Maria Roman's journey has taken her through extraordinary highs and devastating lows, from a difficult childhood in Puerto Rico and years of rejection, homelessness, and discrimination to the bright lights of beauty pageants, television, film, and transgender activism. A model, actress, pageant queen, advocate, and one of the most recognisable transgender personalities of her generation, Maria has never been afraid to stand tall, quite literally and figuratively. Her story is one of survival, determination, and the long, sometimes painful journey towards self-acceptance. Along the way, she has challenged conventional ideas of beauty, spoken openly about violence and discrimination against transgender people, and used her visibility to advocate for those whose voices are too often ignored.
Maria does not pretend that becoming comfortable in her own skin happened overnight. After years of chasing an
ideal of beauty and acceptance, she eventually discovered something far more valuable: peace with herself and
the freedom to embrace her womanhood on her own terms. In this interview, Maria talks about beauty pageants,
childhood, transition, love and marriage, her experiences in television and film, transgender visibility,
politics, violence, and the meaning of happiness. Above all, hers is a story about learning that being a woman
is not about fitting into someone else's expectations, but about finally finding the courage to love the woman
you have always been. It is my great pleasure to introduce Maria Roman, a woman of remarkable strength, beauty,
warmth, and resilience.
Monika: Maria Roman needs no long introduction: model, actress, television personality, activist, and one of
the most recognisable transgender icons of her generation. Maria, I have to say it straight away, you are my
idol!
Maria: Thank you, Monika, for giving me this opportunity to share a bit about myself. I think it is so beautiful
when we can share love and admiration for one another. I am so flattered that you would even say I am your idol.
That is a beautiful thing!
Monika: There's something about you, a natural smile, an innate kindness, that I don't think you can fake. Where does that come from?
Maria: Well, life has challenged me in so many ways. I have dealt with homelessness and discrimination, and at moments in my life I have felt hopeless. However, even in those challenging moments in my journey, I always remembered the people who made an impact on my life, those who were kind and loving human beings that offered me love without any expectation in return.
I try to live as honestly as it is possible for any human being, and I firmly believe that we are here to love one another, so every chance I get to smile at another human being is an opportunity to share some love with them.
We are so blessed to be given an opportunity in life to be who we want and follow our dreams, and that is definitely something to smile about.
I choose to be happy every day and share that feeling with everyone I cross paths with. Ultimately, I treat others the way I like to be treated, with respect and love.
Monika: There's something about you, a natural smile, an innate kindness, that I don't think you can fake. Where does that come from?
Maria: Well, life has challenged me in so many ways. I have dealt with homelessness and discrimination, and at moments in my life I have felt hopeless. However, even in those challenging moments in my journey, I always remembered the people who made an impact on my life, those who were kind and loving human beings that offered me love without any expectation in return.
I try to live as honestly as it is possible for any human being, and I firmly believe that we are here to love one another, so every chance I get to smile at another human being is an opportunity to share some love with them.
We are so blessed to be given an opportunity in life to be who we want and follow our dreams, and that is definitely something to smile about.
I choose to be happy every day and share that feeling with everyone I cross paths with. Ultimately, I treat others the way I like to be treated, with respect and love.
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| With her idol Maria Young, her mother. |
Monika: Let's talk pageants, you've competed in quite a few transgender ones. What draws you to them?
Maria: I began competing in beauty pageants because I wanted to go against what many consider beautiful. I was 260 pounds and a size 22 when I began competing.
And unlike genetically born female competitions, where tall women are thought to be beautiful, it was my belief that in the transgender community, being 6'3" and 260 pounds is considered more like the stats of a football player than a beauty queen.
Amazingly, my first pageant was The Most Beautiful Transgender contest in Las Vegas, Nevada, in 2005. I was competing against women like Mimi Marks and Erika Andrews, whom I have the utmost respect for, along with many other pro pageant women.
