Monika: Zen gardens are often guided by seven core principles: Austerity (Koko), Simplicity (Kanso), Naturalness (Shizen), Asymmetry (Fukinsei), Subtlety (Yugen), the Unexpected (Datsuzoku), and Stillness (Seijaku). Are these principles something you intend to preserve in Kikiyaya Zen Gardens?
Véronique: Absolutely. I had a good learning experience with Old Kikiyaya in the Netherlands. It took me a year to create, but ten years to perfect. There was a point in 2013 when Japanese people started to approve of my garden. Often, Westerners over-Japanize their gardens, stuffing them full of elements such as koi ponds, bridges, lanterns, and Buddha statues, then it becomes a kind of strange Japanese Disneyland. Less is more. Over time, I removed a lot of elements from my garden because I started to feel like a true Japanese gardener and designer. I am now confident enough that I won’t make the mistakes I made in the beginning. NHK World Japan featured my garden in one of their TV shows. I felt very proud. I made Old Kikiyaya my own. It has a distinct originality to it. I hope I can recreate that uniqueness again at New Kikiyaya.
Monika: The whole project sounds incredibly ambitious. How does one woman take on something so vast and challenging? Do you have any support along the way?
Véronique: So I am all by myself. I no longer have a partner. I feel I am always happier without a husband or boyfriend. I am a loner. I sometimes fall in love and confuse physical attraction with the need to share my life with a partner. I can still enjoy the pleasures of male company, but I don't like to share my life with them. I only want to share my life with dogs. So I am alone, no children, and I have some money to spend. I miss my beautiful Japanese garden in the Netherlands. So now I have the plan to create a beautiful country estate with beautiful gardens where I may invite people to come and enjoy and relax.
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| "It is not a commercial business, but I like other people to enjoy the things I create." |
It is not a commercial business, but I like other people to enjoy the things I create. I am talking to local businesspeople about how we can execute that idea. I am trying to revive my once successful YouTube channel. My subscribers are really waiting for me to start creating the Japanese garden. I had no idea my garden in the Netherlands would attract so much interest. Some videos have millions of views. I want that again. The proceeds go to a dog shelter here in Kampot. My friend Joe loves dogs and he rescues street dogs. He can use all the help. He now has 65 dogs. So my plan is to create New Kikiyaya Zen Gardens. When I cross the rainbow bridge, I want to give it to the people of Cambodia. I will have my foundation take care of that. A place of beauty and peace. That will be my legacy.
Monika: That sounds like a huge undertaking!
Véronique: A few weeks ago, I was standing on my land overlooking multiple projects under construction: the main house, the main gate, the gatehouse. Workers everywhere. There are workers sleeping on my land in makeshift tents. There are some 20 people working for me on an average day. I felt a little overwhelmed and questioned myself, was this project perhaps a little too big for one girl? But I also know that I am capable and smart. I do get help. I hired a gardener. He comes in every day and works three hours in the morning and three hours in the afternoon. I no longer have to water the plants myself.
I built one house with two apartments. When I get older and perhaps need help, I may have a housekeeper living there. Perhaps a nurse. Financially, I can afford to hire staff, and they are happy to work for me. I also have a project manager who helps translate my ideas. Her English is great (she is married to a young American) and they are real estate agents. They help me on a daily basis. I love the workers. Khmer people are really nice and friendly. Having lived in Asia for 12 years, I have adopted many of their customs. So they don’t feel too shy or uncomfortable in my presence.
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| "I have my hands full with the development of New Kikiyaya." |
Monika: Once the gardens are complete, do you plan to open them to the public, or will they remain your personal sanctuary?
Véronique: It is too early yet, but I can see this place being good for organizing yoga and tai chi lessons. I am also friends with a hotelier. Perhaps they can organize some dinner parties at Kikiyaya. So, instead of doing all the work myself, I have other people organize the things I like. That is totally different from when I created my garden in the Netherlands. I did everything myself. I carried bags of gravel, rocks, and tiles. I even sustained some major injuries because of all the heavy lifting. I no longer have to do that myself, and the local laborers are really happy to help me out. Because of the poverty in Cambodia, they really appreciate foreigners hiring people and investing money. Even the mayor and the chief of my commune showed their appreciation for my project in their town. That really feels good.
Monika: In addition to creating the Zen gardens, do you have other passions or creative pursuits that you’ve been able to explore in Cambodia?
Véronique: Well, I enjoy not being too busy, so I don't plan too much. I have my hands full with the development of New Kikiyaya. But I enjoy going to Bangkok from time to time to visit friends and explore areas that I don't know well. I also want to go to a few other places in Asia, but I don't really like to travel, and I don't care for taking pictures of beautiful, Instagrammable tourist sites. When I was in Siem Reap, I didn’t even bother to join the tourists at Angkor Wat. I visited the botanical gardens instead, and a beautiful temple garden at Wat Bo to learn about lush jungle gardens. I do like the idea of having a jazz club in Kampot. I love live jazz music. I don't mind being a silent partner and investing in such a place here in town.
During COVID, I learned to play a baritone ukelele. It is like the first four strings of a guitar. I sing and play every day, and I’ve collected about 150 jazz classics, so I might entertain my guests at Kikiyaya with some songs and music, and perhaps some dance as well. I love to dance. Maybe I can ask some other musicians to join me, have some jam sessions. And I’d like to see my friends from Bangkok come and spend some time with me. But not too long. I really like the stillness of being alone. Alone with my dogs.
