Some interviews feel like work. Others feel like conversation. And then there are those rare moments that feel like sitting across from someone who has unknowingly walked beside you for years. Meeting Meghan Chavalier was one of those moments for me. As a transgender woman, I carry deep respect for the women who came before me, the ones who carved space in a world that was often openly hostile, so that the rest of us could breathe a little easier. Meghan is one of those women. She is not just part of transgender history, she helped shape it, with courage, creativity, defiance, and an unwavering sense of self. What struck me most about Meghan is not just her extraordinary life story, which spans stage performance, film, music, and writing, but her clarity. She knows exactly who she is, and she has never apologized for it. That kind of certainty does not come from ease, it comes from survival, from reinvention, and from choosing authenticity over acceptance, again and again.
There is also something deeply bonding about speaking to another transgender woman who understands the quiet things, the unspoken experiences, the moments of doubt and the moments of joy that only we truly recognize in one another. This interview is grounded in that shared understanding. It is not distant or clinical. It is warm, honest, occasionally funny, and deeply human. Meghan is an icon, yes, but she is also a storyteller, a sister, and a woman who has lived many lives without ever losing herself. I am genuinely fond of her, I admire her strength, and I am grateful she trusted me with her story. This conversation is not just about where she has been, but about what it means to live fully, on your own terms, and to leave the door open behind you for others to walk through. I hope you feel that as you read it.
Monika: Meghan, you look absolutely fantastic, and I sincerely hope I look the same when I reach your age. Clearly, whatever spell you are using is working.
Meghan: Thank you. You look fabulous, so you have nothing to worry about. The only spell I’ve cast on myself is soap and water. It’s all in the genes, honestly. My mother looked amazing until the day she passed.
Monika: You are a woman of many talents, and writing is clearly one of them. What is it about writing that speaks to you?
Meghan: For me, it began at a very young age because I loved to read. I read books like I was eating ice cream. I think I wanted to tell stories like the ones I read. Any time you can completely lose yourself in a book, it’s like living in a fantasy world. I hope that my books create that same sensation in people when they read them.
Monika: Your 2023 novel, Murder at the Midnight Motel, dives into suspense and darkness. What drew you toward this story? Did your life experience shape the characters and atmosphere of the book?
Meghan: I loved Agatha Christie novels growing up. The element of surprise gets me every single time. The characters in my autobiography are, of course, all real people, but in the other two books, some are based on people in my life and the others are pure fiction.
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| "I always knew I was different." |
Meghan: I wrote the book under a pen name because I had just left the adult film industry. I knew that if I wrote the book under the name Meghan Chavalier, people would just say, “Oh, so she thinks she’s a writer now,” not knowing that writing and music were my passion from day one.
I wanted people to read it and not judge it simply because it was written by someone who had spent so many years in adult films. Almost two decades later, I got the rights back to the book from the original publisher and decided that now was the time to release it under my own umbrella.
Monika: Your autobiography has evolved along with language and identity. When you renamed it Confessions of a Transgender Adult Film Star, did it feel like reclaiming your narrative all over again?
Meghan: It was necessary. The original publishers of the book did such a bad job editing the story, and there were areas that just weren’t important anymore. When I finally cancelled my contract with the publisher, I had complete control over the narrative and the editing. Plus, they made a ton of money off my book while my royalties were horrible. I normally go over a contract with a fine-tooth comb, but for some reason, my excitement over having a publisher blurred my vision, and I signed a bad contract.
Monika: Growing up in a strict Catholic family in Hurley, Wisconsin, what early memories stand out as the first quiet signs that you were destined for a much bigger, bolder life?
Meghan: I always knew I was different. I always felt like I came into this world sooner than I should have. I was forward-thinking in a time when being forward-thinking was frowned upon. I don’t want to say I was bigger or better than my hometown, because it was a great place to grow up, beyond the snow and chilly weather, but I knew there was something bigger waiting out there for me. Life is a journey with unexpected twists and turns, and that’s what makes it worth living.
Monika: Taking a Greyhound bus at 18 and leaving home behind is a moment straight out of a movie. What emotions were sitting next to you on that bus ride to San Antonio?
Meghan: Happiness. I felt like I was finally free. Growing up in such a small town, you can imagine the bullying I endured. It felt like the cell doors opened, and I was finally able to become whoever I wanted to be.
Monika: You have often called Albuquerque your real home. What did that city give you that you had never felt before?
Meghan: Albuquerque in the 1980s was a great city. It was a big city with a small-town feel. It’s where I truly was able to become someone new, where nobody knew me. It was the first time I ever had a boyfriend. It was the first time I was able to become part of the LGBTQ+ community and be myself for the first time in my entire life. Plus, it was the 1980s, everybody was having fun. The 1980s and 1990s were one big party after another. I wish everybody could’ve experienced it. Of course, now I’ve been clean and sober for almost 30 years. Life was a party, I just knew when it was time to stop.
Monika: Choosing a name is such a deeply personal decision, one that can hold layers of significance and meaning. How did you come to choose the name Meghan? Does it carry a special resonance for you, perhaps representing a part of your journey or embodying a particular feeling or aspiration?
Meghan: In Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where I lived for a while, we had houses. Ours was the House of Crawford, so originally my name was Meghan Crawford. After a long night out, my best friend Alex and I decided to change our names and leave the house behind. She became Alex Forrest, and I became Meghan Chavalier. I chose the last name Chavalier because of Maurice Chevalier, but changed the first E to an A. Apparently, if you look at any of my past work, they could never spell my last name correctly, which to me was quite funny.
