It has been three years since I last spoke with Ella Marques, a Portuguese-American writer living in Boca Raton, Florida, and in that time her creative world has continued to expand with remarkable energy. Known for her deeply personal biographical book I Was Born a Boy from Venus. It’s Time to Be Yourself, Ella has since taken readers further along her journey with Coming Home to Venus, a powerful reflection on transition, change, and becoming whole, as well as Eva’s World, a vibrant work of fiction that blends lived experience with imagination. Beyond writing, Ella has become a visible and generous presence in the transgender community through Trans-Gurus, a platform she co-founded to support and connect trans people across the globe. Her story is one of courage, introspection, creativity, and an unwavering belief that transgender women are, quite simply, women who live, love, work, and dream like anyone else.
In Coming Home to Venus, Ella traces the path from dysphoria to gender reassignment surgery, exploring not only the medical and practical aspects of transition but also its emotional, psychological, and social dimensions. The book stands as both a personal testimony and a roadmap, speaking directly to transgender readers while inviting cisgender audiences to better understand the depth and complexity of a trans woman’s experience. Alongside this deeply reflective work, Ella embraced fiction with Eva’s World, a novel that blends travel, friendship, love, and identity, drawing from real places, real emotions, and lived experiences, while allowing imagination to take the lead. Now in her mid-sixties, Ella speaks with the confidence of experience and the curiosity of someone still deeply engaged with the world. Her journey is marked not by a single moment of transition, but by a lifelong commitment to authenticity, creativity, and connection. In this interview, we return to her story not only to reflect on how far she has come, but also to explore how living fully as oneself can unlock new beginnings at any stage of life.
Monika: Hello Ella! It’s so lovely to reconnect!
Ella: Hi Monika, It is such a pleasure to be here with you.
Monika: These past months have changed so much for all of us. How have you been navigating the pandemic?
Ella: Business-wise it has been a disaster but from my own personal perspective it has been an incredible year. I usually travel a lot, about every second week and in March we had a lockdown here in the US, so I took advantage to finish my second book “Coming Home to Venus”, then I got the idea to write a fiction novel Eva’s World.
Monika: And with all that unexpected time at home, did new projects or ideas emerge for you?
Ella: At the end of 2019, a group of friends and I started a YouTube channel and Facebook Page called Trans-Gurus, it has been quite a success, we have now over 19 000 followers on Facebook, and it is a reference page for many transgender people all over the world. We have people from so many countries, USA, UK, Philippines, Egypt, India, Pakistan, Germany. It is quite incredible and very moving to try to help the community. Pandemic has been a big source of inspiration in many ways and it gave me some time to help our great community.
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| Available via Amazon. |
Monika: In “I Was Born a Boy from Venus” (2017) you shared the early stages of your transition. Was that why your next book, “Coming Home to Venus” (2020), felt like the right place to explore the journey all the way to gender reassignment surgery?
Ella: Yes, Coming home to Venus is a book about change. About becoming yourself, the steps to becoming fully yourself, in this case being a transgender woman. I hope many trans people read the book and take it as a roadmap for transition and many cis people understand what is change in the history of a trans woman.
Monika: And when you structured it, how did you decide to break those steps down?
Ella: The steps in the book came more or less chronologically, starting with trying to understand my gender dysphoria up to gender reassignment surgery, and becoming yourself in the real world. It talks about counseling, support groups, Hormone replacement therapy, passing and acceptance, family and friends, name and paper changes… most things that are dealt with during a transition. I think it is a very interesting read for all that are transitioning and for people interested in the transgender theme.
Monika: Early on you describe your dysphoria and the guidance you received from Dr. Carol Clark. Did her approach resonate with you from the start?
Ella: Dr. Carol Clark is a brilliant professional, and expert in transgender people and transitioning. She has lead the transgender support group in south Florida for over 20 years, one of the first ones, she teaches Ph.D. students in transgender studies and sexual therapy. She is really very special. For more information please go to her website.
Monika: And on a more personal level, how did her support shape your own process?
Ella: For me she was so important from the first day, she did not tell much, I was doing most of the talk about myself, my feelings, and my youth. The rest came by itself, the support she gave me and my family was very precious. She opened the doors that society forced me to close inside myself, and I finally accepted what I always knew and tormented me for decades.
It is so important to work with people that know what they are doing when you are a transgender person. Unfortunately, too many specialists have no idea about our issues, leading to unsatisfactory conditions for everybody. And this applies as well to surgeons, endocrinologists, and other people that deal with our community.
Monika: For many of us, starting hormone replacement therapy is a turning point. Was it as transformative for you as it was for me?
Ella: Oh yes sister! Hormones are very powerful. Yes, it is not the speed in what they act, but the incredible ramifications of all of you. The physical changes, skin, hair, breasts, sensitivity are very important, but the psychological changes are overwhelming, the moods, the sensitivity you develop for situations, and what is around you. For me and with time, the most important factor of HRT was the fact that I felt at peace with myself and I felt good. All of a sudden my creativity was flourishing, the contact with other people was easier, the world changed completely and I even started to write.
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| In her kingdom. |
Monika: During your transition, you did not isolate yourself from the external world. You even began organizing dinners for other transgender ladies...