I was so surprised when they called my name among the Top 8; it was a surreal moment. Since then I have won around 8 titles, the most recent being Queen of The Universe 2013. I believe that beauty comes in so many variations, and I want to show that women who stand at 6'3" are beautiful too.
Monika: One of those pageants made it onto the big screen, in the documentary "Trantasia" (2006). Looking back, was it a good experience?
Maria: Trantasia changed my life, and most importantly, it gave me a platform to do what I loved most, advocacy. My interest was sparked when I heard there would be a documentary following the pageant, and I saw this as an opportunity to speak about issues I believed in, and also as a way to represent women who do not fit the so-called norm. Since Trantasia, I am the first Latina transgender woman to star in her own show on a major network in the US.
Furthermore, the show made its debut in Canada and the Netherlands, among many other countries, which in itself was beyond my wildest dream. I must thank Jeremy Stamford, the producer of Trantasia, and also Wildthings. He believed in me and gave me such beautiful gifts as Trantasia and Wildthings.
These shows will be around long after I am gone. To a little boy, raised barefoot in Fajardo, Puerto Rico, that is incredible. Jeremy and I are talking about joining forces once again on a new project, so I am eager to begin that process. But for now, it's top secret, lol.
Monika: Pageants can bring rivals together as easily as friends. Did any real friendships come out of those
competitions for you?
Maria: I must say I keep in touch with most of the women I bonded with during the pageants. At the top of that list is my beautiful, special friendship with Tiara Russell, whom I adore, and Miss Tamalah Taylor. My friend Tamalah is in the process of adding a baby to her family, and she just told me she was going to name her baby Roman, that is beautiful.
Monika: There's a stereotype of pageant girls being cutthroat behind the scenes. Cutthroat rivalry or genuine sisterhood, which describes your experience better?
Maria: I must say the atmosphere has always been fabulous, from sharing lip gloss to girls pulling your swimsuit out of your backside for you. I have always had a great experience.
I have never experienced the myths of hidden clothes and shady behavior that many folks assume go hand in hand with this type of competition. Quite the opposite, women cheering for one another.
Monika: Dresses, hairstyles, make-up, talent routines, pageant prep sounds exhausting. Who helps you pull it all together, and how do you plan a show?
Maria: I have always thought of myself as having a very unique sense of style, and I usually know what looks good on my body type, so I think I am pretty creative in coming up with the theme for every pageant I have competed in.
Of course, I always have the help of friends. For my last pageant, my girlfriend Cecilia did all my costumes, which made me a winner, and I always do my own makeup and hair.
Monika: Out of all of them, is there a pageant that stands out as your favorite?
Maria: I participated in Quest Woman of the Year in 2006, and in that pageant I won 6 categories out of 7, along with the title of Miss Quest 2006. I always refer to that as the year I swept.
I also loved Queen of The Universe, especially the array of costumes in the national representation round; plus, I love many of the women I competed alongside year after year, three years, to be exact. It took me a while to win that title.
Maria: I began competing in beauty pageants because I wanted to go against what many consider beautiful. I was 260 pounds and a size 22 when I began competing.
And unlike genetically born female competitions, where tall women are thought to be beautiful, it was my belief that in the transgender community, being 6'3" and 260 pounds is considered more like the stats of a football player than a beauty queen.
Amazingly, my first pageant was The Most Beautiful Transgender contest in Las Vegas, Nevada, in 2005. I was competing against women like Mimi Marks and Erika Andrews, whom I have the utmost respect for, along with many other pro pageant women.
I was so surprised when they called my name among the Top 8; it was a surreal moment. Since then I have won around 8 titles, the most recent being Queen of The Universe 2013. I believe that beauty comes in so many variations, and I want to show that women who stand at 6'3" are beautiful too.
Monika: One of those pageants made it onto the big screen, in the documentary "Trantasia" (2006). Looking back, was it a good experience?
Maria: Trantasia changed my life, and most importantly, it gave me a platform to do what I loved most, advocacy. My interest was sparked when I heard there would be a documentary following the pageant, and I saw this as an opportunity to speak about issues I believed in, and also as a way to represent women who do not fit the so-called norm. Since Trantasia, I am the first Latina transgender woman to star in her own show on a major network in the US.