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| "Life was a party, I just knew when it was time to stop." |
Meghan: The first time I met a transgender woman was in Albuquerque. I knew her as Virgil when I first met her, and then a year later she had become someone else. I was fascinated and wanted to know how she got there. She wasn’t the friendliest person, so it wasn’t until a couple of years later, when I moved to New Orleans, that I was able to meet transgender women who would help me become the woman I wanted to become.
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Meghan: I have never worried about it. I have never concerned myself with what people thought of me or how I should look or act. I just know who I want to be, and if someone can’t accept that, I have no place in my life for them.
What I would say to other transgender women is, be exactly who you are. Stay true to yourself. I know for me, I may not be every person’s cup of tea, but I prefer to be exactly who I am. I refuse to change the path I’m on to search for acceptance from others. Life is way too short to worry about people staring at you and judging you. Just be happy with who you are. It’s healthier for you mentally.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Meghan: My friends would tell you my style is Hobo Chic. I don’t follow fashion trends, never have. I am built for comfort, and comfort only. I live in jeans and T-shirts. I dress up only when I need to, for a specific event or a photo shoot. I’m your average Jane, and I like it like that.
Monika: Do you love playing around with makeup, or is it more of a “throw on the basics and go” kind of vibe for you?
Meghan: I am not a fan of makeup. When I started doing TikTok videos, I had to go out and buy some because I hadn’t bought any in 20 years. That may sound crazy to some, but I just prefer no makeup and no fuss. After I had laser hair removal in the 1990s, I just didn’t see the need for it anymore. I would only wear it on movie sets or for photo shoots. Other than that, you’ll always see me barefaced, no matter where I am.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Meghan: We are our own worst critics. I accept the compliments because the people who give them truly mean well. I have never thought of myself as a raving beauty. I just don’t think about it. I’m one of those people who knows that beauty fades, so there better be something else going on inside your brain that will carry you through the rest of your life. Also, I never want to be the best at anything in my life. That’s too much pressure. I like to try new things, and if it doesn’t work, I try something else.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Meghan: The only time I felt that pressure was in the movies. It was the need to stay thin, no matter what. I remember being on a movie set once and hearing the director say about me, “She would be perfect if it wasn’t for that ugly appendix scar.” I just thought, these people need therapy. I never wanted to be anybody but myself. Would I love to look like Angelina Jolie? Who wouldn’t? But I accept myself exactly the way I am, scars and all.
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| "I don’t follow fashion trends." |
Monika: When Meghan Chavalier was finally born on stage in 1990, did she arrive fully formed, or did she keep reinventing herself outfit by outfit and performance by performance?
Meghan: I’m still not fully formed. Every day brings something new. I’m a million different people all rolled into one. For performances, you always wanted to switch it up so things would stay fresh on stage. Nobody wants to see anyone do the same number and routine over and over again. Your performance is for the audience’s entertainment.
Monika: How did you overcome stage fright, with all eyes on you? Do you remember what your very first performance felt like?
Meghan: I was terrified the first time I ever stepped on a stage. I think I will always have stage fright. When I joined the cast at Papa Joes it was a little easier because we were doing so many shows a week. I’d be nervous the first show and then I was fine for the final shows of the night. It was the same when I started doing movies too, at first I was very nervous, but as the minutes went by it would settle down.
Monika: Performing seventeen shows a week as Madonna, Cher, and Annie Lennox sounds exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. What did those women teach you about power, femininity, and survival?
Meghan: Madonna was the first person who came into my life musically and made me truly realize how different I actually was. I wanted to be her. I started dyeing my hair in my teens because of her and experimenting with my wardrobe.
Annie Lennox was strong. I could feel her strength in her words and in her videos. She didn’t care what anyone thought, she remained exactly who she was.
Cher, I was a fan of her show in the 1970s. The one thing Cher taught me was that you can get knocked down over and over again and still get back up just as strong as you were before.
Those three women are what people should aspire to be. They are successful because they never gave up, and they’re all still here.
Monika: Your friendship with Alex Forrest seems pivotal. How important were chosen family and creative allies during those early years on the road and on stage?
Meghan: They are the most important relationships in my life. Alex and I were ride or die for each other. Our friendship lasted through the best and worst of times. Sadly, she passed away a few years back. I miss her every day. I still talk to her like she’s still here. It’s important to do that. I have a website that I created with three friends from New Orleans, which was built specifically to keep the memories of our sisters who have passed alive forever. My New Orleans friends are my sisters for life. There aren’t many of us left at this point, but we are all still very close. Every person I’ve met along the way in my life has taught me something.
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| "I don’t like to be pushed around, and I don’t let anyone do it." |
Meghan: I think most of us stepped back into our lives. The transition was a bit difficult. The phone stops ringing and then you decide what you’re going to do afterward. I’m still friends with many of the girls from back then. Some went to school, some started regular jobs and sadly some have passed on. I’m 56 years old. I look back on my time in the industry fondly. It was fun while it lasted but eventually the roller coaster stops and you have to get off and get on with it.
Monika: Leaving stage performance behind and moving to Hollywood in 1995 was another leap into the unknown. What fears were loudest when you arrived, and what dreams refused to stay quiet?
Meghan: I had no idea what I was going to do when I moved to Hollywood. I just knew it was time for a change. Luckily, less than three months after I arrived, I met a photographer through friends and went from modeling to movies in a very short period of time. It all happened very fast, perhaps a bit too fast, but I’m glad I got to experience everything I did. I try to live my life without any regrets. Who wants to carry that baggage around with them? I don’t.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Meghan Chavalier.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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