Ella: Yes, our community is not easy going and there are still many people that live in the closet or live very lonely lives. Many issues have to do with the stage of transition and contact with other people. Yes, it is quite standard that in the first phase you struggle with your transition, slowly you master it and when you are at the end of transition you go stealth, you just want to be incognito and live your real self. I get that and respect it. In my case, I decided to help the next generation of transgender people, organizing dinners, going to support groups to give advice, and now with Trans-Gurus. It is a way to pay back what other people did for me.
Monika: When we think about facial feminization surgery, we often see two paths: major changes for a very feminine look, or lighter changes that preserve more of our character. Do you see any middle ground?
Ella: You know some people are luckier than others in this respect. And that applies to both trans and cis women. I was lucky that I never had very masculine features, so not much need for me, and I like to still show my character. But this is very personal, in reality in our case has a lot to do with yourself and your dysphoria.
Monika: And how do you see these differences play out among women you know?
Ella: Some cis women are models and most are not, some transgender women are very passible from the beginning and others not. But whatever it is, what motivates this type of surgery is your feelings. I have a very good friend that looked very passable to the point that some of my cis girlfriends did not realize she was trans, and that without makeup. Well, she had to have FFS because it was not enough for her, and she looks incredible now. No, I do not believe that there is a third option, I believe that that there are hundreds of possible options between zero and 100%.
Monika: Many say we become prisoners of passing or non‑passing expectations. Even with surgeries, judgment never fully disappears. How do we learn to live with that?
Ella: I think we are prisoners of our own Dysphoria, yes passing is very important too, but it is the way you look at yourself. I see most of the time that the passing syndrome is mainly motivated by the way you look yourself in front of the mirror, but this is not enough.
Monika: We often reduce “passing” to physical appearance alone, facial features, body shape, surgeries. But from your experience, is passing really about looks, or is it something deeper than what we see in the mirror?
Ella: Let me try to explain what I mean, passing is not only related to the way you look, the behavior is very important as well, the talking, and I don’t mean pitch alone but the words you use and how you talk. You can be a not-so-beautiful feminine-looking transgender woman and still pass in society. But when a transgender person looks in the mirror, she (or he) wants to look at the evolution from the dead person she (or he) was. If you see some leftovers of your previous life, you want to remove them. Ok sometimes it is vanity as well, we just want to look attractive, nothing wrong with that.
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| Cute lady in a beautiful sari. |
Monika: So for you, passing is also about how we sound and move through the world, not just how we look?
Ella: I know many gorgeous feminine trans girls that when they open their mouths it is clear that they do not pass. All is a choice. I am lucky to see my mother when I see myself in the mirror.
Monika: Apart from physical resemblance, what else did you inherit from your mother as a woman? Did she ever have the chance to see you as her daughter?
Ella: Oh, my tears run down when I think of her. She passed away some years ago, before my present transition. She was a fantastic person, someone I loved very deeply, but somehow we always had our issues. When I was very young at the age of five I knew I was a girl, well this was in the early 60’s so you can imagine what was the acceptance then. I used to steal my sister's clothes, I was mostly caught and there were penalties. She never stopped telling me that I was a boy and had to dress like a boy and play with boy’s toys. It never left her mind.
Monika: That sounds like a long, painful tension between who you were and what she could accept. Did anything shift between you before she passed?
Ella: One of the reasons I left my country was because I never gave up my true gender, and she knew it all the time. Just before she died she told my sister, give my mink coat to your brother. She had finally accepted that I was a girl. I have many things from my mother, not only the appearance but as well many things I do like her. I miss her a lot.
Monika: And how about your sister? Was she aware of your feminine side growing up?
Ella: Oh yes she did know about my feminine side from the beginning. When I was very young, many times when they found me with their clothes they would lock me in the bathroom, naked for one hour or so. Later when I came up to her to say I was going to transition, she just said “That makes sense, and I will always love you.” All my family has been very supportive.
Monika: In the book, you mention how transition influenced your professional life. Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?
Ella: I am very lucky to live in a country where transgender people are actually quite well accepted. Before I finished my paperwork, I looked like a woman but still had male papers. I saw it as embarrassment, but the people that gave me the job were quite OK with it, telling me to update my paperwork when all is over, which I did.
Monika: And once you were in those rooms, what mattered more in practice, your gender or your professionalism?
Ella: In many interviews, you have to present your professional attitude and not necessarily your gender. Yes, you have to present yourself as a respectful person and play the role correctly, but it should be a professionalism that is important. And I must add it depends a lot on the job you are applying for, it can go both ways, for some jobs, being transgender can be an advantage.
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International Meeting 'Women and Entrepreneurship', Miami, 2019,
incl. Ella Marques, Rajée Rajindra Narinesingh, and Meghna Lama.
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Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment? Is it worth mentioning that we are transgender?
Ella: I would say it depends on your stage of transition. If you finished transitioning, your papers are up to date and the job you are applying for has no relation with past experience, why bother saying you are transgender? I visit clients all over the world, I am certainly not telling them about my transition to most of them. Just follow your gut feelings.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Ella Marques.
© 2020 - Monika Kowalska
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