Furthermore, the show made its debut in Canada and the Netherlands, among many other countries, which in itself was beyond my wildest dream. I must thank Jeremy Stamford, the producer of Trantasia, and also Wildthings. He believed in me and gave me such beautiful gifts as Trantasia and Wildthings.
These shows will be around long after I am gone. To a little boy, raised barefoot in Fajardo, Puerto Rico, that is incredible. Jeremy and I are talking about joining forces once again on a new project, so I am eager to begin that process. But for now, it's top secret, lol.
|
|
Queen of The Universe 2011
First second runner up |
Maria: I must say I keep in touch with most of the women I bonded with during the pageants. At the top of that list is my beautiful, special friendship with Tiara Russell, whom I adore, and Miss Tamalah Taylor. My friend Tamalah is in the process of adding a baby to her family, and she just told me she was going to name her baby Roman, that is beautiful.
Monika: There's a stereotype of pageant girls being cutthroat behind the scenes. Cutthroat rivalry or genuine sisterhood, which describes your experience better?
Maria: I must say the atmosphere has always been fabulous, from sharing lip gloss to girls pulling your swimsuit out of your backside for you. I have always had a great experience.
I have never experienced the myths of hidden clothes and shady behavior that many folks assume go hand in hand with this type of competition. Quite the opposite, women cheering for one another.
Monika: Dresses, hairstyles, make-up, talent routines, pageant prep sounds exhausting. Who helps you pull it all together, and how do you plan a show?
Maria: I have always thought of myself as having a very unique sense of style, and I usually know what looks good on my body type, so I think I am pretty creative in coming up with the theme for every pageant I have competed in.
Of course, I always have the help of friends. For my last pageant, my girlfriend Cecilia did all my costumes, which made me a winner, and I always do my own makeup and hair.
Monika: Out of all of them, is there a pageant that stands out as your favorite?
Maria: I participated in Quest Woman of the Year in 2006, and in that pageant I won 6 categories out of 7, along with the title of Miss Quest 2006. I always refer to that as the year I swept.
I also loved Queen of The Universe, especially the array of costumes in the national representation round; plus, I love many of the women I competed alongside year after year, three years, to be exact. It took me a while to win that title.
|
|
Head Over Heels event.
Speaking for more funding for transgender health. |
Monika: Whereabouts did you grow up?
Maria: I was born in Brooklyn, New York, and raised by my grandparents in Fajardo, Puerto Rico. It was a beautiful experience to have been raised in a tropical paradise, not so much, being a little girl trapped in the body of a little boy.
Monika: Take me into that childhood a little more. When did you first sense that you weren't meant to be a boy, let alone a man?
Maria: My childhood was filled with music and a close, loving family. My earliest memories include weekends on the beach and walking barefoot everywhere.
I must say my grandparents were somewhat poor. I lived in a two-bedroom house with my grandfather, grandmother, two uncles, and my brother. My family was very religious and had to go to church on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and twice on Sundays, oh Lord, lol. My grandmother used to shelter me; I think it was because she knew I was different. My grandfather was tough on me. We were disciplined constantly, me more so because of my feminine traits.
My mother was always my idol. I can remember the first time I saw her, at the age of 5, she woke me up as my grandmother told me, "This is your mom." I remember that moment vividly, like a movie in my head. There in front of me was this beautiful woman whom, to this day, I aspire to be like. I remember that since a very young age I knew I was different, but as a child you are guided by your instincts, and mine were never from a male perspective.
I always felt I was a girl, but how could I have told my family that? That was unthinkable in the 1970s. I was taken to a medical facility to be observed by a specialist, because my grandfather wanted me, in essence, to be fixed. I can remember a room filled with girl and boy toys, and how scary that process was as a child.
