Diane Keinanen is an American transgender woman from Minnesota, a registered nurse (RN) and Vascular Access Specialist with 28 years of professional experience in Duluth. Alongside her nursing career, she is an artistic and creative soul who enjoys working with stained glass and woodworking, finding serenity in creating things that bring happiness to others. A woman of many talents, Diane also describes herself as a fashionista on a budget, with a passion for fashion, colourful outfits and discovering treasures in thrift and consignment shops. After spending much of her life fulfilling the expectations placed upon her by society, Diane began her transition later in life, following the end of a marriage that had lasted more than 30 years. Coming out was an extremely difficult experience, and the fear of hurting and disappointing those closest to her became overwhelming. On February 9, 2019, she attempted suicide, believing at the time that there was no other way forward. The experience became a turning point in her life. With the help of a gender therapist and the support of her family, friends and colleagues, she gradually began discovering herself. Her children welcomed her with love and acceptance, while her coworkers supported her transition at the hospital, where she became the first long-term employee to transition in the workplace.
Diane began hormone replacement therapy in April 2018, and celebrated her first anniversary of HRT in April 2019. She describes the experience of becoming herself with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning, grateful for the opportunity to finally live the life she had dreamed of. Determined to make the most of her new beginning, she embraced a healthier lifestyle, giving up alcohol, exercising regularly and taking greater care of her physical and emotional well-being. She also began documenting her transition on Facebook, sharing photographs and personal reflections in the hope of inspiring other transgender women, just as the stories of women she encountered on social media had inspired her. An important part of Diane's life is the friendship and solidarity she has found with three transgender women from the Twin Ports area. Sharing similar life experiences, they have become close friends who understand and support one another. She is also involved in the local transgender community through Trans Plus, a support group in Duluth that meets twice a month and participates in the city's annual Pride celebrations. Her own journey has taught her that everyone's path is different, but that life is too short not to live authentically. Today, she is finally enjoying the freedom of being Diane and looking forward to a happy and fulfilling life.
Monika: Diane, welcome! It is a pleasure to have you with us today.
Diane: Hello Monika! Thanks for having me.
Monika: To begin, tell us a little about yourself.
Diane: Old life dissolved, been left to the past. Now Diane has evolved, loving life at long last!
Monika: You work as a nurse, yet you also have an artistic hobby. Tell me about it.
Diane: Creation is my serenity. I love to create in stained glass. I enjoy woodworking as well. I find great fulfillment in crafting things that will bring happiness to another.
Monika: You are only at the onset of your transition. How are you feeling?
Diane: I just reached my one-year HRT anniversary on April 1st (no fooling!). I am feeling happy, and I am so grateful for all of the support I have received from coworkers, friends, and family. Even after a year, I still wake up like a child on Christmas morning, so full of excitement and the surreal wonderment of my dream realized!
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| Courtesy of Diane Keinanen. |
Monika: Personally, I wish I had transitioned earlier. Do you share those regrets?
Diane: Yes. A few months into my journey, I started having those feelings of regret. As a child of the ’80s, it would have been virtually impossible to do what I am doing today. Following that came marriage and the responsibilities of parenting. I spent a lifetime playing the part that society expected of me. Once my children became adults, I came to the realization that perhaps I could pursue my dream.
Monika: Fulfilling our dreams of being ourselves often comes at the highest price, and many trans women lose their families, friends, jobs, and social positions. Did you pay such a high price as well? What was the hardest part of coming out?
Diane: The idea of coming out as transgender was absolutely terrifying to me. As a result, on 2/9/19 I attempted suicide because it seemed like the only solution, rather than bringing shame, hurt, and embarrassment to all those I hold dear.
Monika: Thank you for being so open about such a painful moment. What did you lose along the way?
Diane: I am extremely happy today, but it was at a great cost. I lost my love of a lifetime. I came out to my spouse first. My wife and I had been together since high school. My marriage of 30-plus years was over. It was incredibly painful. I came out to my children a week prior to coming out to the world. The acceptance and love they showed me that day was so freeing. It was at that moment that a huge weight was lifted.
Monika: Your children’s love must have given you strength. How did everyone else react when you came out to the world?
Diane: I came out to the world... and it was quite a shock to many because I had acted the part so well. I decided my Facebook page would be my journal of transition. I wanted to quell the rumors and remove the mystery from my life. The support I have received from friends, family, and coworkers has been huge to me. After 28 years of being an RN in Duluth, I am the first long-term employee to transition in the workplace. Once again, the support and love shown to me have been wonderful.
Monika: Returning to work after your leave must have been daunting. What was it like to show up there as Diane?
Diane: After my suicide attempt, I was put on leave for three months. In that time I reached out to Trans Plus and got a gender therapist. I began to try to find myself. I experimented with cosmetics, I began to grow out my buzz cut, I pierced my ears, and I colored my hair. I began to play around with a more androgynous look, and when the time came to return to work, I looked fairly androgynous, leaning toward fem. I went to work like that and slowly and gradually built upon my look. I began HRT. Once I came out to my children and the world, I knew it was time to really push forward.
Monika: Was there a particular day when your colleagues met the full Diane?
Diane: One day we were to have a staff meeting on my day off. That was my opportunity to show work as Diane. I had been living female about 50 percent at that point. I walked into the hospital the full-on Diane that day. Boy did I turn some heads! There was no going back after that. Diane was here to stay, and I have not looked back since. Full steam ahead!!!
