do most of my shopping at outlet malls and buy most of my clothes on sale. I like skirts, sweaters, jeans, and the occasional dress. I dress similarly to most of the women I associate with and blend in well. When it comes to looking nice, hair is vital. No matter what I wear, I try to be sure my hair looks great.
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| Karen and I again. |
Monika: Some people say that the contraceptive pill revolutionized life for cisgender women, while cosmetic and gender-affirming surgeries have offered a kind of freedom to transgender women, especially from the pressure to "pass." Do you think medical advances have truly liberated us, or is society still catching up?
Jaime: I can truly say that I loved the results of my surgeries. But with that in mind, part of the societal change that is needed is to appreciate and acknowledge the full spectrum of the gender continuum. Most trans folks I know cannot afford all of the surgeries they need or want, and some don’t even want them. Those who are gender non-binary really struggle with the concepts of passing. When full acceptance and acknowledgment occur, the concept of passing should no longer be necessary. This shift in thinking would benefit everyone, not just those within the trans community.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Jaime Erin Fivecoat.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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