Needless to say, it didn't work, lol. But I know they were coming from a place of love. I have some scars from childhood; however, they are slowly healing with the love of my mother, now as a grown woman, and my family, who have always loved me just as I am, even if it took some time.
Maria: I was born in Brooklyn, New York, and raised by my grandparents in Fajardo, Puerto Rico. It was a beautiful experience to have been raised in a tropical paradise, not so much, being a little girl trapped in the body of a little boy.
Monika: Take me into that childhood a little more. When did you first sense that you weren't meant to be a boy, let alone a man?
Maria: My childhood was filled with music and a close, loving family. My earliest memories include weekends on the beach and walking barefoot everywhere.
I must say my grandparents were somewhat poor. I lived in a two-bedroom house with my grandfather, grandmother, two uncles, and my brother. My family was very religious and had to go to church on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and twice on Sundays, oh Lord, lol. My grandmother used to shelter me; I think it was because she knew I was different. My grandfather was tough on me. We were disciplined constantly, me more so because of my feminine traits.
My mother was always my idol. I can remember the first time I saw her, at the age of 5, she woke me up as my grandmother told me, "This is your mom." I remember that moment vividly, like a movie in my head. There in front of me was this beautiful woman whom, to this day, I aspire to be like. I remember that since a very young age I knew I was different, but as a child you are guided by your instincts, and mine were never from a male perspective.
I always felt I was a girl, but how could I have told my family that? That was unthinkable in the 1970s. I was taken to a medical facility to be observed by a specialist, because my grandfather wanted me, in essence, to be fixed. I can remember a room filled with girl and boy toys, and how scary that process was as a child.
Needless to say, it didn't work, lol. But I know they were coming from a place of love. I have some scars from childhood; however, they are slowly healing with the love of my mother, now as a grown woman, and my family, who have always loved me just as I am, even if it took some time.
|
| Interview about Trantasia with LA Talk Radio. |
Monika: For so many transgender girls, school is where the real trauma happens. Did that hold true for you as
well?
Maria: As a child in Puerto Rico, I was teased all my life, taunted by other students who called me "palomita"
(a type of bird) and "pato" (faggot). Going to school in elementary and junior high was so traumatic. I had a
hard time learning because of all the distractions.
However, at 16 I moved to Elko, Nevada. I made a conscious decision that I would not be called a faggot anymore, so I tried hard to change my mannerisms and how I behaved. From the outside, high school was great, I was popular, I had a girlfriend, and I played on the varsity football team.
But I was dead inside, tormented by the feeling of not belonging anywhere. What else could I do? So I turned to alcohol and pills. Many things happened, including my mom asking me to leave her house at the age of 18. My life would never be the same, but today I can look back and be thankful this happened, because it set me on the path I am on today.
However, at 16 I moved to Elko, Nevada. I made a conscious decision that I would not be called a faggot anymore, so I tried hard to change my mannerisms and how I behaved. From the outside, high school was great, I was popular, I had a girlfriend, and I played on the varsity football team.
But I was dead inside, tormented by the feeling of not belonging anywhere. What else could I do? So I turned to alcohol and pills. Many things happened, including my mom asking me to leave her house at the age of 18. My life would never be the same, but today I can look back and be thankful this happened, because it set me on the path I am on today.
Monika: When did you actually transition into living as a woman, and how difficult was that road? Was your
family or your job situation affected?
Maria: I began transitioning at the age of 19. By transitioning, I mean I began wearing women's clothing 24/7.
When I transitioned, I didn't even imagine I could look remotely like a woman, nor did I know anything about
hormone therapy. I just knew I was a woman, and I was going to dress like one. At the time, I was in Reno,
Nevada.
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| Transgender Lobby Days 2010 Washington DC. |
Soon life would take me to San Diego, California, in the strangest way. One of my closest friends, La Tona, had
been deported to Mexico, so I went after her on a Greyhound bus all the way to Tijuana to find her. Incredibly, we
both crossed the border as illegal "aliens" into the United States together.
Honey, I tell you, that was an experience
!