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| "During COVID, I learned to play a baritone ukelele." |
Monika: I’ve never actually asked you about the story behind your beautiful names, Véronique Françoise Caroline. How did you choose them?
Véronique: My mother was listening to a radio programme. A representative of a travel agency was on the radio, and her name was Véronique. My mother came to me and said she liked that name. And it would match our last name, Renard, which is a French name. Véronique Renard. Beautiful. So I can honestly say that my mother named me Véronique. Françoise is the name of my best friend from high school.
And Caroline is the name of Caroline Cossey, who appeared in the James Bond movie For Your Eyes Only. She was outed in a tabloid, which was really upsetting to her, as she lived and worked in stealth. The positive thing about her being outed was the fact that many people suffering from gender dysphoria got to learn about their condition. This is how my parents and I understood why I was unhappy being a boy. By reading about Caroline, we realised I must be a transgender girl and in need of a transition. I actually talked to Caroline about this recently. I thanked her and told her how her outing had helped me to transition at an early age. Without that, I have no idea when I would have learned about transgenderism and the possibility to correct one's physical gender. I may have continued to believe that I was an effeminate gay boy.
Monika: You started hormones at just 17 and had your SRS at 18. I have to admit, I’m a bit envious since I had mine later, and I often feel like I missed out on some of the best years of my life. It’s clear you had amazing support from your mom. Did that help you build a particularly strong mother-daughter bond during your transition, and did that connection continue to grow afterward?
Véronique: Yes, even though it is a bit risky to transition so young, the good thing about it is that I grew up as a girl, changing into a woman like my girlfriends. I experienced adolescence as a girl. No history of being a man, a gay man, an adult man. I have never been a man, or I should say, I never really had the adult body of a man. We have always been female, of course. Neither are we born as men or women. I hate it when I read that in the media. We are born as babies, not men or women. Male or female babies, or something in between. But nobody gets born as a man or woman. Period! I transitioned from being some sort of a non-binary child into a young woman. As a child, I looked very much like a girl already. Transitioning young is a big bonus, yes.
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| "Transitioning young is a big bonus." |
Monika: How did your community and local businesses respond to your transition?
Véronique: With hindsight, I can say that my parents and the people in my town were wonderful. My parents, but also the local fashion shops, shoe shops, and cosmetics shops, were wonderful, closing the shops for others and helping me in private with getting a new wardrobe, shoes, makeup, etc. My parents were not only supportive, they were also concerned about my well-being. They even cared for me after their death by leaving me a very nice inheritance so I wouldn't have to worry about finances at old age or be bothered with a small state pension. My parents made me a millionaire, and I love them for that.
I saw my parents almost 5 or 6 times a week. I lived a few kilometers away, and during my busy office career, I would have dinner with them before returning to my own home. We would discuss our day-to-day activities. They would also take me to restaurants regularly. We were a three-person stronghold. My sister ran away from home when she was sixteen, and we have not seen her since. She was two years older. Being the only child left, my parents and I grew a strong bond. We were a trinity. A very strong one, and everybody knew that: Mother, Father, Daughter.
Monika: Were they happy when you decided to move to India?
Véronique: They didn't approve of my immigration to India at 34. Maybe they felt I had abandoned them like my sister. We didn't speak until my book Pantau in India was published a few years later, and when they saw me on television in a talk show. My parents contacted my publisher the very next day and asked him if I could please visit them. Of course, I did so. My father had bought my book Pantau in India and loved it. He thought 400 pages were not enough! They were very proud of me and understood why I wanted to live in India. They couldn't believe I had become friends with the Dalai Lama! I received much coverage in the media and became a celebrity overnight.
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| Meeting Yong and Lisa, two trans girls in Kampot. |
Yet, I still wished we had a deeper, more emotional relationship. They were businesspeople and were not very good at talking about feelings. I am very much the opposite. I always wanted more emotion from them. They couldn't return it in the way I was hoping for. They expressed their love and approval more in a financial manner or in material gifts.
Monika: Did you take after your mom physically? And in terms of behavior, gestures, and mannerisms, what traits do you think you inherited from her?
Véronique: Actually, I look exactly like my father. The older I get, I see my father's face when I look into the mirror. I do sometimes feel I am exactly like my mother, the way she would sit at her dining table or the way she claimed her space as the center point. She had an aura like that of Elizabeth Taylor. If my mother would walk into a room, everybody looked at her. She was a star. I sometimes feel I am like her in that manner. My partners do tell me they always feel like they're in the presence of a movie star. I can't help it. Confidence? In that way, I am like my mother. Not the looks, but some of her mannerisms, her star qualities. My mother had brown eyes and brown hair, and I took after my father with blue eyes and blond hair. I have his nose and mouth. I even used to tease him that we both had very small penises!
Monika: And in terms of personality, were you close?
Véronique: Regarding personality, I am very different from my parents. I might as well be someone else's child. My parents and I had very little in common. I have an interest in foreign cultures and adventure. My parents did not. My mother was particularly afraid about my getting out of stealth. She preferred me to keep my medical history a secret. She was not happy about me publishing Pholomolo, No Man, No Woman. We did argue about it. She thought it better to keep it a secret, and she was always afraid that my becoming a celebrity would get me outed by the tabloids, like Caroline Cossey. I told her that we, as a family, didn't need to worry about people's opinions. When you are rich like our family, you don't need people's approval. I still feel that way. I am totally independent. I don't care if people don't approve of me because I am transgender. I don't need them. I have got my money in the bank! F...k them!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Véronique Françoise Caroline Renard.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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