Monika: Did you have any transgender role models when you started your transition?
Diane: No, not really, but I was inspired by other transgender women on Facebook and Instagram. I decided I wanted to inspire as well.
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| Courtesy of Diane Keinanen. |
Monika: Some say we are prisoners of the passing or non-passing syndrome, and even cosmetic surgery cannot fully protect us from being judged. Is there any other way to cope with it?
Diane: I live my life one day at a time. I know in my heart that I am Diane always. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be a supermodel. I really just want to fit in and find a comfortable place in society. I do transformation montages on my Facebook page. They really help me to see that magic has changed me greatly in one year.
Monika: You are a very slim woman. What is your secret?
Diane: I was 195 lbs two years ago. The final three months of our life together were miserable. I was angry or crying all the time. I hated myself and loathed the lie I was living more so than ever before. I began to lose weight without trying. I was withering away on both an emotional and physical level. I thought I had cancer, but all the tests were negative. It was just my body consuming itself. I dropped to 160 lbs. I call it the anguish diet, and I would not recommend it.
Monika: That sounds like an incredibly hard time. What changed once your new life began?
Diane: After I started my new life, I decided I wanted this body to last because I actually wanted to live. I began exercising. I changed my lifestyle and gave up alcohol. I did not need it anymore, as my new life was and still is the greatest high ever. I do 50 to 60 minutes on the elliptical three to five times a week. I cut back on junk food. I meditate, and I do HRT-enhancing exercises as well.
Monika: How satisfied are you with the results of HRT so far?
Diane: I inject estradiol valerate every seven days, and I am on progesterone plus spironolactone. It is kind of strange. I mean, I know changes are occurring, but I do not see them as others do. I just see less and less boy in the mirror. Perhaps that is the dysphoria.
Monika: Do your comparison photos help you see the progress?
Diane: I post a transition comparison photo occasionally. I do it not only to inspire others, as I was inspired by such posts, but also to actually see the proof positive of my results. That being said, I know I will never be Miss America. The chance to board that ship sailed years back. What I hope for is to be able to blend into society as best I can and live a happy and fulfilling life, and THAT, I can honestly say, is truly happening.
Monika: Having trans sisters nearby can be a great help when you need advice or support. Do you have any in your neighborhood?
Diane: I have three sisters here in the Twin Ports who are my best friends. We are all in our late 40s to mid-50s. We all have similar stories in life and understand each other COMPLETELY. I believe it was divine intervention that brought us to each other and that together we are strong.
Monika: Fashion seems close to your heart. What kind of outfits do you usually wear, and do you have favorite designers, colors, or trends?
Diane: I love fashion. I call myself “the fashionista on a budget.” I love savers and consignment shops. I love to wear all kinds of clothing and all different colors. I post more photos on Instagram and Facebook than a 16-year-old girl!!! See for yourself!
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| Courtesy of Diane Keinanen. |
Monika: Could you ever imagine getting married as a woman?
Diane: Being a Bond fan, I remember that Sean Connery stated he was through with being Bond and would never reprise his role. He was going to retire. One year later, they offered him a very lucrative deal to play Bond one last time, and much to his wife’s dismay he accepted. A title had not been decided, and Connery’s wife spoke up: “Call it ‘Never Say Never Again.’”
Monika: Speaking of Bond, who was your favorite Bond girl?
Diane: Caroline Cossey in “For Your Eyes Only.” She is transgender, and no one knew it until she was outed later.
Monika: Yes, indeed. She is an icon! I had the honor of interviewing her four years ago. Many transgender women tell their stories in memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Diane: I have been told by quite a few people that my style of writing is enjoyable to read on my Facebook page. Since my page is my journal of transition, I have thought about turning it into a book.
Monika: What do you think of the way transgender people have been portrayed so far in news stories, films, and books?
Diane: It varies greatly in my opinion, just like everything else. I believe there is a much higher level of acceptance toward transgender people. I think many people have a curiosity about it.
Monika: The transgender community is said to be thriving now. Laverne Cox declared, “Trans is beautiful,” and young women are becoming models and dancers, while others are succeeding as writers, singers, actresses, politicians, academics, and businesswomen. How would you describe the present situation of transgender women in contemporary society? Are we just scratching the surface, or is real change happening?
Diane: I agree that the transgender community is thriving and continuing to do so. This played a large factor in my decision to come out to the world on 2/9/19. Being of mature age, I have been watching the evolution of acceptance toward transgender people for quite some time. I am certain that I could never have safely come out to the world at a young age (circa the 1980s). I am so happy that the younger generation can be themselves so freely today and pursue their dreams as I am finally doing today.
Monika: The transgender cause is usually presented together with the other LGBTQ communities. As the penultimate letter in that abbreviation, is the transgender community able to promote its own cause within the group?
Diane: Duluth, MN is a small city compared to some, but we have a wonderful support group. Trans Plus has a large following and meets twice a month. Every summer we have a wonderful Pride festival and an informational booth there, which is well received. Trans Plus is also organizing the first-ever Transgender Pride Festival in Duluth, which is very exciting.
Monika: What would you recommend to all the transgender ladies reading this interview?
Diane: Everyone’s journey is unique. Life is too short not to live your truth. Yes... it has been a long road for me to arrive where I am today, but I am finally on the correct path and living my dream... happily ever after.
Monika: Diane, thank you for sharing your story, and good luck on your journey!
All the photos: courtesy of Diane Keinanen.
© 2020 - Monika Kowalska