We began doing sex work; one of the reasons I was led down that path was that I was 6'2" and no one would give
me a job.
The first time I had to sell my body to a strange man, I felt my spirit had left my body; I must say a part of my innocence was lost in that car. None of us dream of one day being a sex worker. We all, as children, aspire to be great things.
I always dreamed of being a pilot or a flight attendant, because that could take me away to different lands. But without a job, homeless and starving, I had no choice but to get into the car of what seemed like a 60-year-old, overweight man, and earn 20 dollars to eat.
This would impact me and my transition for years. I found myself in the middle of a society that did not embrace me nor understand me. Many years passed before I met my husband, Greg. He rescued me from all that nightmare, and I rescued him back with love.
The first time I had to sell my body to a strange man, I felt my spirit had left my body; I must say a part of my innocence was lost in that car. None of us dream of one day being a sex worker. We all, as children, aspire to be great things.
I always dreamed of being a pilot or a flight attendant, because that could take me away to different lands. But without a job, homeless and starving, I had no choice but to get into the car of what seemed like a 60-year-old, overweight man, and earn 20 dollars to eat.
This would impact me and my transition for years. I found myself in the middle of a society that did not embrace me nor understand me. Many years passed before I met my husband, Greg. He rescued me from all that nightmare, and I rescued him back with love.
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| Kodak Theater modeling for REMY X studios. |
Monika: "Passing" is a loaded word in our community. Was that ever something you struggled with, and did
surgery play a part in your story?
Maria: To be honest, I never passed as a woman, and I still don't today. I spent years trying to become passable
and beautiful.
In the process, I have spent thousands of dollars on facial feminization, around $23,000, along with 5 nose jobs, 3 liposuctions, two facelifts, breast implants, and so many silicone injections that I can't even count.
But in the end, I had to come to terms with the fact that I am a woman, a transgender woman, and that is okay. Today I don't want to pass as anything else. I am a 6-foot-2 transgender woman who is in charge of her life, and today I love it.
In the process, I have spent thousands of dollars on facial feminization, around $23,000, along with 5 nose jobs, 3 liposuctions, two facelifts, breast implants, and so many silicone injections that I can't even count.
But in the end, I had to come to terms with the fact that I am a woman, a transgender woman, and that is okay. Today I don't want to pass as anything else. I am a 6-foot-2 transgender woman who is in charge of her life, and today I love it.
Monika: Cosmetic surgery has come so far that even transitioning in your 50s or 60s seems within reach these
days. Do you buy that? And what would you say to a woman starting out later in life?
Maria: It's never too late to be who you are. Technology has advanced so much, and anything is possible, you
just need the desire to be who you want to be, and go for it. The beauty that comes from living an honest life
with oneself is priceless.
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| Helloween 2013 at the office as a cowgirl. |
Monika: Back when you were transitioning, was there anyone you looked to as a role model? Did you even have
the vocabulary for what you were going through?
Maria: Sadly, the only women I looked up to early in my transition are, today, no longer among us. Many were
older trans women who were also sex workers. They embraced me and guided me, as they had been guided by other
trans women before them. "Transgenderism" wasn't even a word I knew existed.
But I found my way, because who I was would not be stopped by anyone. Today I love that there are so many women I look up to, like Bamby Salcedo, an accomplished Latina transgender woman who runs prevention programs for LGBT youth at Children's Hospital Los Angeles.
We have come such a long way, and we continue to see trans women excel on so many levels in society today.
But I found my way, because who I was would not be stopped by anyone. Today I love that there are so many women I look up to, like Bamby Salcedo, an accomplished Latina transgender woman who runs prevention programs for LGBT youth at Children's Hospital Los Angeles.
We have come such a long way, and we continue to see trans women excel on so many levels in society today.
Monika: If you had to name it, what was the single hardest part of coming out?
Maria: Feeling alone, hopeless, and rejected by the world.
All the photos: cou
rtesy of Maria Roman.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
- END OF PART 1 -
Part 2 |
