Véronique Françoise Caroline Renard, born on May 26, 1965, in Jutphaas, Netherlands, is a woman whose life has been a tapestry of grace, courage, and profound transformation. Known by her spiritual name, "Pantau," which she received after a life-changing meeting with the Dalai Lama in 2000, her name means “to be helpful” or “beneficial,” a fitting reflection of her deep dedication to making a positive impact on the world and those around her. Véronique’s journey is not just about the milestones she achieved but about the quiet strength she embodied as she navigated the complexities of her identity. At the tender age of 17, with the love and support of her family and friends, she courageously began her transition into womanhood. Her mother lovingly renamed her Véronique, a name that symbolizes the beautiful, new beginning she embraced. In 1983, she legally changed her name and completed her gender-affirming journey, becoming one of the first people in the Netherlands to undergo gender reassignment surgery. As Véronique embraced her true self, she became a pioneer, someone whose personal transformation touched the lives of many.
Her memoirs, Pantau in India and Pholomolo: No Man No Woman, have been more than just stories, they have been windows into her soul. Through her words, she has shared not only the intimate experience of her gender transition but also the beauty of her spiritual journey. Her time in the Himalayas, where she lived in the presence of the Dalai Lama, was a period of profound inner peace and growth, culminating in the creation of the Pantau Foundation in 2000. This foundation supported Tibetan refugee children, a cause that became deeply entwined with her own heart. Her life has not been without its challenges, but Véronique’s resilience has always shone through. After leaving India, she spent years in Thailand before returning to the Netherlands in 2011 to care for her mother. But it was in 2023 that Véronique took yet another courageous step, moving to Cambodia to bring her vision of Kikiyaya Zen Gardens to life. This serene project is a testament to her unwavering belief in nurturing the soul and fostering peace, both within and around us.
Through every chapter of her life, Véronique has remained true to herself, fearlessly embracing her femininity and her unique place in the world. She has become a beacon of inspiration for so many, and for me personally, her strength, grace, and unwavering commitment to living authentically have deeply inspired my own journey as a woman. When I first had the privilege of interviewing her in 2013, I was moved by her ability to live with such openness, humility, and love. She is a woman whose heart radiates kindness and whose spirit encourages others to live their truth. Today, as I reconnect with her after more than a decade, I am reminded of just how much of an impact she has had on my own life. Véronique is not just a symbol of courage and resilience, she is a living testament to the beauty of embracing one’s true self, no matter the obstacles. Her journey is a reminder that transformation, both personal and spiritual, is a lifelong process, a journey worth taking with heart and soul.
Monika: Véronique, what a joy to reconnect with you! Can you believe it’s been twelve years since our last conversation in 2013? Back then, you inspired me to fully embrace my womanhood, and while I was discovering my real self, you managed to build a whole new life in Cambodia. Before we dive into your life in Cambodia, tell me, what else has changed in your life since we last spoke?
Véronique: In 2009, while I was living in Thailand, my father became very ill. In October 2009, I was just in time to be with him while he passed away in a hospice in our hometown. I returned to Bangkok a month later and talked to my mother via Skype every day. I was concerned about her well-being, and I suspected she had dementia.
The spring of 2010 was a tumultuous political time in Thailand, with major protests in Bangkok, resulting in a military crackdown and heavy fighting in the city. It was not a good time to be in Bangkok. There was a curfew, and there were tanks in my street. I started thinking about moving back to the Netherlands to help my mother, which I did in November 2010. I moved into my mother’s home and lived with her for five months.
In March 2011, I decided to buy a small cabin at a holiday resort in a nearby forest so that I could enjoy a place of my own. It was not easy to live with and care for a mother with dementia. She was very confused and often aggressive. It was a tremendously hard time. I found peace in the forest, where I decided to create a small Japanese-style garden. It helped me to relax. I also got a dog from a shelter. A new world opened up to me, taking care of my mother in the morning until her nurse and housekeeper came, and in the afternoon having long walks in the forest with my dog and tending to my Japanese garden. I was rebuilding a life in the Netherlands.
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| "I spent most of my time in the wilderness, learning about wildlife and working together with the wolf preservation center." |
Monika: And how did you find a new sense of purpose during those years back in the Netherlands?
Véronique: My last paid job was in 1999, so for 12 years I had been living in India and Thailand on my savings, but my father had left me an impressive inheritance that suddenly catapulted me into the top 3.5% of wealthiest people in the Netherlands. I challenged myself to double that inheritance within 6 years.
I maintained a very simple lifestyle in my little cabin in the forest with my dog but educated myself to become a real estate investor and investor in start-up companies and other businesses that are seeking investments. My mother moved into a nursing home and passed away exactly one year later. I was left alone without any family in the Netherlands.
I enjoyed my new resposibility as a real estate investor. I bought a number of condos in Utrecht city that I rented out to expats. I was doing really well and I really loved my life in the Netherlands with my dog in the forest. Apart from my cabin with my Japanese garden that I called Kikiyaya, I also had a larger holiday home constructed in the largest nature reserve in the Netherlands. I rented the plot of land from a holiday resort. I spent most of my time in the wilderness, learning about wildlife and working together with the wolf preservation center. I would report wolf sightings and collect DNA from their droppings.
I became a member of a political party, Party for the Animals, and also donated part of my new wealth to charties for the well-being of animals and nature preservation.
Monika: That sounds like such a special and peaceful life. What led to your departure from the Netherlands?
Véronique: This good life came to an end when the State Government and Municipality of Utrecht found out that I lived permanently in holidays resorts. There is a law in the Netherlands that prevents people from living on campings and resorts or hotels permanently. They wanted me to live at an official personal address for at least 4 months a year. If not, they would fine me or even detain me. I refused to be managed and threatened by the authorities.
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| "My beautiful country of the Netherlands hurt me deeply with their ridiculous laws." |
But fighting the government is hard, eventhough I had many people in the Netherlands supporting me. In 2023 the authorities took away all my rights as a Dutch resident and pronounced me illegal in the Netherlands. I became a ghost citizen. I was no longer allowed to drive a car, receive healthcare or even renew my passport.
My lawyer and I decided to make a major media spectacle out of this. Many people thought it was ridiculous to deny a wealthy person like me the pleasure of living with her dog in a holiday resort. But the government and municipality of Utrecht set a deadline of 29 May, 2023. They would come and arrest me and throw me in jail. I suggested to them to do so live on television during a talk show.
After a hefty live tv discussion with representatives of the government and the City of Utrecht, my lawyer and human rights activists, I promised on live tv that I would leave the country and never come back. I walked out of the tv studio and got into a car that took me with my suitcase to Schiphol airport.
I am very disappointed in the Netherlands. I am especially emotionally hurt because I couldn't take my old, sick bull terrier Kiki with me. My future was uncertain. I was homeless and I had no idea where I would end up. I left my dear Kiki with friends. Every time I mention her name I cry, even now when writing this. It is a pain so deep, I expect it never to go away.
My beautiful country of the Netherlands hurt me deeply with their ridiculous laws. I will never, never return to that country, not even in a coffin or urn. I travelled to Bangkok and the next day I travelled to Phnom Penh where I checked in to a lovely 4 star boutique hotel. I sat down and made a new plan for the future.
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| "I am especially emotionally hurt because I could not take my old, sick bull terrier Kiki with me." |
Monika: What drew you back to Southeast Asia, and why did Cambodia, in particular, call to you?
Véronique: I had done some research online when the trouble in my own country started. Smart as I am, I made a Plan B and C. I could have avoided all problems by buying a condo and living there for four months a year, but I don't like to be forced by anyone to tell me how to live and where to live. I thought I would move back to Thailand, perhaps live in Sri Racha or Prachuap Khiri Khan, two small towns that I love very much. I also have many friends in Thailand. I know that country well, I speak a bit of Thai, so it would make sense to live there.
However, I had never been to Cambodia before. Cambodia is a very poor and underdeveloped country that faces many challenges and severe poverty. It has seen war and genocide in its recent history. Of course, all those things attracted me. The government is also very welcoming to foreigners who want to live in this kingdom and spend their money here.
After the hostile antics of my home country, I really wanted to live in a country whose government is warm and welcoming. Really, I have never received such a warm welcome from any government ever. I have been here for nearly two years, and so far I haven't experienced any obstacles, not even as a foreigner who doesn't speak their language. Everything is good, and people are really nice to me. I am here to stay.
Monika: And Cambodia is where you chose to create something truly lasting - your life legacy, Kikiyaya Zen Gardens. If I remember correctly, you had a similar garden back in the Netherlands. What inspired you to bring it back to life in a new land?
Véronique: The first year in Cambodia, I rented a small room in the up-and-coming coastal town of Kampot. It is located along a big river system, close to a big mountain, and close to the sea. All these ingredients attracted me.
Last year in March, someone pointed out to me that there was a way, as a foreigner, to buy land in Cambodia. I found a beautiful, undeveloped piece of land close to the sea, about 5 km out of town in a small Muslim community. I decided to acquire this 4,400 m² plot of land. It is a big project.
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| "I am planning to create multiple gardens in various styles." |
Monika: How would you recommend Cambodia to European and American tourists? What makes it a place worth visiting in your eyes?
Véronique: Cambodia is nice, but I think Thailand and Vietnam have more to offer to tourists. Cambodia is a lot rougher and perhaps better for more experienced travellers, but it is developing fast with the help of foreign aid, especially from Japan. Kampot, where I live, is undergoing a rapid transformation. Lots of people come here to invest in old French colonial buildings and restore them to open restaurants and hotels.
Unfortunately, there is also some gentrification going on. It is the new playground for the jet set of Phnom Penh. Kampot is like the Ozarks of Cambodia, with lots of water and watersports.
I recently spent a few days in Siem Reap, which is known for Angkor Wat, the largest temple complex in the world. Siem Reap is a really lovely and livable city. Many young digital nomads like to live there. Phnom Penh is a big, busy city. I only go there out of necessity. It is 2.5 hours away from Kampot.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Véronique Françoise Caroline Renard.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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